Kpopalypse Nugu Alert Episode 52 – Yoo Jiyoung ft. Park Subin, Han Beak, Hizy

Yes, it’s another Kpopalypse Nugu Alert!  Let’s take a look at even more nugus!

Recently while looking at the web traffic of kpopalypse.com through my site’s internal stats machine, I’ve noticed a disturbing trend – this site actually still remains really quite popular.  This is despite me continually trolling my readership with rubbish posts that have no content and generally being an asshole and getting my posts banned from everywhere.  Clearly, these continual large amounts of web traffic despite my almost total lack of off-site promotion are unacceptable and I need to find a way to irritate as much of my reader base as possible so that they know that there are other k-pop related websites that they can visit.  What better way to do it than yet another episode of the most unpopular long-running series on Kpopalypse blog, Kpopalypse Nugu Alert, even though we just had one of these posts a mere 24 hours ago?

Daily chart of readers visiting Kpopalypse blog, which currently tends to oscillate between 3000 and 6000 per day. Light green is page views, dark green is unique visitors. The blue highlight is a typical Kpopalypse Nugu Alert traffic day.

As you can see, yes there is a daily impact in readership when Nugu Alert gets published, but the readers happily continue to come bouncing back over the following days.  Clearly, previous episodes of Nugu Alert haven’t been nugu enough.  So for this episode, I’ve decided to do a super-special edition with only the most unpopular videos that I can find!

Special rules just for THIS episode of Kpopalypse Nugu Alert:

  • Less than 100 views per video (down from 20,000)
  • Nobody gives a crap
  • Relevant to Kpopalypse

Let’s do it!


 

Yoo Jiyoung ft. Park Subin – Thirty-Three

An aptly named and quite prophetic song, I encountered this video when it literally had just 33 YouTube views.  In the video Yoo Jiyoung appears to be a teacher by occupation, which mustn’t pay very well because she also appears to be a trailer park resident.  It sucks how teachers are often some of the most low-paid people in the world, imagine the government entrusting the young generation of future movers and shakers to a bunch of staff with no money or resources to teach properly about commonsense values, no wonder we’re now reaping what we sow and living in a world of hive-minded bullshit.  Anyway please click on this girl’s video just so we can get this song at least up into the triple digits, and then maybe she can one day move out of the trailer and afford private rental – or at least the pen required to fill out a private rental application.  Then you can make a celebration post about it when the views hit 100 on your favourite k-pop social network of choice – and don’t let anyone else say you can’t.  I’m watching you, moderators.

Youtube views at the time of writing: 33

Notable attribute: appears to be just a little further down the beach from the place where 6band shot their video in the previous Nugu Alert.  This means that Yoo Jiyoung could be dating one of the guys in 6band.  Kpopalypse Nugu Alert’s first dating scandal?

Nugu Alert rating: off the chart


 

Han Beak – No Matter

On the other hand, let’s not feel too sorry for Han Beak.  Not only do these guys have more than double Yoo Jiyoung’s viewcount, but these lucky devils also have some sweet, sweet electronic gear.  A new Roland Juno-G alone will set you back maybe about as much as a BTS fan spends on their favourite group, and those electronic drums and percussion aren’t super cheap either, plus there’s an Apple laptop – who the fuck can afford those overpriced pieces of shit.  The only thing that looks a bit bargain basement here is that vocal microphone, which seems maybe only one tier higher than those “my first sound system” ones you can buy from the supermarket that come with their own integrated scratchy uninsulated microphone cord and an annoying killswitch on the body to make sure that you have easy access to the ability to turn your own voice off by accident.  Still, the song is pretty good, so let’s give them some more traffic anyway and help them go back to the music store and buy a footrest or something.

Youtube views at the time of writing: 82

Notable attribute: cool hand jewelry on the singer matches that on the keyboard player, maybe they can put their rings together and shout “Shazzan!” to release the nugu genie

Nugu Alert rating: off the chart


 

Hizy – Yoo-Hoo!

Clocking in with so many views that she barely meets the strict eligibility requirements for this post, Hizy is clearly putting in work and riding a huge wave of nugu populartity with not only 91 views but 9 likes and 53 subscribers.  No wonder she’s practically getting molested by camera phones at one point in this video, it’s obvious that people are queueing up for some of that sweet reflected glory and “clout” (“clout” is what people who haven’t achieved anything with their lives think they get if they get noticed on the Internet. I hate the word too!) that comes from knowing a k-pop star.  However don’t hate on Hizy just because she’s popular and getting so mobbed in this video that one person nearly accidentally rips off her clothes at 2:25, her tune is pretty dreamy with some weird floating rhythms and the visual accompaniment manages to be truly different despite initially just looking like another “standing around in the fields” video.  In fact I never knew that Korea had so many fields, anyone complaining about overpopulation clearly just needs to move to Korea, they seemingly have plenty of room for everyone.

Youtube views at the time of writing: 91

Notable attribute: subtle but stylish nose-ring placement makes Hizy the nugu counterpart to Fiestar’s Cheska

Nugu Alert rating: off the chart


 

That’s all for Kpopalypse Nugu Alert for 2020!  This series will return in 2021, with more nugus for your entertainment!

7 thoughts on “Kpopalypse Nugu Alert Episode 52 – Yoo Jiyoung ft. Park Subin, Han Beak, Hizy

  1. If you REALLY want to torpedo your own site, then may I suggest:

    1. Hire Han Seo Hee to write a dating advice column for this site.
    2. Fill every page you post with enough ad and cookie scraping scripts to choke even NASA’s computers.
    3. Provide only the bestest trulytrufax Asian news on the planet like AKP does.
    4. Make every other post about Dreamcatcher, baseball, or posts that you feel have to be prefaced with “You know I don’t give a shit about..” disclaimers but then demonstrate that you do give a shit because you posted the page in the first place.
    5. Keep posting pictures of dogs. Especially pictures of designer dogs from puppy mills because, “Hey, who gives a shit about whether or not your pet is going to be riddled with life-long health issues as long as their sooooo darn cute ▼(´ᴥ`)▼?”.

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