Welcome to Kpopalypse roundup!  It’s time to check out some new releases!

G-idle – Tomboy

Okay so G-Idle did something good, finally – and right after me saying “they never do anything good” in my Soojin post, too.  That’s fine, I’d rather be wrong and have a good song from them than be right and listen to their usual garbage.

Brave Girls – Thank You

Brave Girls are the latest to hop on the new disco thing and this attempt is actually decent.  All they had to do was dance in a line and not fuck anything up too much, and that’s what they did.

NMIXX – Tank

Instead of having a song that was a car crash of three different sounds, NMIXX have now picked a particular sound.  Just a pity they picked the worst of the three.

Park Bom with Kim Minseok of Melomance – Flower

Poor Bom consigned to wearing a feathery black tent and only being photographed far away because Koreans can’t handle her beauty.  Someone release the Bom curves!

Jay Park feat. IU – Ganadara

IU clearly was handed this lifeless R&B song and felt that an equally lifeless cardboard cutout was all she was willing to commit to the video.  At the end when she does finally get talked into appearing she’s even more lifeless still.

Kang Seungyoon – Born To Love You

Maybe the girl he’s singing about wouldn’t hate him so much if the song was better.

Kwon Eunbi – Esper

Just that Latin thing again, and Eunbi wearing the worst clothes imaginable as usual.  I suppose IZ*ONE’s redpilled incel fandom will like it because it looks like her dress has been half torn apart by zombies or whatever, but nobody normal is going to be into this.

TAN – Du Du Du

One of the better boy group songs I’ve heard lately, because it generally keeps the pace up and doesn’t do anything tonally stupid.

Omega X – Liar

It’s a YG ballad, the budget version.

Tempest – Bad at Love

In the better moments it sounds like a male version of Weeekly’s “After School“, but those better moments are fleeting and punctuated with a horrible hook and some hilariously stupid Autotune burps.

Rumble-G – Dear Hope

Rumble-G’s songs all seems to be about their own struggles as a k-pop group living life in eternal nugudom.  It’s kind of like that boy in class with zero self-confidence who begins his dating pitch to you with “I’m sure you wouldn’t go out with someone like me, but…” – damn right you wouldn’t.

Shadow – Dream

Future Idol agency continue to churn out another nugu group every month.  These groups are obviously not going to succeed, so this is, at best, some kind of Ark Music Factory type of situation.

Shaun feat. Yuna – So Right

Everyone talks about Shaun and chart-fixing but I always look forward to Shaun music videos because of the stock model footage, now that’s something that should be talked about more.

Cocona ft. Gyun – It’s All Done

Terrifying green screen use outweighs anything else about this rubbish.

Class:y – Surprise

The trend of schizophrenic arrangements with zero coherent melody beyond random nursery rhymes is gradually filtering down to the nugus, god help us.

Summer Cake – Not In Public

The Sulli/Yves/Hyolyn hybrid look of the performer here is a lot more notable than the sleepy song.

Nlve – omg, so what?

Better than I expected from a song sung while sitting down in a room with plants and a busted TV, but still, not great.

Makers feat. Minjae – Prism

Furries don’t want to be baby wolves with pacifiers and human nappies anymore, it’s 2022 and they want to be 1990s era computer monitors.

Kwon Gayoung, Jung Sungwoo – Sky Dive

Warning sign: when they write the supposed “genre” in the YouTube title

Glen Check – Sins

Definitely the best song I’ve heard from Glen Check, they’re giving me some serious N.O.M vibes here.  Glen Check/N.O.M dating news on the horizon?

Goya feat. Jayci Yucca – No Words

I had one of those small rectangular cathode ray TV scanner whatevers once, I didn’t even know what it did, I was just given it one day for no reason.  I ended up giving it to someone else for no reason who also didn’t know what it did.  If I knew there was a risk it could wind up in this video I probably would have hit it with a hammer.

Citibeck – Hentai

AAA idol group members have an excuse, they’re living inside a bubble that feeds ignorance.  Garage bands with less than a thousand YouTube views do not.  Get your microphone positioning right, please.

