It’s time for Kpopalypse roundup! Let’s check out some new releases!
Min – Onion
Yes it’s that Min, the one from miss A. I don’t really care about this song much but good on her for being proud of smoking cigarettes, lung cancer yay, fuck all those prissy groups who pretend they don’t smoke, some nicotine would probably do them some good, it’s about the only drug that’s legal in Korea. Have you seen how much all the ex-kpop idols who are now on Twitch constantly vape? Trust me they all got hooked on cigs back in dorm days.
Loona x Cocomong – Yummy Yummy
First we had “Yum Yum” and now “Yummy Yummy”, Loona must really be hard up for bucks. Elon better bail them out soon, I fear if they have to do a third song “Yummy Yummy Yum Yum” there may be mental health consequences for Kim Lip.
Laboum – Kiss Kiss
Apink sound is already pretty lightweight so an Apink lite is just going to float off in the wind and never be seen again.
Pink Fantasy – Tales of the Unusual
Cool idea making the girls into zombies (instead of keeping them mostly generically pretty and making some other bystanders zombies which is what everyone else does) but there’s not much musically to go on with here besides a beat or two.
Adora feat. Eunha – Make U Dance
Meanwhile, Eunha is the actual zombie that BigHit couldn’t bury. Some cool sounds and melodies really help along a song that is different to the rest.
Oh My Girl – My Doll
Oh My Girl’s best track in a while could have used some punchier rhythms instead of the fairly light feel they ended up going with, but what they’ve got still gets the job done.
Kartrider x NCT 127 – Freeze
I put this shit-looking game on my wishlist just because, only to then realise it’s not even out until next year. Wish I could say the same thing about the song.
Lil Cherry feat. Hyo – G! Remix
Lil Cherry is unapologetically not really about music, but then neither is k-pop as a whole, so her and Hyo go together like two peas in a pod. Also nice of Lil Cherry to rap enough of her lines in English for me to be able to determine that she has no ability to write a rap whatsoever.
TO1 – No More X
Dumb dumb dumb dumb dumb.
Sua – Still With Me
I should really remove the “home video for the fans” shit from roundup eligibility completely. The songs always suck anyway. Let’s force them to make an effort.
Ciipher – Moon Night
I love it when they look at the camera like you’re looking at YOU, the fan, who loves them so much. I wonder what they sticky tape to the camera to get that look out of them.
Hot Issue – Hot Candy
Our friend from Nugu Alerts the room with the fluro tubes and the mesh wall makes a reappearance. Definitely on my list of nugu friendly places to visit if I do go to Korea.
San E ft. YLN – Foreign
Actually not too bad, but my first thought when seeing this come up in my list is “I wonder what Kerrigan May’s up to”.
Kerrigan May – Big Tag
How did I miss this a couple months ago, clearly I need to reflect. No further comment required, other than what you see in the thumbnail is definitely what you get.
Azer – Pit a Pat
One of the advantages of being a University student group is that there’s no shortage of empty rooms at universities that you can clear all the desks out of and do your dance thing in.
Sinchon Tigers – Ssaekken Ppakken
Yelling a lot and having lots of brass is not a substitute for turning up the guitars in the mix.
Spyshe – Lipstick
I love the little staircases that go to nowhere. I wonder if either of the girls took a look at those and thought to themselves “hmm, the potential symbolism here is concerning”.
Floria – Jecheon Oriental Medicine Expo Park
How can there be any science-deniers left in Korea. The happy vibe of this just makes me want to do a science thing.
Mondo Grosso feat. BoA – Everything Needs Love
Who gave the green light to that awful filtered electronic bass tone that sounds worse than Paul McCartney. Still, it’s the most interesting thing about this dull dance track.
Super Junior D&E – Zero
The kind of pleasant enough but strictly average song that I’d probably be a lot more tolerant of if Korea’s pop scene wasn’t already completely overcrowded with these things.
MJ feat. Kim Taeyeon – Get Set Yo
Well it wasn’t the exact Kim Taeyeon that I was expecting, but I don’t think it matters, it wouldn’t have helped any.
MJ – Don’t Do It
Idol versions of trot tend to be a little better than the real deal just because there’s subtle modernisations that kind of help.
Leo – I’m Still Here
You can leave whenever you want to, Leo.
Huta – Good Night
The strings arrangement isn’t bad at all, pity about the generic ballad vocals slapped on top.
