Kpopalypse’s fifth guide to the best erotic computer games if you’re Wonho

Kpopalypse is back with the fifth installment in the Wonho games series!

If there’s one thing that Kpopalypse readers all love, it’s Wonho.  Despite my pleas to not sexualise Wonho, my readers have been very keen to rank him consistently first place in my objectification surveys, so it seems that there is no stopping the Wonho objectification train.  However Wonho needs healthy objectification too, so we should also think of his needs.  With Han Seo Hee in jail for the moment, there may not be any females around in his immediate vicinity for him to healthily objectify.  Fortunately Kpopalypse comes to the rescue once again to provide reviews of Wonho-friendly computer gaming content!

If you’ve missed previous episodes in this series and would like to catch up, fear you may have missed out on important faps, or are a new reader who just wants to know why this series exists at all, the following links are here for your reference:

First Wonho guide

Second Wonho guide

Third Wonho guide

Fourth Wonho guide

Now that you’re up to date – let’s move on with the fifth guide to the best erotic computer games if you’re ex-Monsta X’s Wonho!


ROLE PLAYING GAMES

Sylphy And The Sleepless Island

Kagura Games store page (uncensored)

Steam store page (censored)

Sylphy is a thief who tries to steal some stuff from some place, but ends up stealing an artifact that robs a town of its night, so it’s always daytime there.  I’m not sure how that’s supposed to work on an astrophysics level, but I suggest that you don’t think about it too much because the developers sure didn’t.  Anyway, this manages to piss off the locals as you could probably imagine so Sylphy is held prisoner (kind of, it’s hard to explain, like most things about the plot), and has to find a way to bring back the night to the town and restore her freedom, which involves her having to endure lots of classy-sexy situations.

Sylphy was keen to join the local inn’s k-pop dance cover project, but accurately recreating the costumes from April’s “Dream Candy” proved to be more challenging than expected

Gameplay wise, this means visiting lots of different gradually unlockable areas and working out who to perform tasks for and in which order.  The game has an unusual art style which is quite appealing, even if all the female characters have exactly the same eyes and fringe, and there’s definitely a large amount of story content and game mechanics to plow your way through, even though there’s not really any traditional RPG combat, which should please those bored with the usual turn-based shenanigans.  However you do get drip-fed the Wonho scenes for the first few hours of playtime, so this game might be best for killing time in between stops on that very long world tour that only visits three cities 10,000 kms apart.

Chevalier Historie

Kagura Games store page (uncensored)

Steam store page (censored)

As far as plot goes, Chevalier Historie is pretty generic.  Just arrange fantasy-setting-friendly words like “kingdom”, “princess”, “knight”, “ring”, “capture”, “battle” etc into a sentence as if you were randomly generating power metal lyrics, and you’ll probably get pretty close to whatever is going on here, which I can barely even remember since I played it last.  The actual gaming experience is more interesting, with the usual walking around interspersed with a combination of some pretty good (or at least not annoying) combat mechanics, some maze solving and even an entire procedurally-generated section.  Non-gamers be warned that a certain amount of agility is required… but not too much, after all I managed to get through it, and if my crusty ass can play this game one-handed, you can.

The Loona girls were keen to seek medical advice on what to do about listlessness and dehydration prior to their touring activities, fortunately the town’s population were more helpful than their CEO

It’s not a very long game, but with Wonho games it’s not the length that matters, but the girth.  The graphics in Chevalier Historie are absolutely outstanding, and while generally speaking I’m not that wowed by prettiness in computer games, they really have gone the extra mile here in ways that make a huge difference to the game quality, which makes it easy to forgive the game’s relatively short length compared to some of the other offerings here.  In a genre dominated by laziness the attention to detail is appreciated, and it’s rare to find a game in the top-down RPG style format that makes you go “wow” just from simply walking around.  Of course the Wonho-approved content certainly also benefits from this extra level of care, so I feel like he is well-provided for.  If you like a good bit of rococopropriation as much as I do, this is the game for you.

