It’s time for the latest podcast, where asshole k-pop writer Kpopalypse gets together with outspoken social media pariah and frenemy of the people AustralianSana for podcasting fun times as they talk shit and answer listener questions!
Read on for timestamps and the question box to submit future questions!
0:00 – Kpopalypse and AustralianSana admit that they are flops
1:20 – Where will k-pop be in 5 years time?
4:26 – WeVerse and BTS
5:52 – UN elects Iran to top women’s rights body
7:53 – Buttcheeks for boobs?
8:56 – how to stop giving a shit about k-pop
9:30 – OnlyOneOf being gaybait (relevant video here) and gay fanservice vs gay rights
13:50 – how did BTS eclipse GOT7 in popularity
16:06 – Homosexuality is gay
16:21 – Sana from Twice’s fried ends
19:40 – Protip for question-askers – AustralianSana is not Annie!
20:39 – The Boyz
OnlyOneOf AustralianSana’s imminent wrestling debut
25:34 – Wonho’s weight/height and debunking BMI
29:25 – Is Bang Shi Hyuk the most logical CEO of the Big 4?
29:51 – Ted Bundy questions with obvious answers
30:49 – 5 k-pop songs released in the last two years that could be used to torture people
35:37 – Are Wakandans assholes? (spoilers)
37:12 – Kpopalypse’s fanfic “T-ara vs AOA – The Final Fap” about male feminist allies parts 1 and 2
38:10 – Would AustralianSana do a collaborative fanfic with Kpopalypse like the one he did with AKF?
38:52 – Rating shit k-pop songs
41:16 – AustralianSana v-log revival?
41:53 – I checked out Wondershare Filmora and it watermarks every video unless you pay, so for caonimas on a budget I recommend OpenShot which is open source and free. It does crash a bit so save your projects often but hey, you get what you pay for.
42:32 – A reminder to give AustralianSana alcohol money if you want another drunk podcast
43:00 – American Sniper – US vs UK DVD covers
44:50 – Is JYP deliberately sabotaging his own boy groups?
47:32 – Would B.A.P be huge if the TS Entertainment lawsuit didn’t happen?
50:00 – Is anime corrupting the youth?
50:58 – Are many of your neighbours teen cryptocurrency trading crossfit drug dealers?
52:10 – Gfriend’s disbandment
55:59 – Why doesn’t Australia send Blackpink to Eurovision?
58:06 – Why are HYBE stans so defensive?
58:30 – “Girl groups get replaced, boy groups get reinvented”?
1:01:12 – SM sabotaged T-ara and Infinite, and attempted to do the same to other groups including BTS – true or false?
1:03:38 – Do you believe in fairies?
1:04:29 – Will IU ever learn something practical and useful?
1:05:46 – If you were an incel, which K-streamer would you send your simp bucks to?
1:08:27 – Do you like Fight Club?
1:09:20 – Discussion of article “BTS and their ARMY fandom are rendering the pop charts useless“
1:11:13 – Blood types and Japanese horoscopes
1:12:49 – Proptip for question-askers – don’t send questions that rely on us listening to a song to answer, we’ll just get copyright-striked.
1:13:22 – Is this article racist?
1:17:11 – Do you support Oli London becoming “transracial”?
1:19:49 – The Australian representation in the new Mortal Kombat movie
1:21:23 – “Smooth like Butter, like criminal undercover”
1:22:02 – What Australian right-wing politicians should Super Junior’s Siwon stan?
1:23:00 – Has AustralianSana played any of Kpopalypse’s computer games?
1:24:28 – How will k-pop tour in the future with the new coronavirus variant?
1:25:23 – The Grammys changing their rules to deny success to BTS?
1:26:54 – Conclusion, also give AustralianSana money here
AustralianSana and Kpopalypse podcast transcript – 16 July 2021 – courtest of “podcast Annie”
KP is Kpopalypse and AS is AustralianSana.
(?) means that I’m unsure if I heard a word correctly (curse those inscrutable Australian accents.)
(???) means that I missed a word or few and missing words go in that space.
♠ is a marker for the same timestamps that Kpopalypse put in the original podcast blog post (generally denoting a new question, but not always.)
“Caonima fun facts” include notes I took while transcribing that vary in relevance to the discussion. Feel free to decide whether to include them or not.
KP: Yes, um good, um, good to be back for another podcast.
AS: Yeah! How long has it been since the last one?
KP: Last one was about April the 24th.
AS: Okay. May, June, July… three-ish months?
KP: Yeah, we’ve been trying to do these more often, but hasn’t really worked out that way, has it?
AS: No. Have we got enough questions?
KP: Yeah we do! We got plenty.
AS: Okay, I’m like, how’s our viewership going? I’m not exactly keeping track.
KP: Yeah I don’t even know.
AS: Yeah, we’re flops.
AS: Has that person transcribed the last one, or did they give up on doing that?
KP: I think they gave up about five episodes ago.
AS: Yeah I can’t blame them to be honest.
KP: They came to their senses.
KP: Completely understandable.
AS: You are very valid in your decisions.
KP: Um, let’s get started with the next lot of stuff. I had a quick skim over the questions, and it’s a little bit less unusual, but I think the quality’s a bit better, which is good.
AS: Okay, it’s like we’re flops, but we’re like indie flops where the quality improves. So that’s good for us.
KP: That’s right. We’re not losing popularity, our people are just becoming more selective.
KP: Let’s do it. So… where’s my list… here we go. First one is very simple. Where do you think Kpop will be in 5 years time?
AS: Uh… well, it’s an interesting thing. It’s already oversaturated about 5 years ago, so we’re kinda seeing the effects of that with a few of the groups coming out now. I think… you’ll continue to have a lot of groups that just keep trying to pursue the Western market, ‘cause that’s been a trend for like, you know, before BTS were doing it. ‘Cause obviously SNSD tried it, Wonder Girls tried it, so now that someone else has actually had quite significant success, there’ll be more people trying to continue breaking through.
KP: Yeah, it’s been proven that it can be done.
AS: Yeah, so I feel that’s a major thing. Probably a few more like, quote, “International” quote groups I guess. Like a few more foreign, you know, the English-speaking member where they’re trying to deliberately put the group together to have more appeal that way.
AS: I mean, Blackpink was kind of ahead of the game in that regard, cause they’ve got 3/4 members who are all fluent, so that really helps.
KP: Yeah it does; certainly helps with the being relatable in interviews and stuff like that, Western media.
AS: So I wonder if we’ll get to the point where being bilingual will just be the expectation for all members.
KP: I think that expectation’s already been in the case. I think with SM, but just not with English being one of the bilingual languages. There’s always the expectation that you speak Japanese. But yeah, English will become more important in that aspect. But who knows. I don’t know, I don’t think a lot is going to change, I don’t think a lot really has changed to be honest. I mean, I don’t think BTS has really changed a great deal apart from the things that impact BTS.
AS: I mean, well the major thing that…
KP: I mean, I don’t think they’re doing the rest of Kpop any favors…
AS: Nah I mean the major thing that they’ve changed is the lack of control that they have over their music, so it’s like the more successful you are, the more you’ve got to sell out. So I think it’s just going to continue to you know, more of the whole “Western collabs Ed Sheeran writing your songs for you” massive decline in quality that comes from that.
KP: (laughing) Yes. I guess that’s you know, how it is in the West anyway.
AS: This is true.
KP: Next question we have, “How do you guys feel about WeVerse?” It’s very weird to me to see a publication space owned by Big Hit, or HYBE write articles about BTS and other BTS assets.
AS: Yeah, I hate it. I joined it for Gfriend and I will say did join it for BTS because it’s like the replacement to their fan cafe, and sometimes I you know, scroll through and see what’s going on, but it’s a really really flawed platform. Like there’s already been like data leaks and that kind of stuff, there’s no moderation… or very minimal moderation of the platform. Yeah, it’s kinda like they’re wanting to be their own version of Twitter and that kind of stuff, and it’s just a really shit-made platform. But because it’s the way that the fandom acts and everything BTS is associated to is perfect, so… can’t criticize WeVerse as well. And therefore that’s what leads it to being so shit all the time, because you can never provide the necessary criticisms to improve the service.
KP: Yeah. I haven’t been on it. I have no experience with it, so I have no opinion of it. But it does make sense to me that if you can’t criticize something then it’s not going to improve.
KP: ”Is this real or an Onion-like satire article?” And this is article entitled, “UN elects Iran to top women’s right body.”
AS: I mean, is that not what they did with Saudi Arabia a couple years ago?
KP: Yeah, I think they… something similar happened. I can’t remember.
AS: They did.
KP: But… I guess
AS: Yep, UN watch. Yeah it’s legit. I mean, again, as I just mentioned, they’ve already done it before with Saudi Arabia so is anyone actually surprised?
KP: I guess the is that maybe they’re doing it to try and, rather than shutting these countries out, if they try bringing them to the table they can try to provide some influence.
AS: Yeah, I mean even here in the article, it’s saying: “In 2017, after a similar secret ballot for the same UN Right Commission, a UN Watch campaign led to Belgium’s admission that it voted to elect Saudi Arabia.” And the Belgian government made sure to tell the Saudis that they voted for them. So… yeah.