Zion.T & Gen Hoshino – Nomad
Easily the best thing Zion.T has ever been involved in, and pretty different from his usual stuff too, so I’m going to credit Gen Hoshino for this one.
Seori & Warren Hue – Warriors
Holy shit 88rising finally released something decent, this one comes with a drama video that carries an important message – your family will be hospitalised with Shit Music Disease if you do idol auditions, so just say no.
Wasted Johnnys – Some Like It Hot
Sounds like every local band in my area, boring as fuck.
Sojung – Island
Ladies Code’s Sojung is clearly looking for one of the boys from M.O.N.T to sweep her off her feet. Good luck Sojung!
Seouldabansa – Fancy
Why are Koreans making music this blissed out? Don’t they have 16-hour work shifts to be miserable about?
Lionesses – Show Me Your Pride
Already covered in November QRIMOLE but just putting it here in case anyone missed it.
Tehiun – People Are The Country
Korean reggae is more than Skull, it’s also boring people just copying Bob Marley straight up.
Lee Hyojung – Rain Rain
If you’re doing a tarot reading and you’re a k-pop, and you draw “The Tower” it basically means that you’re fucked. Just quit and stack supermarket shelves or something.
It’s humming – Meow Meow
H3athr Sun – L.O.L
I think H3athr Sun reads this site now and so she made a special video as a tribute to all my many OCD readers. She understands your pain.
msftz – Heart
Anyone you know who is a wacky antivaxxer just send them this video and tell them this is what they do. I think our culture is really at that point now, where if vaccines were more sparkly more people would be willing to take them.
Wilcox – 50/50
Another person who has consistently produced complete crap for years just randomly pulls a good song out of his ass. 2021 has been a strange year.
Kirara – HRT
Are you on drugs? If not, go and take some, then come back to this post and play this song. Thank me later.
Camo – Horizon
After you get a breast enhancement, it’s important to give the scars time to heal. Making sure that the underside of your boobs where they had to make small incisions to insert the implants isn’t rubbing on any harsh clothing fabrics is just being responsible and following surgeon’s advice.
Milena – Night Train
Actually quite fitting music for a “sitting down being bored” simulator.
MC Minzy – Like a Star
People still don’t seem to see that funk music is morally wrong. In 100 years people will look back on this in the same way we currently look at luggage without wheels.
Kim Nani, Common Ground – Bang Duck
I think we’re once again trying to be funny here but I can’t figure out what the joke is.
Lee Musong – I’m in love with you
It’s weird to see this type of thing, that would have fit in just fine on crappy Australian music TV 50 years ago, but in high definition. Play in 144p for best results.
MC Meta feat. Kim Geunhui – Song of Seokbong
Everyone’s going the Agust D route of “bust out a rap next to some old buildings while wearing hanbok”, but at least this has a sound to match, just remove the rap and we good.
Dog Last Page – 4758
Wow, the heaviness is sure correct and present here (for once), pity the song’s riffs are as characterless as its title. I’m not even joking about this, the song title is a reference to the fret positions of the main riff, 4-7-5-8 in that order, that’s how little there is going on here. This fact makes this song the metal version of Leonard Cohen’s “Hallelujah”, and whenever that rubbish song is mentioned here you know it’s not a compliment.
Jeong Ho – Bbeong
Should have been great, but misses the mark due to lame melody writing.
Coral J, EVEE feat. Saula – Love Game
When it gets dark you can take the sunglassess off, you know – they don’t do anything.
Mission Together – Universe
You don’t need to understand a word to know that this is some Christian bullshit. You can always spot it when they’ve got the multiple singers haromising while they stare up at the ceiling as if they’re asking the lord if they got the notes right.
BONUS RANDOM VIDEOS OF THE WEEK
Aespa – Black Mamba with Goyang Philharmonic Orchestra
“Black Mamba” isn’t much of a song to begin with, but the orchestral treatment makes it worse, adding lots of extra nonsense that just detracts from the few elements of the original that actually almost worked. This new version is not quite as botched as Metallica’s “S&M” album, where orchestral arranger Michael Kamen scribbled all over the songs like they were his own personal Etch-a-Sketch, but it’s not far off either.
MilkiBokiTan – What sleeping with dogs and cats is like
I feel that this is important information.
That’s all for this week – more Kpopalypse roundup next week!