It’s time for Kpopalypse roundup! Let’s take a look at some new releases!
Hwasa – I’m a Bitch
Sleek like Hwasa’s weird 1970s onesies, but not very musically interesting, even the unusual breakdown can’t save it.
Monsta X – Ride with U
This was a big week for wrecked cars in music videos. Recycling is very environment. Pity that the song itself has a similar lack of new parts.
Onewe – Star
There’s also a ton of bands in k-pop videos that just set up and play shows out in the desert somewhere. I feel like in Korea you couldn’t just go on a bushwalk somewhere to caress your partner’s asscheek in the breeze without some random band popping up and providing the soundtrack.
Chungha – Killing Me
It’s such a weird year that even Chungha has actual songs now.
Ghost9 – Control
We put these idols groups in these cages in the hope that they’ll learn and stop making their shitty music.
Billlie – fl!pping a coin
Some pretty agreeable beats help this song to stand out, but this trend of three letters in a row really isn’t very easy on the eyes when writing roundup so I hope they disband quickly anyway.
Secret Number – Dangerous In Love
If only the tune was as good as the costume design.
Nada – Bullet Proof
Remember when Nada got on a Kpopalypse favourites list with a solo song once? Well this is nothing like that.
B.I. – Nineteen
After a weird start eventually settles into a mid-paced BigBang type number, and it’s acceptable enough. Pity about the ironically crap video, it always looks twice as shit when they try and make things look like shit on purpose, like that idiotic AC/DC video where they didn’t set up the green screen right.
Shinee – Seasons
People always get mad when I throw references to Jonghyun into these SHINee reviews, but what would you rather I do – divert the topic in a humorous way to remind you of the gifts that one of k-pop’s brightest stars brought to the world, thereby highlighting the tragedy that he is no longer with us and hopefully inspiring people to ask a few fucking questions of the industry so the larger issues can be tackled properly – or, just avoid talking about him completely and instead stay focused on the topic at hand and tell you exactly how shit I think this song is? Choose carefully.
B.I.G – Flashback
Okay the tropical noises straight outta 2016 with a bullet probably could have been left back there, but the song isn’t too bad once you let that part of it go.
Orbit – Eclipse
Hey if Blockberry still need some money they could sue this group who are blatantly stealing their fan name. Do it, the song sucks so they won’t be missed.
JO1 – Our Season
I don’t know if these particular JOI are helping my rhythm. You could try it yourself and see, I guess.
TO1 – Mirage
Oh, they now have a brother group “Toss-Off Instructions”, but this song left me pretty limp as well.
Lee Youngji – Anxiety
How does she get permission to go on the train tracks like that. Whenever I’ve tried that shit for bullshit photo shoots the stationmaster or whoever always comes out of somewhere and tells me to sod off.
Bang Yongguk – Race
A nonsense track saved somewhat by more pinch harmonics than a ZZ Top album. Someone in Korea bought a new distortion pedal and isn’t afraid to use it.
Jang Woohyuk – Tonight
This guy was from H.O.T and being a veteran group you’d think he’d know better but then I remembered that H.O.T sucked too, so… carry on, I guess.
Mizuho – Have A Good Day
This is supposed to be cute and nice but it kind of ends up being shouty and annoying, like when you listen to cartoons while doing something three rooms away while not watching the screen and it just sounds like a bunch of random Americans yelling at each other.
Heeo – Designer
One of the mega uncanny-valley members from 4Ten has a new thing and it isn’t great but I’m just glad she’s still kicking and hasn’t been thrown into a spare parts dumpster somewhere.
IRI – Villain
Well it’s different, but it’s also a bit limp. I’d like this more if he pushed it a lot further in the direction he’s pushing it in.
Loren – All My Friends Are Turning Blue
Hey Loren’s new song is pretty damn good! I just hope the reference in the title is about dressing up for a Smurf party and not strangulation molka sex in Seungri’s hired limo, because I can never be completely sure what’s up with some of these Burning Sun bit-players who never had to answer much to the media or the courts.
Jaurim – Stay With Me
I tried to piece this drama video together but I couldn’t – she starts off so angry with this dude and then spends the next 3 minutes being happy with him, then gets run over by a car or something? Someone help me out here.
Spacecowboy feat. Kim Areum – Guardian
I don’t hate all funk music, it’s not too bad when they know how to write. Could have lived without the cartoon story but whatever.
Gaho – Right Now
This is good to but I’ve got to say that my balls really tightened in sympathy when I first heard that chorus. What did the poor guy do to himself in the studio to get that noise out of himself.
