It’s time for Kpopalypse roundup! Let’s take a look at some new releases!
Bling Bling – La La La
Total trash. It’s definitely a sign that I should hold roundups off until the new year when something like this gets top billing from multiple people who sent me song request lists.
Yoyomi – Lead Actor
100% restaurant music. Chicken and sweetcorn soup please, I want to eat and run as quickly as possible.
Yoyomi – Let’s Go Namdo
Her other song is marginally better, but it’s a sad week in k-pop when a double-whammy of Yoyomi can’t save it.
Yerin Baek – 0415
Annoying art-wank. Somebody, somewhere is probably hoodwinked into thinking this means something.
Serri ft. Minsun – When You Call Me
Acoustic guitar should not be used for this kind of music – although to be fair, neither should anything else.
Sonnet – Ready
Thudding garbage, which actually resembles a lot of how bad the 80s really sounded much more than all those “80s concepts” do.
Yubin – Wave
More generic crap.
Ghost9 – W.all
How much would an automated anti-boy-group security system like this cost, I wonder? Asking for a friend.
DKB – Tell Me Tell Me
Looks like sport attire. Cancelled.
SF9 – My Story, My Song
It’s another “for the fans” song, eww.
Kim Sungkyu – I’m Cold
You can tell that they wanted to do a tropical piece of shit but they didn’t just because of the weather. For once Korea’s seasonal affective disorder songwriting plays in my favour.
Jun.K – 30 Minutes Might Be Too Long
Actually even 30 seconds would have been too long.
J_ust, Wonpil – Wedding Song
Boring stuff that no self-respecting rock musician should be getting up to.
Lee Seunggi – I Will
Bitch, your house is flooding, why are you celebr… oh, it’s his house. Carry on then.
Davii – Jamie Cullum
They tied his hands together but sadly he found a way to play this shit song anyway. Do a better job next time, kidnapper.
Inthestudio ft. Hyojin – Hot Night
Not every 80s concept is good. It’s still important to be able to write an actual song, you can’t just get an ostinato bassline and some pixelated graphics in the video and call it a day.
Fol Trio – O Come, Emmanuel
Latin hymns reinterpreted as jazz wank, do not want.
Salku – Tempt
This is almost good, it has way cool ambience and just needed a less wishy-washy melody.
Chaeree – GTG (Gotta Go)
How does this absolute bullshit have so many views when it’s no better than half the nugu sub-100 view stuff in this week’s roundup that I straight up deleted.
Lil Cherry, Goldbuuda – 1000 Words
It’s another one of those “let’s put our shitty trap music in a ‘traditional’ music and visual setting so dumb music critics who can’t tell the difference think that this is something innovative instead of us just sampling someone else’s shit and not paying them and then mumbling over the top” songs.
Jaedal – Sir Don
I hope he falls.
Citynoise ft. It’s – Step
What’s the point of making a 4K video and then deliberately blurring half the shots so they look like 144p anyway. Don’t waste your Internet bandwidth.
Jerry.k ft. Saza – Brown Poodle
At least they drew the dog’s anus on, the only relevant part of this video.
About – People Have Not Been
Well, maybe they would have been if you didn’t suck so badly.
June – 10cm
If some fuckwit comes up to you and starts singing to you about wanting to get closer, just keep reading your magazine and ignoring him. He’ll get the hint eventually.
Marvel J ft. Rex.D, Okla – Hangeonhae
The other guys in it are wasting both their time and ours, but that man at the start, I just wanna pay him to scream at some more people, like perhaps everyone else in this list.
Goyo – Wake Up
Rad Museum – Wet Umbrella/This Night
Chaboom, Euroko Pizza – Pepperoni Pizza
Chaboom seems to have already made his one allotted decent song for his entire rap career that all Korean rappers seem to get, and is probably just going to suck dicks from now on. What a shame.
Oceanfromtheblue – Hope You Do
When I watch porn I don’t want to listen to the soundtrack thanks.
Joosiq – Good Night
Music for boring people to just hang out together and do nothing and not even listen to. If wasting your life and achieving nothing is kind of your thing, here’s your song of the year. I realise that probably sounds like a recommendation to many of you but once I answer that QRIMOLE question and your life starts improving, music like this will lose its appeal.
Yunsae – Warm Puppy
Does not mrds
Han Donggeun – Letter To Myself 10 Years Ago
That letter should have read “don’t make a ballad in ten years from now, dipshit”.
Lunchsong Project ft. Kim Hyeon Cheol – Mama Told Me
Don’t drag the kids into the studio just let them eat their fucking lunch for fuck’s sake. Koreans are all cool about torturing infants but why can’t kids just be allowed to have coloured block playtime without having “creativity achievement culture” shoved down their throats.
La Poem – Crescent
Look at these dickheads. What do they know about the thrash metal vs glam metal wars of the 1980s? Nothing – so they can piss right off.
La Poem – La Tempesta
More of this bullshit. Look, “kpop vocal analysts” are lying to you. There’s no market for this type of music with people under my decrepit age. Even I’m not old enough for this bullshit and I’m actually the oldest person alive.
SEXY MILF AUNT GLASSES (BUT ON GUYS) SECTION
Onewe – A Book In Memory
Why is this singer wearing his aunt’s glasses with the funny chain thing. That sort of stuff only looks good in nursing homes, or in JAV. Hopefully it gives someone a boner out there.
Seo Mingyu – Aura
This guy too although he forgot the chain but it’s still the same look. “666” on the jacket is a nice touch, I actually like that.
BONUS RANDOM VIDEO OF THE WEEK
Yuqi, Shuhua and Miyeon got into an intense argument
I generally don’t like to post divisive political content on Kpopalypse blog because it can alienate readers and of course everybody knows that my mission in life is to appeal to the maximum amount of readers at all times and increase my web traffic by being as compliant and inoffensive as possible. So I hope you’ll forgive me for this little diversion from my usual safe, people-pleasing content, as I bring to you this video where members of (G)I-dle discuss a very important political issue affecting all our lives. I couldn’t resist utilising my platform to highlight what I feel is an important and rarely discussed topic, and yes I know this content might be a bit preachy and soapboxy for some of you but if I don’t bring this stuff up, who will? Apologies as this argument does get quite heated and may be triggering to the more sensitive Kpopalypse readers, especially when the manager starts chiming in with a dissenting opinion and Yuqi yells to stop the car so she can beat the living fuck out of him by the side of the road, so consider yourselves forewarned. Gosh these girls have really let success go to their heads, haven’t they.
It’s plainly evident that there’s not enough good songs coming out to justify future roundups this year, so this will be the last Kpopalypse roundup for 2020. However, you can expect the following posts coming soon, so mark them in your calendar:
- Clearing house post (new songs plus songs that missed roundups) – Dec 23rd, this will probably be the cutoff date for songs to be considered for 2020 lists
- Christmas songs roundup – Dec 25th
- Honourable and dishonourable mentions for 2020 – Dec 27th
- Kpopalypse’s 30 worst k-pop songs of 2020 – Dec 31st
- Kpopalypse’s 30 favourite k-pop songs of 2020 – Dec 31st
- Roundup starts again for 2021 – 7th Jan
Plus maybe a few extra bonus non-song-review posts and other miscellaneous posts in between, as usual! Also don’t forget the survey if you want to lay your own opinions down about 2020 in k-pop!
As always thanks for reading and stay safe, caonimas! Kpopalypse will return!