It’s time for Kpopalypse roundup!  Let’s check out some new releases!

SHINee – Don’t Call Me

It’s all rhythmically wrong in a way which reminds me of Red Velvet’s “Sappy“, but it at least makes the ears stand to attention a bit even if the groove is dead in a ditch with a needle in its arm.  Just as well that there’s actually SHINee’s best tune in years hiding under SM’s awkward envelope-pushing.

Apoki – Get It Out

Here come the budget virtual idols, thanks K/DA and Aespa for this ugly fucking rabbit girl on a motorbike thing I guess.

Tri.be – Doom Doom Da

The usual melody-less nonsense that people think girl group songs should be these days.  Basically Blackpink’s mediocre “Boombayah” without the budget that makes the crappier Blackpink songs at least worth a listen to just for the sonics.

Kang Daniel – Paranoia

I’m digging the riffs and the general mood of the harmony.  It’s not quite enough to make up for a lack of interesting melody, but those fat distortion sounds are worth a play in their own right, at least a few times before you inevitably get sick of the lack of a tune.

GOT7 – Encore

Now that JYP doesn’t have the reins on GOT7 anymore, I guess we’ll see a truckload of releases from them – and no doubt a corresponding lack of quality control.  The slow dreariness of this song was very much expected.  Wasn’t expecting the Twice-style chord progression though.

J-Don – Clicker

Speaking of bullying, look at how much less moody J.Don sounds now that he doesn’t have to hang out with AOA’s Jimin anymore.  Unfortunately he also sounds less interesting, maybe we need squeaky back in the mix to traumatise him a bit more.

I.M – God Damn

When someone is suffering from the final stages of Shit Music Disease, they need their respirator on them at all times.

Kingdom – Excalibur

Not much of a song, but that video is very pretty.  It must be good fun for these idols, going on live-action roleplaying online communities, telling everyone there they were in this video and watching them all cry in a jealous rage. 

Lucy – Hero

I like the pace of it but guitars y u so soft?

ONF – My Name Is

It turns out that “I’m Yours” actually isn’t such a bad song at three times the speed.  The half-time chorus is a real pity, but that problem eventually fixes itself.  Not bad overall.

KissXS – Love Is Callin

Here’s a song that could have potentially been okay if it did something a little different somewhere.  Once you’ve heard the first ten seconds you’ve heard it all.

Kwon Jin Ah – Goodbye

Look at that couple leaving the restaurant at 2:20.  They’ve had enough and so have I.

Balming Tiger – Just Fun!

It’s pretty bland but I guess anything’s better than “hakuna matata matata bleugh“.

Qodes – Lalala

If you want to do lesbian fanservice that’s great but please bring a song next time.

Qodes – Like You

Can this group stop it.  Just release a proper song once, that would be fine instead of 23 configurations of non-debuted members dancing to shit backing tracks in a car park.

Elephant Sleeves – May I Come In?

Even though it’s musically quite different, I get the same feeling of trepidation when I listen to this guy, as when I hear Brian Johnson sing anything these days.  Just waiting for those vocal cords to burst and blood come rocketing out everywhere like a severed limb in a Yoshihiro Nishimura film.

D’allant ft. Yoon Dambecc – Spaceship

Here’s the shit side of retro pop music.

Banni – You’re The Only One

Oh come on now.  Nobody is here for the music.  Somewhere, someone is learning how to use YouTube slow-motion and freeze frame for the first time.

Sogak Sogak – To You, Dear

Ballad time and it’s as generic as they come.

Night Off – Friend

I feel how the confused-looking woman in the video looks.  What’s she searching for?  Maybe she’s wondering where the songwriter went.

Broccoli You Too – Upright

For some reason Korea always trots out broccoli in music videos when they want to appear “zany” and “oh so random” so I really didn’t expect a band with “the zany vegetable” in their title to be so sincere and boring.

LambC – When My Heart Breaks

I really didn’t want this insider look at how you think we think you make your crappy music.

Binary Number – Irreversible Regret

It’s weird how I can look at unplugged guitars in these characterless djent music videos all day and I don’t feel like anything’s all that strange or offputting, but as soon as I see an unplugged keyboard in the same setting I think “haha, what a fake, that looks ridiculous”.  Clealy this is just unfair discrimination on my part, I guess that makes me a keyboardistist.

Kolavo – Nameless Me

It’s a little different for this type of material, which is good, but something about those thudding rhythmic strings just feels like the wrong choice.  It’s better when it finally gets a bit rock at the end for the last 2.5 seconds.

Lily – Here We Are

I guess someone told her before the video shoot that her left side was her good side.  Maybe she’s got a massive wart on her right cheek or something.

Animal Drivers – Walking On The Sunset Glow

Insufferable new-age bullshit.  If you like City Guesser you might find this video contains useful clues though.

Lee Mingyu – Mystery Suspense

It would totally be a better song if they binned the generic funk pop and actually played that zither or whatever instead of making stupid fucking poses with it.

Beige – Goodbye Day

When you name yourself after the world’s most boring colour I guess you have a valid excuse to make music like this.  At least people know what they’re getting.

Moma Kang – Nothing

I guess this is one of those songs that you really need to know the language to appreciate, given that it’s mostly talking.  I mean, I’m sure Miss Kittin & The Hacker completely loses its appeal if you don’t understand English either.

30 – Hard Boiled

It’s like they’ve taken the most boring dance music keyboard patches on earth and tried to make a decent rap track out of it, and it actually almost works.

Yozoh – Weak People

This should suck on paper but it really doesn’t.  I’m digging the repetitive folk guitar and the general droning nature of it.

Brown Eyed Soul – Pass Me By

Good advice.

BONUS RANDOM VIDEO OF THE WEEK

Twice – I Can’t Stop Me – dance cover by Yua Mikami

She still loves k-pop, folks.  There is hope.  Hold onto the dream.

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That’s all for this week!  Kpopalypse roundup returns next week!