A heartfelt pre-emptive eulogy from Kpopalypse, just in case one of the k-pop stars involved in the current sex-crime scandal commits suicide

Unless you’ve been living under a rock or just stumbled upon this blog at a whim, you’ve probably heard about the sex-crime scandal that has currently been sweeping through k-pop.  Several high profile artists, including BigBang’s Seungri, Highlight’s Junhyung, CNBlue’s Jonghyun, FTIsland’s Jonghoon, and some balladeering fuck I’ve never heard of have all been booked for various sex crimes and lost their entertainment careers, with the possibility of more to follow.  Having lost everything that they have worked for until this point due to their actions, and with perhaps now nothing left to live for, the possibility has occurred to myself and many others that the likelihood of self-harm or suicide attempts from these perpetrators is likely.  Therefore, I have prepared this appropriately mournful post, a kind of online bereavement card, for anyone feeling sad to read and share should such a tragedy occur and one of the above people (or any other as-yet-unknown perpetrators) loses the will to continue living and takes their own life in deep remorse.  Feel free to copy and paste the contents of this post anywhere, and you don’t have to give credit to Kpopalypse because it’s not all about me – even though I thought very carefully about exactly what to write so it expressed exactly the right amount of remorse, I’m happy for you to just share it, I just think that these heart-touching words can hopefully heal some of the wounds from the loss of these k-pop entertainers, who were until very recently highly respected and cherished.

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Help for k-pop fans who just found out that their bias is a dirty rapist

So – how are you going there with the recent wave of rape, prostitution and sexual misconduct scandals that has just hit k-pop?  If the answer is “swimmingly, everyone is going to jail roflmao”, then that’s great – continue to enjoy k-pop and feel free to disregard this post!  However if your reaction is more along the lines of “OH MY GOD HOW COULD MY BIAS HAVE DONE THIS ERTWIUHDFSOIUHOEFW BRB KMS”, this post has some handy hints that could help you cope with the trauma of realising the ugly truth that your k-pop fave has possibly drugged and raped girls, recorded video of it and then shared the footage to Seungri and his friends.  Read on!

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Kpopalypse’s mysteries of k-pop: How concerned should you be about your favourite k-pop stars?

Thanks to the many candid revelations of Kpopalypse interviewees (including ones who may have received pressure from people acting on behalf of major entertainment agencies to STFU) there’s now a growing awareness in the kpoponlineosphere that being a musician in the Korean pop scene is actually a pretty raw deal.  But – how much are your favourite idols being buttfucked, exactly?  Should you be concerned about this?  This post has a mixture of 100% confirmed answers from secret online sources, plus other data Kpopalypse has collected and verified contains a bunch of wild speculation that I probably just made up, but read it anyway because it’ll probably be entertaining even though it’s definitely all fictional, so please read on and enjoy!

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This post is intentionally left blank for IU

Exhibit A: real-estate queen IU, richer than your oppars

If IU feels like making the move into investment in virtual real-estate, I’m reserving this post here for her which she can buy from Kpopalypse for a special price. It’s not worth that much now but you never know, there might be some development here in the future.