Country Girl Keiko

Kagura Games store page (uncensored)

Steam store page (censored)

Keiko is a shy girl who lacks confidence and thinks she’s ugly.  In order to break the destructive pattern of low self-esteem, she decides with encouragement from her mother to have a makeover and run for class president.  However the rest of the class are all ratbags.  Will she be able to perform her first duty as class president and get all the students to attend school?

The Kpopalypse team didn’t take any issue with “cumdump” when we were making this post because our vision for original and wholesome gaming content was crystal clear to us. Slang terms aren’t taught in school and not everyone is familiar with them. It’s impossible for people to be familiar with every idiom and offensive term out there and predicting their reception around the world is an even more challenging task. To be sure, we consulted with English professors, professional interpreters, translators and native speakers about this issue…

I had mixed feelings while playing this game.  The art style isn’t really that great with Keiko barely meeting required standards (and this isn’t helped by the small playing window, yes this is a RPG Maker VX Ace game), and it’s hard to progress without a walkthrough as some of the puzzles make even less sense than a Try Not To Have Gay Sex With Yves game.  There’s supposed to be superior art in the bonus “black” and “school trip” sections of the game but I was unable to unlock these even when following a walkthrough, so perhaps I messed up a step.  Anyway if most of these games annoy you because of lack of challenge maybe you’ll like this, but I really think this is only worth buying at a significant discount for the super-bored eroge completionist.

Fleeting Iris

Kagura Games store page (uncensored)

Steam store page (censored)

Fleeting Iris follows a girl called Ayame who marries a CIA agent (as one does) and moves to America to live a happy life.  While she’s financially more or less provided for, she feels the strange compulsion to work boring low-paying jobs anyway, and the rich neighbours next door also start taking an interest in integrating Ayame and her husband into their social circle… what could go wrong?  Quite a bit, although oddly enough and uncharacteristically for games like this, Ayame’s predicaments are all pretty voluntary – personally if I were her I would just enjoy my riches and feel totally fine about it without feeling the compulsion to get some crappy bar job.  Don’t take ‘voluntary’ the wrong way though, this game is still classy-sexiness ahoy, depending on what options you choose.

Photo sessions for Viviz were going great, with generous food platters and the new staff being much friendlier than those pricks at HYBE

I was originally not that keen to play this game due to the promotional art being a bit average, and of course it’s a VX Ace engine game once again, so we get an irritatingly small playing window.  However the developers here really did make the most of what they had, and the art quality in this game actually turned out to be better than I expected so don’t let the promotional images put you off.  The real strength of Fleeting Iris however is the sheer quantity of content, there is a huge amount of story content here to get through, probably more than I’ve ever seen in any game like this.  For instance simply getting to know the neighbours better puts the player on a path towards two different endings, each of which takes hours of playtime to resolve, and that’s just one story path out of about a dozen, I still haven’t unlocked all the different routes and I currently have 16 hours of playtime in this, and that’s with me playing through cutscenes as fast as possible for review purposes.  The huge amount of story content however comes at the expense of feeling like you’re playing a visual novel rather than a game at times, which may be fine for some readers, but personally I wouldn’t have minded a bit more interactivity beyond just walking across rooms to get to the next scene and selecting between one of two options every hour or so.  Still recommended especially if you like reading and you’re on a budget, dollar for dollar you’re getting a very decent amount of content.

Bound By Love

Kagura Games store page (uncensored)

Steam store page (censored)

In Bound By Love you play an office employee who is infatuated with their co-worker.  You find out that they are soon moving overseas to pursue a new job opportunity, which is obviously very upsetting to you, so you decide to do something about it, and by “something” I mean “something out of a Gain video”.  Warning that the game’s title is a massive dog-whistle with the key word being “bound” – this game gets very, very extreme, very very quickly and is only for the most open-minded and kinky roleplayers.  If roleplaying as a pimp breaking in and working your monster-girl brothel employees to the point of mental breakdown in last episode’s Monster Girl Club Bifrost somehow wasn’t classy-sexy enough for you, then Bound By Love should have your needs fully covered, anyone else should consider themselves sufficiently warned.

