Welcome to Kpopalypse roundup! It’s time to check out some new releases!
G-idle – Tomboy
Okay so G-Idle did something good, finally – and right after me saying “they never do anything good” in my Soojin post, too. That’s fine, I’d rather be wrong and have a good song from them than be right and listen to their usual garbage.
Brave Girls – Thank You
Brave Girls are the latest to hop on the new disco thing and this attempt is actually decent. All they had to do was dance in a line and not fuck anything up too much, and that’s what they did.
NMIXX – Tank
Instead of having a song that was a car crash of three different sounds, NMIXX have now picked a particular sound. Just a pity they picked the worst of the three.
Park Bom with Kim Minseok of Melomance – Flower
Poor Bom consigned to wearing a feathery black tent and only being photographed far away because Koreans can’t handle her beauty. Someone release the Bom curves!
Jay Park feat. IU – Ganadara
IU clearly was handed this lifeless R&B song and felt that an equally lifeless cardboard cutout was all she was willing to commit to the video. At the end when she does finally get talked into appearing she’s even more lifeless still.
Kang Seungyoon – Born To Love You
Maybe the girl he’s singing about wouldn’t hate him so much if the song was better.
Kwon Eunbi – Esper
Just that Latin thing again, and Eunbi wearing the worst clothes imaginable as usual. I suppose IZ*ONE’s redpilled incel fandom will like it because it looks like her dress has been half torn apart by zombies or whatever, but nobody normal is going to be into this.
TAN – Du Du Du
One of the better boy group songs I’ve heard lately, because it generally keeps the pace up and doesn’t do anything tonally stupid.
Omega X – Liar
It’s a YG ballad, the budget version.
Tempest – Bad at Love
In the better moments it sounds like a male version of Weeekly’s “After School“, but those better moments are fleeting and punctuated with a horrible hook and some hilariously stupid Autotune burps.
Rumble-G – Dear Hope
Rumble-G’s songs all seems to be about their own struggles as a k-pop group living life in eternal nugudom. It’s kind of like that boy in class with zero self-confidence who begins his dating pitch to you with “I’m sure you wouldn’t go out with someone like me, but…” – damn right you wouldn’t.
Shadow – Dream
Future Idol agency continue to churn out another nugu group every month. These groups are obviously not going to succeed, so this is, at best, some kind of Ark Music Factory type of situation.
Shaun feat. Yuna – So Right
Everyone talks about Shaun and chart-fixing but I always look forward to Shaun music videos because of the stock model footage, now that’s something that should be talked about more.
Cocona ft. Gyun – It’s All Done
Terrifying green screen use outweighs anything else about this rubbish.
Class:y – Surprise
The trend of schizophrenic arrangements with zero coherent melody beyond random nursery rhymes is gradually filtering down to the nugus, god help us.
Summer Cake – Not In Public
The Sulli/Yves/Hyolyn hybrid look of the performer here is a lot more notable than the sleepy song.
Nlve – omg, so what?
Better than I expected from a song sung while sitting down in a room with plants and a busted TV, but still, not great.
Makers feat. Minjae – Prism
Furries don’t want to be baby wolves with pacifiers and human nappies anymore, it’s 2022 and they want to be 1990s era computer monitors.
Kwon Gayoung, Jung Sungwoo – Sky Dive
Warning sign: when they write the supposed “genre” in the YouTube title
Glen Check – Sins
Definitely the best song I’ve heard from Glen Check, they’re giving me some serious N.O.M vibes here. Glen Check/N.O.M dating news on the horizon?
Goya feat. Jayci Yucca – No Words
I had one of those small rectangular cathode ray TV scanner whatevers once, I didn’t even know what it did, I was just given it one day for no reason. I ended up giving it to someone else for no reason who also didn’t know what it did. If I knew there was a risk it could wind up in this video I probably would have hit it with a hammer.
Citibeck – Hentai
AAA idol group members have an excuse, they’re living inside a bubble that feeds ignorance. Garage bands with less than a thousand YouTube views do not. Get your microphone positioning right, please.