KP: Yeah so, I mean I don’t know enough to know about how that shit works to know if that’s a good or a bad idea.
AS: Yeah it’s very bad. (Laughs)
KP: Certainly reads bad on paper, but I can certainly see the argument for why someone would wanna do that. Because if you shut those countries out completely, then… you know, if you invite them to the table, maybe giving them a motivation, they’re game. I don’t know how that would work. I’m far from an expert in it, but it’s saying that… the other option of just cutting them out completely, well if you shut someone out completely then they lose their motivation to do any better.
KP: So I don’t know. Anyway, political questions I’m not qualified to answer; let’s move on.
KP: I don’t know what this question means. Boobs for buttcheeks, buttcheeks for boobs, or both?
AS: Ohhh, it’s asking if we would rather switch our buttcheeks for boobs or (laughing) replace your boobs with your buttcheeks. As you have said, a complete increase of quality in our questions.
KP: Yeah (laughing) Uh, I’m still thinking about it. I’m still trying to conceptualize it, so…
AS: If I imagine the question, I’m imagining like, switching the size of my boobs for the size of my buttcheeks, I’d probably go with that? But you know, keeping the actual size of the actual boob itself?
KP: Wouldn’t that make your wrestling moves more difficult?
KP: Well you could use them as a weapon maybe.
AS: Yeah, it could make me a bit more popular.
KP: Might, yeah it would…
AS: Get me over.
KP: Yeah, might be some new tricks you can do in the ring.
KP: “How to stop giving a shit about kpop?”
AS: Hm. Well, if you can figure that out, let us know.
KP: I wrote an article about it.
KP: Yeah! “How to stop loving kpop.” Just search that up on my website; it’s all there.
AS: I was going to say, “Well you haven’t done a very good job following your advice.”
KP: Oh, well… I don’t know, I still don’t give a shit about most of it. Didn’t give a shit about most of it when I started, but… (laughing) I’m just looking for the songs that I like. And kpop sometimes has them, and sometimes not.
KP: Here’s the next one: “Talk about OnlyOneOf being gaybait vs. they’re genuinely gay men who are self-producing.”
AS: Uhhhhhhhh I realize, I was like, “Who the hell is OnlyOneOf,” and then it was like “Ohhh, ONF.” I vaguely, VERY vaguely know of them. So…
KP: There’s some video that they came out with recently; I can’t remember what it is. But it’s just packed full of very obviously gay fanservice type stuff. I’ll try and find it.
AS: I mean I believe you; I know Kpop and how it is, and I know Super Junior did it a lot, so, is it any surprise that another group is doing it too?
KP: Yeah, lots of guys with hair blowing in the wind giving each other long lingering stares and stuff like that, which is not new as you’ve pointed out.
AS: I mean again, kind of not much of an opinion? I don’t know it’s like, I don’t hate it.
KP: I guess the question is, are these guys really gay or not? I don’t think the answer to that is… it’s just probably random.
AS: Yeah I mean there’s probably at least, statistically speaking, some groups do have to have at least one member in the closet in all of kpop, whether that group specifically does. Who knows? I… I am somewhat, you know, I don’t have a really good opinion on the concept, “concept” I think is the right word, I’m sorry, brain not function good. It’s like the concept of queerbaiting. I get why people who are like, in that minority would be somewhat offended by it? I think the most offensive part of queerbaiting in kpop is the fans who love the fanservice but then are you know, bigots when it comes to actual gay people in real life. So like, that’s obviously my beef with that kind of stuff.
KP: But aren’t there not many of those? Because most people who I see…
AS: There’s a fair bit that get… it’s more like there’s a fair few; a lot of them kind of you know, they don’t tweet about it because if you DO tweet about it you get ratio’d. But the entire cou—well not ENTIRE country, sorry that is a bit of a generalization—but a significant population in South Korea is still quite behind, and that’s the main market for a lot of them as well. So it’s… as a generalized comment, a significant portion of the Korean audience is that kind of audience where, they love the fan service, they don’t love giving LGBTQIA+ people the actual rights that they deserve when it comes to lawmaking. Cause you know, like, in South Korea, gay marriage is still illegal.
KP: Yeah, well I guess I’m thinking more of the fans that I see. I see plenty of people liking fanservice, but I don’t see any of those ones saying, “Well if they were actually gay I would hate it.” But I guess in Korea it’s a different ballgame.
AS: Yeah, I think there was an article that came out recently about Tiffany, and she said something very positive about “she loves pride month,” so she was saying something to do with being supportive, and the comment was like, “Noooo Tiffany! You can’t support them!!! Why do you support them?” is like the translated K-Netizen comment. And obviously not every Korean fan thinks that way, but it’s yeah. Still a bigger deal over there.
KP: Yeah. That’s sad. Yeah I don’t think that OnlyOneOf is like, an entire group of gay people self-producing the same song. If I was gonna give any group like-
AS: I think there is one that exists. I can’t remember their name, but it’s a vague thing I’ve heard of.
KP: I think if there’s one that exists, it’s probably N.O.M.
AS: I think that might have been.
KP: They’ve never come out and said they’re gay, but just looking at their videos it got pretty gay vibes going on; it sends your gaydar right up.
KP: Next question—“How did BTS break into the top spot groups like GOT7, which was doing extremely well on social media and was pretty popular in 2015/16 overseas,” competing against them?
AS: Hmm… timing? As much as we wanna say that it’s all to do with… it’s a meritocracy, so much of it is chance. So they had the right timing. There were things to do with decisions that were made by the company that were, you know, a good decision. So for example, JYP has a shit history of attempting to go abroad. And people love to act like BTS—more like Big Hit—just came out with the ideas out of nowhere and that’s why they’re so much better than everyone else. But the reality is that the JYP failures with Bang Si-Hyuk having previously worked for JYP also gave them a roadmap of certain things to do or not do when attempting themselves (Caonima fun fact: Bang Si-Hyuk is the current CEO of Big Hit/HYBE.) And one of those decisions was working with people in America instead of going over there and being like, “No, I’m going to make my own company and do it entirely my way because I want to keep a majority of the profits,” which is the way that SM and JYP have previously tried to themselves. So they worked with the guy Eshikagaziz(?) or however you say it, who is very unpopular with basically anyone who comes across him, because he’s your typical you know, scooter brawn type dickhead. But he got their foot in the door, got them the connections, and from the connections they just continued to build the momentum. TDLR version, obviously plenty of other factors as well. The changing of the way—streams is a very big thing, so the way that the board has adjusted charts over the years, it therefore makes it a lot easier for kpop to break through compared to how it was based 5-10 years ago. Massive differences in the charting system.
KP: Yeah. I already have an opinion on it.
KP: Next question just says “homosexuality” and that’s it, so…
AS: Love that for you, if you are in that group.
KP: I would say homosexuality is gay. Let’s move on. That’s a gay question.
KP: “Sana’s fried ends” is the next question.
AS: Ah, my girl and her hair, Jesus Christ. Mmm, it’s like, she dyes her hair brown to try and recover it from when she’s blonde. She’ll go blonde for maybe like, a year, and then that’s what she’ll do but like Fancy—she went blonde for Fancy, and then she was blonde for Feel Special as well, and after that it’s like she gives the hair a break. And then next minute after three months or so she’s now blonde again, and it’s like… ”Sweetie, that’s not how hair works, you have to regrow it all over again. You don’t just dye it brown and then reset it how it used to be before you put the peroxide in.” And I’m speaking as someone who literally fries my hair every six weeks at the salon, so…
KP: Do you think she’s the one making those decisions?
AS: No, of course not. I would just hate to be an idol so much. I remember… I can remember a conversation I had with a Korean friend who had some involvement in the idol system, and this was like years and years ago. I think she was a trainee at one point, and I asked her about the hair situation, like: “Do you have to get your hair done?” And essentially it’s like they’re the ones making the decisions the company is. I’m super super fussy over my hair; I could not handle someone else controlling if I’m getting a haircut or what color my hair’s gonna be. And the amount of damage that is done to idol’s hair is… Sana’s is the obvious example, just because if you go brown and then you go blonde again right after, it’s just destruction. It’s so so bad for you. To go back to dark and then to go blonde again after already having previously damaged hair is more damaging than if she had just stayed blonde. If you stay blonde you’re essentially just keeping up the maintenance of it, but when you’re putting the color in again and stripping the color out again, you’re going through that entire stripping process, and it’s so bad. ‘Cause hair is essentially, once it’s out of your head you can’t fix it, it’s just dead ends. Follicles and shit. You can’t put a treatment and it’s all better again; that’s not how it wooooorks. Like if you’ve noticed Rosé from Blackpink—our legend, we stan—she’s had blonde hair since… ‘How You Like That’, no before ‘How You Like That’, it was before… ‘Kill This Love’ she’s had blonde hair? I think she even blonde hair before that, sorry, not entirely up-to-date. Well she had to bleach it to do ‘Ddu-du Ddu-du’. So she had to bleach it to get the red that went into it, then after the red faded out she’s pretty much kept it that blonde ever since? So she’s not dying it dark and dying it back—the fact that’s she’s just currently maintaining that hair means that she’s currently doing the regrowth, so she’s bleaching the new hair coming through, not bleaching her entire head? That’s where the real difference is.