SSaW – Bravo My Life

If you’re still confused about the microphone thing, this old dude here can show you how it’s done.  It’s only after someone has been a 20-year veteran of the Korean music scene that they show you how to use the microphone, it’s like leveling up to OT3 in Scientology, that’s why cult leader JYP is all over this.

Kim Minkyu – Catch The Sun

Look at the terrifying traffic in the opening shot.  I swear I can see about three dead people in that traffic jam.  Do Koreans know how much their traffic traumatises us?

Yeeul feat. Minggyu – Y

A pretty cool bass texture starts this song off but it’s quickly buried under tons of reverby ballad syrup.

Sunwoojunga, Kang Seungwon – Spring Breeze

She’s never going to have a good song ever again, is she.  At least the video mrcs

Agenda – All That Jazz

What is this trend of combining hip-hop beats and bossanova guitar.  It’s like trying to have a song in 3/4 and 4/4 at the same time.  It never works, and it doesn’t work here either.

Heidi feat. Ikermano – Love is not easy

If you can afford an Apple laptop you can afford a better song.

Yerin Baek, Monica, Lip J – The Other Side

I don’t mind this trend of dancers who are not musically in the group being the main focus of a music video, it gives me something to watch while I’m getting bored to death, thanks Sia I guess.

CHE – Elevator Flow

Accurate song title of the week.

Kingston Rudieska – Sweet & Salty

With a band name like that I knew exactly what I was getting.  If anything it’s a bit too authentic for my taste.

L-THE – Scared

It’s funny how the gestures and expressions the guy makes in the music video were the exact same ones I had while listening.

JBPK – An Empiricist

Look at these guys playing their instruments like they’re stirring oatmeal.  How is this acceptable.

Na Hoon-A – Change

The guy with the swordfights from the other week is back and now he’s a spaceman or some shit.  Yeah you don’t want to miss this.

Impulse feat. Yuni.i – Go Up

Fu Yaning goes up – and this doesn’t.

Blase – New World

Listen to all those rimtaps on the track, this guy would destroy a drumstick before he even got a chance to put it up his ass even one time.

Homies – Broken Ferrari

You thought the previous two songs were bad…

Lee Bada – Lucid Dream

Another video where they’re fascinated with sparkles… and darkroom developing.  No, we don’t like these things. 

panda get dummy – Ain’t No Trip

Actually not bad, takes a little while to lock on to what’s actually happening but it’s worth the trouble.

Kyle Lo feat. Jword – Body Pt.2

When they gotta call the agency “talented” you know it’s a lie.

Sophia – The same, but not

The same, but it is.

ACTUALLY GOOD ROCK SONGS BY BANDS YOU’VE NEVER HEARD OF SECTION

Deadbuttons – Fuckers are everywhere

Only Chris P at Korean Indie has heard of Dirty Buttons, they are filed on his bookshelf right next to Gfriend and Viviz.

Rovxe – Noob

I was all prepared with my “they’re noobs alright” jokes but actually this is cool so maybe they’re actually smurfs in Korean music’s low ELO.

9001 – Zinnia

Also really cool.  I like it how all these groups are not super generic-pretty-looking but are trying their best.  These guys really tried hard with the idol makeup and styling to hide the fact they’re just some average looking dudes in a band, gotta appreciate the effort they put in.

puff:on – Crazy Love

While waiting for the stylists and artists to reapply the girls’ makeup in between takes on the latest Loona video set, the film crew just decided to grab instruments and jam out for a while to pass the time.

BONUS RANDOM VIDEOS OF THE WEEK

Yua Mikami – I held a fashion show of bikinis at home this year as well

Yua tries on lots of different bras and walks you through the various pros and cons.  Could be important information so I’d encourage you to watch all of this and not skip any.

Secret Garten – Spring One-Piece Lookbook

Here’s some more looks that might interest readers, now that we’re in spring/autumn.  Take notes.

Wonho – “Eye On You” photoshoot, behind the scenes

Look at the amount of effort that goes into making you one photobook so you can fap.  You wouldn’t want that effort to be wasted, would you?

---

That’s all for this week – but don’t forget – the Kpopalypse 2022 survey of important trufax is now live!  CLICK HERE to do the survey!  Kpopalypse roundup will return next week!