SSaW – Bravo My Life
If you’re still confused about the microphone thing, this old dude here can show you how it’s done. It’s only after someone has been a 20-year veteran of the Korean music scene that they show you how to use the microphone, it’s like leveling up to OT3 in Scientology, that’s why cult leader JYP is all over this.
Kim Minkyu – Catch The Sun
Look at the terrifying traffic in the opening shot. I swear I can see about three dead people in that traffic jam. Do Koreans know how much their traffic traumatises us?
Yeeul feat. Minggyu – Y
A pretty cool bass texture starts this song off but it’s quickly buried under tons of reverby ballad syrup.
Sunwoojunga, Kang Seungwon – Spring Breeze
She’s never going to have a good song ever again, is she. At least the video mrcs
Agenda – All That Jazz
What is this trend of combining hip-hop beats and bossanova guitar. It’s like trying to have a song in 3/4 and 4/4 at the same time. It never works, and it doesn’t work here either.
Heidi feat. Ikermano – Love is not easy
If you can afford an Apple laptop you can afford a better song.
Yerin Baek, Monica, Lip J – The Other Side
I don’t mind this trend of dancers who are not musically in the group being the main focus of a music video, it gives me something to watch while I’m getting bored to death, thanks Sia I guess.
CHE – Elevator Flow
Accurate song title of the week.
Kingston Rudieska – Sweet & Salty
With a band name like that I knew exactly what I was getting. If anything it’s a bit too authentic for my taste.
L-THE – Scared
It’s funny how the gestures and expressions the guy makes in the music video were the exact same ones I had while listening.
JBPK – An Empiricist
Look at these guys playing their instruments like they’re stirring oatmeal. How is this acceptable.
Na Hoon-A – Change
The guy with the swordfights from the other week is back and now he’s a spaceman or some shit. Yeah you don’t want to miss this.
Impulse feat. Yuni.i – Go Up
Fu Yaning goes up – and this doesn’t.
Blase – New World
Listen to all those rimtaps on the track, this guy would destroy a drumstick before he even got a chance to put it up his ass even one time.
Homies – Broken Ferrari
You thought the previous two songs were bad…
Lee Bada – Lucid Dream
Another video where they’re fascinated with sparkles… and darkroom developing. No, we don’t like these things.
panda get dummy – Ain’t No Trip
Actually not bad, takes a little while to lock on to what’s actually happening but it’s worth the trouble.
Kyle Lo feat. Jword – Body Pt.2
When they gotta call the agency “talented” you know it’s a lie.
Sophia – The same, but not
The same, but it is.
ACTUALLY GOOD ROCK SONGS BY BANDS YOU’VE NEVER HEARD OF SECTION
Deadbuttons – Fuckers are everywhere
Only Chris P at Korean Indie has heard of Dirty Buttons, they are filed on his bookshelf right next to Gfriend and Viviz.
Rovxe – Noob
I was all prepared with my “they’re noobs alright” jokes but actually this is cool so maybe they’re actually smurfs in Korean music’s low ELO.
9001 – Zinnia
Also really cool. I like it how all these groups are not super generic-pretty-looking but are trying their best. These guys really tried hard with the idol makeup and styling to hide the fact they’re just some average looking dudes in a band, gotta appreciate the effort they put in.
puff:on – Crazy Love
While waiting for the stylists and artists to reapply the girls’ makeup in between takes on the latest Loona video set, the film crew just decided to grab instruments and jam out for a while to pass the time.
BONUS RANDOM VIDEOS OF THE WEEK
Yua Mikami – I held a fashion show of bikinis at home this year as well
Yua tries on lots of different bras and walks you through the various pros and cons. Could be important information so I’d encourage you to watch all of this and not skip any.
Secret Garten – Spring One-Piece Lookbook
Here’s some more looks that might interest readers, now that we’re in spring/autumn. Take notes.
Wonho – “Eye On You” photoshoot, behind the scenes
Look at the amount of effort that goes into making you one photobook so you can fap. You wouldn’t want that effort to be wasted, would you?