KP: There you go. Knowledge.
AS: I know; I should be a hairdresser by now. The amount of shit I’ve done to my hair, I probably could be.
KP: Hang on, this is directed to Annie, not you: I’ll ask it to you anyway.
AS: Who the hell is Annie?? (Caonima fun fact: I am actually also named Annie. There’s Taeyeon Annie and there’s… me Annie; “podcast Annie” for now I guess..)
KP: Oh, she’s… Annie is a well-known kpop follower.
AS: Annie are you okay? Are you okay Annie? (Caonima fun fact: Annies get this joke a LOT.)
KP: Annie’s a big fan of WJSN’s Luda. And the question was, “How does Annie feel about Luda chopping half her nose off and getting some kind of hairline facelift?”
KP: Yeah, I know.
KP: Do you have anything to do with Luda?
AS: Um, not particularly? Like I know WJSN is a group. I know a few of their songs. Their song this year… can’t remember the name of this, sure as hell great of a fan I am, but it is on my “Best of 2K21 Playlist,” so shoutout to WJSN for being one of the very very few groups to not make shit music this year.
KP: Yeah but this person needs to actually go and ask Annie this shit because I’m not talking to Annie right now.
KP: “Thoughts on The Boyz?”
AS: (Singing “The Boys” by SNSD) I know that you’re looking at me / I know what you see / Every look will make it hard to breathe / GG!
AS: Not as bad as people made it out to be. Decent SNSD song.
KP: As far as I know they were referring to the group “The Boyz.”
AS: Well, have you ever seen the Amazon TV series/comic books? Excellent fucking TV show. Sorry mate, but if you ask me about boy groups I will derail the conversation. Excellent, excellent fucking TV show. Probably one of the best TV shows I’ve ever seen. Highly highly recommend.
KP: That’s that on that. Next question.
KP: “Please talk about what you think”… hang on.
AS: Does anyone else have any wrestling questions?
KP: Not sure. “Please talk about what you think about OnlyOneOf. No one talks act them and they are literal gods.” Oh no, I know what that question means. So let’s talk about wrestling instead.
AS: Well I’m assuming “OnlyOneOf” is the “ONF” group again. Please talk about how fantastic they are. I don’t hate them? I think I actually… they might be another one of my “Best of 2K” playlist songs. See, this is me being an old hag into kpop now, so I don’t stan groups, I’m like “yeah this song is good; put it in the playlist!” So I literally could not tell you a single member’s name! Oh, I’ve got Oneus. I’ve got them mixed up. Sorry, I’ve got “Black Mirror” by Oneus in the playlist.
KP: Yeah it’s all right. So how’d the Australian Sana wrestling debut went?
AS: Oh right. I get asked like, once a week at least if I’m gonna debut yet, and I’m just still shit, because I’m a failure at everything I ever attempt in my life.
KP: I’ve been watching your Twitter and Instagram actually; the flexibility training seems to be going very well.
AS: Thank you; that is actually something I do have going for me that’s pretty good. Um, yeah. Wrestling. It’s a work in progress. And like, you know, I cry about it and I’m sad that I’m not good enough, but the reality is that with with wrestling, it’s not the kind of thing that you just pick up and debut in five minutes because it’s actually a dangerous sport. And I can joke about this like “fighting for fun,” but the reality is there was a guy who… it’s a good article, but basically he’s… if you know wrestling you probably know Sean Michaels.
AS: He was very famous in the WWE.
AS: Sure, that’s fine.
KP: Well sure, maybe.
AS: Big time wrestler, he was in the tag team with Marty Jannetty. I think that was the guy. And they had a match with a guy who was like, a complete rookie who’d been wrestling for six months when WWE booked him, to do this tag-team match against them. And he took a move the wrong way and ended up paralyzed. So… the whole point of extended training, as depressing as it is feeling like shit, it’s essentially so I don’t get injured or so I don’t injure another person.
KP: Yeah, ‘cause even the fights themselves might have predetermined outcomes, it’s still a very physical thing that’s being done. It’ll take a lot of hard work to get right and it requires a lot of physicality. So there’s potential to be hurt and to hurt others.
AS: The other thing as well is when I think of the stuff I want to be doing in the ring, it’s more dangerous than typical wrestling because I have a background in cheerleading and gymnastics. So some of the moves that I’m currently training, works in progress, do involve flipping. So again, that’s even more reason to make sure that I’m good at what I’m doing before I then get out in front of an audience and try to do it in front of that kind of pressure. So yeah, it’s a work in progress. I’m terrible at it, but I’m still gonna keep doing it anyway, ‘cause I’m stubborn.
KP: So no debut day set.
AS: No, no day.
AS: Oh, do you know what a deathmatch is?
KP: Um, no not really.
AS: It’s basically wrestling, but then adding shit like barbed wire and light shoes and smashing shit like that. I’ve got a friend—
KP: Oh yeah I’ve seen that.
AS: I’m really hell-bent on doing that, so like… you know, in progress. Talking to some people in Melvin and doing some training with them as well, and… yeah, no disrespect to TCW who is with I train with currently in Tasmania, because they’re the ones teaching me the basics, which are essential for me to get anywhere. But I’m also going to do a bit of training with Melvin as well, hopefully soon, depending on border closures and whatnot. Because yeah, I wanna like… deathmatches 100% a thing I want the most out of wrestling. 100% ever since I was 14. There’s a match against Mick Foley and Edge at WrestleMania 22, for anyone who’s listening that’s a fan of wrestling, that is the match that makes me wanna be a wrestler. So I wanna do the shit they’re doing in that match.
KP: Okay. Well go get a lighter.
KP: “A few years ago, Wonho let it slip during a live session that he was 173cm tall and not 178cm as listed on his official profile.”
KP: “Another time, he revealed he was 85kg, and this would put his BMI in the overweight category.”
KP: “Since then he has put on a huge amount of muscle, to the point that he would currently be in the obese category. I’m curious what you guys think about this and BMI in general.”
AS: BMI is bullshit.
KP: Yeah I agree. Because it doesn’t take into account that not all weight is equal.
AS: Yeah, exactly. Like, the expression “muscle weighs more than fat” is factually incorrect, because you know, 100kg of muscle weighs the same as 100kg of fat. It’s all about the density of it and that kind of stuff. So muscle per volume takes up less space, like fat takes up more space and that kind of shit. But um… yeah. Apparently, I did my gym thing today, and like every now and then I meet up with one of the people in the gym to just review things and check progress and make sure everything’s going well. And they did like, I weighed 68 kilos today, which for my height of 177cm, let’s pop into a BMI thing… BMI calculator… height 177, weight 68, calculate my BMI… 21.7! Okay, apparently I’m good. But anyway, there was another thing that doesn’t make sense. Ah yes, it was body fat percentage, and my body fat percentage according to the scale is 33.7. And then a quick little Google search tells me that according to the American Council on Exercise, anything above 32% for women is considered obese. So if you look at me… I am obese according to the American Council on Exercise. I don’t really… this is the kind of shit that is where people get eating disorders and they hyperfixate on numbers, and I am a person that hyperfixates and obsess, so it’s not really a good thing for me to read a statistic telling me I’m obese. But I’m also someone who’s a bit more… it’s amazing, I hate myself and yet I’m also self-secure at the same time. I’m secure enough in my self in my reflection to know I’m not literally obese. And it’s the same kind of deal with BMI. According to the government website I just went on my BMI is in a healthy range, but there’s people who have healthy BMIs who are very unfit. And then there’s people like Lizzo, who’s like technically obese or overweight, and if you see the stuff that she does onstage, she’s phenomenal. Like, she’s super fit and playing the flute and dancing and moving around and then staying on-key and rapping, so, statistics do not correlate to health.
KP: Hm. Groovy! But yeah. BMI… I don’t really trust it. Never. You know. Accurate sometimes, sometimes not.
AS: It’s like MBTI but for fit people.
AS: Aw, you didn’t get my joke! MBTI is that thing all the idols were doing like I’m INTJ, I’m INTP, you see all those ones.
KP: Oh! Yeah, sorry. I was reading the next question and spacing out. Yeah. Let’s move on. Here’s the next question: “Is Bang Shi Hyuk the most logical CEO of the Big 4? JYP would rather kill himself than push GOT7 or Stray Kids into the U.S., and Lee Soo-Man is currently mental.”
AS: Well, he just fucked up GFriend’s career, so not that smart now, is he?
KP: (laughing) There you go. I think we have GFriend questions coming up.
AS: Oh. Sad bitch hours coming.
KP: Yeah. “If there had been Twitter/social media apps during the time of the Ted Bundy trial, do you think he would have had his own stan communities?“
AS: Of course he would. He has his own stan communities now.
KP: (laughing) Yeah. That’s pretty obvious one. Next one. “Part 2: If Ted Bundy trials were happening in 2021, with which kpop fan would there likely be overlap with Ted Bundy stans?”
AS: I’m pretty sure there’s already Armys who’ve been exposed. Crossover in there somewhere cause of how widespread they are as a community.
