QRIMOLE – May 2022

It’s time for QRIMOLE – the monthly series where Kpopalypse answers reader questions!  Let’s take a look at some more reader questions for Kpopalypse!

Do you generally listen through the entire song when reviewing for roundup, or you do tend to listen to just the intro/skip around if it sounds boring/bad?

On the livestreams where I build the first draft of roundup, only enough to get the general idea unless it’s a specifically notable song or something amazingly good/bad.  When writing the roundup later, all of it.  In the rare circumstances that I didn’t get through all of it in either sitting, I will usually make special mention of this fact in the review itself.

I thought this question was good and it’s not the first time somebody has asked it, so I’ve added it plus my response to the roundup FAQ, where you can find some other frequently asked questions specifically concerning the roundup.

Hey Kpopalypse!

I’ve read an article recently that claims that the 90s were the last golden age for culture, but do you think that’s true? I personally feel any point of time when you were young was probably the last time you felt culture or music was “good”. Boomers during the 90s probably thought music peaked in the 60s/70s. I’m sure Gen Z will probably think the 2010s were amazing or something when it’s 2040.

You’ve done an excellent job of answering your own question exactly the way that I would have, so let’s just move on.

I was wondering about how Paul McCartney once stated that he didn’t really know how to read music. Is this type of musical illiteracy common in the music industry? How does he compose if he doesn’t know how to read and write?

It’s actually pretty common for rock musicians to not know how to read or write music.  Of course it’s still possible to compose, as modern music is “written” direct from the instrument to recording technology, there usually isn’t a guy with a piece of paper scribbling down notes in a rock band composition session, that would be considered an unnecessary middle step.  Someone like Paul or the many other thousands of musos who can’t read or write sheet music would usually just sit down by themselves and think up ideas and memorise them, or sit with their band and have a “jam” where they just try to play with each other any old thing, and when they hit upon something good everyone tries to remember it until they can get it recorded.   As much as it pains me to include Beatles content here because I hate their music, you can watch Paul McCartney actually doing this here:

Since you have watched multiple Kpop groups perform live, how would you rate BP’s performance level compare to other idol?

Same as any other.  They all perform pretty much the same, because that’s how they’re told to perform.  Unless there’s a problem of some sort.  There were no issues with Blackpink when I saw them, they were pretty much the same as Girl’s Day, who were pretty much the same as 4minute.  More pyrotechnics, higher budget, better sound quality, bigger stage… but nothing detectabe that was vastly different about the actual performances of the individuals.

As someone who knows nothing about video production, I found this slightly informative and amusing. Maybe your readers will also? (See, that’s a question and it totally makes it fit into this question format thing here.)

This is an excellent video which demonstrates very well how Loona fans get suckered into “lore” that doesn’t really exist.  Video directors know how to make it look like there’s lore even if there really isn’t.  They know that fans with their overactive imaginations will fill in any narrative gaps.

So I was watching a fancam video of Jang Wonyoung who’s been making headlines due to her extreme weight loss and obvious struggle with an ed aka an eating disorder and while watching it i was wondering… how can she, and basically every idol in the industry, dance to such intense choreographies and maintain stamina when they’re literally not eating anything at all? like what uppers, exactly, are they forced to take to keep going? I know that you know because western stars also deal with eds so I’m sure you’ve seen how this works behind the scenes first-hand and I want to know the truth. All I know is that Whitney Houston said celebs get like cgi effects/digital alteration to look fatter and less emaciated on tv but it doesn’t seem like they give a fuck about that in SK huh.

I have been curious about this for a while ever since i learned there’s a plethora of surgical and cosmetic procedures common in the kpop (and probably cpop too! c-idols are even thinner than k-idols and it disturbs me so fucking much) industry to hide prominent ed signs like filler injections to keep full cheeks and give a youthful appearance, hair extensions and acrylics to hide hair and nail breakage etc. however people with eds also suffer from vertigo, low energy etc., add to it the kpop overworking ™ and sleep deprivation ™ and I seriously wonder how come every kpop idol is not passing out on stage every single day. Yeah I know there’s a lot of videos of idols passing out on stage, but the actual instances of this throughout the years happening is very low compared to the sheer number of groups and performances!! and there’s NO WAY that just “iv drops” keep them going. And yes, I know you have a post about drugs on kpop but you didn’t mention drugs and eds and I want to know about that, specifically

(btw i think it’s amazing that literally everything you said on that drugs post was proven true eventually lmao. have you ever thought of doing a part 2 of it? its my favorite post of yours after the t-ara vs aoa jelly wresting fanfiction one)

(btw x2 i kinda wanted to ask you to censor Wonyoung’s name because i don’t want that fucking pedo freak who lashed out at you for putting a pic of Olivia Hye “when she was still a kid” *shudders* in the latest boobs post to also lash out at me for talking about a minor’s eating disorder but like whatever, they can go fuck themselves and maybe get some help while they’re at it)

It’s impossible to get anyone who is a celebrity to talk candidly about drug use in the Korean pop scene, for obvious reasons.  In the western music scene where I live it’s generally methamphetamine (ice, crystal meth) and use is really common.  However this varies by country a little, and eating disorders where I live are a little less common, far from unheard of, but not specifically music industry related fore the most part simply because the pressure to be skinny specifically for media consumption isn’t as extreme here.  Some sneaky anonymous caonimas do talk to Kpopalypse about drugs in the Korean scene from time to time though, and your suspicions are correct that these kids certainly aren’t “high on life”.  However nobody has spoken to me directly about the relationship between drug use and eating disorders in the Korean scene, I’m still waiting for that particular email.  Note that the ‘about’ page has now been updated with a new more secure email address for anyone who wishes to enlighten me and help make drugs post part 2 happen, but make sure you can prove your sources and statements to not just me but also my readers, because the lack of shareable evidence is the main reason why I don’t post about these issues more often.

