It’s time once again for the most fappable k-pop list! Those who pretend that they don’t fap to idols, rejoice as Kpopalypse gives you what you secretly want but are too gutless to ask for!
10. Daru – Give Me One
Daru is really just Jiyun from now-defunct k-pop nugus Bloomy and she’s basically just Yua Mikami but cuter and with actual k-pop comebacks. Okay, so Daru doesn’t also have Yua’s advanced drama pedigree, but hey breaking into the world of A-list TV acting is a tough gig, not everyone can do it. It’s just a shame that she uses a six-pointed Jewish star instead of a five-pointed pentagram for the uwu satanic rituals, but hey at least she doesn’t hold a Shure Super 55 incorrectly here. The clothes and styling here are totally great all the way through, although that bunny headwear is a little unnecessary because she’s already got more bunny teeth than Nayeon so it just seems kind of cruel like she’s rubbing it in. Let’s hope Josh doesn’t find out about her.
9. Cherry Boy 17 feat. YLN Foreign – King Kong Underwear
It’s sexy as fuck but only indirectly because of the twerking. There’s tons of videos like this where the women look like they’re bored and disdainful and hating life, but in this one they’re actually looking bored and disdainful and hating life and visibly unable to control themselves from laughing at the sheer ridiculousness of it all… and laughter is attractive. The guys are all losers of course, doing their whole “I think I’m badass even though everything you see here was just rented for the day” thing that broke-ass scammers do, but I have a feeling it’s not so serious and earnest so that’s a good thing.
8. Ash-B – My Name Is Money
For actual sexy twerking for its own sake though you’ve got to go to the female-fronted, female-directed independent stuff, because the vibe is just different. Isn’t it funny how all the mainstream k-pop artists are sexually conservative as fuck, while all the raunch is coming out of independent artists this year? Gosh, it’s almost as if expression of sexuality is actually a progressive force for good in the world, and the aversion to “objectification” that k-pop fans have is really just the result of creepy MAGA types successfully implanting the seeds of conservatism in young people so in 20 years time those fruits will grow and they’ll have some new voters to replace all the ones who died from fellating horse dewormer.
7. KISSXS x Merry Monde – YEPPY
I’m not so sure about the pink outfit, but that beige and white and brown suit-shirt-tie combo-whatever is the best thing I’ve seen outside of a Viviz video. KISSXS is also one of those very few people who actually suits blonde hair. Every time Eunha goes blonde it’s just a hard nope, and Eunha is the best, but blonde is a really niche sort of thing that doesn’t suit a lot of folks.
6. Viviz – Lemonade
Speaking of which, I could have made this entire list nothing but Viviz videos but if I had to pick just one it would be the school cosplay which of course they all nail to perfection because it’s 3friend so why wouldn’t they. Young people who go to school think school uniform fetishism is about them but of course it’s not, nobody wants to see your pimply greasy ugly ass in a school uniform, this fetish is all about grown adults like 3friend and nothing else, go do your homework you dumb shit.
5. Gaeko x Davichi – Don’t Trust The Dawn
I just like watching this video because I want to imagine myself being in Gaeko’s position, sitting between the ridiculously attractive Davichi members. Maybe you’re not fapping to this video, but you can bet Gaeko himself blew a load later that night after the video shoot. This video should come with a “Gaeko removed” version where the middle chair is just empty so you can do your own green screen video and superimpose yourself in there, like a deepfake except instead of faking sex you’d be faking relevance. Maybe even a scratch and sniff booklet (remember those, okay probably not) that comes with the photobook so you can scratch it and it smells like the perfume the two Davichi girls wore to the shoot. Free marketing ideas over here at Kpopalypse dot com don’t thank me all at once, k-pop agencies.
4. Junji – Be Mine
Many people criticised me for mentioning OnlyOneOf’s content as “gay for pay” but that’s exactly what the entire of k-pop male-on-male fanservice is about and always has been. It even has a name: “business gay performance”, see here from a k-drama plot synopsis featuring (not coincidentally) at least 1 (one) OnlyOneOf member:
How meta can you get? Anyway “Be Mine” features all the gravure-style cocksucking you could ever want and should be right up the alley of anyone who enjoys a bit of BGP, which is a lot of you, I think.
3. KINGDOM – Long Live The King
When I was young, and I mean very young, like before I even knew what balls was young, I had a bit of a rococo fetish. I was learning about classical music since I was five so I was exposed to lots of drawings and portraits of classical music guys in pictures in music history books, who were wearing strange frilly garments, and I think this definitely impacted my sexuality somehow. Just like how parents leave their kids in front of cartoons featuring talking animals for 10 years straight and then when those kids get to adulthood they have a furry fetish because the cartoons showed them more love than their parents ever did, I think I developed a similar thing for frilly rococo clothes because people in those clothes made the music I was forced to learn and I had to stare at them a lot. As a result I’m pretty sure the first video I actually blew a load to was Enigma’s “Principles Of Lust“, which looks pretty ridiculous and isn’t even quite the right rococo era but I was easily excited when I was 12 I guess. So what I’m trying to say is, every now and then I pull up this Kingdom video and fap to it, just to see if I can.
2. Youha – Last Dance
Is Youha my type, no not really, but how can I not give points for extreme effort. Youha almost single-handedly brought sexy k-pop concepts back in 2022 and we should all be grateful and acknowledge this.
1. Apink – Dilemma
Apink win again, but of course they do. How is this possible? For the answer, we have to dive into…
KPOPALYPSE WHITE-COATER COMICS PRESENTS
YUA MIKAMI VS APINK ROUND FIVE – THE FAPGODS STRIKE BACK
IT ALL STARTED EARLIER IN 2022 WHEN YUA MIKAMI WAS BROWSING THE INTERNET
YUA BEGINS HER RESEARCH MISSION
SOME TIME LATER
LATER THAT NIGHT
THE RESULTS COME IN
3 thoughts on “Kpopalypse’s 10 most fappable k-pop music videos of 2022”
I knew it would be Apink, but I actually thought it might be something other than “Dilemma”. I couldn’t rule out that it might be Hayoung and Bomi’s “Red Carpet” performance video or perhaps Apink Chobom’s “Copycat”.
Mildly surprised Yoyomi didn’t make an appearance.
S3xposition is the funnest exposition, IMO, especially with all that layered symbolism to distract from the camera angles. Also, I appreciate your f3tish backstory, a very interesting peek into the associations of the mind. Wonder what mine is with accessories? Sensually accenting erogenous zones? Hm. Well, here’s to more aesthetics in ’23!