KP: Really? Do you have any links, because…
AS: You know, I’d have to go through and find it.
KP: That’s worth hunting for, I think. I could use that.
AS: It’s one of those things that vaguely rings a bell in my head. But you know. The way they act like sociopaths, they’d probably fit right in.
KP: Um… “What are 5 kpop songs released in the last two years which you’d use to torture war criminals with?”
AS: Ohhh, that’s brutal…
KP: “Kpopalypse please answer too”, so, I’ll have to get out the list…
AS: I could just say you go through your worst fuckin kpop…
KP: I’ll just get out my fucking list, yeah.
AS: I don’t have a worst list, because I don’t want to KEEP shit music in my phone. I have to say “Dynamite” would be up there immediately. That, I hate that fuckin song. The autotune on it. Grating lyrics. Terrible.
AS: Free Taehyung; he’s better than that. Oh, and the one that they just released. “Permission to Dance,” fuckin Ed Sheeran. Uh, “Make it Right,” the other Ed Sheeran one. Anything associated with Ed Sheeran just goes there immediately.
KP: That’s 3.
AS: I gotta put something else that’s not BTS in. I’m trying to think. What groups—I don’t HATE any groups! As much as Armys love to think I hate BTS, I don’t hate BTS. I just hate those songs. I know there’s gotta be some sort of SM song in there. I’ve Got a Boy, but that’s not quite 2 years.
KP: Yeah. It’s gotta be recent.
AS: Probably an NCT song, no offense to those guys either. Just the “wub wub” is no good for me. They have some good songs actually, now and then, but it’s such an eclectic discography there’s gotta be some clusterfucks in there.
KP: Yeah. All right, so songs… I’d better answer this. Songs to torture people with. Now it’s not necessarily the worst songs; it’s slightly different.
KP: I think, just going through my list…
AS: I feel like in that case, you know, I’ll pick one of the ones that you pick, but… some sort of girl group song. You know, I love my girl groups, but some of them can be mixed horribly and high notes for the sake of high notes.
KP: I’ll definitely go with LEENALCHI — “Tiger Is Coming.” That song is really painful. You probably haven’t heard that, and it’s just as well. It’s actually went quite viral in Korea because it got used for tourism advertising, and the vocals… let’s just say they’re an acquired taste. I think it’s traditional-style Korean singing. But it’s just… it’s just a bad song. Probably the last couple of Lim Kim songs are quite painful. She’s been really bad ever since she came back as an independent artist. Are you know, while I appreciate her mission to try and, you know, come back as an artist and do cool stuff, she’s just got no songs. It’s just dreadful.
AS: Lim Kim, isn’t she the one who’s like (affected singing) “I came to my kitchen, I have bananas and avocados”?
KP: Yeah, but she doesn’t sound like that anymore. She’s completely changed. That was obviously fake bullshit that she was doing nine years ago, because she doesn’t sound anything like that anymore.
AS: So she was putting on the indie singer voice.
KP: That’s right.
KP: And now I don’t know if she’s putting on something else or once, but it’s pretty bad. Um, Bling Bling’s “La la la” would be terrible. That song is… yeah. Fire your eardrums right off. And probably anything with that fuckin bird, the Pororo bird. Actually, there’s a good song this year with the bird, but last year there was…
AS: Pororo! The penguin!
KP: Yeah. I’m not saying it very well, but P-O-R-O-R-O.
AS: Yeah, Pororo.
KP You know what I mean.
AS: Po. Ro. Ro.
KP: Or maybe Blackpink’s song with Selena Gomez. That was trash.
AS: Ohhhh, Ice Cream.
KP: So bad.
AS: It’s not great, but I’ve heard much worse.
KP: Oh, it’s… it’s not the worst song ever, but it’s right down there. I mean for something to just be grating and annoying, it’s yeah. It’s got a lot of grating annoying-ness.
AS: I feel that.
KP: There were songs—all of them I mentioned were on the list. Anyone who’s read it will know what they are. But we’re talking about sheer…
AS: Torture-specific purposes.
KP: Yeah, specifically for torture, I think those ones.
KP: Anyway, let’s move to the next. “In the Marvel title Black Panther, Wakanda is a xenophobic isolationist Black ethno-state in Africa, with super-advanced technology. In the fiction universe, the rest of Africa is just like it is in the real world, i.e. rife with famine, disease, war, corruption, etc. Wakanda has done nothing to aid the plight of other African nations for hundreds of years. In the comics, Wakanda even has the cure for cancer. Do you think that the Wakandans are assholes? What reforms do you think the Wakandans should make? I.e. not just building youth centers in impoverished urban centers in America, which they decided to do at the end of the MCU movie.”
AS: Well, in the MCU movie, at the end of the Black Panther movie specifically, Chadwick Boseman who was the actor for T’Challa, he’s seen at the U.N. opening up Wakanda’s information to share to the world as well. So it’s not just a youth center, assuming it looks like he’s sharing that cure for cancer, etc.
KP: Yeah I haven’t this film, so. Carry on.
AS: Pretty much just that. Share that shit.
AS: Particularly with the other African nations first, because you know, white people fucked up the rest of Africa. They can wait.
AS: Killmonger made points!
KP: “Do you ever read Kpopalypse’s fanfics about Reddit fedora-tipping male feminist allies?”
AS: I don’t know about that one specifically. I know I have read a couple of yours.
KP: This is referring to a 2-part series called, “T-ara vs. AOA – The Final Fap.”
AS: I feel like… it’s familiar, I probably have.
KP: But anyway, I won’t go into detail on exactly what happens. But it does talk about fedora-tipping male feminist allies. The nice guy syndrome stuff.
AS: White knights. Oh yeah.
KP: So, AustralianSana hasn’t read it so she doesn’t have an opinion, so…
AS: I probably did read it – anything male fedora-tipping feminist is…
KP: Well you wouldn’t know that was what it was about until you actually read it. “Once upon a time, Kpopalypse did a fanfic collab with Anti Kpop-Fangirl. Have you considered doing a similar project with Kpopalypse?”
AS: Umm… not entirely opposed to the idea. It’s more like I don’t even have the fricking time to do this. And it takes two hours, whereas a fanfic takes so much longer to write.
KP: It is a bit of a time investment.
KP: I’ll understand if you don’t wanna do that. I’m lucky that I can get a couple hours out of you in a couple months, because you have a very busy schedule.
AS: I know…
KP: “Please rank these songs from best to worst. ‘Zimzalabim’ by Red Velvet…”
KP: “‘More and More’ by Twice…”
KP: “‘M.A.F.I.A in the Morning’ by Itzy…”
KP: “And ‘I’ve Got a Boy’ by Girls’ Generation.”
AS: I’m ranking ‘M.A.F.I.A in the Morning’ as the best out of that lot. I feel like that’s one that I low-key enjoy ironically. I don’t like ‘More and More,’ but I think the English version kind of helps save it a little bit. Then it was between ‘I Got a Boy’ and…
AS: Oh, that’s brutal. That’s brutal. In the words of Olivia Rodrigo, “It’s brutal out here.”
KP: Do you abstain?
AS: I will narrowly put ‘Zimzalabim’ as worse than ‘I Got a Boy,’ but I strongly dislike both.
KP: I would agree on that last point. I’d definitely put ‘Zimzalabim’ worse than I Got a Boy. ‘More and More’ I’d also probably put worse than ‘I Got a Boy,’ just ‘cause ‘I Got a Boy has’ about 20 seconds of good music somewhere in the five minutes of miss, while I feel like ‘More and More’ is just kind of crappy and bland. ‘M.A.F.I.A in the Morning’, I’ll be completely honest, I haven’t even listened to it that much to have an opinion on it. I’ve listened to it maybe two or three times, didn’t like it at all. But… where I’d fit it into the contest, the other three, I don’t even know yet, other than to say it’s really goddamn bad. So. I couldn’t really place it, but I doubt it’d be down by ‘Zimzalabim’ in terms of bad.
AS: I feel like if it was that bad you’d probably remember it being that bad.
KP: Yeah I don’t remember hating it quite that much. I just remember thinking, “Oh god it’s another one of those songs.” And that’s why I’ve only listened to it 2-3 times.
AS: It’s essentially another girl group making boy group music, the trend that’s been happening lately.
KP: Yeah, except the girl groups making boy group music doesn’t make it sound like boy group music either. Doesn’t sound like anything I like. Kind of sad.
KP: Okay, here’s a link to a video, and I think it’s your f(x) video—why f(x) didn’t get a fan name. And the question is “was your unmade bed a metaphor for the mental state of the f(x) stans at that point in time?”
AS: No, it was a metaphor for my mental state.
KP: (laughs) “Also, have you ever thought about reviving your v-log channel?”
AS: Not particularly? Again, I barely have time to record a 2-hour interview, and Youtube is even more work, because you’ve got to set up the camera, film, then go back and edit it a lot more than we edit this podcast.
KP: Yeah. This person adds that they recommend the “Wondershare Filmora” editing software. It’s very easy to use, the way Windows Movie Maker was back in the day.
