It’s time for Kpopalypse roundup! Let’s check out some new releases!
Woo!ah! – Bad Girl
It turns out that if you get Itzy’s “Wannabe“, remove the killer chorus and replace it with a bunch of unexciting bullshit instead, it sucks. Who would’ve thought.
NiziU – Step And A Step
Bland and honestly kind of crap. I guess weebs have low standards.
Got7 – Last Piece
I don’t understand – a new, actually good trend in music appears, and only the girl groups dive onto it. Got7, this was your time to shine and you fucked it up. You even had JYP helping you and I know that he knows, and you still got it wrong, so what’s the deal. Okay, I know you can’t tell me – save it for 10 years after your contract expires and I’ll do an interview with the bravest member in 2046.
Enhypen – Given-Taken
This other new group I’ve never heard of before have got the right idea. It’s still far too pedestrian to have an impact, but it’s definitely a slight step in the right direction away from the yolo crap and horrid R&B wank that’s dominated boy groups lately.
Purple Kiss – My Heart Skip A Beat
While I’m happy that Dreamcatcher have started a trend, these girls do everything Dreamcatcher does wrong (idiotic momentum-killing breakdowns, too much time wasted playing around with limp non-metal styles) and little that they do right (heavy chorus has uninteresting riffs and vocal melodies).
Secret Number – Privacy
Every k-pop song ever from 2018.
K/DA ft. Twice, Bekuh Boom, Annika Wells – I’ll Show You
Anyone who thinks that a “new 80s” sound is a ticket to Song Of The Year just got proven wrong here, this is terrible. Also trying to sell Ahri from League Of Legends as some kind of relatable idol trainee is just weird as fuck. You’re a gumiho, you’re supposed to seduce people and then devour their internal organs, not stare at sheet music going “gosh I really need to nail this vocal take”.
Oh My Girl – Etoile
Has shades of what makes their better Korean songs work, but it’s really nothing that special.
Chungha ft. R3hab – Dream Of You
A good bassline helps this song but there isn’t much else here to get excited about.
Meiqi – Mute
For those who haven’t got the connection this is Meiqi from Cosmic Girls and the song is the usual slow and dull nonsense that I’m really hoping will be forgotten about soon.
Betty Wu – 25
The other Chinese Cosmic Girls tie-in this week also sucks.
Taeyeon – Sorrow
Sorry Annie your bias is shit again this year.
Ahn Yeeun – Waltz
Here’s some real “sing it to your grandparents” music. Even I’m too young for this and I’m the oldest person alive.
Jang Jane – House Keeping
At least it has some different note choice to cut through the typical piano ballad dullness somewhat but we all know she can do better.
Up10tion – Destiny
Basically sounds like an Infinite B-side from 2013. If you consider that a recommendation then okay, but I sure don’t.
NCT U – Work It
What in the fresh hell is this disjointed clumsy mess where there are 76 ideas and none of them fit together.
Bae173 – Every Little Thing
What’s more pathetic, the sound of this shit acoustic ballad, or the fact that someone thought NCT127’s fucking stupid name format was actually good enough to steal. We could debate for hours about this.
NTX – Ubimuhwhan
I’ll review a teaser if it actually has the whole song in it I guess. However after the first 20 seconds I’d heard everything it had to offer anyway so maybe I should have ignored it anyway.
Super Junior D&E – Wings
“Super Junior D&E Wings” sounds like some sort of KFC meal deal. What a pity that it’s actually a rubbish song by a shit SM duo group that should disband.
CIX – Move My Body
I really dislike reviewing live stage songs because the audio quality is often so worthless that it’s kind of unfair to try and assess any of it. This song is no exception but I think that even if the sonics were correct and present there wouldn’t be much in this case to really listen to.
Kai – Mmmh
You can get the coolest quasi-ring-modulated synth noises and stick them in a boring R&B song and it will still be one of the worst things ever.
Taemin – Be Your Enemy
SM aren’t even trying with their box videos anymore, are they.
Brooklyn – Imagine
Wow that kid sure grew up fast in just five years. I guess growth hormones are Korea’s drug of choice.
Jun Doohee – Bad Flower
This moody slow rock song isn’t too terrible and could be one of the better songs this week.
Jyunky ft. Jami Soul – Sugar Bomb
Swing jazz is cool but points deducted because nugus are supposed to know how to use microphones, they don’t have the disadvantage of a major label choreographer threatening to smack them if they do it properly.
Han Lee Jae ft. Jung Dongwon – Knock Knock Knock
This couple look incredibly bored with each other and so am I.
