Results of Kpopalypse’s predictions for 2022 and all new mega trufaxual predictions for 2023

It’s time for Kpopalypse to look back on his predictions for 2022, and make all new predictions for 2023!  Come with Kpopalypse for a look into the crystal ball of k-pop!

Before we delve into the incredible revelations of 2023, let’s take a look at 2022 – at around this time last year I made a lot of bold predictions with my notorious super Boram ESP powers! How well did Kpopalypse do?

RESULTS OF 2022 PREDICTIONS

Twice loses members – technically INCORRECT, although JYPs fear of giving Jeongyeon her rightful screentime still feels like a loss of a member, as an OT9.5 fan I will keep talking about this.

Loona do it tough – CORRECT, Loona had a very turbulent year with Chuu leaving, most of the rest of the group maybe leaving probably although officially not but they actually probably are, and let’s all light a candle in memory of that disastrous tour that the members could barely even limp their way through.

Girl groups come back strong – CORRECT and you should expect to see a lot of them in the 2022 favourites list, coming soon!

Blackpink pull their finger out… finally – CORRECT, Blackpink actually released music in 2022. I consider my correct foretelling of this incredibly unlikely event to be undisputable proof of my powers regardless of anything else in this post.

BTS start backsliding – CORRECT. BTS wind down their group projects as they prepare to become ARMYs for real.

A new legal fight emerges – CORRECT. Did I mention Loona had a tough year?

NFTs for everyone – CORRECT, even the crypto crash of 2022 didn’t help k-pop companies learn their lesson.

K-pop events get back to normal… kind of – CORRECT. Concerts are back on, of course coronavirus is still a thing but there’s money to be made so we’re just going to pretend it’s a sniffle and get on with business because people dying behind closed doors in hospitals where nobody can see it is easy to ignore until it happens to you or someone you love uwu

Idol health takes centre stage – INCORRECT. Who am I kidding, nobody gives a fuck lol, I mean yeah that one guy from Produce died in a crowd crush but he was nugu so nobody cared, for a death to actually matter to heartless k-pop fans who only care about C-word it’s got to be someone with at least a photocard or something charting on Melon.

Drugs?  Yes please – CORRECT. We don’t know who yet, but we know it happened. Also Skull continues to release music like it’s no big thing that he’s still doing that.

Wacky endorsements ahoy – CORRECT. Share your favourite wacky endorsement in the comments below because they’ve been so mind-meltingly insane lately that I can barely remember any.

A long-neglected group gets large – INCORRECT. No breaks for veteran nugus in 2022, everyone’s too busy licking oppar’s ballsack, oh well.

Wonho delivers more than expected – CORRECT. Wait, did somebody say oppar’s ballsack? Wonho made sure that we got a good look at his “striped underwear” this year.

More idol streamers/YouTubers – CORRECT. Some old faves like Produsorn returned and many other idols also started dipping their toes into independent YouTube and streaming for the first time, looking to translate their hefty follower count into some actual fame-derived income for the first time in their lives.

Some big k-pop exposes – CORRECT, there were plenty of these, regardless of which definition of the word “expose” you use.

Korean culture faces serious criticism – CORRECT. Having lost its novelty with international audiences thanks to BTS’s over-saturation in western markets, we’re starting to see a lot more critical articles to the point where criticism is actually becoming the dominant narrative. You know that criticism is gaining popularity when insecure Redditors are dialing up the gatekeeping.

Velvet dips her toe into k-pop – CORRECT. Yep, this counts.

Kpopalypse remains the biggest asshole k-pop writer in 2022 – CORRECT. If you’re reading this, you don’t even need me to tell you.


 

So as usual Kpopalypse predictions were mostly correct thanks once again to SUPER BORAM ESP – James Randi eat the smegma from my nuts!  Now it’s time to see what Kpopalypse forsees for 2023!  Super Boram ESP powers are now activated!

KPOPALYPSE’S PREDICTIONS FOR 2023

More girl groups disintegrate – it’s going to get ugly as more and more agencies realise their B-list girl-group vanity projects just aren’t making bank.

