It’s time for Kpopalypse roundup!  Let’s check out some new releases!

Sunmi – You Can’t Sit With Us

Generally good, but Sunmi is still addicted to harmful trap breakdown use like a krokodil addict who can see the flesh falling off right off their bones but can’t help shooting up anyway.

Sunmi – Sunny

As usual the B-side is just a waste of my fucking time.

Weeekly – Holiday Party

Okay so it’s that annoying slow trendy sound that we really don’t want in k-pop in 2021 but it actually kind of works here because at least they don’t go in for the shouty bullshit but instead have actual melodies that relate to the chords underneath them for the most part.  That’s all we fucking ask for, a melody that makes sense in context and wasn’t just pulled randomly out of someone’s asshole, how hard is it people.

Weeekly – Check It Out

As usual the B-side is just a waste of my fucking time.

AKMU, Jannabi, Choi Junghoon – Next Episode

AKMU seem determined to release a music video for every single song on their new album, even though the thing only has one good song on it and this isn’t it.

AKMU & Sam Kim – Everest

Nor is this.  I don’t mind though, as between all these music videos plus the live stages and other promotions I’ve never been more spoiled for choice of Suhyun content.

Astro – Footprint

It must be hard work being in a k-pop group and constantly pretending to be excited by nothing in particular whenever there’s a camera rolling.

HYO ft. Bibi – Second

This song kept telling me to “take a second”, but I honestly think one second was too much.

ONF – Popping

I swear I read the song as “pooping” at first, but fortunately they didn’t fuck up the music the way they fucked up the title.

ONF – Trip Advisor

As usual the B-side is just a waste of my fucking time.

ONF – My Genesis (Übermensch)

As usual the other B-side is also just a waste of my fucking time.

The Boyz – Thrill Ride

While all the rappers in Korea ruin their raps with stupid soft beats, the pop performers have beats that actually rock a bit but then spam stupid melody that makes no sense over the top of them.

Oneus – Shut Up Badgo Crazy Hot

K-pop must be dulling my senses because I saw the intro to this of the guy miming playing a piano ragtime/Jerry Lee Lewis-style while holding all the other members of the group with big chain leashes and it didn’t even really register that anything all that weird was happening.

Golden Child – I Know

Just look at the YouTube thumbnail.  What a sorry looking bunch of individuals.  They look like they all got caught bullying the bass player.  Don’t do it again kids, or it’s the bad thoughts room for you!

Tikitak feat. DAY6 (Even of Day), Go Yeongbae of Soran – Did I See This Coming?

The plastic surgery on the other Day6 members must be taking a while to heal, as we keep getting this Even Of Day subunit doing thing after thing.

Lim Kim – Falling

Well it’s not very good, but at least it’s a song.  It’s been a few years since Lim Kim has had one of those.

Punch, Mad Clown – I Miss You

Not as much punch as Punch is usually known for.

Heartcore – Yuppie

Just another week, just another instance of Swervy carrying all of Hi-Lite Records on her shoulders once again.

Heygirls – Shining Star

Gfriend clones right down to the dancing in non-OH&S complaint ankle-high water, but this ultra nugu version doesn’t have a song that fills the void.

Skyle – Fly Up High

The worst thing about Blackpink isn’t Blackpink, it’s their clones.  Everything you loved about Blackpink’s more recent comebacks is here, except it’s a shit version.  On the other hand, even if you didn’t like Blackpink to begin with, you’ll still like this even less.

Redmint – M.I.N.T (Money Is Never A Thing)

It’s pretty clear that they’re right – when it came time to produce their debut, money certainly wasn’t a thing.  Not sure if that’s something to be proud of though.

Kizuna – Touch to Start!

Koreans doing j-pop style tend to do it a fair bit better than the Japanese simply because it’s actually really difficult to do it any worse.  Start following the j-pop songwriting template with anything other than typical twee pedo-friendly j-pop sensibilities, and an actual decent song has a reasonable chance of popping out.

Ha Sung Woon feat. Don Millis – Strawberry Gum

Oh yawn.

Roda – Anxious

Apparently I forgot about this track back when it came out, or maybe I did listen to it and just wiped it from roundup at the time because I didn’t think it was all that notable.  Some patriot I am.

Lee Hongki – Found Me

Look at the overhead view of the rock he’s sitting on at 1:49 – did he really crack it with his fat ass?  Should Hongki be polling #1 in the yearly ass polls with those solid lead glutes?

Han Seungwoo – We Loved Each Other

Basically FatCat’s “Is Being Pretty Everything” but with a guy straining his nuts trying to sing up in FatCat’s vocal register.  

Gavy NJ – Love Story

A remake of an old Gavy NJ song from back when the group had completely different members in it.  It wasn’t much of a song back then and it’s not much of a song now.