Hiya. It’s been about a year of intermittently sending QRIMOLE questions and asking friends and family for advice on a particularly long-standing and waning friendship I’ve had, and I think I’ve finally at a point where I want to cut this individual out of my life point blank. We started out fairly close friends with shared interests in quietness and even a garden variety of sportball, but as we got older, especially manifesting in the latter, we just weren’t able to continue talking with each other despite my efforts. Somewhere along the line, I used to feel some kind of satisfaction for always being the person to initiate text conversations or ask why he didn’t join me and my friends Friday night or just retaining any kind of optimism for his character, but now I’d say I was pretty fucking delusional in thinking I was taking the high road for beating the figurative dead grass mud horse. We live 10 minutes out, and theoretically he’s always a phone call away, but we have so little regulated interaction with each other that now, I think he’s been done with me since last summer.
The question I wanted to ask: How do you go about with removing someone from your life? We’re already almost entirely separated physically and socially, which is probably most of the tough work done, but the logistics of avoiding contact fully with someone mutual friends, or even I, might invite to a party just for the sake of being casual seem difficult in a practical situation. Everything’s too wishy-washy to bother caring anymore (like IU said in Love of B: Can’t make things boiling hot or completely cooled / The temperature is at a lukewarm state), and right now, I just really want to find a way out of this constant mental state of worrying about some insensitive fucking cunt whose life’s goal has become impersonating the mental doltishness of a teenage fuckboy (in my eyes, one thing he’s actually managed to do successfully).
P.S. From the recent survey of caonima action: I never knew that the Hillsong musical group was founded in a financially shifty Australian megachurch. The catholic school I went to for elementary always made us (with all grade levels K-8) perform choreo to some shoddy religious song, and I always saw the name Hillsong but never thought to research. Learn something new every day.
P.P.S. I also never knew GoFundMe was a for-profit business. Unrelated to this blog, but just something I learned recently.

If I don’t want someone in my life I just don’t contact them, at all, ever… and if they contact me I ignore it completely.  Easy.  No need to make anything awkwardly “official”, just reciprocate the total ignoring that’s been happening and your entire problem is done and dusted in one easy step.  Sure if they stroll up at a mutual friend’s party and want to chat to me I won’t brush them off or be rude, I will talk to them… but I won’t put in any effort to prolong the conversation.  (Mind you all of the above is also sometimes how I behave to people who I actually like, hopefully they know the difference.)

Hillsong are well known in Australia and probably the closest thing that Australia has to the wacky evangelical stadium-filling Christian event culture in the USA.  Our deluded incompetent prime minister Scott Morrison is part of their cult.

I didn’t know about GoFundMe either, but then I’ve never used the site to give or receive.

Greetings Grandpopalypse,
Not a question but I found this neat site where an AI bot judges your music taste
It kind of reminded me of oppar, perhaps some caonimas will find a bit of fun from it.

I don’t use Spotify or Apple music but I’ll leave this here for the benefit of those who do.

Mamamoo’s MoonByul drinks 2 bottles of soju to sleep, iKON’s JinHwan drinks bottles of wine by himself, Monsta X’s I.M drinks large quantities of whisky alone in his room and there are many other idols who are known for consuming large quantities of alcohol. Monsta X are sponsored by Ballantine’s and it annoys me so much because of the hypocrisy. The “Drink Responsibly” disclaimer is meaningless when the people advertising the product are heavy drinkers or even borderline alcoholics. Why is it that idols are expected to have such clean images for everything but not booze?

I think this has a lot to do with the drinking culture in Korea.  They’re almost as fucked up over there as Australians.  Understandable given the quality of the alcohol they consume casually, honestly if someone introduced me to flavoured soju instead of beer and wine when I was a teenager, it’s much more likely that I would have started drinking at that time.

Which kpop idol do you think will suicide first this year? I bet for former AOA’s member Mina 😉

To answer the question that you should have asked instead of this one, isn’t it funny how k-pop fans are all very supporting of idols’ mental health struggles until those struggles actually start crossing into very extreme life-threatening territory and then previously supportive people either turn on the idols as pariahs, revert to basic trolling, or just nope out completely because they don’t want to deal with it.  This is an important and serious subtext of my generally less serious post about Osshun Gum which I’m glad to notice that some people picked up on.  There’s no rules and no laws when it comes to the extremities of what’s possible during the throes of mental illness, so protests about “oh [x] isn’t acceptable” etc make no sense.  Someone experiencing an extreme mental health event often may not even have access to their basic morality as a frame of reference at that moment, so using that as a stick to beat them over the head with achieves nothing.

Which kpop girl idol do you think is more into BDSM?

Probably IU and she would unquestionably be a dom, as would 99.9% of female k-pop idols who were into BDSM.

Do you consider yourself mentally unstable?

No.

Do you think Giselle is the most fuckable girl in Aespa?

The last girl who SM debuted who was actually my type was Sulli.  Nobody from there has interested me much since then.

Hello! I hope you’re fine. I hope you don’t mind if I ask your opinion about something that happened recently (I had already hinted a part of this on Retro Spring, but it needs some details).

So, a couple months ago, I met this guy on Grindr and we started chatting and even sending nudes for a few weeks. He was pretty cool, until he sent me a Telegram sticker and, when I clicked on it, a bunch of Hitler and Mussolini stuff popped up. Now, I can handle some black humour (I’m a reader of yours, after all), but those stickers put me off, because that’s definitely not something I would joke about; however, I decided to give him the benefit of the doubt and just politely tell him I’m not into that sort of thing.