Boy groups will also have some “issues” – you shouldn’t get too attached to your favourite boy group member over the next 12 months… and neither should their label!

Aespa step up – Red Velvet will start their gradual transition into the nostalgia/solo projects role currently occupied by SNSD, but they’ll still be around. Meanwhile aespa sneaks into Red Velvet’s old spot as “that SM girl group”.

Big year for solo artists – the plus side of so many groups falling off the rails is that it will free up a lot of people to do their own thing. Expect a lot of action, most of it crap, but a fair bit of it will be decent enough to quell the fandom disappointment.

Mergers and acquisitionsmost guys I know, who work in mergers and acquisitions, really don’t like it. However whether they like it or not they’ll sure have their work cut out for them in 2023.

Blackpink do a thing – I’m going to boldly toss my hat into the ring and say that Blackpink will actually be active two years in a row. I know some of these predictions are on the wild side, I hope this revelation doesn’t traumatise you too much, free counseling at QRIMOLE if you need it.

Oh no I can’t believe my k-pop bias said THAT – they sure did, defenders of the fandom faith had better warm up those typing fingers for some action.

K-pop companies will keep flogging the NFT dead horse – not because they’re stupid… okay, not just because they’re stupid, but also because the tax and labour laws around crypto still have a bit of catching up to do in some places and that suits k-pop agencies just fine…

Major sex scandal alert – no I’m not talking about Hyuna and Dawn, this is a “major sex scandal” not a “major we weren’t fucking that much anyway so let’s just be friends scandal”.

A previously jailed person finds a way to remind you of their existence – gosh, I wonder who could it be? Now you get to find out what they learned while they were on the inside…

Independent artists hit big – some of the success stories next year will be from people who managed to find a way to evade the worst aspects of the idol system, by simply not participating. Korean Indie will be all over it, now that he’s financial again, yay!

Misogyny will cause some new ripples in the k-pop world – feminism my ass, men being dicks will impact k-pop performers and their fans in some unfortunate new ways.

K-pop “AI” is coming your way – we’ve had plenty of virtual idol avatars already, but agencies are going to attempt a virtual brain. Programmed with all the worst aspects of the culture in mind, it’ll go about as well as you think it will.

More rock songs from idols, big and small – (G)I-dle hit paydirt with a harder guitar-based sound, so you can expect other big acts to follow suit, plus plenty of B-list versions of the same coming at you as well next year.

K-pop clickbait sites change things up – they already know their audience is dumb just for visiting them in the first place, so they have something new prepared that people mostly won’t like but will accept anyway because they think they don’t have a choice when really they just don’t have a spine.

K-pop scams get bigger and bolder – and get caught – not related to the above publications, who will sadly get away with everything they’re planning with minimal fallout.

The fixation on “attention narrative” that k-pop fans have been pushing (along with others) becomes a big focus of criticism, and actions are taken – all of you chasing your precious C-word, get in quick, that particular red light special ends soon.

(G)I-dle’s Soyeon gets asked directly about plastic surgery rumours and she actually talks about what she’s had done, and it’s… not nothing, to put it mildly. These facts go viral and people start giving her shit for it. Neither her nor her label say much about it but then the next (G)I-dle song has a concept that pretty clearly is dog-whistling to those people that they can get fucked. She also has another procedure done at the same time just for good measure – this prediction is just here for the people who complain that my predictions aren’t specific enough you’re welcome.

Kpopalypse writes the first fictional k-pop novel that doesn’t suck objectively as a novel (and also isn’t porn) – it’s going to be brutal reading which will trigger all of you and I’m giving myself until December 2023 to get it done, but it might be before then. Stan Hana.


 

That’s all the predictions for the next 12 months – expect them fondly! My final prediction is that Kpopalypse will return soon with more posts!

3 thoughts on “Results of Kpopalypse’s predictions for 2022 and all new mega trufaxual predictions for 2023

  1. I think Dreamcatcher fits the “neglected group gets large” prediction for 2022 in a modest way, they were touring up for up to 6000 people a night in America and Europe and finally won a music show, they’re still nugu to the Korean mainstream but have a pretty good niche fandom now.

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