Kpopalypse is back to help a Wonho in need! Let’s take a look at more computer games for Wonho!
Ex-Monsta X member Wonho has been a busy man lately, recording lots of workout videos, messaging his many adoring fans, and even still finding time in between all this to be a k-pop. As one of the better k-pops in the k-pop, it’s not a secret that some of the better male k-pop comebacks over the last couple of years have been high in Wonho content.
However all this activity has come at a human cost – it could be said that the only thing tighter than Wonho’s body this year is his schedule. Kpopalypse fears that Wonho may be seriously lacking in leisure time. Ample evidence of possible burnout was provided recently when pictures and video of Wonho’s bulging ballsack were leaked online, showing lots of pent-up fluids.
Fear not, Wonho fans! I won’t show you these pics, as Kpopalypse is definitely not interested in cruel exploitation without consent (unless fictionalised in a computer game such as the ones below). However I am very concerned about Wonho’s welfare. Clearly Wonho hasn’t had the chance to take time away from his activities to collect his hugs and kisses from Han Seo Hee, so Kpopalypse is here to the rescue. Fans of Wonho will know that he is a connoisseur of erotic computer games, so let’s give Wonho some more recommendations so he can more easily calm down that inconvenient swelling!
If you’ve missed previous episodes in this series and would like to catch up, or fear you may have missed out on important faps, the following links are here for your reference:
Now that you’re up to date – let’s move on with the fourth guide to the best erotic computer games if you’re Monsta X’s Wonho!
ROLE PLAYING GAMES
Explorers Of The Abyss
First review for this episode is “Explorers Of The Abyss”, a very traditional top-down RPG with turn-based combat, and by tradition I mean some well-endowed women have to go into a dungeon and kill things because of some convoluted plot that you won’t care about. However the real meat of this game is mostly in the obligatory side-quests, where our busty heroes are enlisted to help out around the town, serving the local community in important classy-sexy ways. (Note that for all the Kagura-hosted games here, the uncensor patch is freely available on their site.)
Although there’s a shitload of turn-based combat here, there’s also a whole bunch of in-game options you can trigger that essentially activate a cheat mode allowing you to waltz through every combat encounter in 0.5 seconds in order to get to the Wonho content. While this is definitely very thoughtful, it makes me wonder, if the game developers knew their combat encounters were this generic and unnecessary, why didn’t they just remove them entirely. Fortunately the translations are excellent and the Wonho-approved scenes are outstanding enough in quality that the generic window-dressing of a game around them can basically be ignored.
Avaria: Chains Of Lust
If you’re interested in a slightly different art style to accompany your Wonho RPG action, then you could try “Avaria: Chains Of Lust”, a game with a more western comic look that isn’t shy about wearing its heart on its sleeve. Another game about dungeon-spelunking, the game’s female protagonist Camille quickly discovers cave exploring of a different kind as she seeks to unravel the mystery of why the town’s local douchebag population keeps vanishing.
Featuring the usual type of classy-sexy encounters you would expect, the game is a little on the grindy side but the route to progression is fairly obvious and you’ll be able to knock out the entire set of escapades in about half a day, depending on how many fap breaks you have. Fortunately the turn-based combat can be strategically engaged with, as enemies can be dodged if needed most of the time, avoiding unnecessary encounters saves a lot of hassle although you still have to grind some of them to level up appropriately. Once again the English here is excellent (these games are getting better at this across the board), so if you really dislike the typical Japanese art style most Wonho games come with, and don’t really enjoy 3D art either, “Avaria: Chains Of Lust” offers a nice alternative at a relatively budget price.
Tear and the Library Of Labyrinths
“Tear and the Library Of Labyrinths” comes from Acerola, who were responsible for President Yukino, and it shows, with the game featuring higher quality graphics than most of what’s on offer here, and throwing lots of easy-to-unlock scenes at you straight out of the gate. The plot of the game involves two sisters who get into some sort of trouble of some type I can’t remember, but the crux of their predicament is that if one of them doesn’t go out and get sexy with the local population, the other sister who is detained has to do the classy-sexy instead. Therefore, whichever path you take, faps are assured.