Fast forward to a few weeks later: I told him about a friend of mine who was having panic attacks, and his answer was “I don’t know her so I can’t give advice, but next time you see someone with depression etc, run!” As someone who struggled with depression for a few years and has met several people who did as well, such an answer was a huge shock for me, even though he later added “everyone struggles in their own way so do what you can but don’t force her etc” (he probably realised he was talking to a very sensitive person). I asked him why he said that, and his only answer was “it’s just a joke, don’t mind me”. I wasn’t going to settle for that, so I made it clear that I didn’t like it, and he just said “sorry 😅” (smiling face with a sweat drop). Maybe he was genuinely sorry, but that emoji made it sound like “yeah whatever, I apologise just so you’ll shut the fuck up”. And let’s not forget he actually studies psychology in university! He justified himself by saying his course hadn’t covered depression yet or whatever, but even someone as dumb as me can figure out it’s a bullshit excuse – anyone with a brain knows how to handle depression better than that.

After that, I decided not to talk to him again; however, since things were going so well until that point, I recently spent a lot of time wondering what could have been if I had continued chatting, especially because he would have liked to see me in person and it was just the distance that held him back all that time. I mean, we were just nudes buddies, but there was some potential for a serious relationship – conversations with him flowed much more naturally than with anyone else and we even had similar humour. Besides, around a week ago, he posted a TikTok on his stories that gave advice on how to take care of a friend with depression, and the advice was obviously the exact opposite of that “joke”, so maybe he noticed his mistake? (Or was it just a strategy to see if I would have answered his stories again?) But, on the other hand, that one mistake really ruined the whole thing. Yeah, we never talked about making things between us evolve (we only chatted for a month overall), but even if we just stayed friends, what if he was actually capable of running away if I got depressed again?

I’m probably thinking too much about this, but it’s that “what could have been” factor that doesn’t let me go. What do you think about this? Does he deserve a second chance? Or should I just add him to my ever-expanding list of lost causes?

Thank you in advance for your help and for all you do for your readers here, the world is a much better place thanks to you ❤

I think he knows he fucked up in terms of pushing the wrong buttons with you.  Whether you give him another chance is up to you, and who knows if he’d even go for it or not, but he’ll probably do things like this again in the future.  Not out of any malicious intent, but just because he sounds like he’s someone who just has weird or very immature humour and that’s something which doesn’t necessarily change overnight about a person, even if he makes a concerted effort to change he’s probably still going to slip back into what’s comfortable for him out of habit.  It’s not a crime to have weird or very immature humour, and it doesn’t mean he’s necessarily a bad person overall (he may or may not be), but just be aware that it’s going to be part of the package with this guy, whether that’s something you can live with or not isn’t for me to say because it’s just down to your personal tolerances for such things.  It seems like you do click on a fair few other levels, so there could be something there worth a shot, but it just depends on how extreme he gets vs how much you can handle/want to put up with.

Do you have any tips for discovering new music? I find myself listening to the same old shit over and over again. But when I think, “Hey. I really need to find some new music.”, I kind of sit there in decision paralysis on what to look for first. I’m a recovering k-pop stan who listened to 90% k-pop for the last few years and the massive amounts of crap in roundup is finally starting to take a toll on me.

One thing I do is go to YouTube, play videos I already like, and then click on suggestions I’ve never heard of.  Sometimes that gets other artists in a similar genre, sometimes it’s stuff that isn’t but is just way way out there instead.  YouTube used to be better for this than it is now, but it’s still not terrible and will throw out something interesting from time to time.  Also threads where people talk about their favourite music on forums etc can be useful just for getting names to search up, you might not like what’s suggested but search long enough and you might find something cool that’s related.

What do you think of laws that forbid underage people from having sex? Do you think they are beneficial?

Well they certainly don’t stop anybody.  On one hand, speaking as an adult now, I certainly don’t think underage sex is a good idea, but that’s easy for me to say nowadays – when I actually was underage, I wanted to have sex a great deal, as did pretty much everyone I knew!  No underage sex ever actually happened to me at the time (I was nearly 23 when I finally had sex) but I still definitely wanted it and I’m not sure that any law would have stopped me if an actual opportunity did arise.  So I don’t think laws like that are very practical BUT I do recognise the need to say to young people “waiting until you’re older is a good idea”.  Would they listen though?  Ultimately I feel like this comes down to the quality of parenting, rather than a legal issue.  But then can you rely on every parent to be responsible, probably not – what do you do when the parents are shit and just don’t care, having some legal benchmark is surely a benefit.  I guess it’s complicated.  Just as well I’m not a politician or a lawmaker and I don’t have to think about this kind of stuff too hard.

So i’ve heard that men are more appearance oriented and women are more resources – oriented when it comes to mates, and i’ve also heard both men and women being equally appearance oriented. Plus guys online seem to be turned off by unwaxed girls even if its just limbs, plus i have been discreetly made fun of in public for having unwaxed underarms (which ive waxed now cuz social pressure). Now i see nothing wrong with retaining our natural body hair unless it causes offensive body odour (which only happens in the …. hairier areas not the limb hair). But with this kind of society i sometimes feel depressed cuz it makes me think that the majority of people are fucking cruel cunts. I know that i’ll have to fit in in a shitty world, but i still feel bad about this shitty society. Probably im more affected cuz i dont have any actual friends, people around me are nice to me but i feel like what if they don’t actually care and are only putting up appearances. I am lucky enough to be norn in a well off enough family, plus i look good enough appearance wise, but i really need this world to have more open minded and kinder people. Because im probably afraid of living among cruel cunts. Plus im afraid i’ll have to end up with some shallow cunt of a man.

Any advice for not getting weighed down by our shitty society? And how to becone wordly wise and not be taken advantage of especially at work ? And how to do social networking as a shut in clueless introvert who is only recently waking to the importance of networking and being proactive in preparing for a good career? Especially in a highly communally charged country like India with its fucking extremist unethical rioting and politics and social divisions.