Inside the Kpopalypse.com editing room, employees busily plan content for their next article in time for the publication deadline

Bound By Love is however very competently made with excellent character art and the main female character is definitely of Wonho grade appearance, so your enjoyment here is probably going to boil down almost exclusively to how much you like the idea of an ultra-sadism simulator.  Most games that cover classy-sexy themes tend to at least apply a thin veneer of morality by placing the player either in the role of the recipient, or of a third party trying to prevent the situation, but no such moral hang-wringing applies here as you are placed firmly in the driver’s seat of all the classy-sexy action.  Yes it is possible to do a “chad playthrough” and win the girl’s heart the honourable way, but this is not why this game was created and you will only get about half an hour of playtime there so it’s not worth buying for that reason.  In fact there’s not a huge amount of content here across the board but what’s here is definitely well crafted, so let’s hope that Wonho is a Brown Eyed Girls fan who likes a bit (or a lot) of kink.

ACTION/STRATEGY GAMES

Seed Of The Dead: Sweet Home

Steam store page (censored)

Uncensor patch from Eroge Japan

The sequel to Seed Of The Dead, a first person zombie shooter from a few years back which has seen coverage in the second post in this series, this new sequel goes much further on every level, with smoother FPS action, more cutscenes, much bigger environments that feel like actual maps this time and most notably a home base (hence the title) where you can stock up on equipment, items, upgrades and also get to know your zombie-killing teammates in various ways.  The action here is highly reminiscent of Left 4 Dead and definitely a huge step up from the first game, although that wouldn’t be hard to achieve as the first game was seriously janky and barely even resembled a game at all.

It’s time to clear the k-pop fans out of the agency foyer again

The mechanic of having sex with your teammates to replenish health is still there and still hilarious, but that’s more of a novelty aspect, with the real Wonho content being elsewhere.  A dating system has been added to the game with the ability to pick up gifts during battles or pay for them with money earned to help woo the zombie-killing lady of your choice, and there’s also some weird side-games to unlock as well as a bunch of pretty explicit and gruesome eroticised death scenes that are so disturbing that even the Bound By Love fans are probably going to want to skip them.  While there’s still a fair bit of polygonal weirdness, the women thankfully do look much better than they did in the first game, at least until the zombies get to them, they’ve also had a bit of a breast enhancement since the first game bringing them up to Wonho standards, and the scenes have lots of variety – whatever your fetish happens to be, there’s probably some part of this game that caters to it.  The most surprising thing about this game however is that it’s actually quite playable and fun just for the shooting aspect alone, so while the price tag is a bit high I’d still recommend this over any recent non-Wonho zombie game because honestly why would you even want a game like this without tits.

Wars And Roses

Steam store page (censored)

Adult uncensor expansion pack (free)

Another first-person shooter that combines gunplay with dating (after the American market I guess), Wars And Roses aims more for the tactical squad shooter style of the Rainbow Six and Ghost Recon games, except that your squad are all a bunch of attractive women and you can date them.  As you deal with the usual terrorists from Genericastan that all these games have, you find yourself liberating more and more areas, and rescuing more and more women in the process who will then join your squad, you can also earn money and buy various firearms which have the usual customisation options that you would expect from a tactical FPS (even if half of those options don’t actually seem to do anything). 

