Kpopalypse’s favourite songs of 2020? Worst songs of 2020? Nobody cares about that. Despite the constant claims of k-pop fans that “Kpopalypse is so disgusting and creepy, I would never fap to idols”, I know what list you really want the most, just one look at any random day of website statistics tells me this.
Posts tagged “fap” represent a slim minority of all posts on this website, so there’s only one explanation for this trend – you’re all a pack of deviants. So I don’t need to tell you to please enjoy the following post of Kpopalypse’s most fappable k-pop videos, as I know you definitely will!
10. Queen Wa$abii ft. Purple Bitch – Look At My
I don’t know anything about the story behind this song’s existence, and I also don’t know anything about “Purple Bitch”, with all my web searching leading me in some interesting areas that I definitely bookmarked for later use but which had nothing to do with Korean rap music. However I do know Queen Wa$abii and I can assure you that “Look At My” is not only her best song by far, but it’s also the most fappable video she has, even though all her videos show approximately equal amounts of Wa$aboob, just because this is a lot more fun than anything else she has. It’s good to see her directly acknowledging her appeal and basically reveling in being perved at, it’s proof that despite the protestations of the woke k-pop crowd there’s quite a few women in the Korean music business who are definitely cool with being ogled. Trust me, your favourite idols didn’t get all that surgery so you wouldn’t look at them. People with hang-ups about “what if the idols are being forced into it” can go right ahead and fap to this guilt-free, and even if you’re not into any of the ladies depicted here perhaps horse-boy is more your type, he has a pretty good physique honestly, which means it’s probably some k-idol in a mask who doesn’t want to tank his career by being caught up in this Kpopalypse-boob-list-friendly twerk-fest.
9. Mamamoo – Aya
As usual Mamamoo get away with around 25 different things in this video that if someone from any other girl group did them would make everyone scream “cultural appropriation” at the top of their lungs and go on a cancel-spree. However it’s just as well that they get a free pass for everything they do, because they do look great here almost in spite of the ridiculous clothes they’re wearing. Wheein in particular hasn’t looked this good in years, but my favourite look here is actually archer Moonbyul. If the men in black suits from an agency that shall remain nameless abduct me for organ-harvesting fun times in the near future because of my various revelations about the harsh conditions of idol life, all I ask is that Moonbyul dress up in that green rococopropriated suit to perform the killing blow.
8. Cadejo ft. Nucksal – Cyber Holiday
Due to coronavirus I lost a bunch of music industry work and had to take up a bunch of other work, a lot of which involved a fair bit of staring at spreadsheets. Like a prisoner who enters incarceration straight but turns gay due to their constant proximity to same-gender prisoners and little else, being trapped in isolation for months with nothing but Microsoft Excel’s database import facility to tend to my emotional needs means I am probably now able to have an orgasm by putting all of Korea’s pop idols into column A and clicking “sort by fap, ascending”. Therefore this otherwise bland video is actually starting to seem pretty appealing.
7. Kerrigan May ft. San E – Sex Like A Pickle
What’s sexier, Kerrigan May’s fuck-you attitude, her lyrics to this song, the buff boys in the pool, the fact she tongue-kisses some other random girl, or the fact that she was smart enough to not let San E appear in this video visually? You decide. One way or another you’ll definitely be fapping to something here.
6. Whatever the fuck this is
I don’t know who most of these people are, although I do recognise duo 6band from a recent Nugu Alert episode so I guess they were more popular than I thought. The song is pretty rocking even though it’s coronavirus-themed which just goes to show that benefit songs don’t always have to be boring shit, but more importantly, at 1:59 a wild Sunny appears. Sure, her appearance is only about two seconds long but in today’s politically correct fap-starved k-pop landscape even this piddling appearance by k-pop’s most enduring busty second generation idol is enough for this video to land at #6 on this list. Sad times indeed.
5. Apink – Dumhdurum
Only #5? Is it time for the mighty Apink, the queens of Kpopalypse fap lists, to finally be dethroned?
4. IU ft. Suga – Eight
Never mind the CGI cartoon section, the live-action parts of this video are all about IU’s boob presentation and not a lot else. Almost every single shot of IU has her doing something like holding her arms way above her head and straining her chest out against clothing that didn’t really need to be quite that snug but is anyway, or bouncing around for no clearly defined reason other than that people obviously want to see her bouncing around. Whether this is IU playing directly to the fap crowd, or a very pervy video editor combing through hours of footage for just the right shots, we’ll probably never know, but the end result sure has the intended effect. No wonder they decided to animate half of it, it would have looked too much like porn otherwise.
3. Yoyomi – Come Back
Trot singer Yoyomi is amazingly attractive but often presents drearily due to almost every video she’s ever done having the same bland camera angles, however here she pulls out all the stops with a (relatively) big budget drama video and gets it oh-so-right in nearly every single scene. Can it really be called a drama video if she’s the only person in it? I’m not sure, but there was certainly enough drama in it for me.
2. Wonho – Open Mind
Here’s this year’s all-male entrant, and I ask readers to keep an “open mind” and consider fapping to Wonho’s abs. Don’t let all that upper body strength built from working out and fapping to Hentai games go to waste, he’s wearing that weird abs-exposing shirt for a reason and it’s not so you can ignore him and think pure thoughts instead. Also, I hate to ruin this fap list by talking about music but those who complained about Taemin’s “Criminal” not being on my best-of lists, I actually thought “Open Mind” was a better song, and it didn’t get on my lists either, honestly 2020 was a great year for music even if few other people besides Wonho really came through in a big way for k-pop fappers. (A.C.E on the other hand didn’t get in this list because of their insistence on wearing long pants these days, tsk tsk.)
1. Apink JJR – Be Myself
Apink again! How did they do it this time? Well, to explain, it’s time for another episode of:
KPOPALYPSE WHITE-COATER COMICS PRESENTS
YUA MIKAMI VS APINK ROUND THREE – THE FAPGODS UNMASKED
IT ALL STARTED 12 MONTHS AGO…
MEANWHILE, IN A K-POP AGENCY DORM NOT FAR AWAY…
THE NEXT DAY YUA MIKAMI GETS TO WORK
YUA GIVES WONHO HIS STUDY MATERIAL AND HE BEGINS LEARNING IN PREPARATION FOR HIS UPCOMING VIDEO SHOOT
THE BIG DAY COMES AND WONHO ARRIVES ON THE SET OF “OPEN MIND”
THE RESULTS COME IN