I’m probably the wrong person to ask about socialising given that I’m probably the biggest introvert that ever was introverted… but then maybe not, as I had to force myself to socialise somewhat.  I will give you the following dot points, do with as you wish:

  • Men and women are both appearance oriented.  Women tend to express it differently, due to different socialisation, but the basics are pretty much the same.  The real difference is that women have more social pressure around appearance, which I don’t need to tell you, you’re feeling it right now.
  • Men and women are both resources oriented, but again the difference is social pressure – for men the social pressure to be the money-maker/provider (even if a lot of women don’t want that) is as extreme as the social pressure on women to be attractive in that society-rubber-stamped way (even if a lot of men don’t want that).
  • Most girls I’ve been with had either some or all of their body hair intact and I didn’t mind.  Less hair in certain regions makes certain activities somewhat easier but there’s no other beneift or drawback from my point of view.
  • Be aware that body hair performs the practical function of absorbing body toxins, and that shaving it to be “cleaner” is actually the reverse, it’s less hygenic to not have that buffer.  If you’re concerned about body odour, just wash more. 
  • Your body should please yourself first and foremost.  Other people’s concerns are always secondary.  No exceptions to this.
  • Expecting the world to be nicer in general, well we can all dream of that, but it could be a bit of a fruitless thing to pin your hopes on.  However you can expect the world to be nicer to YOU, and do something about it by surrounding yourself with the kind of people who will comply with that, and cast aside the others where possible.
  • Not being taken advantage of is partly luck, but it’s also partly not looking or acting like the kind of person that it’s easy to take advantage of.  I don’t want to say “it’s your fault” (because it’s not) but if you project the kind of confidence that makes men back off, many of them will.  Assholes look for easy targets, not a fight.
  • “Fake it until you make it” is a valid socialisation strategy for introverts.

Hey, just advice rant kinda thing.

I’m a junior in college and I’m super introverted. Yet, I’ve worked hard, I have earned myself a lot of acquaintances, friends, and I have like 2 or 3 super close ones. Yet, I still find myself lonely. Also, I’m often paranoid that I’m really weird and no one “actually” likes me. Since I have a hint of social anxiety I’m trying to get over, I still struggle to put myself out there. The big point is, I think no matter how many people I hang out with, I’ll always think, it’s not enough. Those people over there are always hanging out together. Those people are dating, I’m jealous. I don’t hang out with people enough, I need more friends.

What do you think, is it just in my head? Do people always hang out with others like always? Or am I just misinterpreting life? Do you have any advice for this lonely I’m not enough feeling?

You only think other people hang out all the time, because every time that YOU see them, they’re hanging out.  You don’t see all the other stuff.  I used to think that my girlfriend was a mega extrovert because I’d always see her out and about, having a good time.  Then we moved in together and 13 days out of 14 she’d be hanging around at home doing not much. 

Tsuki from Billlie seems to be quickly encroaching upon Chuu’s cute girl job market… will she be mysteriously disappeared from the face of kpop like Kokoro from Cherry Bullet when orbits started comparing her to Chuu OR has Chuu’s power over the Industry been too damaged by souring relations with mafia cutout BBC

I think with Elon Musk taking over Twitter he’s got a bit too much on his plate right now to send his goons after the Chuualikes.

How does one deal with slut shaming? It’s not affecting my life in a significant way but it’s still mildly bothersome.
I think it’s especially funny when you haven’t actually done anything besides make out but everyone seems to know what happened better than those involved. Still, I don’t think you can really convince people once they’ve made up their minds so I don’t bother.
How do you take the situation in stride?

That’s the correct attitude.  Just do what John McAfee did, and run with it.

People were accusing him of all sorts of fanciful things, so he made a video where he just plays into what everybody wanted to believe he was.  He explains it here:

I do the same thing.  For all the mud that I throw at others, I’m probably harsher on myself than anybody.  People think I’m an asshole and I have no desire to correct them.  Let them believe whatever they want to believe.  They’ll find out the truth eventually… or maybe they won’t.  What does it matter?  As long as I’m having a good time and doing what I want to do, and perhaps helping a few people along the way, I don’t care about what others think.  Not everybody is always going to like you (and especially if you’re in the public eye), no point trying to make the impossible happen.

So basically i’m pretty messed up right now – falling grades, no friendships and i dont feel like people will like me and am anxious about myself, how people perceove me and whether I’ll be able to achieve abything and lead a good life and care for my family (my mother is in her 50s and though she does care for me I don’t want to open up to her since I did in the past but went overboard and lashed out, again i don”t kbiw whose fault this is) plus internet addiction 5 – 6 hours daily easily. Now this is a result of both nurture (family unstable and sone of them made me feel completely alienated, unworthy and guilty) and nature. But i don’t know whom to blame, i swing between blaming myself and lashing out at family and go overboard. I want to open up to someone but in India people could use that against you and not want to associate with you.
Please give me tips to feel like I’ll be able to achieve stuff, make true friends and live a good life. I procrastinate a lot due to anxiety. And also general tips for finding good friends, getting a good job and feeling hopeful about my future.

So, basically solve all your problems, okay then.

Finding friends – fuck trying to impress popular people, they all suck.  Instead, find someone that you know, who everyone hates, who is being shat on all the time, who is a bullying victim or who nobody wants to associate with, and befriend that person.  You’ll have a true friend for life, guaranteed.

Getting a good job – experience matters, but skills matters more.  What can you do?  “Nothing” – bullshit.  Everyone can do something.  The key is transferrable skills, and everyone has them, even people from unfortunate backgrounds.  The skills you learn being abused in a hostile family situation can teach you how to keep your cool in a high pressure job where everyone else around you is freaking out.  The skills that you learn buying, transporting and selling drugs can be transferred to buying, transporting and selling any other type of product you can name.   The skills you learn from traveling with a group of homeless people trying to find money and staying alive can be transferred into human resources management and life coaching.  Etc etc.  You just need to convince someone to give you a go – which can be hard, that’s another post.

Hope about the future – there’s a lot of problems, but life sucks far less now than it did when I was growing up.  It’ll probably be even better in the future, because every day there’s people working on the problem of how to make life more awesome.  As long as Putin’s ego doesn’t being about nuclear armageddon, we’ll be right, although the more I think about it, the more I think that Putin could run out of options and try to do the nuclear thing at some point out of sheer desperation, so hopefully he’s as bad at that as he is at conventional war and his aging nuclear stockpile doesn’t launch properly, here’s hoping.

