Kpopalypse roundup – new k-pop releases 12/12/2022

It’s time for the final Kpopalypse roundup of 2022! Let’s check out some new releases!

If you were in NMIXX, you’d probably leave too if you were given songs like theirs. She’s probably on the phone to her therapist right now: “JYP is a surefire ticket to success, they said… It would be as iconic as Wonder girls, they said…”

RM with Anderson .Paak – Still Life

The crappy BTS collabs with [insert random bland as fuck western artist here] continue, as if BTS somehow need help to be any less interesting than they already are.

THE BOYZ – All About You

This is the last roundup for the year, the next roundup will be on 9th January 2023.

Your schedule of posts is:

  • NOW – collecting songs for clearing house roundup, click HERE to participate
  • December 25th – Christmas song roundup
  • December 27th – honourable and dishonourable mentions for 2022
  • December 29th – clearing house roundup (songs missed during the year)
  • December 31st – 30 worst songs of 2022
  • December 31st – 30 favourite songs of 2022
  • January 9th – roundup begins again for 2023

For any questions remember that the Kpopalypse roundup has a FAQ! Oh and if you’re wondering why this review doesn’t talk about The Boyz or this song, the answer’s actually in the roundup FAQ.

&TEAM – Scent of you

I can’t remember which western song’s beat is being ripped off here, but in any event a beat does not make a song.

Jackson Wang – Come Alive

Jackson Wang sometimes really hits, but not this time, I guess his songwriting team has their hands full protesting the Chinese government right now. Still worth a look for the great video.

Minho – Chase

The kind of trash that producers should know better than to write in 2022. I can only assume that at the end of the video Minho is shooting whoever’s controlling the sound system.

DRIPPIN – Silence

Probably the best thing I’ve ever heard from this unfortunately named group, just because of the speed. Let’s hope companies are finally getting the memo that we want fast k-pop songs!

FIFTY FIFTY – Tell Me

This poor girl group have a picnic-themed lyric video where they’re not even allowed to eat the food because it would contravene their ultra-strict agency diet. Watch as the girls awkwardly stare off into the distance at nothing and try to keep themselves occupied with anything they possibly can to distract themselves from the fact that there’s food right in front of them that they can smell, but not touch. The stuff that’s been going on with Loona, is going on in EVERY k-pop group. People who always want me to “discuss the song” instead of this appalling shit, just say you enjoy watching young people being tortured and go.

Dreamnote – The song of the honeybee

I love the text on the thumbnail saying “new k-pop music video” – we need to be told this, because if that text wasn’t there anyone could be forgiven for thinking this was a video from 1863.

JO1 – Born To Be Wild

Given the way k-pop companies repeatedly fuck up their staging logistics, you have to worry when you see a k-pop boy group and their concept is dancing on a floating square in front of Mt. Fuji. Does that square have the correct load bearing stress rating to accommodate a boy group’s dance routine without tipping them into the river, also what happens if there’s a tsunami or a volcanic eruption, also where are the life rafts situated, I want to see this company’s emergency evacuation plan. 

JO1 – 16 (Sixteen)

If the song is called sixteen but there are only eleven of them, am I entitled to a refund of 31.25% of my care factor?

Shinhwa WDJ – Flash

Wow, a veteran boy group does a thing and it’s 1. not a fucking ballad for a change and 2. actually quite listenable. Also these guys are really trying to get on my Nugu Alert headers with holding all the guns, should I open the eligibility criteria to include middle-aged men almost as old as my crusty ass? Comment below!

Son Dong Woon – Scent of yours

I need to look rich, can I sing in front of your house in casual clothes so it kind of looks like I own it and just sauntered out into the front yard for a singalong? What do you mean that’ll be 50 bucks? Yeah okay, I guess I’ll pay, I guess it’s still cheaper than renting the Paradise Diner.

Gowoon feat. Yel – Hey Babe

A girl from BerryGood that you’d forgotten about and a girl from Fiestar you’d forgotten about get together and make a song you’ll also forget about.