I’m tired of all these wannabe k-pop stars just hanging around

While the action looks reasonably up to par with any other FPS game in screenshots, playing it is another matter.  Most of the guns are impossible to aim, shooting anything has a weirdly unsatisfying wet-fart quality due to the lack of feedback when shots land, some levels have glitchy walls that periodically vanish, and there’s even a bug on some levels where your gun will deattach itself from you as you walk and float by your sides, occasionally even floating behind you so you end up shooting yourself in the head when you pull the trigger, you just have to play safe and wait until your gun floats off somewhere else before you can start shooting again.  The dating aspect is also pretty broken, with customisable clothes, several scenes and even one of the main characters all in “yet to be added” status, but word on the street is that the developers have completely abandoned the game, so their inclusion probably won’t ever happen.  It’s not even all that easy to fap to because while a lot of attention has gone into the static appearance of the female models, their poses feel very stilted and they all have exactly the same dead-eyed stare, it’s all very anti-erotic especially when the disembodied boob-groping hand comes into play.  I really don’t recommend this game, I’d say download a cracked version to punish the devs for this scammy abandonware but I can’t even recommend that because god knows what viruses could be on it, just go down to your local department store and give some of the mannequins there a good grope with one hand while fondling a toy pistol with the other, it’s probably a better experience overall.

Escape Dungeon

Steam store page (uncensored)

Some games do exactly what they say on the box and Escape Dungeon is one of them, as it involves the player controlling a mage called Shalith as she tries to escape from a dungeon, and that’s it, that’s basically the game.  Of course the dungeon is home to several creatures (not sure why, I mean why hang out in a dungeon in the first place, what is there to even do, you can’t even get good wi-fi) and they are all pretty keen to not have Shalith escape so they can have classy-sexy times, but fortunately Shalith has a melee attack plus a variety of spells that she can pick up to help her defeat the creatures and get out safely.  Action is turn-based and dungeons all have an element of semi-random procedural generation to them, which helps keep things interesting.

Shalith did her best to stick out her prison sentence, but when she was put on WJSN’s diet plan she knew it was time to attempt an escape

Escape Dungeon is a “lose ’em up” type game in the best classy-sexy tradition that players of these types of games will know well, the objective being to lose several times before you win so you can unlock all the scenes of various dungeon monsters having their way with our hero.  To this end the game helps you out with this objective by having a leveling system that applies to you but not the enemies – at first enemies are almost unbeatable and death is certain but each time you die you spawn again and keep all your unlocked stats, allowing you to gradually scale your power and work your way through the dungeon, ensuring that you will die to the greatest variety of enemies possible before you finally escape.  Despite the somewhat lazy presentation of the actual game content (our hero doesn’t even have a proper walking animation ffs) the Wonho scenes are actually quite well animated and the overall mood is really well crafted with dim lighting and atmospheric music accompanying your struggles.  The spellcasting system is quite engrossing as well and very cleverly designed, your character only has a limited spell-carrying capacity and determining what to keep vs throw away forms the core of the game’s strategic element.  Definitely recommended if you like dungeons, and classy-sexiness with things that live in dungeons.

Escape Dungeon 2

Steam store page (uncensored)

Escape Dungeon’s sequel ups the ante on the game world graphics by going for a Diablo style of presentation, although don’t be fooled, the action is still turn-based.  Other than this, the core elements of the game are the same as the first – get as far through the procedurally generated dungeon as you can, get captured and classy-sexed up by the monsters, try again, and gradually level up your stats and unlock combat power as you do so.  Oh and you’re a different character, an elf archer called Shunrai this time, and you’re looking for Shalith or something, honestly I don’t remember but it barely matters.

The new dorm facilities were definitely not what was promised in the contract signing meeting

Once again the meat of the “lose ’em up” gameplay comes in the form of rationing power – there are several abilities that Shunrai can use, but she has limited space and can’t have all of the best ones at once, so tough choices about what she will and won’t have in her toolkit need to be made.  The Wonho scenes are also on par with the first game and Shunrai meets required standards as much as Shalith did even if she looks like Yurisa on a bad hair day.  What really sticks out the most however about the sequel is the quality of the writing, with dialogue ranging from silly to creepy to genuinely funny at times, as Shunrai overhears various discussions between creatures that range from general thirst and random nonsense through to information that fleshes out the fantasy universe.  Underneath the pervy exterior this game has solid and satisfying strategic gameplay that’s as good as the first game, and there’s a third game in the works currently, so expect a review fondly in the next Wonho games post!

