“I might be an obsolete Greek God but I can still smell booze on your breath, Heochan, why not take a taxi”

Next time Yeojin gets the company credit card to go shopping, she should buy up the entire 7/11 and keep the card until Blockberry ring their bank and cancel it

Wendy from Red Velvet had to deal with some creepy k-pop nugu this week. Just remember folks about the demographics of young Korean men, the chances that your boy group fave is a mouth-breathing incel are super huge.

Because people are asking me about it… no, selling a bunch of land and copyrights to float a girl group isn’t a particularly normal startup method. The more traditional way would be to attract wealthy sponsors, or take out large loans. Still, while it’s not how I’d spend my fortune, I can’t be too harsh on Im Chang Jung – using money you do own is still a more financially secure way of doing it than using money you don’t own.

I’m still not convinced that NewJeans won’t regret being forced to sing “take it, don’t break it, I wanna see you taste it, sugar, got sugar, bet you want some yeah yo” later in life, so here’s a picture of my cat.

A lot of extreme nugu k-pop agencies are really just fronts for various types of sex work. Floating idol groups with no realistic hope of idol success isn’t always a lack of business nous, sometimes it’s because the agency’s real money game is on-selling the girls (or boys, yep) to clients with the “REAL k-pop idol” fantasy attached for a premium price. I can’t legally tell you who is allegedly doing this, but I’d just like to say thanks to the brave industry insiders who have been taking advantage of my new ultra-secure email inbox… keep doing that, thank you

The reason why history keeps proving me correct about my k-pop world observations is because I have music industry experience with pop artists in my own country and therefore I actually know what the fuck I’m talking about. Kim Garam’s predicament threw up so many “this is someone’s attempt at character assassination” red flags that picking the right side wasn’t difficult.

It’s tough being a Kpopalypse ‘no reason’ sidebar girl – the increased media attention from the huge levels of exposure that this generates can mean that people will often hang off your every word and potentially misinterpret what you say. Don’t worry Jiyoon, only two more months to go!

I don’t want to put some pic of NewJeans here that the girls will probably regret in ten years so here’s a picture of my cat.

We can still call them “Gfriend” for now and not “[name redacted due to fear of legal action by some cunts at HYBE]” isn’t that nice.