Gowoon – Night Flight

Gowoon isn’t much better here unfortunately.

B.I. – Endless Summer

He’s got the flannel shirt and the horticultural theme, I was expecting to complete the look and come up to the camera and ask for some drugs now that his main contact is in prison. Hang in there B.I – she gets out soon!

B.I. – Tangerine

He must have scored some good stuff because he’s sitting down and looking a lot sleepier in this one.

SHAUN – Shooting Star

Hey this song’s okay but mainly it’s just cool to see Shaun in a video that actually has Shaun in it, even if I get the feeling that they’re really showing off the people behind the cameras more than the band itself.

SURL – What Time Is It Now?

If you’re wearing a cross around your neck and not playing riffs that are at least as heavy as Tony Iommi, just pack it in and sell your guitar on Craigslist.

THETHE – Bingle Bangle

It must be all the red dust from China that wears instruments out really fast because surely all these groups don’t have the money to buy overpriced ‘custom road worn’ junk.

Uni – Dive

Hey Youkyung from AOA is back with a new band! What’s more, it doesn’t suck. Also the guitar and bass player are both playing Yamaha stuff which is cheap and doesn’t suck either, so I think there’s a correlation between Yamaha gear, Youkyung, and this rock song being better than the other rock songs this week. Yamaha did not sponsor this review, but they should (Patreon in the sidebar ahem).

EtsHaim – Relam

Actually this one isn’t so bad either but that constantly rotating camera really pissed me off.

DRW – Natural

Maybe this is even better – who the fuck are these nugus? Does anyone even know? Why are they all so nicely dressed, don’t they know this is rock music? Why does the bass player feel the need to do a soloette every ten seconds? Why is it all so good?

Citygodok – I don’t wanna be your dog

Several decades after The Stooges’ “I Wanna Be Your Dog” we finally get the response track, and it’s actually slightly better. I guess I never was much of a fan of The Stooges.

Shin Jang Mi – Leave It

Why does every second trot performer look like Yu Shinoda, for some reason every Z-list trot agency has just zeroed in on her look and thought “yep that’s the image we want for any new artist we sign”.

015B feat. Lee Taekwon – To You Listening To My Song Somewhere

I have no idea what message he has for me, nor do I care really because the song is kinda bad, but it’s nice to know he’s thinking of me.

Attention 24 – Imagination

Hey it’s okay but this sort of music has to chug a bit harder than this to really work. Less airy fairly guitar harmonies, more power chords please. Mind you the singer does have a Gibson SG so he’s probably worried that if he cranks the volume too much the headstock will wobble and fall off, we all know how badly made those things are.

Shin Haegyeong – Aspirin Overdose

I’m sorry, I was just bored.

Island Village Huntae feat. Verbal Jint, DJ Djanga – Gukbap Gang

Verbal Jint is one of those people who will appear on literally anything if you pay him enough.

Park Eun Byeol – Tell Me I’m Pretty

mrds

SHOW ME THE MONEY SONGS

(people have been asking and asking so reluctantly I will include this crap but don’t expect it often or even ever again for that matter)

GroovyRoom, Illboi, Blase, Roh Yun Ha, Polodared, Chilin Homie, Fleeky Bang – We Higher

I really like the keys in this, there’s something very cool happening there, pity about the rest of the beat being crap and all the rappers basically ruining it.

Leellamarz, Crucial Star, QM, Kim Jae Sook, NSW Yoon, Damini – Ajushi

It’s tradition in rap collabs to save the best rapper for last, because nobody wants to be the one to have to go after the best rapper, that’s why Damini is last, because she’s the only one worth listening to. Weak beat again though unfortunately, not even as good as the GroovyRoom beat, she deserved better.

Lee Youngji, Toigo, J’Kyun, Jambino, Xinsayne, Jay Park – We

These guys haven’t got a clue however, letting Youngji go first is either brave or stupid because of course she demolishes everyone, clearly Jay was too busy planning his next soju flavour.