I entered a loona group chat in my country for the sole purpose of selling a couple of official posters from the Hi High-Butterfly eras because I don’t have space to put them up, but I guess I picked a bad time because Loona is on Queendom 2 so for the last month it has been wall to wall posts about STREAMING and VOTING and they literally @ you to ask for a daily screenshot with a watermark so they can know you are contributing to The Cause™ and if You Don’t Stream Loona they will get last place and they WILL get kicked out from the competition (ha, as if) and frankly I am so fucking annoyed because I just want to sell my damn posters/there are groups whose performances I enjoyed more than Loona’s *gasp* the horror! …but also I feel slightly guilty?

Because apparently the only reason Loona even made it into that reality show is because fans really did grind hard to give them a music show win and they make you feel like you don’t have a right to celebrate or even feel happy for Loona’s successes if you, personally, weren’t wasting away your life performing repetitive tasks to artificially increase views. And when AJ posted the news for Queendom 2 he certainly did sound extremely bitter at Dreamcatcher’s fandom’s lack of commitment to voting for music shows because they rightfully know that shit doesn’t matter but there was this feeling of “if only we had a win, DC could’ve been on the show” but also, if mnet really wanted DC on the show they could’ve easily given them a win and shoehorn them in anyways like they did with Viviz+Kep1er?? plus they have additional shows for boybands who don’t have wins so surely they would make a girlgroup version so this is all really stupid.

But I still feel slightly guilty even though I remain committed to NEVER become a bot and I will never do artificial streams. I used to be confident in my convictions because I have been a longtime follower of Kpopalypse dot com and have devoured all his articles, so I had realized music shows with their minus zero ratings were useless but now it seems it’s no longer the case and The Industry® does consider them a bit useful? plus I remember Sorn talking about how the shitheads at Cube would measure CLC’s performance as a group by their lack of wins, so as a fan you feel like giving them a win could make their lives a bit easier and save them from their companies’ unjust misogyny and mistreatment?

Not to mention! youtube changes its methods all the time to prevent stans from doing this so nowadays you have to follow a lot of draconian rules (you must watch the video in high quality and with the volume turned all the way up and you can’t copy paste a link but search it manually etc etc etc etc ETC….). This is so so stupid. How do you even know if your views are actually being counted or not? You can’t!
also yes I am in other group chats for girlgroups and they’re all like this to a degree, they do nudge you to stream and vote though maybe in a less aggressive way

STILL THOUGH, how do I stop feeling bad/guilty? I’m yeeting myself out of that group chat as soon as I sell my stuff but can you offer some uplifting words?

Here’s some uplifting words – fuck these fucking dickheads.  Fandoms are a cult, they are dens for promoting deranged thinking and they can all fuck off, yes all of them, even the ones for the groups you like.  Plus the entire industry sucks and can lick my balls.  Don’t worry about award shows and shit.  Sure, the companies worry about it, because they have to for promotional purposes, but you don’t have to.  Your favourite idols will be mistreated anyway, whether they win on these shows or not, your fave is still pretty much getting fucked in the ass either way.  If you think these companies will go easier on them and give them equal rights just because they get an award win, think again – now that they’ve proven they can compete with other groups the company will probably just push their noses to the grindstone even harder to milk every last drop out of their success before it dries up.  Also nobody really knows the YouTube rules, everything that fans write about this is just speculation, so don’t take any of that bullshit too seriously.  Fandom culture is a game where the only winning move is not to play.

Hi oppar! I’m the person from the Jeongyeon question from last month. I appreciate your answer and I definitely agree that an unwillingness to properly dress idols with non-skeletal bodies is a big factor on bad styling, but I’ve noticed even skinny idols get this treatment, even Jeongyeon before going on hiatus got saddled with either the ill fitting tomboy concept or with clothes that looked really ????? like her Fancy era clothes which weren’t super ugly but also I would’ve never imagine Sana or Nayeon wearing those so I would like you to elaborate a bit more on this (it doesn’t even have to be centered on Twice, I’m just curious about your insights) maybe a future subject of Kpopalypse fashion class?) thanks in advance!

Noted for a future fashion class.

OPPAR I SAW YOU IN A DREAM! for some reason you were visiting my country and didn’t have a place to say so you were staying at my boyfriend’s house (which is where i usually stay as a caonima college student who treats the dorms more like a motel). we were hanging out in the living room and stuff. i’ve been reading this site for at least 6-7 years now so you have officially grounded yourself in my subconscious as a permanent entity. thank you for being every reasonable former-but-not-really k-pop fan’s favorite oppar! if you ever do end up visiting turkey i understand why you wouldn’t want to stay at a stranger’s place but i can still find you a nice hotel and recommend you good restaurants! stay healthy and cunty!

Cheers, will keep this in mind if I ever visit!  Your dream is actually pretty close to reality because even though I’ve never been to your country I’ve definitely slept over at a lot of strangers’ houses, that’s pretty much what touring in a punk rock band is like, you sleep on couches and floors a lot that belong to people you only met 15 minutes ago because you can’t afford hotels a lot of the time.

Hi, Kpopalypse, as a Caonima I want to ask something crush-related.

So there is a dude from my friend group on whom I kinda had a crush ever since the second time we met. I think we had some chemistry, and he liked me at least as a person. When we went out several times as a group, the two of us often lagged behind and talked, I could make him laugh, and went home together after the outings, cause we were living on the same direction.

But others noticed this from the group and they started to tease him about me, so he started avoiding me lol, not coming to outings I also go. I only recently realized this avoidance, because the last time we talked was at a party in December, and then I went home (we live in separate cities, as I go to his city to go to university) and I had my problems to deal with, so I didn’t care about him, and I came to know about these teasing very recently.

I returned to university in February, and now he doesn’t want to be seen with me. But once I was alone in the city and we randomly come across each other he came to talk to me immediately, he behaved the same way as I last talked with him in December.

