It’s time for Kpopalypse roundup! Let’s take a look at some new releases!
TXT – Good Boy Gone Bad
TXT have had better songs than this before, but the occasional heavy guitars is still a plus point and works to make it something better than average.
PSY – Celeb
The problem with PSY these days is the songwriting. There’s nothing specifically awful about it, but there’s also nothing that would make you notice it specifically in a sea of other songs. With that in mind, I guess it makes sense that nation’s-first-whatever Suzy fills Hyuna’s role as the token “PSY girl” because visually she has the same energy.
PSY feat. Hwasa – Now
PSY’s other song this week is really good… and that’s because he didn’t write it, it’s a remake of Jermaine Jackson and Pia Zadora’s “When The Rain Begins To Fall” which definitely keeps the charm of the original intact. PSY is a great charismatic performer, and always has been, but clearly he needs someone other than him to write the actual music.
CLASS:y – Shut Down
I was told that ex-DIA/F-ve Dolls/Kpopalypse bias list fave Seunghee is actually the CEO of this new label that CLASS:y are on. Now there’s someone who would surely be sympathetic to the plight of idols, or maybe not, give that the first shot in this video is an aerial view of the CLASS:y detention center. Song is bad though, in that typical generic shouty way in which so many girl group songs are bad now, so let’s just move on before the guards with the purple uniforms spot us loitering.
NMIXX – Hey Gabby!
What the fuck is this bullshit.
NMIXX – Sprinkle Party
OH NO. We know exactly what certain corners of the Internet are going to do with this. Thoughts and prayers for the NMIXX girls, everyone.
ALICE – Power Of Love
Elris rebrand as Alice because they’re on a new label now who probably don’t have the legal rights to use the name Elris, pity that their new song definitely isn’t anything that’s worth the bother of rebranding for.
iKON – But You
The best track from iKon in a very long time, with excellent verses but some pretty aimless choruses that kind of ruin the whole vibe. They really just needed to keep it vocally simple in the chorus instead of wafting all over the place and then they would have had a smash on their hands here.
WOODZ – I Hate You
Also the best song by Woodz possibly ever, but the bass player’s hair is easily upstaging everything else about this.
Purple Kiss – Cursor
This video offends me, because not only is it sterile beyond belief with each girl zoning out in a different awkward direction, but they’ve put Swan in “reducing” colours because they’re afraid of her thiccness, which is something they should be celebrating instead. Why can’t she wear the sheer white the others are wearing, because the stupid slave-driving label think she’s a fatass that’s why. I bet the label is bullying the shit out of that poor girl. Stan Swan while you can.
Miyeon – Rose
I have even less tolerance for bullshit music than usual this week.
DANAKADAN feat. Amber Liu – BLEEDMEDRY
The best song Amber has been involved with since she did that thing with Luna and those DJs, she both looks and sounds right for the part here. Amber is always too soft and sentimental for her own good when she’s just on her own, so teaming her up with someone who has a more abrasive sound really works to her benefit.
Kang Daniel – Ready to ride
My opinions aren’t really that different to a lot of folks. The only difference between me and any random k-pop-listening-person who likes some stuff but doesn’t like other stuff is A. I have a nice website called kpopalypse.com that you can visit at any time where all my thoughts are catalogued in a semi-orderly fashion B. I actually know stuff about music which doesn’t make my taste any more “correct” (because it’s subjective so that’s impossible) but it does mean that I can cleanly and correctly articulate why I like or dislike something (in the rare cases when I could be bothered even spending the energy), and C. I have no need or want for any type of social approval so I can’t be bullied into silence by k-pop stans. Oh and Kang Daniel your song sucks get on your space bike or whatever it is and fuck off.
JO1 – With Us
Those light poles at the start look like they didn’t correctly follow the JOI.
Boy Story – I=U=WE:U
Everyone stop right now with the I-#WE^-U:-US/]-&OUR@-ONE fucking names. Can we at least TRY to not be in a cult, for once.
Lee Ju Hyuk – Meet You At The Laundromat
Why is she running across the field with her laundry basket? Surely she could park a little closer to the damn laundromat, especially if she’s going to meet this guy there, it’ll totally fuck up her dating strategy. “Oh hi, pleased to meet you, wanna go out tonight?” “Glad to meet you – sure, where’s your car?” “Oh, on the other side of this big-ass field, want to come for a 15 minute walk?” “All that way? Nah I’m good thanks.”
Ryeowook – Hiding Words
Never mind the words, they should have hidden the music.
Hwayeon – Blossom
Oh yeah finally something cool. Hwayeon here is actually Sohyeon from missing-presumably-deceased k-pop group ShaFla, and her new song is appealingly old-school but with really soothing and only slightly eerie ambience, instead of rubbing the trot-isms in your face with endless brass stabs at the end of verses etc. It’s a very welcome change. Also there’s some cool parts of the song where she actually shuts the fuck up and lets the music play on its own, now that’s something more k-pop songs need to do.
Kursor – Sorrow
There’s an Australian rapper called roughly the same name and he sucks too.
from20 – Weol
Hey this is alright, if he could only stop singing and let the music breathe for 0.25 seconds we’d have a real banger on our hands.
Aoora – Firework
What a pity that Aoora doesn’t have Edward Avila in his videos all that much anymore because I’d actually really enjoy watching that fat-shaming fuckhead staggering around like someone had punched him in the face.