JUSTHIS, R.Tee, Don Malik, Huh, Khan, Mckdaddy, Los – My Way

None of these tracks are great though, and this is the worst one. Imagine being at a rap show and being offended that someone didn’t touch your hand, I think I’d be offended if they did touch mine, I don’t want rapper germs eww no thanks.

BONUS RANDOM VIDEOS OF THE WEEK

Anh Thế Tử – Nu’est ‘Face’ dance video compilation

For some reason that I’m yet to determine Nu’est’s “Face” is going viral as some sort of dance video thing, and it’s honestly about time because that’s a song that is great and honestly better than anything k-pop boy groups have managed this year. So here’s a bunch of people dancing to it. Pity the version of the track in these videos is some remix with a weak generic dance beat and not the superior original but oh well, at least everyone’s having fun.

Ploopy678 – Oli London is back… as a conservative politician?

Conservative grifting and attention-farming actually feels like Oli’s natural home, he’ll have all of the attention that he wants there, for at least another two days. Who knows how long he’ll stick with it, will it be longer than when he became a woman for a week or when he became Korean the other month, time will tell I guess. I don’t have any big emotions about Oli moving in any particular direction because I really don’t think it matters, I just enjoy watching Ploopy dissect his online career because she’s charismatic and stylish here, and it’s definitely worth sticking with this video all the way to the end for Ploopy’s k-pop debut. Asian Junkie when?

SS501 – Loveya

SS501’s “Loveya” has a reasonable enough tune but suffers from a big case of the producers trying to do everything at once, all the time. The overcrowded backings, stupid breakdowns and layers upon layers of junk-vocals aren’t anywhere nearly as tastefully arranged as all those carefully crafted antique thrones and brutalist concrete pillars in the music video. Architecture like this was designed back in the days before OH&S compliance was the field of expertise that it is today. So just be mindful of this, because I’m sure this style reflects that of the SS501 boys themselves. If you were to visit the house of one of the SS501 boys on a frequent basis (in a situation like, if you were to have a relationship with any of them, just for example), you might end up coming out of the experience with many bruises from all those harsh unergonomic surfaces that you’ll have to navigate while inside their home, so just be careful around that and stay safe out there.


That’s all for Kpopalypse roundup for this week, and this year!  Kpopalypse roundup will return with a more mature image in 2023!

In the meantime your schedule of posts (just in case you skipped over The Boyz review, and who can blame you) is:

  • NOW – collecting songs for clearing house roundup, click HERE to participate
  • December 25th – Christmas song roundup
  • December 27th – honourable and dishonourable mentions for 2022
  • December 29th – clearing house roundup (songs missed during the year)
  • December 31st – 30 worst songs of 2022
  • December 31st – 30 favourite songs of 2022
  • January 9th – roundup begins again for 2023

…and possibly some other posts in between! Thanks for supporting Kpopalypse in 2022!

3 thoughts on “Kpopalypse roundup – new k-pop releases 12/12/2022

  1. I won’t remember how RM’s song sounds like in 24 hours, but I envy his apparent ability to stop time. If I could make the globe completely freeze in its tracks, my favorite boy groups will be perplexed at the incredible soreness in their ballsacks. Perhaps this will decrease the amount of not so classy sexy activity going on behind the scenes, I’ll become the change I want to see XDXDXD

  2. Shinhwa for a nugu gun banner sounds like the kind of inclusivity 2023 needs, thank you in advance (and now I’ll actually check out the posts :P).

    I really like the bright rock sound in Uni, glad Youkyung’s found a group.

    And I have to admit, J01’s “Born to be Wild” is a guilty pleasure of mine so thanks for featuring them on round up twice this year, even though Mt. Fiji looks like a green screen hahaha.

    Also you may be crusty, but at least you’re a ~soft~ crusty. Don’t think we can’t sense your (masochistic) kind gesture watching those reality show vids. Thank you for your service!

Leave a reply, cao ni ma

Please log in using one of these methods to post your comment:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )

Connecting to %s

This site uses Akismet to reduce spam. Learn how your comment data is processed.