KP: So I guess check that out if you want. I’ve been using-
AS: I wonder if that’s a sponsored advertising promo poster now. DMs tryna get that free marketing from our viewership. (Caonima fun fact: I’m very gullible and immediately looked up Wondershare Filmora to check out later because I love free nice things. According to Kpopalypse it watermarks everything, though.)
KP: Yeah I know! Maybe. Not enough viewership to be relevant for advertising. Someone should be paying us.
AS: Yeah. Where’s my alcohol money?
KP: I know! You’re not drunk, and that’s because you guys, you stingy fucks won’t give us money.
AS: Yeah, no drunk podcasts until ya cough up, ya cheap bastards.
KP: Yeah so, someone out there, get on the Patreon, give me a bunch of money—per month, enough for the alcohol—and say “this is your AustralianSana alcohol fund.” Then if you do that, you get drunk podcasts.
KP: All right, so next question: “Do the covers for the same movie American Sniper”— and we’re talking about the DVD covers here—um, the first one is a UK DVD cover, which has a soldier holding a gun. And the second one is the US DVD cover which has a soldier with a waving US flag in front of him. Yeah, I think the Australian one…
AS: The Australian one’s the UK one.
KP: Yeah. “Why do you think the covers are different; which do you prefer of the two?”
AS: Well, I mean… the American one is probably done for the pro-America crowd. Patriotism. That shit with the American flag on it. Yeehaw!
KP: Oh I think that’s pretty obvious, yeah.
AS: And then the gun is quite literary for a titled film called “American SNIPER!” Basically, you get what your title suggests you’re getting from that film. Judging the book by its cover, essentially.
KP: And which cover you do prefer—I think we could probably do away with the fucking flag, couldn’t we?
KP: I don’t care about some other country’s flag.
AS: (Singing “America, Fuck Yeah” by Team America) America, fuck yeah, coming again to save the motherfuckin’ day. Have you not seen Team America?
KP: I’m familiar with the song.
KP: Next question, “Do you believe in the theory that JYP does not want his boy groups to succeed? I don’t really buy that theory since 2PM was screwed up by Nichkhun’s scandal and GOT7 never had any hits since ‘Lullaby.’ Also JYP, unlike the Big4 counterparts, does not have any idea about pushing their boy groups internationally.”
AS: I just think JYP… remember that cult thing that he was kind of rumored to be in? He said he’d have a press conference to address it and disprove it, then never did and just hoped everyone forgot about it and that’s pretty much what happened.
KP: His press conference is basically, “I’m gonna write a book about it; buy my book when it comes out.” And we never heard about it ever again.
AS: Yeah, so I think he’s a cultist more than anything! I don’t think they’re deliberately sabotaging their groups, because you know, a group is how you make your money as a businessman. But I think it gets a certain point in your group’s success level where it actually does become more beneficial to start sabotaging them somewhat so that you can maintain a certain amount of control over them. Like if they may become too successful, then they don’t resign their contracts, because they know that they can do better elsewhere based on their own merit. And you gotta like, grind them back down so they think they can’t leave and keep all that control over them.
AS: And then essentially, GOT7 didn’t resign then contract, but just because of the decline that JYP inflicted upon them in their last few years, they then don’t have the same branding power that they did at their peak to be able to go and launch new, successfully rebooted careers post-group. So it’s all about control. Whether that phrasing was exact, and I’m sure there are people who are listening who are like “no no no.” You get the idea of what I’m trying to suggest, whether it’s accurate or not, thank you!
KP: Yeah, obviously those factors do play a part. I mean, I don’t think anyone wants their groups to not be a success. But I think…
AS: I mean, they’re also CEOs, so they’re shit people. Guillotine!
KP: (laughing) What are you gonna do if you ever become a CEO?
AS: When the fuck am I ever gonna be a CEO?
KP: I dunno, you’ll be a wrestling CEO, who knows?
AS: CEO of shitcunts.
KP: (laughing) Next question. “Everyone speaks about the tragedy of B.A.P, the group that had all the potential in the word got fucked by TS Entertainment and lost all its stans to BTS. PS: I know not every B.A.P fan went to BTS. But what if the lawsuit never happened and TS was nice? Would B.A.P be a massive sensation?”
AS: It’s one of those “what if” things that is super super difficult to ever predict. So we talked about it before just in terms of timing. Absolutely, BTS did gain some of B.A.P’s fans, because they had very similar concepts a while ago. But you also gotta factor in the timing of when BTS really blew up, which was a bit later than say, 2013 Times Square-era B.A.P. So there’s potential they could have, but definitely no guarantee either.
KP: Yeah I mean, you don’t really know. There’s so many different factors.
AS: You could look at the shit that came out about Himchan. Apparently, he sexually assaulted someone. And even if you’re not someone who likes BTS, you can pretty much agree that at least the members that we know of aren’t assaulting women, so they don’t have that working against them the way that B.A.P unfortunately does. It’s not just one certain factor that determines success; it’s a shitload of things. So while B.A.P certainly had lost potential, no 100% guarantees either way.
KP: Absolutely. You just don’t know what’s going to happen. I was interviewing someone—I can’t remember what—and I asked him, “What’s the biggest misconception that people have about the business?” And they said, “The biggest misconception people have is they think everything will progress smoothly. Because it can be like… a thousand different things that come up that you never would have imagined that can hold someone back from success. It’s not just the typical stuff; it’s not like you can plan it out on a map and say, ‘If we do this and this and this, it’s definitely gonna work.’ Reality’s not like that.” So yeah. So that question’s you know… a bit silly.
AS: I mean it’s fun to speculate and all that, and that’s essentially what we’re here to do. But we can’t give you a great answer, sorry.
KP: Yeah, it’s just a ??? of a question.
AS: Yeah it’s like, do you want me to just tell you what you wanna hear, are you a B.A.P stan who wants me to go, “Yes! They were robbed!”
KP: (laughs) “Back in the day, religious boomers used to think that anime and Pokémon was made by devil worshippers to corrupt the youth. Do you share that sentiment about anime?”
AS: Oh, of course. Cancel anime. Just, anyone with an anime profile picture on Twitter should be purged from the site.
KP: I would say anime has got nothing to do with devil worship, because I don’t mind if if it did devil worship, and I wouldn’t watch an anime. Even I have morals. There’s a point even I wouldn’t go beyond, so.
AS: (laughing) “Anime? In my good Christian household??”
KP: So let’s not disparage the wholesome Satanists by association with trashy anime fans.
AS: It’s like “anime?? In my good Satanic household???”
KP: “Are many of your neighbors like this?” And there’s a link.
AS: Interesting, because I don’t know my neighbors, so… I only moved a year ago, okay, I moved a year ago and I still don’t know my neighbors.
KP: I’ll send you the archived link there. It is, “A teen cryptocurrency trader and CrossFit enthusiast has been lashed by a magistrate after he was caught red-handed dealing ecstasy to a party bus guest.”
AS: Ah! Cronulla. Makes sense. “A teen A teen cryptocurrency trader and CrossFit enthusiast,” of course he is. CrossFit is essentially the new veganism in terms of, “How do you know someone’s a vegan or how do you know someone does CrossFit?” Don’t worry, they’ll tell you. So he probably dropped that in during his sentencing.
AS: Like, “I’m a crossfitter! Make sure you put that in the article!”
KP: Let’s just move on. “Did you cry when you heard the GFriend disbandment?”
AS: Actually, no. I joked about crying and all that kind of stuff. The thing is, idols sign contracts that are for limited terms! So… GFriend’s disbandment is coming toward the end of their contract renewal period. In my opinion, no group is ever obliged to have to re-sign. They sign their service, they do their obligation, and they’re free to do whatever they want afterwards. There’s definitely a lot of speculation that they wanted to re-sign the contracts and I think they were hinting towards it as well, but a lot of it had to do with Big Hit being a shit company. So yeah, I’m sad for them in the sense that they wanted to stay together, and I definitely think they could have gone on to keep making good music as a group. But I’m also not sad about the fact that they’re not in Big Hit anymore, ‘cause again, it’s just such a shit company.
KP: They’re free now.
KP: Yeah, they had somewhat of a name for themselves and can go and do whatever.
AS: Like, in their time as GFriend, Sowon barely had any individual work. Like, 5/6 members got to have OSTs. And you know, Sowon, being bluntly honest, she’s not a bad singer, but she’s also not a main vocalist typical person who you’d give the OST to. But like, she definitely has a lot of potential as a model? Like, her height is literally one of very very few female idols who are actually tall enough to be a legit model. ‘Cause we see lots of idols who are doing photoshoot work, and it’s cool, like I’m a fan of Rosé so I love her stuff with YSL. (caonima fun fact: Yves Saint Laurent) I’m not criticizing that. But a lot of idols are not runway height. Runway height is like 5’9’’, 5’10’’, which is where I’m at. And speaking from experience of seeing a lot of celebrities in-person from just going to a few events in Korea, very very few are the same height as me. Sowon is the only female idol who I’ve ever seen who is the same height as me. She can and should be doing runway work, gigs, legit modeling. So I’m hoping for her that she is able to branch out and start doing a bit of that! It’s what she deserves, at least, so hopefully she gets the opportunity now.
KP: Yeah well why not? She’s been doing well in the objectification survey results that I’ve been putting up.
AS: Love that for her.
