This is how Apink’s Chorong looks at me in the dreams I keep having when I bring her bread back from the corner store but it’s five minutes after she said she wanted it and it’s already cold. Then she ties me up by the ankles, drags me out to a secluded lake at night and runs over my body with a jet ski.

Actually I was gonna post a picture of Tank but he’s kinda ugly and I don’t think anybody sane would click on his head which is even balder than my own, so Oh My Girl’s Seunghee it is.

It’s a sad day when Day6’s Jae can’t stream computer games because of people taking their wokeness way too far and criticising him over every little thing. The poor guy needs to go on mental health watch now just because 12 year old k-pop weebs who probably unironically support revenge porn sites want to prove to each other that they have everything “figured out” when they really don’t. If gamers don’t have streaming, they don’t have much, so let’s take more care of each other before we have another Sulli/Goo Hara on our hands, hmm?

I’ve mentioned B-list idols having to take second jobs while actually also being an idol many years ago and even to past interviewees, but nobody believed me that this was happening and thought I was making shit up just to be ‘edgy’ or whatever. Trust me – Kpopalypse knows the real deal.   So does Elris’ Yukyung.

Yunho might look like he’s waving but I think he’s holding up five fingers to his pal the room salon owner, which is probably his way of asking if he can have five girls at once next time he visits. He’s in TVXQ, he can afford it.  You’ve got to live it up while you can, you never know what’s around the corner.

So Stray Kids’ Hyunjin turned out to possibly be a… stray kid. And people have a problem with this? I thought this was why he was hired?

Pity the poor k-pop fans who stupidly dumped T-ara in 2012 after all the false rumours and then decided to stan April next because “gosh they look like such nice harmless girls, I’m sure they’ll never have any bullying rumours”.

I would give G-Idle’s Soojin my lunch money as long as she asked nicely.

Better watch out Dahyun – apparently wearing hanbok is copyrightable now. The way we’re heading, soon we won’t be able to wear any clothes at all because someone else wore clothes once… but then we won’t be able to strip off either because we’ll just be plagiarising Lubricated Goat… so what will we do? Put theories in the comments below!

I love how the biggest k-pop CEOs all have totally badass supervillain style official photographs prepared in advance for people like me to use, it’s very thoughtful.