Jay Park, ph-1 – All In

Jay Park has seen all these AKMU songs coming out and isn’t going to just let some Johnny-come-latelys snatch his crown as the artist who puts out the most music video content each year.  Also is it just me or has GroovyRoom been improving drastically lately.

Kim Woojin – Ready Now

This is the guy who was kicked out of Stray Kids for allegedly being a little bit too much of a stray kid with the ladies.  Enjoy this song and video designed to help you cheer him on through the tough times he’s been having dealing with all those nasty allegations, complete with painfully obvious symbolism and lyrics cynically exploiting your fandom broken heart.  He looks so lost and confused – you can’t let him go now when he needs you the most!  Stick with him and be strong together!  Or something.

Dulgi – Sunset

mrcs

Lenny Makes Some-thing – Never Give Up

There’s the good type of retro, and then there’s the type where they just don’t really get it.

Rocoberry – This City

Goddamn woman, buy a light bulb.  You might think you’re being “green” but you’re really not, candles burn as much carbons as anything, especially when you tip them over by accident and burn your whole house down.

Rocoberry – What Is Love?

Rocoberry rides a horse in this video, thank me later.

from20 – Because It’ll Be Faster for You to Forget Me Than Me Loving You

I’m not really all that sure what the song title means other than it’s about love or something, and it annoys me a lot because the song is rather good and I don’t want to have to keep typing out that annoying song title all the time to people.

Prudence – Blue Is Your Name

It lacks a really arresting melody to bring it all together, but the foundations are good and this may be a “grower”.  However it doesn’t answer the question – how the hell does the astronaut eat popcorn without taking her helmet off? 

Newton feat. K Jun – Prism

Some pretty good songs coming out of the nugu forest this week.  They could have lost the falsetto voice though.

Ruya – Get Out My Mind

And again.  This is another grower from someone you definitely won’t find an article on anywhere else, and I haven’t heard a better “eh eh eh eh ” hook since the glory days of 2NE1.

Moonsun – Tom

Just a beat – nothing else really happens.

Hooniyongi – Ppurr

Some better harmony choices would have made this fantastic, but it’s just too close to typical trot to make the grade.

Suzanne – Rollercoaster Life

I have a rollercoaster life too, when I collect all the roundup songs and the quality varies so much.  This one represents the “please get out of the carriage to make room for the next group” part of the ride.

Onesun feat. Diamond Tree, MCRMean, DJ Amy – Diggin’ da shit

If this is actually a rap song about gardening and it isn’t about weed, then that’s really something.  These must be the only people in their neighbourhood going to the hydroponics shop to buy soil for their organic indoor turnip garden.

Yooryeong, DJ Tiz – Cloud 9

Imagine copying that one slow, boring beat on a Gangstarr album instead of literally any other song on the same record that is way better.

Don Sign. feat. Hangsuk, Nucksal, Kim Oki – From Dusk Till Dawn

Not much of a song but a rapper shoots himself, that has to be a good thing, let’s “normalise” that or whatever the kids say these days when they want to show that they like a thing.

Rad Museum feat. Wonstein – AirDrop

Sometimes I think to myself that I shouldn’t be so cruel to some of these artists who come up with bad music, I mean they’re just doing their best and I’m sure that someone out there likes it.  Then I come across shit like this and then I don’t feel so bad.

Colon:d – The Pizza Had With U

He certainly sounds like he has a d in his colon.

Red.bit – Trip

This could have been alright, it just needed a good beat writer.  What they’re using instead is interesting and different, but it doesn’t really fit with the rap at all.

Gray feat. Yumdda – Baby Don’t Cry

Has Gray stopped being shit yet?  No?  Okay, thanks for the heads up, let’s move on.

YoonDo – Don’t Say Goodbye

Warning sign: when they make coffee in the music video.

Thunder feat. Yoon Seobin – 5 Seconds Before The Explosion

Can we skip ten seconds afterward to five seconds after the explosion, I want to see what kind of music they feel like making then.

Dreamcatcher – A Heart Of Sunflower

And now for the ultimate waste-of-time b-side.  Even your very favourite faves can’t stop releasing bullshit filler b-side ballad trash that sounds exactly like everyone else’s bullshit filler b-side ballad trash, except it’s even worse because some people might have had expectations that the people behind Dreamcatcher would be smarter than this and make their ballads at least a little different to keep the whole “stand out from the pack” thing going.  Erm, nope.

BONUS RANDOM VIDEO OF THE WEEK

Asian Boss – Chinese react to Kris Wu scandal

Some street interviews with some Chinese randos about Kris Wu.  The first part of this video is just background info for noobs so if you’re already familiar with the current Kris situation skip to about three minutes in.  The interviews are good because they keep mostly away from boring and unnecessary moralising and more to the point about what the broader context of the Kris situation means for society and celebrity culture.

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That’s all for this week – more roundup next week!