KP: So that’s—besides, obviously she’s got the right stuff. I think she’s got a fairly broad appeal. Not really my type, but certainly someone who I think generally people would recognize as attractive. And she’s got the right figure, so you know. She could do well. Don’t see why not. Given all the right circumstances and all that sort of stuff. Um, “Did I cry when I heard they disbanded”—no. Because I really only care about the songs. And whatever song GFriend were going to get next but aren’t going to because they’re no longer a thing—it’s just going to go back into the pot and someone else is gonna pick that up. So we’re gonna hear it anyway if it’s any good. And… you know. Whenever a group disbands, then you’ve got a whole bunch of people able to do solo stuff, so you know. It divides so we can get different comebacks and stuff. As long as Eunha keeps doing something I’ll be happy.
KP: But you know, even if not, you’ve gotta be happy for anyone who doesn’t sign off on a kpop contract.
KP: Because you wanna be out of that shit if you can possibly help it.
KP: “With Australia not getting through the first Eurovision semifinals this year, should they just send Rosé in, Nurse Jenny, or all of Blackpink in 2022?”
AS: Oh, fuck yes. I’d vote for that.
KP: Cool. I think that would be unfair. Are there rules? I don’t really follow Eurovision, but are there any rules on how big of a performer you can be before you’re not allowed to actually be in Eurovision?
AS: I actually wonder, was ABBA famous before they were in Eurovision, or after?
KP: Yeah I don’t know enough about it.
AS: No no no no no, there’s a group, the one time the UK decided to actually give a shit about Eurovision, they sent a pop band called “Blue.” Um, Blue at their peak of fame were pretty big in like, the late-90s early-2000s. Like they had a song called “All Rise” that I loved as a child. There was another one, “Too Close” that was—it was semi-popular. They had a following. So Blue re-formed and went in Eurovision a couple of years ago… and the song was all right. But yeah. You can be a pre-existing group and famous, and I’ve low-key always wondered why they don’t send like One Direction or the Spice Girls or something like that.
KP: Yeah I know right? Like if South Korea was in it you’d send Blackpink or someone like that, surely.
AS: Fuck yes. Send Rosé! Rosé for Eurovision. You heard it here first, folks.
KP: So… I understand that like…
AS: They sent Guy Sebastian, didn’t they? Not that we like him.
KP: He’s not good.
AS: But he’s someone famous. Didn’t they send Delta?
KP: I dunno.
AS: They sent Dami and she did good.
KP: Yeah, she did all right.
AS: She’s not necessarily famous but she did good.
KP: But none of them are what I’d rate A-list famous.
AS: Though we don’t have that many A-list names.
KP: I’ve seen like ???
AS: Anyone who’s an A-list for Australia fucks off as soon as they can. As they should.
KP: Kylie Minogue, you know what I mean?
AS: Mmm… we need a Kylie. Kylie! Come back!
KP: “Why are HYBE stans so defensive?”
AS: I was like “what the fuck is that?” then I realized it’s the new Big Hit. Um, ‘cause they automatically project anything about BTS as being about their company and vice-versa, because the company has built themselves into BTS’s image so much?
KP: Cool. Answered that question. Next.
AS: Yeah. Bang, gone.
KP: Yet another GFriend disbandment-related question. “I remember there’s a saying in kpop that goes like ‘girl groups get replaced, boy groups get reinvented.’ There seems to be a lot of examples of girl group replacement in spite of the group’s level of prominence and promise. What do you guys think of these different exit strategies that seem to divide so neatly on gender lines?”
AS: Yep. 100%. Meninism. Like you look at Apink—Apink haven’t had a comeback in a while. Their last one was… “doo doo doo dododo.” (Caonima fun fact: “Dumhdurum,” which is great so I will link it. I recommend listening to it while in a car.) Meanwhile, Plan A, I’m pretty sure Weeekly is under Apink’s company. And by the way, love Weeekly. Really do. Really enjoy their music. But Apink—they’re fucking putting out some bangers. Oh my god. Eung Eung, fucking smashed. Still addicted. I need another Eung Eung. I need more Apink in my life. And Apink is probably the biggest example of this, in ageism and sexism, because Apink’s average age is really similar to Twice or Red Velvet, and unfortunately they’re also kind of coming to that stage where they’re getting replaced by their own companies as well, with Red Velvet in the form of aespa, Twice in the form of Itzy… I think a lot of it is the company kind of having an insurance policy against contract renewals, because typically, when a new girl group is debuting, it’s also about a year or two before the existing contract renewals are up. But yeah, boy groups they just get to keep going. And going. And going. Except unfortunately, Infinite, because Woollim fucked them up. Saw that coming a mile away. But what can you do. Yeah, Apink is the biggest example I can think of for that, because they’re young enough that they should have you know, continued to keep promoting them for much longer, but then they just got tossed aside like they were expired when they were really the same age as a lot of their peers but had a lot more industry experience as well. Yeah. Wasted opportunity.
KP: Well they don’t want young ladies with a lot of industry experience, do they?
KP: (laughs) That’s too much power in the hands of the people who they would rather not having.
KP: Moving on, and relevant, let’s talk conspiracy theories. So, “SM sabotaged T-ara because they were close to dethroning SNSD as the nation’s girl group. Um, also sabotaged Infinite. Do you believe this theory?”
AS: Mhm. Mhm.
KP: “Also if SM was really a maniac, the company would go fuck up groups that were giving tough competition. Did they actually attempt to fuck up BTS’s career?”
AS: Good question. I mean, I definitely see the Infinite conspiracy theory, because SM literally signed them. They acquired Woollim, and then after the acquisition a lot of shit when wrong. So I think there’s a lot of shit that happened, ‘cause obviously Woollim went and broke the contract they had with that acquisition. I think they bought themselves out of it—no idea how they did that, but… yeah. Absolute clusterfuck. And Infinite at the time—Infinite had the biggest song of 2012 besides “Gangnam Style” with “The Chaser.” Don’t bring up Big Bang, Infinite were better than Big Bang. (laughs) Um, completely objective opinion there. So Infinite were on a massive high after “The Chaser” even though I didn’t personally like it, “Man in Love” was very successful as well, and EXO had like… decent-ish sales with “Mama,” but it was also considered to be a “flop” by a lot of standards by how much hype was around them as the new SM boy group. So, take out the competition of Infinite, bring in EXO having their comebacks, and… yeah. I think there was a little (snapping noise) sabotage going on in there. And as for why sabotage against BTS wouldn’t work, I would say Bang’s connections in the industry, because he knew some shit. Essentially, he almost sabotaged himself with that bullshit that happened with Glam and Lee Byung-hun. And it was BTS saving their own ass, which is why I hate the company so much, because he’s somehow tied all his shit in with them when… BTS is responsible for BTS, not Bang Sihyuk. If it was up to Bang Sihyuk, BTS would have been over the the Lee Byung-hun scandal. But Armys don’t know shit about that and then when you bring it up, it’s like, “Why are you bringing it up it’s her fault for doing it she was the one who broke the law,” it’s like, who was the one who put her in $200,000 worth of debt that made her feel like she had no other choice but blackmail?
KP: Wasn’t it more than 200,000?
AS: I know it was at least 200,000.
KP: Probably it was more than that.
AS: Well, there you go.
KP: But yeah. “Do you believe in fairies, and what’s your opinion of people who believe in fairies?”
AS: Every time that you say you don’t believe in fairies, a fairy dies.
KP: There’s a self-fulfilling prophecy there. If I keep saying I don’t believe in them, then there won’t be any, then I’ll be right.
AS: That’s why you have to go, “I do believe in fairies, I do believe in fairies” then Tinkerbell comes back to life again. Pretty sure that’s a plot in Peter Pan, or the movie “Hook” version where they have the play about Peter Pan. Good movie.
KP: Cool. If you don’t believe in fairies, that’s fine. That’s okay.
AS: Could be worse, you could be a Republican.
KP: You could be a BTS fan.
AS: Yeah. Hey!
KP: And a Republican.
AS: Ugh, Ms. Beatrice.
KP: “IU constantly keeps talking about how she likes special skills besides singing. Will she learn something practical and useful?”
AS: (laughs) She could be like that girl from Rainbow, who could do 50,000 things.
KP: Also, IU has very good skills in real estate acquisition.
KP: She’s a very skilled landlord, apparently.
AS: I mean, that’s kind of a topic we’ve briefly discussed before in terms of the limited training and education that idols receive as minors to prepare them for their future out of kpop, which again, forces them to be over-reliant on their company because they have no other future outside of the industry. Um, but yeah, I think she’s pretty well-looked after in terms of finance and such. We’ve discussed her intelligence before—I think she’s a lot smarter than the average person.
AS: So even if she doesn’t have connections or “skills” that are practical, I would say her ability to navigate Korean netizens and come back with a song in Korea even bigger than before a scandal is a pretty fuckin’ massive skill to have.
KP: Yeah. “If you were a lonely Korean incel man with a lot of disposable income, which kpop-related Korean streamer girl would you send your simp bucks to?” (Caonima fun fact: Kpopalypse pronounces it ‘INK-el’ instead of ‘IN-sel.’)
AS: Heheh. Myself.