Cooing – One Last Time
Not terrible as far as disco tracks go but it’s hard to find a reason to care too much.
CherryB – Panorama (Highway 23)
Not terrible as far as disco tracks go but it’s hard to find a reason to care too much. Oh wait did I write the same review twice? I guess we really are at that level of generic in k-pop lately where the same review can apply to a bunch of different shit.
Kim Yeji – Freak
Not sure about the OH&S compliance of that stage. At the end when they have the full band up there the feet of the drum stands are right close to the edge, if he hits the drums too hard things are going to start to go flying. Maybe that’s why this song is so weak, they’re just too focused on trying to stay alive through it. Fair enough I guess, I’d probably do the same in their shoes.
Lee Jin Ah – Where the Wind Rises
I can certainly feel some wind rising.
ALOH feat. Yellboy – Numb
This video is super annoying with the constant dissolves. What’s the point of even looking at any image they show on the screen if they’re just going to fade out whatever it is two seconds later anyway. Fine then, I won’t watch your dumb video, assholes.
Cotoba – Kyrie
Cotoba are like Covet but without anyone who can really play guitar at an Yvette Young kind of level so they just sort of plink away at single notes and chords really simply. It’s still pretty good overall but it lacks the energy that a really fluid guitarist would bring. Their videos are good for when you want to plan some musical instrument shopping though, it’s like a moving shopper’s catalogue.
Goldbuuda feat. Mudd the student, Tyronè Laurent – Power Rangers
What a disaster. He had to Autotune it to death, didn’t he.
Shin Jihoon – Memories soon to be a chapter of an anthology
Any player of Wonho games knows what the word “memories” really means. Here it’s just a really roundabout way to say “I want to fuck the cute guy that visits my library sometimes”. Why the hell not, who am I to stand in the way of some hopeful girl and her cherry boy mean-meat.
Mood. – bad at this.
He sure is. At least he’s honest.
Yoon Seobin – Beautiful
It’s the only tree as far as the eye can see and he killed it by singing shit music at it. Chuu would like a word.
Melomance – Invitation
Melomance put out a bunch of songs and I’ve just kind of been mostly ignoring them and not even putting them in roundup, but I thought I’d better check in again on them to see how they’re going, just like how every 5 years or so I taste beer just to make sure I still hate the taste and haven’t grown to like it with age or anything. I mean you never really know if you don’t check, right? Sometimes people can surprise you. Anyway, as it happens Melomance still suck and I wasted my time but at least I can now be sure of this for a few more years.
Kim Miso feat. Bao of XEED – Drop
Awful generic rap with this lady painfully hiccuping through it in the rare times when the Autotune isn’t crushing her voice into the dirt. Just another nail in the coffin of Korean rap.
COCONA – Amoo-rae-do
Like so much of what comes out in the k-pop sphere, this is all “vibes” and no song.
Odd95 – Raro2
Look at this fuckhead. You know no good music is going to come from that. Sometimes you really can judge a book by its cover.
Huh!, Khundi Panda – Come Upright
Still too much Autotune for any sane person but the inclusion of something resembling an actual beat does help matters.
Gu is 9 – YAH!
I heard “I believe in Jesus” and turned it off. There are standards, you know.
aetas feat. MC Meta, B-gonn, dumboi, Ryu Han, KINKADE, ted is emotionmaker – The Godfather
Why even do a huge collab like this while bringing such a boring, minimalist beat to it. What rapper would even say yes to this.
MYMYLIFE (Skyminhyuk, Astral Swaggy, MALKEY, notabadboy2001, Beeny) – Bite Me
It’s a really bad idea to have a rap beat with a human voice doing multiple syllables inside the sample loop and to rap on top of that. It’s enough of a word salad without that extra shit.
Junny feat. ph-1 – Gey Ya!
If someone approaches you with a jumper that has a huge smiley face on it, I wouldn’t trust them, they probably only have bad intentions.
Dbo feat. Wonstein – Pink Butterfly
Hahahahaha. Hahahahahahaha. Hahaha. Okay I’m done laughing I think I’m going to cry now.
BONUS RANDOM VIDEOS OF THE WEEK
sticker but i made it out of random things
This is really cool, someone give this girl a record deal, k-pop could use another Einsturzende Neubauten.
bikkis sexually harass korean women in seoul
The shady nightclub culture in Korea goes way beyond Burning Sun, which was just the tip of the iceberg. Remember how I’ve talked in past posts about how there are staff from Korean nightclubs who will find attractive women in the street and try to coerce them into their clubs using physical force? You can see evidence of that here. Pro tip if you find yourself in Korea in one of these situations – yell at them and make a scene loudly, in English, not Korean. If they think you’re a tourist who is likely to get police involved they will back off quickly.
DJM-S9 DJ SODA Performance
How much of a celebrity DJ’s performance is smoke and mirrors, compared to a normal k-pop star’s performance? Quite a lot actually. I don’t know if DJ Soda is doing this live or using playback (it’s honestly impossible to tell) but it’s clear from how she uses the decks that she can actually DJ (just like how you can tell an actual guitarist from a non-guitarist by how they mime, or an actual singer from an amateur by how they use a vintage microphone ahem). Just like your favourite singer probably can sing, but just isn’t, because why leave things to chance when you don’t have to.
That’s all for this week! Kpopalypse roundup returns next week!