It’s time for Kpopalypse roundup!  Let’s check out some new releases!

(G)i-dle – Hwaa

I really want to like a song from (G)I-dle one day but it’ll have to be next time.  I know they have a good song in them, hopefully I get to hear it this year.

Keembo – Love Me 4 Me

Yeah, just another R&B song.  Keep trying I guess, they’re talented and like (G)I-dle they’ll no doubt get it right eventually.

Treasure – My Treasure

Get ready for one of the most inappropriately squeezed-in trap breaks you’ve ever heard.

A.C.E ft. Thutmose – Fav Boyz (Steve Aoki’s Gold Star Remix)

Ruins the excellent original by taking away all the harmony parts and guitar, and replacing them with the same club beats you can hear anywhere.

Victon – What I Said

While listening to this I went over to Twitter and blocked about 100 more fandom people just for something to keep my mind active.

MCND – Crush

Did he really spray paint “bitch” on a toilet seat?  If so, that’s as good a metaphor for this song as any.

T1419 – Asurabalbalta

I actually like that slowly bending bass in the chorus that sounds like a massive ripping fart.

Hong Eunki – On&On

It’s that same slightly-funk slightly R&B dance thing that all the big male soloists do now.  Everybody wants to be Taemin, who wants to be TVXQ, who want to be Michael Jackson.

Boyhood – Luxury Big House

Boyhood are shaping up to be actually quite good, “Retro Love” was a cool song that only just missed out on the 2020 end of year lists, and this new song of theirs is also a little different and a little above average.  So in other words, miles ahead of the rest of this week’s crap.

Jeong Sewoon – In The Dark

I like the “free smiles” flyer created in exactly the same style as the flyers that Korean prostitutes slip under people’s windscreen wipers in Korea while they’re parked, which is really common.  Like, really really common.  It’s always the “conservative” countries that have the most dirty laundry.

Nam Seungmin – Roof

The “here is my slowly scrolling photo album” video is one of k-pop’s most terrifying video subgenres.

Seongri – One Shot

Seongri finally found his way back from last week’s dry fields outside of Seoul, and I kind of wish he hadn’t.

Sunwoojunga – In The Bed

One day she’ll have a good song again.  This is actually closer than she’s gotten in a long time, at least the chorus has some good ambience going on.

Yolk ft. Song Hee Ran – Rose

There’s something kind of interesting happening in the backings there, but they don’t really make anything out of it.

Taati – Echo

It’s greyer than the hairs I don’t have.

Jeon Jin Hee – Breathing In September, Breathing In October

I was waiting for her to open her mouth and start singing and ruin it all, but that totally didn’t happen.  Cool.

Oyhn – Well

Boring street scene videos barely qualify for roundup and I usually just scrub them because I know you don’t give a shit, but I thought I’d let this one through the gate for basically no reason.  It’s been that kind of a week.

Penten – Fade Away

Your reminder that not all rock music is good.  Also anyone wearing sniper veils on a stage should donate 50% of all their music earnings to Douglas P.

Ohchill – On And On

I’m not really into the song but if you observe carefully you’ll notice that the video mrcs

Hayeon – Walk Away

*** BREAKING *** {EXCLUSIVE} Celebrity sister dances with snow furries scandal!

Sharkrama – Gahwamansaseong

Yet another group of rappers to add to the ever-growing list of people who can sample other people’s songs and rap in front of old-style buildings but are not in a big k-pop group therefore nobody will write big “omg how cultural relevance, much woke” articles about them.

Yourbeagle – Spacewoman

This is just an instructional video on the correct gear to use in riots, dressed up as a k-pop video, to get past YouTube’s censorship.  Police are going to raid her house one day and find a thousand bootleg MAGA hats.

Roon – Time Does Not Wait For Us

Here we are back again in the restaurant waiting for some cunt who never arrives.

Choi Jung Yoon – Bloom

I wonder how much animators charge for this kind of video.  Now that’s one thing about music video production I honestly don’t know.

B_ver – Objectives

This dude is mad and I think one of his objectives is to steal Fromis_9’s underscore.

Yumdda ft. Northfacegawd, Justhis, Layone – John Cena

I was waiting for her to bust out a rap and totally destroy the guys lyrically but all she did was shake her ass and poke her tongue out a bit, how sad.  Not that I’m against ass-shaking or tongue-poking but I just don’t want to hear these metal mouth dudes and could totally have gone a verse from her instead.

Wooks ft. Crucial Star – Just

Some songs I’ve just got nothing to write about, so I’ll just use this space to tell you that Dreamcatcher’s next mini album “Dystopia : Road to Utopia” comes out on January 26th, which is also known as Australia day, hopefully that’s a sign that they get their ass back in this country again one day.

40 – Have A Good Day

A pretty awful song but when you churn out a typical Korean ballad while rocking a look like Leon from The Professional, that’s worth points of some type.

Park Sajang ft. Soda – Respect To Me

I swear this looks like one of the guys standing around in the background of Chaboom’s “Lord Of The Flies” video asked if he could hang around on set after they were done and the sun was coming up and film an R&B song with his girlfriend while everyone else went home.

Jang Deok Cheol – Fall Asleep

It’s standing around in the fields singing ballads time again.  Fall asleep indeed.  Get on a spaceship like LongD did or just stop it.

Summer Soul – The Way Back

Speaking of which, the girl who collaborated with LongD on their great track that I liked recently has a new song out and it’s boring.

Im Se Jun – The Love We Had

Oh shit now the entire band are out here in the fields.  They should pick some crops and make some cash, probably more profitable than this boring cra…. who am I kidding, Korea loves this sound.  Carry on boring us to death if it makes money I suppose, god knows it’s hard enough in this fucking industry to get some coin these days.

Heyday – A Light Of A Dream

How can someone be so fascinated by a book on their own fucking bookshelf.  Don’t you know what’s in your own house, woman?

Song Sieun – Let’s Sing Together

I’m not sure if a song title has ever sounded more like a threat than this, and yes I am factoring in Anal Cunt and GG Allin’s entire back-catalogue.

Zemean – Puzzle

Okay so we’ll end with this bright number to perk you up a bit after all that dreary shit.  It’s not super upbeat but it sounds like Bolt Thrower compared to most of the rest of this week.  If nothing else, at least it has a fucking guitar solo.

BONUS RANDOM VIDEO OF THE WEEK

CHUU CAN DO IT – Episode 1

Americans, don’t be sad that your country is in its final days of global relevance, and watch Chuu as she saves the environment – with cake.  That’s all you really need to know.  Oh and the mask where you can still see her smile is a clever touch, whoever thought of that is the real MVP.  Probably Chuu herself, I wouldn’t be surprised.

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That’s it for this week’s roundup – Kpopalypse returns with more roundup next week!