AS: I’m poor, where’s my simps.
KP: You’re not a Korean streamer girl.
AS: I can be whatever you want me to be for enough streamer bucks!
KP: (Laughs) yeah. Digitally change yourself a bit like they do now.
KP: I could try and do it, but I think that would be a harder conversion for me.
AS: Wasn’t there like, some person who got exposed as using filters and it turned out they were secretly really old or something?
KP: Yeah, that was in China! I can’t remember who it was, but yeah, someone 60 years old pretend to be a really young girl by using filters.
AS: Love that for her. And then she moved to the wrong one and was like “shit! The jig is up!”
KP: Yeah the filter fucked up or something like that, or she forgot to switch it on, or I don’t know what happened. But yeah, the jig was up somehow.
AS: And I woulda gotten away with it too, if it weren’t for you meddling kids!
KP: But I ons’t think there’s anything wrong with them, you know. It’s not like you’re gonna meet them anyway.
AS: Victimless crime. Like punching someone in the face.
KP: If you’re just gonna sit there and give your simp bucks and jerk off, and if… it’s like if a tree falls in a forest, does it make a sound, you know. If a simp falls in a forest… does anyone see its post about how it was robbed?
AS: I don’t know enough people to…
KP: Yeah I’m not familiar with any of the Korean steamer girls to be honest, kpop-related or not. I know there’s a few who’ve done stuff, but it’s not something I follow I think.
AS: Is there anyone in Apink doing it? I’d give them my money out of “fuck the company that screwed you over when you had plenty more potential that could have been achieved.” Still can be achieved if they bothered.
KP: I know Ellin from Crayon Pop did it ‘cause she had that whole scandal where someone got upset because she promised him the world and then just got half a million of his streamer dollars or whatever. But I don’t know.
AS: Good for her.
KP: Yeah you know. Whatever. Make that money if you can do it.
AS: I fuckin’ would.
KP: “Do you guys like ‘Fight Club?’”
AS: Ahh, what’s the first rule?
KP: Yeah, the first rule! We can’t answer this question. Let’s move on. (Caonima fun fact: The first rule of the book/film “Fight Club” is that you can’t talk about it.) Whoever wrote that film made a mistake by having that first rule. Just fucked up all their own promotions. All right. “What do you think about this article?” And I will send you the article…
AS: Also sending the article, we could say that “Fight Club” probably has like, the biggest fandom of people who missed the actual point of that film.
KP: I’m not really familiar with the “Fight Club” fandom and what they are like.
AS: Fair enough. I don’t know about fandom, but viewership.
KP: Okay, so this article is titled: “BTS and their fan ARMY are rendering the pop charts useless.”
AS: Heheheh. Accurate. But yeah, it’s essentially just them rigging the charts every week by massive-buying the same song for 69 cents. It’s inflation. And then, I’m pretty sure… I actually read that, and then the guy just got ratio’d to death on Twitter for writing it, but it’s accurate. It’s just, put out shit remix after shit remix for 69 cents, and the fandom has those accounts that fundraise, so you can then transfer the money to people in America who will make all those different accounts to buy the same song all over again. It’s like, “That’s not a representation of popularity!” But again, the charts themselves are kind of rigged for ages with streaming, like bots and all that business, so. Again, this is why we only like the music and why we don’t really give a shit. Song’s good, it’s good. Like, I didn’t hate “Butter,” I didn’t think it was bad. I could actually listen to that. So, I don’t hate everything! But I fucking hate Ed Sheeran.
KP: Yeah, um… I would argue the charts are useless anyway. There’s always been that struggle with pop charts, with how much do they reflect what people really buy. It’s never been perfect, it’s always been pretty bad.
AS: Because it’s all about companies trying to get their artists to no. 1, and they’ll do whatever they can to do it. Again, nothing in life is a meritocracy these days.
KP: And there’s also some stuff that goes on. If we just forget about charts in general, people would be a lot happier.
KP: “What’s your blood type, and what does the Japanese horoscope say about your personality?”
AS: Is someone planning to give me a donation?
KP: I’ll send you the article.
AS: Are you gonna donate me a kidney? Can’t even give me enough alcohol for me to need the new liver in the first place.
KP: So this is Japanese blood types.
AS: Ah, I know it’s to do with like, if you’re a type A or a type B. It’s essentially like horoscopes, but they do it on your blood type. I’m the one that’s like the most common—I’m pretty sure it’s O.
KP: Okay—I don’t even know mine. So I never…
AS: I did it at a blood test or something. Like I donated blood and they tell you when you do it, so I was like, “Cool! I’m O.” And I’m like, the same as 50% of the fucking population, so how is that going to be an accurate star sign?
KP: (Laughs) I don’t even know my blood type, ‘cause I can’t donate blood.
AS: Oh, why’s that?
KP: ‘Cause of my immune condition.
AS: Ah, you’re a raging alcoholic. I knew it! You lied.
KP: (Laughs) And the whole thing about me not having any hair is why.
AS: Does that mean you can’t get the COVID vaccine?
KP: No, I got the COVID vaccine early.
AS: Oh, nice. Oh, you got it early. Me and my shit lungs, you’d think I’d get priority. I’m booked in for my vaccine on the 25th now. Pfitzer.
KP: Yeah, Pfitzer’s the one I got. Yeah, I jumped the queue because I had the immune condition, so. There you go.
KP: The next question is “is this new jack swing?” I’ll just answer it real quick.
AS: So is the question “what is new jack swing?”
KP: No, they’re asking if a song is. But it’s a song I haven’t heard, so I’m just gonna skip it, fuck it.
AS: What was the song?
KP: I don’t even know. Some Dreamcatcher song. But it’s in Korean writing, so I don’t even know what the fuck it is.
AS: I thought you said “new jack swing,” I was like “I like new jack swing as in the music genre.”
KP: Yeah that’s what I was talking about.
KP: Okay, next question. “Do you think this article is racist?”
AS: Oh geez. Why are you asking us we’re white people.
KP: (Laughs) I’ll just quote you the bit. “Whiteness is a public health crisis. It shortens life expectancies, it pollutes air, it constricts equilibrium, it devastates forests, it melts ice caps, it sparks (and funds) wars, it flattens dialects, it infests consciousnesses, and it kills people—white people and people who are not white, my mom included. There will be people who die, in 2050, because of white supremacy-induced decisions from 1850.”
AS: Well, it’s true.
KP: “White supremacy is a virus that, like other viruses, will not die until there are no bodies left for it to infect.”
AS: They’re not lying.
KP: “The only way to stop it is to locate it, isolate it, extract it, and kill it. I guess a vaccine could work, too.
KP: “But we’ve had 400 years to develop one, so I won’t hold my breath.” But hang on, they’re talking about whiteness and then they’re talking about white supremacy—it’s slightly different things, I think.
AS: Somewhat, but even though I do not believe in—you know obviously, I’m not pro-white supremacy, but I still benefit from colonialism and the way that society has been structured as a result of it, even if I don’t personally endorse it.
KP: But you probably haven’t killed anyone.
AS: No! Not personally. But potential ancestors and such who have in the past. And the way that the laws are not written in society—like people talk a lot about laws, government and such—they are done by… like if you look at the statistics of who makes up governments vs. the statistics of who makes up the population, the percentages and such are disproportionately white. And they’re the ones who made the laws. The law has been set up in such a way that you look at the American prison pipeline and such, it’s disproportionately lower-income or minorities who make up the prison system. And yeah, it’s very much all done in such a way that it’s like… it’s not like white people don’t go to prison, because some white people do go to prison. But it’s gamed in such a way that the statistics would represent far more people of color in comparison to white people in prison.
KP: Yeah, I mean, I don’t necessarily disagree with any of that, but I think the way the article says it is…
AS: I mean it’s very much like… hyperbole in a way.
AS: It’s essentially shock factor. It gets people angry, and in that process of getting angry, it also props the discussion.
KP: Yeah it does, but I think it also divides people.
AS: I mean, hence, why someone’s even sent it to us.
KP: Yeah I guess so. I mean, I think it’s divisive, because then people go, “Oh. This is racist.” Whereas I think the points they’re trying to make aren’t racist at all.
AS: Yeah and then like (???) people are complaining about that racism, other people then go, “Well if you think that’s racist, an article that hurts your feelings is racist, try being on the receiving end of systemic oppression, the actual racism.” Again, I am so not the right person to be having these conversations with. Because I get the ideas in general but I’m also not intelligent enough to articulate it the way that it deserves to be articulated.
KP: I mean… yeah I dunno. Let’s just move on. Don’t really care. Is that bad? I dunno.
KP: Can’t fix the world.
KP: Kind of related: “Do you support Oli London’s decision to identify as Korean, thus becoming transracial? Apparently, he’s been getting a lot of harassment and death threats for this life choice. What’s your opinion on the people sending them?“
AS: Uh, he’s basically like the Korean… it’s like Rachel Dolezal, but instead of trying to be black he’s wanting to be Korean. Guy’s obviously mentally ill, but you know, not in the way where you use mental illness to justify your actions. It’s like, “You need serious therapy.” Didn’t you have an interview with him or was that someone else?
KP: No, I spoke to him. Long before this stuff came up.
