POSITIVE post – Sitala (H1-key)

People around the Internets are always saying that Kpopalypse is mean, nasty, disagreeable, “the Jordan Peterson of k-pop” and things like that. Of course nothing could be further from the truth, so it’s time to prove that I am a nice person once again with another POSITIVE post where I pick a random k-pop person making headlines and spread the POSITIVE vibes! Let’s look at all the ways in which I feel POSITIVE about Sitala!

Reason to feel POSITIVE about Sitala #1 – she hasn’t debuted yet

If you don’t follow k-pop news closely, then you probably don’t know Sitala, and that’s because she hasn’t actually made any music yet. Sitala is a trainee under Grandline Group (GLG) Entertainment and her upcoming group H1-key is yet to actually release a song at the time of writing. That’s great, it means she hasn’t pissed me off with any trendy garbage music yet. Most of the k-pop debuts over the last few years have been:

horrible slow half-time beats in-your-area, emulating a certain more successful female group that PAVED THE WAY for that sort of thing
that godawful ‘latin’ sound, because it was popular in the west for about two months
trap breakdowns because sounding like some American who raps like he has balls in his mouth is what we want out of Korean pop music
R&B, the favourite music genre of rapists everywhere
toot toot fucking toot it’s Thomas the Tropical Tank Engine
did you notice dubstep’s been making a comeback lately? Oh what fun, get ready ears wubbbbbbb bzbzbzbzbzbz wub wubwubwubwub

Sitala has released nothing, which means that she’s also released nothing that sucks. Go Sitala! I realise that if she does actually make it to debut stage and releases a song (which isn’t certain) I might have to reneg on this point, but for now, we’re good.

Reason to feel POSITIVE about Sitala #2 – she’s not a tadpole

Have you noticed the increasing amount of whining from “woke” k-pop fans about how you shouldn’t debut k-pop girls before the age of 18, because apparently singing and dancing to Korean pop songs is on the same level of adulthood as being gangbanged in a porn film or something? Well, with Sitala you’ve got your wish, because she’s debuting at the ripe old age of… well, actually I couldn’t find her exact age out. One site said in 2019 that she was 23 years old in Korean’s bizarre age rules nobody understands where they just add extra years on for the hell of it, and another said she was born in 1996, (but then that site actually lists MBTI like it means something so I wouldn’t trust anything written there necessarily) and that’s about as close as I can get to any hard data here. However since the world of k-pop social networking seems to consider anybody under the age of 18 years to be a ‘tadpole’ and anyone over the age of 18 years and 1 day to be a ‘hag’, we can safely say that Sitala is sitting somewhere on the ‘hag’ end of the spectrum. This means that she can go straight for the sexy concepts right out of the gate and members of certain creepy k-pop subreddits that shall remain nameless so you don’t have to get out the eye bleach can masturbate over her pics “guilt-free” without having to do a quick “gosh she looks mature but is it really just the company being really good at makeup and photoshop” age check first (and yes, they do that), it also means that those people concerned about children entering the exploitative world of k-pop can sleep soundly knowing that it’s only an adult being exploited here instead which is totally fine.

Reason to feel POSITIVE about Sitala #3 – she’s pretty woke… for her age

Rather a few people have been a bit upset lately about Sitala debuting, because apparently Sitala’s late father supported the recent military coup in Thailand, and so she’s able to be the beneficiary of all that “coup money” or whatever (I don’t live there so I’ll admit that I don’t quite know how it works, but I presume if her parents are in good with the “coup people”, they might get the “coup money” from time to time). “Gosh, what’s that got to do with her? Like, how is that her fault?” you may ask. Well apparently she made a few pro-coup statements of her own, which understandably upset a lot of Thai fans who have been long-suffering with that kind of thing as there’s been lots of coups and political instability in Thailand over the years. The politics of all this are kind of complicated so I won’t get into it deeply (as I’m bound to make mistakes and fuck it up), let’s just overly simplify things for now and say that Sitala’s parents are on “team evil”.