The above plot device basically means that you can just sit around with one character doing absolutely nothing except sleeping the days away and this will actually unlock a whole bunch of content for the other character really really quickly. After a while of course this gets boring, so you’ll eventually explore instead of resting and then even more scenes will be thrown at you – this is a very Wonho-friendly game indeed with a ton of content and it should suit the time-poor, I think even Wonho homself should have time to unlock a few fap scenes per day even with his busy gym and comeback schedule. Highly recommended.
Dark Hero Party
Like many k-pop fans, sometimes I wonder how Wonho is actually going, emotionally. Is he having the time of his life, living the dream of being a k-pop, or is he trapped in some kind of horrid purgatory of abuse and cyclical violence, forever the pawn of powerful corporate interests, made to exploit himself time and time again, in complete powerlessness, with no possible hope of redemption or escape? If the last part of the previous sentence started making you turned on just thinking about the possibilities, maybe “Dark Hero Party” is a game for you.
A lot of Wonho RPG games have the very occasional “fight that cannot be won” used as a narrative device to advance the story. “Dark Hero Party” uses this storytelling technique for pretty much the entire story’s running length, as it documents a complete loser in life’s dreams to actually be effective as a lover, a fighter, or anything else. Watching everything turn into complete and utter shit as the game’s male protagonist consistently fumbles the ball with disastrous consequences is certainly a different type of sadomasochism to what you would normally expect in a Wonho game, and the result is an actually interesting story for a change, because you just want to see where it’s going to go next and how much more bleak, fucked up and depressing it’s going to get. There’s definitely some Wonho-grade faps to be had along the way, but for once this doesn’t even feel like the point – the real classy-sexiness here is happening on a much deeper level that many players might miss. Definitely worth checking out if you think you can handle it.
Abbadon: Princess Of The Decay
You might notice that “Abbadon: Princess Of The Decay” doesn’t have a Steam link, and that’s because it was banned from Steam just days before launch for no obvious reason I was able to determine. As a result, I feel compelled to include the game in this roundup in order to support the developers getting fucked over by Steam’s inscrutable adult content policies, so here it is, and you should definitely spend money on it if you can for this reason alone. This role playing game has a unique visual and sonic style, where the anime feel combines with stylised 8-bit look and sound, it’s unique and genuinely immersive, pulling you quickly into the story of a bunch of idiotic people who pointlessly split up to get themselves killed in the best teenage horror film tradition, all while definitely meeting required standards.
Oh, and get killed, they will – a LOT. The game is hardcore in more ways than one – the difficulty level here is sky-high and while it’s not completely impossible to progress, they sure do make it difficult, even on what I presume is the “easy” setting (thanks, annoyingly esoteric prelude options), with much turn-based combat standing in between Wonho and his potential faps. How Steam content assessors even got through to the most explicit scenes in order to judge that this was worthy of a banhammer in the first place is beyond me, maybe the removal of the game from Steam was more a case of Gabe Newell’s sour grapes from being blue-balled by endless combat encounters. On the positive front, at least the combat is different, with unique emotion-driven mechanics. Other perks include how like only the best games ahem nearly every piece of scenery can be examined, there’s a feature to toggle between anime-style and pixel-art style for the Wonho content, and even a Yaoi toggle option which will definitely interest the 66.4% (!!!) of my readers who lie somewhere along the LGBTIQXYZABC spectrum. If you dig the 8-bit horror theme and have time to invest and the willingness to grind, you’ll find that care and attention to detail here is definitely not lacking, the game may be hard as nails but it’s definitely not lazily made.
Raking in a massive $2.3m USD via a Kickstarter campaign, Subverse is about as high budget as Wonho games get, at least until Blizzard finally starts producing Overwatch porn DLC as a side hustle (which will probably happen soon judging by their desperate business decisions lately). Although I don’t tend to spend money on games with AAA-tier budgets generally, and I definitely always avoid buying anything with the dreaded “early access” tag as that’s usually the sign of either a dead game or a scam these days, I was keen to make an exception here and check out the best of what adult gaming had to offer, just in case Wonho was thinking of spending his coin. He would need a fair bit of it – despite being unfinished and despite the devs being already rich thanks to Kickstarter before they even started selling it, Subverse is easily the most expensive game on this list.