Tower And Sword Of Succubus

Steam store page (uncensored)

Actually two games in one, Tower Of Succubus is a fairly simple and janky puzzle game which has some very annoying issues such as a refresh rate that’s constantly speeding up and slowing down, plus moveable blocks that continually get stuck on the scenery for no reason, necessitating constant resetting of puzzles.  Sword Of Succubus is the better game, a more satisfying experience that combines top-down RPG Maker style gameplay with real-time action and some cute dialogue.  What both games have in common besides the same developer is a very deliberate retro-themed style to both the graphics and music.

Our succubus hero wonders if she can drink beer and still be able to pass JYP’s pre-debut weigh-in

While it wouldn’t seem like an 8-bit aesthetic would really work that well with Wonho fap material, it actually does.  There’s some seriously hot action here with thicc retro body parts flopping about all over the place, and the art style is honestly gorgeous especially when in motion.  It’s just a pity that “Sword” is quite difficult, just because it’s often not known what steps should be done in what order so it’s really easy to get frustratingly stuck just because the next objective is so easy to lose track of, and “Tower” has the aforementioned irritations which make it a chore to play.  It’s still worth picking up this reasonably priced duo of games just for the retro art quality alone, especially when a Steam sale comes around. 

CASUAL GAMES

Mirror 2: Project X

Steam store page (censored)

“Costumes” DLC (slightly less censored)

Fans of the original match-3 game Mirror were upset when it was revealed that the sequel was going to be completely in 3D, mainly because the original art style was so popular and well done, but also because of the extra development time and costs involved in launching a fully 3D game.  The developers responded by saying that they were committed to 3D and were going to reward the fanbase by putting their all into the sequel, which they certainly did – Mirror 2 is a visual delight with easily the most gorgeous 3D cel-shaded graphics I’ve ever seen in a match-3 game.  Not only this, but the game cuts loose with tons of extremely well-realised and beautifully animated story content (even if some of those stories are a little hard to follow due to translation issues) and also retains the ‘challenge’ mode from the original game so you can still have a reason to play it after you beat it.

Desperate to boost her idol career, research assistant Rita resorts to producing baseball content in order to appeal to k-pop news sites, but forgets to erase Garam’s penis drawings from the whiteboard first

However where Mirror 2 conspicuously short-changes the gamer is in the important area of Wonho content.  All the girls on offer definitely meet required standards (some are drop dead gorgeous actually), but very little actually happens to them during the course of the game, which is a marked departure from the first game.  The game is still having content added to it currently so it’s possible that this may change in future, but for now I feel like Wonho is going to left with some pretty blue balls, even the “costumes” DLC doesn’t add a great deal apart from some skimpier outfits and a couple scenes that are slightly more suggestive but still pretty tame overall compared to even the most lightweight content in the original game.  Still, if some of the other content in this post is a little too hardcore for your taste and you’d rather be teased than pleased, perhaps Mirror 2 is what the doctor ordered.  Just don’t bother with the useless “home” mode where you can’t even invert the fucking mouse Y axis.  Anyway I’d recommend this one especially as the price is really low for what you get.

Wish: Paradise High

Steam store page (uncensored)

Another match-3 game, and also another sequel, Wish: Paradise High (weirdly listed as “Wish: Paradise” on Steam) is a sequel to the original game Wish that appeared in a previous episode.  While Wish: Paradise High beats out Mirror 2: Project X in terms of sheer explicitness, it loses out on every single other aspect, with duller graphics, less interesting gameplay, a severe lack of content in general, an incomprehensible story that may as well not exist and some of the most inscrutable and laughable English translations this side of Material Girl.

