It’s time for Kpopalypse roundup! Let’s check out some new releases!
IU – Celebrity
Too much trendy bullshit sound kind of wrecks it, but honestly there’s not much of a song here anyway and better backings probably wouldn’t have helped.
Dreamcatcher – Odd Eye
By anyone else’s standards, this is great. By Dreamcatcher’s standards, they can and have done a lot better. Why do I get the feeling that Dreamcatcher already have 57 songs called “Odd Eye” though. I know that’s not true, but it feels like it is.
Hyuna – I’m Not Cool
Hyuna manages the almost impossible by not only sounding like crap but also not even looking any good. They really tried to make her look like shit here and they almost completely pulled it off (she still rocks some of those corsets anyway despite the costume designer making nearly every wrong decision).
Love X Stereo – Push The Play
We all know that I stan Love X Stereo after I paid a house deposit sized sum of money for their last album just because I could, but really their new song is nothing very special. Cool theremin though, I didn’t know you could get them in white so today I learned stuff I guess.
Bibi – Eat My Love
Again Bibi presents really well here, which according to literally everyone means I should be biased toward her songs, but I’m totally not because this sucks. So much for all those theories that I’m just here to push the perv factor.
SooHyun, Hoon (U-Kiss) – I Wish
I wonder if this is what they wear to all-night Diablo LAN parties. Not gonna lie, looks comfy.
Jackson Wang – Alone
Jackson man, you need to spend some of that money and renovate your flat or something, stop being so stingy.
U-Know – Eeny Meeny
Now that Irene’s “in reflection” or whatever fucking bullshit, I guess the job falls to Seulgi to be the love interest in these crappy boy dance songs. Wait, that is Seulgi, right?
Kim Kyu Jong – Nostalgia
If you’re going to do that shit where you paint yourself in metallic paint and stand still to look like a statue (aka the most talentless form of busking known to mankind) at least fucking stay still. Imagine the street performance bar being this low and still failing.
Kyuhyun – Moving On
How much botox fillers do you think these two have had pumped into them before the video shoot. Kyuhyun’s face is so puffy and smooth you could buff the foot smudges off your surfboard with it.
O.When – Stillness
Well, I guess it’s fucking still.
Noa – Too Young
The silly dancing and the overactive synth bass almost makes this nonsense worth bothering with.
Higa – Gaze
Late-night radio electronica squirts for people doing lots of drugs and nobody else.
Higa – Painting
The other song has potential but all the various bits have so little to do with each other that it’s really hard to care. It’s one thing to be able to produce great sounds, quite another to make a great song out of those sounds.
Chonamzone With Yoo Sung Eun – Winter Of Dreams
If you roll your sleeves up before you play the piano, it’s actually a lot fucking easier.
Han Hye Jin – Jongno 3-ga
The weapons in the new Borderlands sure are a downgrade.
Kisu – Boy
Oh wow it’s the “key” scene from Mulholland Drive if it was a shit ballad instead.
Mystery Curtain – You & Me
Dippin’ Carls – 4 Harsh Carls
Gwangil Jo is back rapping at light-speed again, and this time he brought his friends along just so he could upstage them.
J.Yung – I Wanna
Crap song but I actually liked the random collage video. Don’t tell this guy about what copyright is or the next video will just be him rapping in a subway at dusk just like everyone else in Korea.
Sogumm, DJ Wegun ft. Hoody – Imagine
Before the song even gets to 0:01 you know that this will be total garbage. Boy aren’t we all sick of that same type of vocal that’s in every song now.
YDG – That G
So incredibly calculated to annoy all listeners that I’m convinced it has to be some kind of weaponisation.
Dontworryanu – Sorry
I guess if you’re going to write trap garbage you may as well bury it in reverb and hope people think it’s something else instead.
Heejae Shin – Nostalgia
This could have been alright without that stupid beat.
Junggigo – Gravity
Being the only person in a pub drinking water while crap music plays is an experience that I’ve actually been through quite a bit, and here the boredom of it is captured quite well.
Nild ft. Marin – Neon Sign
You can’t drop shit R&B over an 80s disco template and expect it to suddenly stop sucking dicks.
Yelo – My Yellow
Let’s stop glamorising yellow. Yellow is usually the colour of something that was supposed to be some other colour slowly rotting away.
Kylie – Never Be The Same
I should be so lucky – not.
Kayla – Promise
Dude fuck off out of the kitchen can’t you see she’s trying to cook. If she wants your help she’ll ask.
87dance ft. Hong Dahye – Passing Love
Lasy night I ate a bit too much potatoes and this morning I felt a “passing love” that felt emotionally similar to this song.
828 – Sleep
That’s actually not a bad guitar riff, but I’m not sure of the choice of vocal.
Rogi – Carnival
Oreos are disgusting, like a sickly version of the far superior Delta Cream, so Oreo cereal has to be like eating hardened sugar vomit chunks.
Car, The Garden – Doesn’t Matter
Accurate song title of the week.
Jung Dongha – I Still Love You
The problem with Korean rock groups isn’t their music while they’re together, but the shit ballads that the singers make after the group breaks up.
Jin Minho – Hate Love Songs
Don’t we all.
Lee Yerin – White Christmas
This video reminded me of that computer game that I played on my weekly livestream a while back “The Long Dark” where you either stay indoors all game and do nothing and get bored, or you wander around in the snow and get cold and die, and that’s basically the game. I think if this song was playing inside the hut I would take my chances with frostbite and getting eaten by wolves.
BONUS RANDOM VIDEO OF THE WEEK
Chuu Can Do It – Tesla Model 3 Review
The best thing about this video isn’t Chuu begging for a Tesla car even though she can’t drive just because she wants to sit in a sexy vegan leather seat and charge her iPad, or the fact that someone who can’t drive is even doing a “car review” in the first place, or even Chuu getting her driver to stan Loona, or even Chuu in general, but the fact that Chuu’s “like and subscribe” beg-a-thon is only one second long (at 1:46). Chuu proves yet again that she’s a much better ambassador for Tesla than Elon Musk is. Don’t forget to sign that petition folks!
That’s all for this week’s Kpopalypse roundup – more next week!