These fans are a bit upset that Sitala gets to be a k-pop with all that “coup money” from her parents and also has said some things online supporting the coup, but wait a minute… let’s look at the dates when she said those things:

They’re cancelling her now for something she wrote in 2010? This is classic k-pop stan behaviour, trawling through someone’s past history of comments to try and find things to incriminate them for in the present day… 2010 was eleven years ago, Sitala would have been 14, maximum, possibly less given the conflicting data around her age. At 14 years old I didn’t even know that women had a front-hole, I thought that all sex was in fact anal sex (when I was growing up there was no sex education at that age and no porn availability either, we couldn’t just Google-search “Overwatch Mei creampie” like you can now) and I certainly had no idea about politics, I didn’t really understand the fuss about Margaret Thatcher at the time and I even thought Bob Hawke’s tears were faked, how ignorant was I. There’s no telling what other ignorant shit I would have believed at that age if I had parents who were directly teaching it to me while also financially supporting my lazy good-for-nothing ass, and if you know Asian parenting you know that going against your parents’ point of view on public social media especially when you’re still very young and under their roof isn’t a trivial matter.

Some of the other content is a bit more recent, but she’s probably still 17 years and 364 days and 23 hours and 59 seconds in this one, which according to k-pop fans, is still “a child”. K-pop fans have a massive double standard here, on the one hand insisting that k-pop artists are absolutely not adults until they are age 18 (because that’s the American threshold so therefore it must be the same everywhere else in the world too, American standards are apparently the only true and correct global moral standards), but then expecting them to be fully-formed adults in terms of their political opinions pretty much right back to when they’re still in diapers. Even if she was an adult though, so what – adults sometimes do change how they think, the stupid people in life aren’t the ones who change their opinion from time to time, they’re the ones who think they know everything already. I know, how crazy and radical, right? Imagine not being right all the time about absolutely everything and actually growing and changing as a person as you get older and learning new things. Controversial as it might seem, I’d be willing to give Sitala a little chance to reflect and mature here, especially now that her dad isn’t around to piss in her ear anymore about the virtues of dictatorships or whatever, she might have a reasonable chance to grow and change at this point so instead of cancelling her I think let’s give her some breathing room to figure things out. Consider this point retracted if she gets on social media next week and says “I just did a seance and Dad said you Red Shirts guys died so much in that coup thing lolz so random”.

Reason to feel POSITIVE about Sitala #4 – she’s the LGBT representation in k-pop you’ve been waiting for

Wouldn’t it be nice if there was a Korean pop idol who was part of a mainstream idol group that was freely able to just come right out and admit “yes I like same sex relationships” and spearhead that all-important LGBTIQXYZABC acceptable in k-pop? Yeah I know, there’s already Holland, Marshll and some others, but it’s different when an independent artist does it, where there’s less stakes at play, they can pretty much say whatever comes to mind because nobody is really listening and no big companies with sponsors have signed off on their future, so it doesn’t really challenge anything about the existing power structure of the Korean music business. What we need is someone in the idol domain to do this shit, where the stakes are high and whole companies can stake their future and live or die depending on the random sexual preference of some performer. Look no further than Sitala who has actually already said exactly as much before even debuting, you don’t get much more straightforward than “I like girls” at the moment. It’s now a race between Sitala and Chuu to see who can progress past the gay dog-whistling stage to the finish line by saying “when I said I ‘like’ girls, what I mean is I ‘really like’ girls”, as in “me likey likey likey 두근두근두근 heart heart“. She’s what you woke people all said you wanted, so now you’ve got her, try and be grateful.

Reason to feel POSITIVE about Sitala #5 – she’s friends with Sorn, and we all love Sorn

Everybody loves ex-CLC member and one-time no-reason siderbar girl Sorn, and you can bet that Sorn is watching all this Sitala stuff with great interest.

You see, Sorn is friends with Sitala, and she also has rich parents who are in good with the current Thai rulers in some manner or form, that’s why she has a house with ten rooms in it and all that “coup money” and maids to clean the crusties out of her toenails. Or something.