The playable parts of the game comprise two mini-games – a Time-Pilot style 360 degree shooter that is pretty but gets monotonous fast, and a turn-based isometric tactical squad combat game similar to the XCOM games but with far less strategy involved. The actual Wonho content is hardly anything, just a few very short, basic loops that don’t have much interactivity and mostly aren’t even worked into the story but are presented out of context in a separate menu. For a game that insists on constant cringe fourth-wall breaking “you’re just here to fap, aren’t you” dialogue, they give you surprisingly little to fap to. Mind you, maybe separating the fap from the narrative wasn’t such a bad idea given how disastrously written the story is – “Subverse” has some of the unfunniest “comedy” dialogue I’ve ever seen in any computer game, anywhere. Any possible hint of eroticism promised by the admittedly excellent CGI graphics is quickly destroyed by the lame humour, the main problem being the main character, a crappy Australian Deadpool clone who as the story’s main focus is unfortunately tasked with dealing almost all the punchlines. His overacted dialogue is really grating, with every Australian cliche turned up to 11, as he constantly cracks lame jokes that fall flat (pot calling the kettle black I know, but at least my dodgy attempts at humour are free), it all makes Fuse from Apex Legends seem like a relatively nuanced and well-written character and that’s saying something. It’s ironic that for a game which is implicitly marketed as “the adult game that will make gamers take adult games seriously”, all the dialogue writing in “Subverse” sounds like it was outsourced to a class of kids whose balls had only just dropped. It’s such a boner-killer that the only way to get any good faps in here is to ignore the game and story completely, which just leaves you with the CGI loops, and if a few short CGI loops are what you want you might as well just type “Overwatch porn” into PornHub search engine and save yourself the asking price.
Phantom Thief Sylphy
On the opposite end of the money spectrum we have “Phantom Thief Sylphy” which presents like an RPG but is actually a stealth/action game. The basic plot is that you’re Sylphy, you’re a phantom thief (well okay, just a thief really), and you steal things, also you’re a bit plus size and definitely meet required standards. This already makes “Phantom Thief Sylphy” a more well-written game than the entire Thief series. Gameplay involves being chased a lot and also using a very nifty grapple to scale heights and solve puzzles. None of it is super-challenging once you get to grips with the way the game presents heights and transitions, and you’ll blow through it all in a couple of hours, maximum.
Some of the Wonho content here is absolutely excellent quality, and there are some great visual ideas that I won’t spoil and that I haven’t seen before in any games with an RPG Maker style engine. However although it’s not expensive, there just isn’t really enough content here to justify the asking price. Often a short actual game is welcome, but they should have doubled the amount of scenes at least, or at least lengthened some of the most climactic moments so they’re not almost over before they even begin. I actually checked a few times to make sure I wasn’t playing a censored version by mistake because I kept expecting scenes to appear at key stages and there were just blank screens and dialogue instead. I was happy to buy this anyway because women on my end of the fap spectrum are so under-represented in these games generally so if chubby-chasing is your thing you’ll probably feel equally rewarded, but I definitely felt like I wish they’d sent it to me for playtesting so I could have suggested more places to put content.
“Summer Memories” features a man who visits his busty aunt and two busty cousins over the summer, for the purpose of “making memories”, which as we’ve probably all figured out by now is a fairly universal dog-whistle term for “Wonho-approved content, it be here”. Gameplay consists of managing the various stats of the characters through hanging out with them doing activities or buying things, and also trying to progress the relationships wherever possible. This of course eventually involves lewd activities, which your character has to try and accomplish without too much noise so they don’t wake up the father who is also hanging around the house somewhere.