Brooklyn – I’m Gonna Love You
Is that a threat? It sounds like something GG Allin would sing. Anyway, another song that is actually not bad. What got into the water supply in Korea this week.
Se So Neon – Joke!
An outrageously good looking video hides a song that is really just blues-funk stuff you can go down to your local pub and hear, you don’t need k-pop for this type of music.
Chuflex – Treadmill
Something to check out while you’re waiting for the next Wonho video to drop.
from20 – James Dean
I don’t know why but I always thought from20 was a bit nugu – clearly not as he has some budget happening here. Sorry, no Nugu Alert for you, Mr. 20.
Kisu – Waves of you
Somewhere there’s a guy in Korea and he’s the “god of cleaners” and his job is to wash all the white walls in k-pop videos so they look ultra-white and you can’t see any marks on them.
San E ft. Polodared – Savage Dawg
Okay, so in Kerrigan May’s “Sex Like A Pickle” video, is the dog in the second half of that video where San E raps actually San E’s dog? Because looking at this video, it looks like it could be. Or, could it be Kerrigan May’s dog and now San E is borrowing it for this video? Or they just have the same taste in dogs, or use the same dog rental company? These important questions need to be answered.
Gemini feat. Seori – UFO
How the fuck do they get the lawnmower underneath those solar panels?
Jjax feat. Sanha – Dionysus
When the first words are “past my bedtime” you know you’re in for a hip-hop treat.
Misickayo – Kimchi
Look at these nice people playing nice music. Don’t you just want to run into the room with a ghetto-blaster and trash everything “Possessed To Skate” style.
Rogi – Sunset
This is just soft porn for people who like those weird JAVs where they cum in the girl’s hair. I always feel really sorry for the girls in those, getting cum out of long hair is a real task, I doubt it’s their favourite assignment.
J.Una – Stop It!
I can’t remember what bullshit western song this is copying but it sucks and so does the Korean knockoff version.
He_eul – Complex Emotion
I love it when they show glimpses of the DAW they used to make these garbage songs so hackers know what programs they can try to break to improve music overall. Next time also include your IP address.
Urban Zakapa – I’ll Never Know You
Urban Zakapa are just committed 100% to making bad music aren’t they. It’s good to know that in these turbulent times, some thing in k-pop will never change.
Kim Na Young – Friend, Where Are You
Enjoy checking out what Chuu’s “Heart Attack” video would have looked like if the song was a boring ballad instead. Notice how they put “friend” in the title of the song as the first word just to make sure their defense is absolutely ironclad if someone calls them out for this very obvious lesbian dogwhistle.
BONUS RANDOM VIDEOS OF THE WEEK
Luli Lee – Dive (with Fender Professional II Precision Bass®)
Honestly if I was buying a new Fender bass guitar, I wouldn’t waste money on the high-tier American-made Fender basses, I’d get the Japanese-made Fender Aerodyne Jazz Bass, that you can see in some of my newer videos on my bass guitar channel. It’s less than half the price, lighter, easier to play, prettier (nice body binding, cool metallic knobs, the headstock and body colour actually match omg why doesn’t Fender USA do this), way more comfortable to hold thanks to the slimmer body, the tradeoff is a little less sustain and low end but just turn your amp up more and hit your strings a bit harder to mitigate that, no problem. Always shop for looks and comfort first, if you don’t like the way something sounds just change your amplifier settings, there’s a reason why half the Japanese metal bands out there use the Aerodynes. Luli Lee’s dress looks nice though, you could spend money on that if you wanted.
THE JIDDIES were hit AGAIN
Life as Jihyo has to be difficult, Kpopalypse is not unsympathetic and has written posts to help out Jihyo before. Watch as Jihyo navigates the significant OH&S hazards at her workplace with as much grace and elegance as could reasonably be expected. Good work Jihyo!
Red Velvet’s Irene – it’s my first time driving alone – what should I do?
Irene does some very spontaneous things while out driving that are definitely spontaneous and not planned at all. I imagine this is how they made the footage for the “Star Date Irene” application, I wonder how that’s venture’s going for them, given that I never heard anything more about it after it came out, nor did I ever find out if SM Entertainment decided to scrap the application at the request of certain fans. SM Entertainment have worked out how to deal with fans I think – bring out enough distractions that people just forget about the issues. In the meantime I guess this video is the closest thing you can get for free, given that there’s conspicuously no men in the picture.
That’s all for this week! Kpopalypse roundup will eventually vanish partway through December to may way for Christmas postings, but for now it returns next week!