Here’s the Tiktok that people are mad about:

People in Thailand are upset about this, but Sorn didn’t actually say what politics she was tired of hearing about specifically. Maybe she was referring to whatever stage we’re currently at in the US election cycle, because no matter where we live in the world, we always have America’s boring politics pushed on us like we should care (just like we have their moral values pushed on us), and we forever seem to be in some stage of that constantly-running election bullshit. Like, we just don’t care, folks. Just elect your fucking person every four years, let us know how it pans out on the day, and for the rest of the time just stop fucking bothering us with it unless you’re about to bomb us or something (in which case a quick heads up so we in other parts of the world can build our shelters would be appreciated). But even if Sorn did mean Thai politics, so what, it’s okay to be tired of hearing about something, regardless of how you actually feel about it. I have political opinions about my country, and so does my girlfriend, but we don’t sit around gasbagging about politics every morning at breakfast, because it’s boring – and if someone else brings it up, sure we might talk about it but if they keep bringing it up a whole lot when you’re just out having fun we might be keen to change the subject, just because it’s frankly a bit depressing to continually talk about that shit instead of boob rankings or whatever (those are the only posts of mine on this site she actually takes any interest in, by the way). Sorn didn’t say “I hate talking about all politics at all times and never want to discuss it again ever because my daddy gets the coup money so it’s like so awkward like omg”, no – she just said “political discussions are fucking boring when you just want to have fun with friends”, which if we’re being honest we all know is fucking true. We know what it’s like when you’re hanging around in a group having fun and there’s that one guy who’s a militant vegan who needs to keep fucking mentioning it all the time even when nobody asked and people are trying to be as sensitive to his feelings as possible by not saying things like “I like to eat the animal flesh, the blood it tastes sexy” in front of him but no he has to keep fucking bringing it up constantly all the time even in completely irrelevant contexts and he’s always trying to twist the direction of every single conversation over to his fucking diet choices and everyone’s doing their best to try and keep their cool about it and continue to be respectful even though he’s definitely not returning that respect and by the end of the evening you really have to restrain yourself from dragging him by his skinny undernourished vegan limbs with you to the supermarket, grabbing a raw steak and chowing down on it right then and there like that scene in Universal Soldier just in the hope that it will make him finally shut up about it. I mean, here’s another video:

Her response to “is it difficult to be a k-pop star” is “don’t talk to me”. Do you really think that means she doesn’t care? Hey let’s write an article “Sorn doesn’t care about the difficulties k-pop stars face”, and cancel her for that, what do you think? Isn’t that what she’s saying? Or – maybe you’re just dumb, because she did a whole-ass YouTube series on the difficulties of being a k-pop star, and she’s now just a little bit over talking about it? I guess what I’m trying to say is that I find Sorn very relatable and people should stop strawmanning her just because they’re jealous. Oh wait, we were talking about Sitala, weren’t we. Oh yes, we should probably get back to that.

Reason to feel POSITIVE about Sitala #6 – she seems attractive

Sitala’s modelling photos are seriously next level. Okay, so she’s very far away from my type, but you’ve got to admit that she’s serving some looks here.

I mean, this is some pretty sweet military style wear. If you’re about to go out and do a military thing (like, not one of those nasty coup things, but a nice military thing, like helping save a village from flooding or something), it’s important to look good, especially as everyone has mobile phones with high definition cameras these days. You never know where photos of you doing military things might end up, you could be on Wikileaks or anywhere, but don’t worry – Sitala will help you look your best!

If you were a bit more higher ranking and got to wear berets like French people as part of your uniform, you could maybe try an outfit like this, which would look very snappy if you have to meet important people such as world leaders who were going to help transition your country from a cruel and nasty military dictatorship into a nice friendly democratic place where people had rights and stuff.

Even if things go the other way and you end up getting arrested by pro-democratic forces and detained, this funky black and white top is a lot more stylish than typical criminal style stripes, you can see it matches really well with the metal bars in the background. Here’s hoping that the prison staff let you wear it. They might confiscate the bracelet and diamond necklace thing though, there’s no telling what a prisoner could do with that stuff.

That’s all for this post! Hopefully this post has helped you all think POSITIVE thoughts – Kpopalypse shall return!