The isometric style of the game and small artwork doesn’t take as much getting used to as you might think, and the resulting visual style is actually really appealing and different for this type of game. However the game also doesn’t explain itself very well, possibly due to Kagura botching the translation of the English version, or maybe the Japanese one sucks just as much in this aspect I’m not sure, but it took me a very long time to actually work out what I was supposed to be doing and how to do it. On top of this the game is actually quite tricky, with achieving goals and unlocking content being heavily reliant on being at the right place at the right time with the right combination of stats and inventory. While the progression is definitely worth the effort, I highly recommending consulting gameplay guides and walkthroughs wherever possible.
Monster Girl Club Bifrost
While many readers were thrilled with the innovative activities and unparalleled realism of “Seungri Simulator“, what if someone simulated Seungri’s life before he was locked up, and all the k-pop girls happened to also be… monsters? That’s right, this is a game where you are a hustler who pimps out monster girls for a living, so leave those pesky ethics at the door, it is fiction after all. You don’t need to worry about unlocking content either because the Wonho-approved action comes at you thick and fast, as long as you don’t mind if your chosen fap material has three eyes, eight legs and an extra ear on its ass.
There’s lots of depth in the gameplay mechanics here to get your head around, like slave markets, black markets, auctions, exchanges, training types and even moon phases, and with the odd jazz music accompanying the wheeling, dealing and squealing, the game brought me back to playing “Mugsy’s Revenge” on the Commodore 64, which was a fun game back in the day. Needless to say, this is one of the more extreme offerings in this list and definitely isn’t a game for those sensitive to some pretty dark concepts, but if you’ve ever wondered what running your own brothel is like, well it’s probably nothing like this whatsoever, which is probably just as well, but it’s still fun in a weird way and certainly a unique management sim experience. If you soul is already completely destroyed from years of following the most morally bankrupt pop music genre in the world, this game should fit right into your worldview, and it’s probably still a more accurate idol management simulator than the letdown that was “Idol Manager“. I’m not sure how Wonho’s mileage would vary though, this game could actually trigger his PTSD so maybe he should exercise caution.
Twins Of The Pasture
Farming simulators are probably a bit under-represented in the world of Wonho content but don’t worry because developers Dieselmine have got you covered with “Twins Of The Pasture”. The basic story is that two sisters have to survive managing a farm while their parents are away, which includes making an unreasonably large sum of money in a very short time and liaising with the folks in the nearby town to sell their produce. While farming does acquire some funds and the game can actually be played exactly like a farming simulator if you want, other avenues to make money a lot quicker can be discovered.
As you might expect given the developer involved plus the plot outline, “Twins Of The Pasture” plays very much like a 3D version of “Material Girl” (featured in the first Wonho games post), although unlockable scenes are presented in traditional 2D style. Unfortunately the game also has equally bad translations, and on top of this it’s quite grindy with lots of collecting, farming and repeatedly talking to the same characters to be done before the game will allow you to progress. Furthermore you have to deal with some fairly clunky controls, so be prepared to run into walls and get stuck on scenery a lot. I’m not sure that 3D was really the best choice for this game as the extra dimension doesn’t really add anything significant other than to make it more time-consuming to move around and do stuff. Still, the dialogue and story certainly are amusing, with the borked translations adding a high degree of unintentional silliness to the proceedings – just when you think things are getting very grindy a random event will pop up and change the state of play significantly, providing much amusement. Just be careful and save your game often, as certain yes/no dialogue options are actually switched around and this can impede progress.
Cyber Crush 2069
If you were as frustrated as I was about “Hunie Pop 2” not including any decent characters (bye bye Audrey you will be missed) then you might want to check out “Cyber Crush 2069” which is a pretty shameless “Hunie Pop” clone, with exactly the same gameplay mechanics in pretty much every single way, right down to the pointless food/drink and collectible item systems. I’m not joking, this is clearly just a shameless “cyberpunk” style reskin, except that you only get five characters instead of however many the first “Hunie Pop” had.