Now I don’t know what should I do. Kinda hurts that he’s avoiding me when it’s not my fault that he was teased, I am shy and quiet so I was super careful (I texted him once, after that party in December, nad I only told my feelings to my best friend).

I mean why does he even give a shit about it. All I want is to talk to him since I enjoy his company, and before all this shit, he seemed to enjoy mine as well (part of the reason he was teased about me, as everybody was sure he likes me back, and we will end up together lol).

So my question: do you think I should try to talk with him, like normal adults, and ask him if he has any problems with me and ask him not to punish me at least as I won’t force him if he doesn’t reciprocate my feelings, I can move on.

Or if I shouldn’t ask him, since my best friend said that guys don’t really like explaining themselves, and just rather avoid the mess lol.

and then

Hi again oppar, I’m the one who asked about a crush who is avoiding me, because he was teased about me. Sorry for spamming, but I couln’t wait for this qrimole and I asked him if he’s really avoiding me. He said no, but I don’t believe him, I mean he asked my best friend to not to invite me if he’s there, and he’s not coming to a trip in summer just because of me. And my best friend told this to me and I believe her so I guess I just let it go lol.

Yeah just drop it.  You deserve someone who will actually be straight with you and not tell you bullshit.

Hi Kpopalypse,
I’ve been occasionally listening to Dreamcatcher over the past few months as they’ve deservedly gotten more and more attention, and a lot of their titles sound *fantastic*. There’s only one problem: by the time I finish listening to a track, I usually end up with migraines/a bad headache. 😥 In particular, in songs such as “Scream” or “BEcause”, it always feels like something is constantly hitting the back of my head, and it is *NOT* a good feeling — sometimes I even feel like throwing up! Is there a musical explanation for this? And, more importantly (I’m assuming most fans don’t end up with headaches), is there a way to mitigate this, if this is a problem for you at all? I guess this is also why I normally listen to more “stripped-back” genres…

When we hear sound it’s not just our ears that hear it.  Sound is literally vibration, and sound waves actually vibrate your whole body.  “Heavier” music is music where the vibrations feel more impactful, although they’re not necessarily (i.e it’s a psychoacoustic response), but it’s hard to know what you’re responding to exactly.  Perhaps listen to some different types of metal and see if you can identify the exact noise that is causing the issue.  Maybe something like this will give you some clues, if you compare it to how you react to Dremcatcher:

Mind you feeling very irritated, like having a literal headache after one song, seems abnormal, especially when you like the actual music (so therefore bias can be ruled out).  Might be worth telling a doctor about this.

Recently an idol I am a fan of went on a long vacation, and *surprise surprise* returned with changes to his most unique/interesting facial features. This is the first time that this has happened with an idol group I’ve really liked, and I’m finding myself surprisingly upset and disappointed. To be honest, he’s in a group that has only occasional good songs, but the members are attractive and funny so I follow them. Now I feel like I’ve wasted my time because the group is way less interesting when the members have been homogenized. Is there a way to get over this? Or will I just have to grieve as I’m experiencing this and find a new group hahaha. I’m also curious as to your experience with this phenomenon, which I’m sure you’ve experienced as someone who has followed a lot of groups? I guess having a high standard for music in groups may soften this kind of crash… but he was really unbelievably handsome before

lol I can’t believe I’m actually writing this, it seems ridiculous to be so affected by such a small and common thing in the entertainment industry.

I can relate – when Raina went in for her tenth round of IUification I was bummed out.  I think it’s fine to say “I liked looking at a person, so when they changed their appearance I liked looking at them less, because this person used to be at the top of my list so any surgery would be an obvious mistake because the only way you can go when you’re at the top is down”.  It doesn’t affect my experience of the music though so I don’t really care that much, and people are entitled to do whatever they want with their looks, but the overall blandification of culture generally is the real sticking point.  I like people who have unique appearances, and it sucks to lose uniqueness on an individual, the “idols I don’t like much” posts that I do are filled with people who had all the same surgery in all the same places.  Yes I completely understand both the business and personal reasons why people do this, and they have every right to do it, but that doesn’t mean I have to also like it.

I wanted to pass on this article about reality TV shows. I have trouble imagining that this is the worst of them

I couldn’t read your article because it was paywalled so I have no comment on it.  Don’t link paywalled articles please.

So oppar,
How would you rank these health problems from most urgent to least urgent:
– Horrible menstrual cramps ever since I’ve had a period
– Hemorrhoids, ass fissures and bleeding, been going on for a while
– Mental health issues, possibly anxiety
– Sugar addiction and an extremely sedentary lifestyle, thankfully i’m not overweight yet
I’m genuinely really busy with university crap and I don’t know what’s best to tackle first. What do you think? Can’t really ask anyone irl

Tackle them all at once because they’re probably at least semi-related.  Go see a doctor and spill about the lot.  See what comes out of it.

Do you think that Kpop will release a worse song than the little Psy one?

Not sure.  It’s theoretically possible.  Imagine if “Show Time” also had trap in it.  There’s always a lower level to which one can go.

I’m very happy because I got tickets to see one of my favourite artists live (she recently released additional tour dates. I missed the first round because they all sold out within seconds, which made me quite sad). I’ve also never been to a concert before (besides school productions etc), so I’m excited! However, I don’t have any friends in my area who also like this artist, so I’m currently going by myself. I’m just wondering, should I try to find someone to go with (if it’s relevant I’m a girl and will be travelling to a city that I don’t live in to attend this concert)? Also any other advice to someone going to a concert for the first time?

Yes.  A post is coming soon.  Hopefully before you have to go!

On the travel safety aspect, I guess it depends on how dangerous the place is, you know where you’re going and I don’t so I’d suggest just seek general tourist advice.  Concerts generally speaking tend to be pretty safe, just watch your things and keep your wits about you and if there’s a “pit” at the front try to avoid it (standing off to the side usually works) and you’ll probably be fine.  More detail later.

