It’s time for the first Kpopalypse’s roundup of 2021!  Let’s check out some new releases!

Woo!ah! – I Don’t Miss U

First song of 2021 and it’s… reasonable, I guess.  Wow, Kpopalypse is back with another hard-hitting review.  Yes, this is the type of problematic content that will be pushing people’s buttons in 2021. 

Rolling Quartz – Blaze

Every single person who usually sends me lists of songs put this at or right near the top of the list, and so did quite a few others who usually don’t contact me at all.  They were right to do so, it’s pretty cool, and good on this group for not only rocking out but also going against the trend and having a guitar solo of a decent length.

Queen Wa$abii – I Forgot

I’m a big fan of Queen Wa$abii’s attitude, but so far her music has been a letdown.  This is probably the best thing she has so far but I know she can do better.

Yoyomi – Seuliseuljjeog

So can Yoyomi for that matter, honestly I am just bored.

Taeyeon – Galaxy

When they do that guitar intro with the percussive click on the strings on beats two and four, you know you’re in for a bad time.

Taeyeon – Playlist

Well, at least it has a beat, that’s… something?  Also I’m really digging her dark purple shade of microphone.  I once ordered a guitar in that colour and was totally bummed out when I received the instrument and it was black instead.  I bet that wouldn’t happen if I was an SM Entertainment artist.

DJ Ellia – Belongs To You

Not much fly turntabling action happening here but I guess I’ll take randomly swanning around in a white dress to a dance beat instead.

Yerin Baek – You’re So Lonely Now, So You Need Me Back By Your Side Again

That song title took me back to the 2000s emo days where every song title was something like “The Magician’s Red Hat Holds The Key To The Castle Of Meat-Lovers Pizza” (not a real song title, but feel free to write a song called this).  Only Ichika Nito is writing fun song titles like that these days, maybe he’d like to meet Yerin Baek.

Yerin Baek – I’m In Love

Or maybe not.  Come on, keep the over-verbose song title thing going, “I’m In Love” is such a dull name.  The next one had better be called something like “There’s A Reason Why I Left Three Rice Grains On My Plate After Lunch, You Just Don’t Know It Yet”.

Baek A Yeon – I Need You

The guy in this video looks like he just ate those three rice grains and found out the reason.

Dalsoobin – Eyes Like Snow

Come on, that’s not snow, those are fragments of styrofoam packing wedges.  Someone report Dalsoobin for hax.

Koyote – Farewell With That Star

They look so full of life and fun and then they start singing and it’s all over.  I’ll cut them some slack though, in all their other videos Koyote are doing cartwheels on a charging rhinoceros that’s on fire while in space, so they’ve probably earned a rest this time around.

Lovelyz, Golden Child – Under The Sky Of Suncheon

Ageism is real in k-pop, and I’m not talking about all the kids on Twitter who can’t handle the opinions of anyone over 23 years old.  Only a few years into their careers, Woollim have decided that Lovelyz and Golden Child are too decrepit to sing standing up or play anything at over 80 BPM.

Verivery – So Gravity

Add Verivery to the list of boy groups who I’m still waiting on doing something, anything at all, that makes me really feel anything.

Astro – We Still (Be With U)

Uh oh, it’s a “for the fans” video.  Get ready for the cringe.

P1Harmony – Breakthrough

I’ve got to say that for a video specifically billed as a “fashion & music film”, I at least expected them to change out of their motorcycle gear once they arrived at the studio.

Rain, JYP – Switch To Me

I don’t think much of this “new jack swing” nonsense, a genre that only lasted for about three months in 1990 and is best left back there, but I can’t deny that at least the video concept is great and Rain is certainly doing his best to give Wonho a run for his money in the abs category.  Also this is a nice video for those who want to practice lip-reading.

Min Kyunghoon, Kim Heechul ft. Bibi – Hanryang

You see I wasn’t kidding about Agust D, there really is nothing to making music like this.  However onto the real question, Bibi is slaying the visuals here, how does she actually make that headwear work, I don’t think I’ve ever seen someone look so good in a hat that stupid.

Baekhyun – Amusement Park

Baekhyun sighted at the Nugu Park roundabout?  Can it be true, or is this some other SM-tier roundabout that only the SM artists get to use?  Does Korea have a heirarchical system for roundabout use?  Does using the wrong roundabout at the wrong time mean social death? 

Baekhyun – Get You Alone

Although the caption says “distance”, those Barbie and Ken dolls definitely aren’t the regulation distance apart to prevent virus spread – cancelled!

Kim Feel – Sleeplessness

I think any sleeplessness you might be feeling will soon be rectified if you give this song a spin.

Shirts Boy Frank – City

The change in dynamics is nice but you still need some more melody and structure for this type of thing to work really well.  While going loud is good, you can’t just go loud halfway through for no reason.

Sihwang ft. Aleph – D.M.B. (Deaf, Mute, Blind)

Okay is this some attempt at “art” or did the video editor just fuck up?

Cott – Far

It’s not that bad but why does the snare drum sound like someone punching soggy cardboard.

Dahee – Focus

Now: oh a nice song, also look at her shooting the screen at 1:13 that’s so cute, plus that’s a nice doggo, hey everyone stan Dahee

In 2 years: using a gun sign is glamorising MURDER, what about all the MURDER VICTIMS in the world who are traumatised by this, she is PROBLEMATIC, there’s not even a trigger warning, also did the dog CONSENT to being this video, Dahee doesn’t respect animals that means she is probably a RAPIST and a PEDOPHILE ANIMAL ABUSER, CANCELLED

Sun Kim, Greeny – The Place We Dream

Hey what the fuck?  This video had only 93 views when I saw it, with 4 upvotes and 3 downvotes!  These poor people are getting ratioed even harder than my content!  What did they do, murder someone’s child?  Guys, we need to support them and like this video, also maybe drop them a nice comment or two.