Dusky80 – Paranoid City
What is that hat, it looks like a discarded alien pod. I’m seeing more and more of these in k-pop lately.
Dickpunks – Man On The Moon
You’d think with a name like Dickpunks their music would kick ass a bit more than this but heaven forbid we rock out a little.
Blurrychords ft. TakeOne, Ignito, Fae – Heal The World
A cool video with a lot of great visual ideas. If they just added music to it, it’d be fantastic.
Lil Poet ft. Cough – Uijeongbu
Why does Korea always copy the shit album track jams from the 90s instead of the good stuff.
Kirin ft. Simon Dominic, Hoody, Unity Recordz – Fantasy
Gwangil Jo, Brown Tigger – Dead Stock
Even this would have only been considered about average in 1995 or something.
Spray ft. Coogie, pH-1, Puff Daehee – Jangjeon
More sports cars, as if any young people anywhere even own sports cars. Give it a rest, we all know you drive a 23 year old Mazda hatchback just like I do.
Puff Daehee ft. Spray – “P” Mix
A slightly better track here, guess he’s been listening to those Wu-Tang records.
Dbo – Save Me Again
What. Seriously, what is this. I’m being trolled. Come on now.
Dbo – In My Heart
Oh wow just when I think R&B rap can’t get any worse.
Yumdda ft. Zion.T – Hanadoo
I like the pizza slap because I was just thinking about how that would be a great idea to shut these people the fuck up and then it happened. Unfortunately, they kept on singing afterward so it didn’t work, but the thought was there.
Z.flat, Hondam – Designer
It kind of does sound like it was recorded in the key of Z flat actually.
Grizzly ft. Sumin – Flower Shop
LXX – Black
Just like being in a dark room being blindfolded and deprived of all sensation.
Slchld – Camellia
What is this shit and why does it have over 100 views, proof that your god does not exist.
Motte – Airplane Mode
Look, this girl is giving a concert and nobody showed up. She might want to ask herself why that is.
Anxiety Yee – Wednesday
Only the first second is good because mrcs
Choi – Believe You
Don’t #believeallballadeers they are shady, trust me.
Collective Arts, Yuha – One’s Home
A shit song but I liked the video just because of the very clear guitar chord positions, now you too can learn all those k-ballad light jazz chords.
Kim Kyu Jong, Lola – It’s Ok
Holy shit it’s that fucking nugu junk studio again, this is in like 10% of all k-pop videos out there I swear.
NIve ft. Heize – 2easy
You’ve got a female singer there on the track with you, why are you doing that nut-breaking falsetto. Just give her the part and save your family jewels.
Cheeze – Good Night
Cheeze are always trash, one of those horrible “ballads and soft shite only” groups.
Savina & Drones – Where All Loves End
There’s an Australian group called The Drones and they fucking suck too.
Kim A Hyung – Firework
I forgot to add this one in last week and I was kind of excited about remembering to put it in this week instead and I don’t remember why because it’s actually not that good.
Xia – Days
Oh and Xia did a song a while back so here it is by popular demand. I deleted about 20 shit ballads out of roundup this week just so you don’t have to endure them and then you go and request this? I’m trying to save you here, stop fucking it up for yourselves
BONUS RANDOM VIDEO OF THE WEEK
IU TV – The Curious Case Of IU + “Above The Time” live clip
I put this pair of videos here because it demonstrates something that doesn’t register with a lot of people – music videos take a fucking long time to make, even those “special live clip” ones. IU talks about how snacking isn’t great for her but when she’s on set doing shooting, she doesn’t have much choice. That’s because she’s working around the clock on this shit until it’s done. Also the extreme boredom of shooting a music video is really evident here. Look at all that crew and extras as well just for five minutes of live video…. and they don’t even have to worry about half the equipment because the band are miming, it would be even more arduous and boring if they had to set up a band sound system for real. This is actually the real reason why a lot of bands mime for TV shows – it’s not that they can’t play the song, they almost always can – but for TV it trims quite a few hours off the setup and pull down time to not have to worry about getting a functioning live sound recording happening at the same time as the video shoot. Time is money and audiences are gullible, so never mind actually plugging in the keyboards, just showing up with them will do, because people tend to “see” music before they “hear” it, and manipulating the visual is key, that’s why half the groups you know about even have fans at all.
That’s all for this week! As we move into December roundup will continue but it may start thinning out a little as we move into the excruciating “holiday” season but don’t worry, Kpopalypse will keep going with more content for you! Stay safe, folks!