I just found out members of Stellar say they we’re manipulated into a sexual concept. They say this is because the script they read said “roll around in bed and think about missing your boyfriend, then drink some milk”. And the director told her to spill a bit of milk. They went along with the scene because she thought the character is drinking milk because she is thirsty. Then when they watch the music video, they are SHOCKED at how sexual it is. The member says to this day, she can’t bring herself to drink milk.

This is one of their examples on how they were manipulated into a sexual concept.
But what I don’t understand is how you only realize they’re making a whore out of you AFTER the music video is done.

Look at the dance, they are rubbing their ass, droppin it low, shaking their butt. They surely had to rehearse this dance exhaustingly prior. How did they not spot that then? If they only realized it after, that seems pretty naïve to me. But alas, they were young girls. They may not developed a skill to stand up for themselves yet. but Like I can NOT believe they went along with it that long. How can you not tell from the dance???

Well almost ALL dancing is sexual in some way.  Pop music is sexual, and always has been.  However it feels different when in rehearsal, and you’re right that they would have rehearsed it a lot – the key word here that you’ve used is “exhaustingly”.  When you’re rehearsing a dance, for hours a day, every day, no matter what the dance is, dancing itself doesn’t feel sexy at all, it’s actually just strenuous, it feels like exercising and stretching, not like having sex.  That even goes for obviously sexualised dances like twerking, that motion obviously implies sex but it’s not really what sex is like in reality, it’s actually a whole lot MORE of a workout than sex is.  And a HUGE amount of dancing to pop music has “dropping it low” kind of moves in it, that stuff is completely normalised in pop music these days.  The Marionette dance probably isn’t that different to a lot of the other cover dances that the girls were learning in rehearsals, or before they became trainees, it certainly doesn’t look that much more risque once you take away those outfits. 

The outfits of course, aren’t even all that revealing, but they are very suggestive, because they partly mimic the stockings-and-garter-belt look of girls in strip clubs.  Now if you were a young girl who hadn’t actually been to a strip club or seen footage from inside one, you probably wouldn’t know that, but the target audience sure knows it.  Same with the milk stuff, if you’re not someone who’s very plugged into internet culture and you don’t watch a lot of smut (and when would these girls even have time for that given that they would have spend years in training and even more years running the nugu idol treadmill, remember “Marionette” wasn’t their debut but was their 4th comeback or so) plus you don’t know where the camera is pointing… and then later on when you’re not around you’ve got someone behind closed doors carefully editing all your footage to highlight only the “sexiest” images possible… I get why it seems unlikely to a layperson, but as for me, someone who has been on music video shoots, I can completely see how the girls were fooled, I absolutely believe them. 

what’s going on with the drums here?

I don’t know what you mean.  They’re being played?  You might have to be a bit more specific.

Hello Kpopalypse Oppar, I’m the person who sent you question about A (my acquaintance). To be honest I had already resolved all the problems with them before you released the April QRIMOLE because I just could not wait to solve things but thank you for your advice anyway.
For this month, I want to ask how could you write the LOONAverse analysis article without being dizzy or feeling nauseous? I was surprised that you didn’t go with the “You are all stupid anyway, there is nothing hidden or make sense with LOONAverse” and attempted to write something different, but then how could you keep yourself sane and write that article (I’m serious). I was pleased with your citation. No wonder lecturers and professions have a hard on for them.

I have to admit that it was difficult, but when I started struggling with running the procedural generator plumbing the depths of my intellect, I just consulted my references for extra strength.

Speaking of which, JAV of the month is HZGD-216.

Hello, Mister Kpopalypse. I have another small Odosong for you! Incidentally, today’s Odosong poses a question:

筏師旣捨矣(벌사기사의)/
舟子何繫焉(주자하계언)/

Now that I have abandoned the big ship,/
how could I be bound to a small boat?/

Mister Kpopalypse-nim, I am not a Buddhist, and I would guess that you are neither. We haven’t “abandoned the big ship”, so to speak. Many people struggle with the small boats – things that make us unhappy but we cannot seem to get rid off. They get bitter over minor inconveniences, they spend time doing things that don’t really fullfil them, etc. What is your worldy, non-spiritual perspective: How can we not get tangled up in the small things at sea? Do we even need to get off the small boat if we don’t care about getting off the big ship in the first place?

I guess now I know what they were talking about in Jaws.

I’ll leave this here, I think this person has a good attitude.

Hello Apolypse. I’m currently having trouble with my dad, who’s an alcoholic dickhead who my mum has finally kicked out but insists that I have some relationship with for my soul or whatever. I’m an adult so she can’t actually force me but even though he has done a manner of fucked up and terrible things during my childhood and I know that I would be well within my rights to never see him again, I still feel bad that our relationship is in the toliet. I see him every Sunday because I visit my nan every Sunday and he’s sponging off her for the time being and our conversations are clipped and light and superficial bullshit. I am truly conflicted on whether I’m cool with this situation as it is cause I’m not sure I want to spill my guts to him (we didn’t have the strongest relationship to begin with and I can’t help but think that he’s disappointed that I didn’t turn out like his ideal version of a daughter) or if I want something more. I can’t help but think that at least some of my feelings are because of society pressures to always forgive and love your parents no matter what they do and that if you cut them off you’re the ungrateful unreasonable one which is obviously bullshit. How to deal with this?

If you’re thinking you might want to never see him again but aren’t sure about whether you want to go through with that, try seeing him less often.  Change the visits from once a week to once every two or three weeks and see how he reacts and how you feel about it, and whether you want to decrease it further or just say goodbye.  There’s many reasons why you might or might not want to cut off your family completely, but things might be more tolerable if it’s taking up less of your time.  Also if you do want to see your nan then it might be logistically tricky to cut him off completely in practice.  So my recommendation is just try experimenting with the frequency and length of visits, that’ll give you some feeling for where to go from there.