However the reskin does absolutely meet required standards. All five of the girls on offer are far superior to anything in Hunie Pop’s roster, and the visual style on the whole is just a lot more appealing, with better animations across the board. You also have a much more sensible story, without stereotypical cougar MILFs who respond unrealistically positively to being told to rim your anus five minutes after you’ve met them, in “Cyber Crush 2069” the most inappropriately sexually forward dialogue option is always a mistake. You also get far better unlockable scenes that are a lot more explicit than anything “Hunie Pop” dared to throw at you even in “uncensored” mode, so I’d recommend “Cyber Crush 2069” as the superior game where it matters most, hands down. The only issue is that “Cyber Crush 2069” won’t have you playing for as long simply because there isn’t as large a cast of characters or as much content, which is a shame, but then it’s also a hell of a lot cheaper – dollar for dollar, this is better value.
Tower Of Waifus
If, on the other hand, you don’t really want any story with your gem-matching casual game fun, but just want to put three of the same kind of thing in a row and then look at Wonho-approved content as your reward, “Tower Of Waifus” is definitely where it’s at. Another brazen gem-matching knockoff, this game even gives you a short tutorial where it asks “are you familiar with the HuniePop and Mirror match three style?” and then proceeds to school you in all the mechanics which are straight out of both games. Whether you’re familiar or not, the game developers certainly are.
The game also helpfully comes with three difficulty settings, so if you just want to blow through it all super fast and get to the content you can, but if you want more of a challenge you can have that too, not that even the hardest mode is super difficult once you buy all the overpowered spellbook upgrades. While Mirror is undoubtedly a better game in many respects, including the quality of content offered, Tower Of Waifus is similarly cheap and will do nicely given that the people behind Mirror seem to want to make the sequel some money-sucking 3D monstrosity instead of a classy-sexier 2D sequel to the game we all know and loved. Take it from Chuu, the third dimension isn’t all it’s cracked up to be.
Tower Of Waifus 2
Speaking of sequels, the second installment is a completely different type of game, a “sokoban” game much in the style of Helltaker, but with fap added (and not as free). Basically, push the blocks around in a grid from one side of the room to the other so you can get to the waifu and give her the freedom (to do the sex). If your character has enough strength to shift endless boxes and then bang a waifu I’m not sure why he also can’t climb over a box to get to the other side, but I guess we shouldn’t get too analytical about this.
Unfortunately for me, I suck at these type of games completely, and I couldn’t get anywhere. However on the plus side the game has a great big effing “skip” button so you can just opt out of the entire game completely and unlock everything. Now that’s very nice, but it does kind of make me wonder why the game is there at all, thanks for making this review nice and easy I guess.
Lip! Lewd Idol Project Vol. 1
This episode’s visual novel pick is “Lip! Lewd Idol Project Vol. 1”, and I’ll let my Steam review tell the story of why this is here.
Besides all that, it’s a visual novel with lots of girl-on-girl content, and my comment above is true, I’m really not interested in yuri. As I’m a boring straight male, I’ve never cared that much about lesbian porn, including the lesbian porn that’s very obviously aimed at straight men (which, let’s be honest, is most of it). For me a lot of the appeal of various content is mentally inserting myself in the situation, but if it’s a lesbian situation and I’m not female then there’s literally nowhere for me to imagine myself being in the scenario other than “not involved”, or at best “looking at what’s going on from across the room but still not being involved”, which isn’t exactly boner-inducing. Double that feeling when the protagonist is as annoying as the average J-idol’s persona, as she is here. So as far as I’m personally concerned, fuck this game, basically.
Having said that, I know that plenty of people are into this type of thing, and I do like it that there are developers out there catering to people with diverse preferences. So I was totally happy to give my money over and lend developers Toffer Team a hand, and if this sounds like something you’re into, or you just care a lot about being able to access mature content that isn’t hurting anybody, then maybe you should too. I guess I’ll go and look at their other output to try and find something else that might interest me more than the 100th person sending me a QRIMOLE question along the lines of “I know you’re not into j-pop but…”
That’s all for this post! Let’s hope Wonho is able to now enjoy some new games! Kpopalypse will return!