AS: I mean it’s all about shock factor again, and him doing that gets him back in the news cycle again.
KP: Yeah I think… I mean, I spoke to him, and I found him quite intelligent and quite articulate. I mean, very, I mean, people sort of lump him in with Josh, the guy who stalked Nayeon. And I think they’re very different.
AS: It’s different kinds of psychosis.
KP: It’s almost polar opposite, the way they think.
AS: I would say Oli’s a lot more narcissistic.
KP: Yeah, I would agree. Although, I don’t think Oli’s an actual danger to anybody, apart from himself.
AS: No. Exactly. Josh is delusional, Oli’s narcissistic.
KP: Yeah, whereas Josh is a genuinely dangerous guy. And Oli just, I think he knows what he’s doing, he’s quite intelligent.
AS: He’s shitposting.
KP: Yeah, and he’s shitposting
AS: But he’s getting better at it.
KP: And he’s you know, he knew exactly what sort of reaction he was gonna get. And I don’t hate the man for it or anything. I think it’s kind of funny, to be honest. But um… it certainly brings out an interesting idea about, I’ll say, I get why more people would be bothered by it. But that’s a whole point that’s worth doing, so.
AS: Don’t give him the attention that he wants.
KP: Someone asked if I wanted to do another interview with him, and I said, “Well… if he asked me I would, but otherwise no, I wouldn’t pursue it.” I already answered the questions I wanted to ask and found out about how he thinks and how he is, so my work’s done. I’m not gonna just give you promo unless there’s something that could be gained.
KP: Next question: “Have you seen the new Mortal Kombat movie?”
KP: “If so, do you find the Australian representation to be accurate?”
AS: Oh my god, I loved him. Like, he’s a cunt, and that’s so accurate!
KP: I haven’t seen the film, but someone did send me a compilation of that guy, and I just thought it was great. Hollywood just gets Australian wrong so often.
AS: So much, and I think the guy himself is actually Australian, so that really fuckin’ helps.
KP: Yeah, and he just does it so well.
AS: So good, so good. I literally was watching the film, and I’m pretty sure I live-Tweeted, “This is the most accurate Australian representation I have ever seen in cinema.”
KP: Yeah, he’s good. ‘Cause there’s so many bad ones, I think, in computer games too.
AS: I’m sure anyone who knows me will know that Pacific Rim is one of my favorite movies… but the Australians in it… not good mate, not good. As much as I love having Australians be central characters in a film, the accents bruhs. “RAAALEIGH!” Great movie though, 10/10, Pacific Rim. @ me if you’ve seen it and we’ll be best friends.
AS: Like, it’s a requirement to be my friend. If you have not seen it, we are not friends.
KP: Oh shit, I’ll just shut up and move onto the next question real quick.
AS: You’re fired!
KP: (Laughs) She’s leaving the podcast, end scene.
AS: You’re fired from your own podcast!
AS: This is now my podcast. And it’s just Hollie reviews Pacific Rim every week, every episode.
KP: “What would you say is the social and/or political commentary behind the lyric: ‘Smooth like butter, like criminal undercover’?”
AS: (Laughs) Well, clearly it’s a criticism of the American judicial system.
KP: (Laughing) There you go. That’s it. Yeah, I dunno.
AS: Any questions on Olivia Rodrigo?
KP: Hang on, someone just dropped in another question, so.
AS: Wow! Did you put a link up saying that we’re doing our chat thing today?
KP: Yeah I did.
AS: Oh! Wait fuck, let me Tweet it now.
KP: “What right-wing Australian politicians do you think that Choi Siwon from Super Junior should stan and why?”
AS: (Laughs) Uh, ‘cause he’s a Ronald Reagan stan, it’s funny. John Howard, he would so be a John Howard stan. He would totally act like those people who think John Howard is the greatest prime minister that Australia has ever had; he would absolutely be one of those.
KP: Do you think—I dunno, John Howard’s not very sexy, though.
AS: Mm, neither was Reagan.
KP: Yeah I dunno, he had a bit more style than John. At least he was tall.
AS: Under those eyebrows.
KP: He had that whole acting thing, so. Yeah, John Howard… I think it’d be Tony Abbott.
AS: Ah, yeah. He’s right up there with that Catholicism.
KP: I think Abbott’s kind of Siwon’s bait.
AS: It’s the speedos.
KP: Yes. This one’s for you: “Have you played any of the computer games made by Kpopalypse? And what did you think of them?”
AS: I have a Mac.
KP: I’ve got Mac versions of my games!
AS: Ah, shit!
KP: I’ve also got web browser versions of my games, so you can just play it in a web browser.
AS: All right, yeah, I need to do that then, ‘cause I appreciate anything that involves that level of coding.
AS: Respect the grind.
KP: Yeah, you can… not all of them, but the most recent couple you will be able to play in a browser.
AS: I’m also very fucking stupid and bad at games.
KP: Cool, well, that’s good. That means you get many hours of entertainment from trying a few of them out, as opposed to getting them all done in 15 minutes.
AS: Love that for me.
KP: But yeah, “Try Not to Have Gay Sex With Yves” games 2 & 3 you will be able to play those.
AS: Love that.
KP: The first one, no. But the 2nd and 3rd—and don’t worry, you don’t need to have played the first one to understand the sequel.
AS: (Laughs) So it’s like a Fast and Furious movie.
KP: But I would recommend starting with 2 before going onto 3
AS: All right.
KP: Um… sorry, my cat’s just totally in the way of the screen, so…
AS: Aww, I want a cat.
KP: ‘Cause I always feed her on my livestreams, so…
AS: She thinks she’s got food coming.
KP: If she thinks she’s got food coming, she’s gonna hang out.
KP: “Now with the pandemic looking worse with the new variant, do you think touring will ever be possible in the future, or people will move onto online concerts with new tech, like AR/VR etc.? How will it affect kpop now that they can’t go overseas and do concerts?”
AS: Well, America’s already booking shit, so.
KP: Yeah I think people are just gonna open up and say “fuck it.” Once a certain amount of people are vaccinated, they’re just gonna open the floodgates and be like “Fuck it. People die, who gives a shit, toughen up, princess.” That’s basically what it’s gonna be like.
AS: Free-for-all! Love that for us.
KP: The only reason why they haven’t done that in Australia is ‘cause the government’s so fucking slow getting everyone vaccinated.
KP: Yeah, they just don’t have their shit together at all. But let’s not get started on that ‘cause…
AS: You know I won’t shut up?
KP: Yeah. And last one, “Can you discuss about this? It seems like they’re trying not to give the bulletproof boys the Grammy or something.” And I’m gonna send…
AS: Ah yes, it’s the change of the rule that Grammys will no longer accept certain information packages that contain sales/chart positions as part of the promotion material for their submissions. And like I literally Tweeted it this morning, and my tweet was literally just a wheezing laughter GIF. ‘Cause yeah, it’s so obvious that they’re kinda: “No. No. You’re not getting your Grammy, shut up.” It’s essentially like, this is what happens when you piss off so many industry insiders with how you essentially keep demanding “give us this thing or else you’re a racist if you don’t,” because “anyone who doesn’t like BTS is xenophobic” and all that kind of rubbish.
KP: Yeah, the BTS fans have brought this on themselves.
AS: Essentially, that’s why I’m laughing at it. Wouldn’t have happened to a nicer group of people.
KP: If they just shut the fuck up, and cross their fingers and hope they got a Grammy like every other fan, this wouldn’t have happened. But because they had their little campaigns and bullshit, everyone’s just like…
AS: “Shut up.”
KP: “Shut up, kids.” (Laughs) “Get in line, kids.”
KP: Um, that’s it. That’s the end of the podcast. Thank you for doing the thing once again.
KP: And um…
AS: Until next time!
KP: Yeah, until next time—hang on, I’m just moving the kitty out of the way so I can actually stop the freaking podcast. Yes, all good. Next time, I’ll try and do it a bit sooner.
AS: Yeah we say that.
KP: Yeah we always say that—does it happen? But we’ll try to make it happen. And we’ll see how we go. And give us your money!
KP: We want your money. We want your money so we can buy alcohol.
AS: Exactly! Specifically me.
KP: Which is all going to AustralianSana, not me. ‘Cause I don’t drink. And she can get drunk and we can answer your questions smashed as a goat.
KP: Anyway, thank you again, and… this probably won’t be going on Soundcloud, ‘cause I’ve maxed out my Soundcloud account.
AS: Oh no!
KP: I didn’t realize it was a time limit or whatever.
AS: Neither did I, to be honest.
KP: It’s like a data limit. And because our podcast is so fucking long I’ve gone over the data limit. With just like two podcasts. So I can’t use my Soundcloud anymore.
AS: Ugh, that’s gonna be another thing for the Patreon that they’re gonna have to deal with.
KP: Yeah, so also give me money to do Soundcloud.
AS: If you want Soundcloud and cheaper mp3 data for your phone plans, pay us.
KP: If you wanna save money, spend money. I’m sure that makes sense.
AS: It’s cheaper for your phone data, but more expensive for your Kpopalypse donations.
KP: No worries. All right, I’ll see you later. Thanks for chatting.
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