When i was in school some popular studious girls were making fun of this visibly overweight girl for being overweight. Well i told them that maybe she has some metabolic issue, even if the excess weight is her fault that doesn’t diminish her importance and potential to cobtribute in other ways and to improve, so stop making fun of her.

Needless to say i met jerks who made fun of people for their appearance or behaviour throughout my schooling. And seeing such people made fun of hurts me like hell. I currently believe that its not worth getting close to people cuz most of them are superficial cold hearted jerks and bitchy social climbers and hive minds with zero empathy or compassion. I don’t want to live in a world where people routinely shame and flanderize others like this. Such instances have made me develop a rather depressive, fatalist attitude towards life and people because these are moral values i cannot compromise on.

What is your advice for this ? I want to believe that there are genuinely sensible and moral people out there but i find that hard to believe.

A pretty accurate description of people to be honest.  It’s good to come to this realisation sooner rather than later.  I wish I knew people were cunts long before I did.

Not everybody is a dick though.  You just have to choose your allies carefully.

how do I come to terms with being ugly?

I’ve had a decent life despite my face – I have friends and a career and loving parents – but getting a partner or even romantic interest has just never happened, and I have eyes, so it definitely is my face holding me back. Many guys praise my personality and how good of a friend I am but that praise never, ever translates into romantic interest.

Most days I actually don’t give a fuck about the way I look but as a woman living in a country obsessed with marriage and finding a partner, it’s the outer pressure that kills me. I hate feeling like I’m letting my parents down by not being attractive enough to conform to society, if it makes sense.

Loads of people say “oh if you’re confident and secure in yourself, people will come to you” but how am I supposed to gain that confidence if nobody’s noticing me?

These are good questions.  Let’s be honest, most of us reading this, me included, aren’t going to ever be idols or pinups or anything, in fact I’m probably uglier than a lot of you reading this (just my age alone guarantees this).  However the way people carry themselves definitely DOES radiate attractiveness, or not, depending on how they do it.  You don’t gain confidence from other people noticing you.  You gain confidence by being secure in yourself and your abilities and qualities as a person.  For example – I routinely go out on stage in front of hundreds of people as part of my job as a contracted musician, and I’m very confident about doing so, I never have stage fright or any of that.  That confidence I have doesn’t come from what other people think, or what I think they might think, it comes from me absolutely knowing what I’m doing when I’m out there.  If I’m completely secure in my abilities and my craft, and I’ve rehearsed, and I have a contingency plan for anything that could go wrong, I have nothing to worry about, I’m fearless.  Being yourself and radiating an attractiveness that people might want to get into is just an extension of that idea.  Check this out:

Sakura Yoshida the guitarist from j-metal group Hagane is definitely a case of “not my type”.  Skinny, not any curves really, not exactly a pretty face either… but damn she radiates so much confidence and personality while she’s doing what she loves.  And EVERYONE looks 100% better when they smile.  I bet she gets guys/girls/trees/rocks/whatever interested in her all the time.  

Holy shit she’s good, here she’s so fantastic that she makes Daisuke Kurosawa sound boring, and Daisuke Kurosawa is anything but boring.  Suddenly despite all the odds being against her on a physical level, she is attractive to me.  She’s not even smiling in this one, she’s looking super serious and also has minimal makeup, she looks boyish frankly… but… I still stan.

So what I’m trying to say is, start a metal band.  But if you’d rather not do that, do something else cool, it doesn’t matter what it is as long as you’re really into it, and it puts you in front of guys from time to time.  The energy that people give off when they’re doing what they love is infectious and translates directly to attraction.  My girlfriend saw me on live stages and decided that I was attractive long before we even met face to face.  Do what you love, forget about society fucking bullshit expectation whatever because all of that can fuck right off, and just don’t worry about it.  If you do this right, opportunities will come to you, not overnight (it wasn’t overnight for me either) but certainly eventually.

How long did you typically take to write for every QRIMOLEs? Are you particularly impressed (or at least remember) any questions from QRIMOLE you have answered? Also how could you detached and deal with some questions that were too heavy in general? (questions related to topic such as abuse, suicide, bully, or tragic events?)

It takes about two solid days of writing to do each QRIMOLE, although this one went a little quicker than most just because I published the previous month’s QRIMOLE slightly late on purpose.  I don’t really remember any questions much from the past, as I don’t read over them once I’m done except quickly just to proofread my answers or if someone references an old one and I have to go look something up, there’s too many things to try and cram it in my brain and it’s all written down anyway so I can refer to it later of needed.  It’s all true to myself and how I felt at the time of answering that question so I don’t worry or ruminate about what I’ve written.  Questions that are very heavy, I try to look at it that when I was young, I was very troubled.  I would have loved a Kpopalypse to write to, someone with experience in life to help me out with the various issues that I had at the time (bullying, loneliness, depression, suicidal thoughts etc).  I didn’t feel like I could talk to my family about these things and I didn’t want to be a burden on people or cause them worry, and although I should have seen a doctor a lot sooner than I did, I was scared to go because I was worried about being locked up or other paranoid bullshit.  Eventually I found my own way through and did all the right things, but it was difficult at some points and with no guidance I made many missteps.  So just the feeling that I might be helping someone else to find their own way through life a bit better, that makes me happy even if their actual situation is sad.  I can’t solve everyone’s problems but that’s not really what I’m doing anyway, the people who are asking the questions are actually the ones solving their own problems, I can’t really take any credit for it.  I’m just trying to give them some perspective and maybe point them in some directions they might not have thought of, to help them figure things out and make their road a bit easier to travel.  I hope it works out for as many of them as possible!


That’s all for this month’s QRIMOLE!  This series will return next month!  In the meantime remember to light up Yongma Land!

Oh, and do you have a question that you’d like to see answered in the next episode of QRIMOLE?  If so, use the question box below, or if no box appears, click the Qri on the sidebar to open the box as a separate webpage!  Kpopalypse will return!