Time to get ready for an OnlyOneOf video binge-watching session

While the hand-drawn women do meet required standards, their animations feel very unnatural and would have probably suited the art style of the first game better, in fact it’s a real mystery to me why they didn’t try to recapture the look from the original game.  The poses are also super-odd, they look fine in isolation but a lot of them just feel like the wrong choice as “default” poses for dialogue because they’re so uncomfortable-looking as positions that someone might hold in place for a period of time.  I didn’t realise that something like that would actually matter until I played this game, but for some reason it does, I felt like telling the girls that they could put their arms down anytime they liked.  Anyway this game is pretty rubbishy and there’s not even that much content but on the plus side it’s also cheap and if you enjoy reading shit translations or looking at armpits you might get a kick out of it maybe, but don’t expect more than half an hour of entertainment at absolute maximum.  I don’t know if Wonho cares about shaven pits so I don’t know if he’d be into this.

Isekai Quest

Steam store page (censored)

“True vision” uncensor DLC (free)

The end of our match-3 content for this episode, Isekai Quest gets it right with decent game mechanics, excellent English usage, good music, great characters written with tons of snarky humour, a cool cartoon art style, a slick interface and most importantly plenty of Wonho-approved content.

Shymi the demon definitely reads Kpopalypse fashion class, she is also a complete troll who knows how to give you ‘sticky keys’

Like the other match-3 games here it’s a short game that you’ll beat fairly quickly, but the content on offer is definitely worth the low asking price.  Note that it also follows the Escape Dungeon trick of starting you off very underpowered but letting you preserve your stats, thereby allowing you to beat the game only after you’ve lost it a bunch of times first.  I assume that this is just to stretch out the length of the content as for the most part there isn’t a benefit to losing otherwise.  It lacks replayability in its current form (something like Mirror’s “challenge mode” would be a cool addition, the devs should consider it) but it’s fun while it lasts, just like your libido, so why not pick it up.

VISUAL NOVELS

Coming Out On Top

Steam store page (uncensored)

Uncensor instructions if you have an older censored version

Readers have been asking for some more LGBT-friendly content in this series for a while now, and while Abbadon: Princess Of The Decay from last episode did have a yaoi option, and some other games like LIP: Lewd Idol Project were focused on lesbians, both were still pretty squarely aimed at the hetero male audience for the most part.  So this episode’s visual novel pick is Coming Out On Top, a gay novel where you play as Mark Matthews, a man who has just come out as gay in his final year of University.  Will you pass your finals, or will you be too distracted by the dateable men in your vicinity?  Also will you help your roommate who needs to beta-test her “BroFinder” dating app?

The protagonist will always regret the day he accidentally clicked the fiction tag on kpopalypse.com

I don’t know if Wonho is gay, but even if he isn’t, I think he’d still enjoy Coming Out On Top, because I did.  I went into it expecting it to be dull due to my own heterosexuality making it irrelevant to my interests, but honestly after going through a playthrough I feel like it’s probably the best visual novel that I’ve ever read outside of Doki Doki Literature Club (although for very different reasons).  The interface is great, there’s an absolute ton of options and paths to explore and more importantly the dialogue writing is excellent and far, far above the standard for visual novel content normally.  The characters are all exceptionally well-written and a lot of the dialogue is both highly believable and at times drop-dead hilarious.  I also really liked the crisp semi-realistic non J-anime art style and I honestly wish more Wonho content in general went down this route.  There’s even toggleable beards, now that’s thoughtful.  If you’re gay, I think it’s a must-read, and if you’re not, maybe you should check it out anyway just to make sure, but you’ll probably be entertained no matter how you swing.  I liked it so much that I’m even in two minds about whether I want to refund it or not (but I probably will because it’s hard drive space I can use for more Shion Yumi pics, priorities please).


That’s all for this post! Let’s hope Wonho is able to now enjoy some new games! Kpopalypse will return!

Leave a reply, cao ni ma

Please log in using one of these methods to post your comment:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )

Connecting to %s

This site uses Akismet to reduce spam. Learn how your comment data is processed.