Janhyang – Blue

This one has 38 views but 7 likes and zero dislikes.  That’s more like it, people.  Also I’ve got to admit that this is not only reasonably good for what it is, but by far the best ballad sung by someone in a wheelchair that I’ve ever heard (Hwayoung on T-ara stages doesn’t count, she was faking it, remember?). 

Woody – Just Stay At Home

Is this a song about social isolation?  I wish it was a song about musical isolation.

Giriboy – It Was Love

Wow the domestic violence in this video is intense, don’t try this at home kids.  I’ve been the victim in abusive relationships before but I guess I should be thankful that she never got the bow and arrow out.

Minos ft. eAeon – 2020 Wonder Kiddy

It’s actually really good to see Korean pop artists taking virus protection seriously.

Blurrychords ft. Tangtheawesome, Boiled Onion – Plz! :-

This is truly odd and I think this kind of experimentation is genuinely cool, but I’m not sure if it works.  Maybe I need to know Korean language to understand this one.

Kriz, Benzamin – The Devil Is In The Detail

Hey at least it’s quick.

Coogie ft. Gray – Pow

That nowhere music everyone hates, complete with lots of Autotune because we hate that too.

D.Ark – Potential

I feel like this could have been great with a reasonable beat behind it, but what’s there just isn’t enough.

Khakii, Kim Mono, Ahn Byeong Woong – Reverse

Again, no beats.

Takeone – Return

A rap song should not swing like a waltz swings.  If you’re going to use a waltz rhythm just sing over it or play an instrument like normal people do.

D-Hack – D-Hack Adventure

People just rap over anything nowadays, don’t they.  Consider my D un-hacked.

Mokyo – Mad

This summer/winter has really been the summer/winter of great basslines and not much else.  (Notice how I don’t problematically mis-season people who live in a different hemisphere to me, that’s because Kpopalypse is woke as fuck.)

Brown Tigger ft. Jeebanoff – Twenty-Ten Years Old

R&B is a mistake and so is jazz.

Lil Cherry, Goldbuuda – Lemon Squeeze

Damn Lil Cherry is using exactly the same annoying melody that she used in that song that got on my 2020 worst list.

Nild ft. Cokeonesober – If U

Okay the first “new 80s” song for 2021 has arrived and it’s not bad at all.  The guy sounds a bit odd like he’s gargling marbles but I can deal.

Willow – Let’s Just Sing

I went kayaking when I was younger and it sucked, got my ass bit my mosquitoes like 57 times and also there were drop bears.  This videos gives me PTSD.

10cm – Winter Breath

10cm are as reliable as Slayer.  You know exactly what you’re getting each time.

SMTOWN – Hope

Oh wow, all the gang from SM is here, apart from the ones who are conspicuously absent.  I’m pretty sure Girls’ Generation is just Taeyeon now.  Worth it for the Shindong/Karina rap break, now there’s a duo to rival RUN and DMC.

Lee Minhyuk – Play

This song is [insert “problematic” joke here about random subject that rational sensible people will pay no mind to and just ignore and go on about their day like any normal person would, but that the Internet’s scores of deluded oversensitive no-life idiots will all freak out about for whatever dumb reason and call me a rapist/pedophile/nazi/misogynist/homophobe/yodeler/gamer who doesn’t invert Y axis/etc etc while screencapping my content and sharing it around, thus causing curious people to investigate and find my writing, increasing my viewcount by about 100 times, nice to know I’ve got you all wrapped around my little finger you dumb fucks] and that’s how I feel about that, thanks for listening to my TED talk.

WANDERING AROUND IN THE DRY FIELDS OUTSIDE SEOUL SECTION

Seongri – Heavenly Reunion

Is there really a place in Korea where you can stand where you can totally be in the countryside but also have that clear a view of the CBD’s buildings?  If so that’s cool.  It’s like Seongri is the guardian of Seoul and you have to pay him three bales of wheat to pass.

Oh Sae Bom – Beautiful Love

Oh Sae Bom didn’t cough up the wheat so he just gets a rock and some street lights in the background to stand in front of.

Dowoojin – I’m Gonna Fly

Dowoojin also didn’t have anything to trade so he went around the long way and looks like he got a bit lost.

YoonDo – Once In A December

Now here’s someone who got really lost, walked in the other direction and ended up in some random woods.  That high note sure sounds awful but hopefully it’ll alert a rescue party.

RANDOM BONUS VIDEO OF THE WEEK

Itzy – Roly Poly live at Daegu 2020 k-pop awards

Awards shows do have one (and only one) use, which is that they can sometimes result in cool live performances.  Here Itzy cover the most iconic k-pop song of the last decade, and they don’t change anything apart from shortening the arrangement because you can’t improve on perfection.  Listen to the crowd cheer specifically whenever that chorus comes up, that’s an indicator that they’re cheering for the music.  You know, music, that thing that everybody forgot about when they sunk their teeth so deep into k-pop fan culture and “you must accept everything at all times plus offend nobody ever” compliance that their brains rotted from the inside out and they lost their ability to have an opinion of their own, or to understand anyone else’s opinion.  Maybe one day we can get back to the days before the “big dumb” encircled today’s erudite Internet-savvy population and started herding them into the corporate milking machine, and we probably won’t, but if we do, T-ara covers will probably be the soundtrack when they make the international blockbuster film of it.

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That’s all for this week’s roundup!  Kpopalypse roundup will return next week, and every week until mid-December 2021!