It’s time for Kpopalypse roundup!  Let’s take a look at some new releases!

Prisma – Breakout

Okay so are this group going to catch tons of unreasonable hate from racist k-pop tweens for daring to have some white people in it, or are we just going to recognise that their song is as average and boring as every other k-pop comeback lately and move on?

Puer Kim – Unpretty Tattoo

Puer Kim basically trolling the fuck out of her audience who waited years to see her again.  If I admit that you won, will you come back with a better song next time?

CL – +Hwa+

CL has been often awful, occasionally great, but rarely as average and dull as this.

Hong Jinyoung – Never Ever

Nothing special from Hong Jin Young this time, it just sounds like her other songs slowed down more, but they sure made her look good.

Koyote, Linda G – Delete

Early T-ara vibes make what is probably supposed to be funny or something just actually a very good song.

Raiden, Hyo ft. Coogie – Think About Me

Hyoyeon looks great here, maybe the best she has ever looked, she can actually almost pull off those hypercolour dishrags.  Pity this song is literally just a bassline.

Monsta X – Love Killa

Monsta X have had a reasonable year but here they just sound like every other group.

CIX – Jungle

You’re in the jungle baby, you’re gonna diiiiiie…. of boredom.

K/DA – More

Every song for League Of Legends is exactly the same, same cringe lyrics about being badass or something, same “epic” feel catering to incels emotionally struggling with losing 50% of their games, but if your mental age is over thirteen there’s nothing here for you.  Even Belle Delphine meets Sona Seraphine is a bland disappointment.  Mix it up, boy!

Ab6ix – Salute

It sounded pretty good, until they started singing and then it all fell apart.  Nice try with the chorus riff but it’s not enough.

Drippin – Nostalgia

Pretty much just an Infinite rejected B-track.  Actually I wouldn’t be surprised if that’s exactly what it is.

P1Harmony – Siren

Apparently one of these guys was active on BTS stan Twitter or something, and it figures because their debut is as uninteresting as any BTS track.

BXK – Fly High

It’s that mid tempo “hey we’re flying in the clouds doesn’t it feel so nice” type of thing, with bonus millennial whoops to top it all off.  Snore.

BXK – Noyb

Their other song is that slow thing with the big brass riffs and the zero melody.  Just not interesting at all.

Jung Jin Woo ft. Rohan – Movie

I’m not sure which movie this is trying to be, The Room perhaps.

Mino – Run Away

Actually not a bad song at all, despite the funeral tempo for a song with the word “run” in the title.  However I’m let down by him being puffed out after two seconds of speed rapping.  Not good enough.

The Midnight Romance – Nightmare

Everyone’s going 80s with the big synth choruses to appeal to Kpopalypse these last few months and it’s totally working.  That James Bond theme style riff coming in at the end of the chorus really was a bad idea though.

Coremagazine – Regret Reprise

Fuck them just for this video.  Who can even watch this.

Tang.erine – Dancing With Depression

Dancing with depression is how I feel each week during roundup when I get to all the “indie” songs that should be a lot better than they are.  Imagine having the freedom to make anything you want and making this.

DPR Ian – So Beautiful

Here’s how to do a “whistle hook” song correctly. 

Humming Urban Stereo – Weekend

It’s just like Daft Punk, except it’s really really really REALLY repetitive to the point where you want to kill yourself to make it stop, so in other words, it’s just like Daft Punk, except it’s really really really REALLY repetitive to the point where you want to kill yourself to make it stop, so in other words, it’s just like Daft Punk , except it’s really really really REALLY repetitive to the point where you want to kill yourself to make it stop, so in other words, it’s just like Daft Punk , except it’s really really really REALLY repetitive to the point where you want to kill yourself to make it stop, so in other words, it’s just like Daft Punk , except it’s really really really REALLY repetitive to the point where you want to kill yourself to make it stop, so in other words, it’s just like Daft Punk , except it’s really really really REALLY repetitive to the point where you want to kill yourself to make it stop, so in other words, it’s just like Daft Punk , except it’s really really really REALLY repetitive to the point where you want to kill yourself to make it stop, so in other words, it’s just like Daft Punk , except it’s really really really REALLY repetitive to the point where you want to kill yourself to make it stop, so in other words, it’s just like Daft Punk , except it’s really really really REALLY repetitive to the point where you want to kill yourself to make it stop, so in other words, it’s just like Daft Punk , except it’s really really really REALLY repetitive to the point where you want to kill yourself to make it stop, so in other words, it’s just like Daft Punk , except it’s really really really REALLY repetitive to the point where you want to kill yourself to make it stop, so in other words, it’s just like Daft Punk , (no this is not going to change, that’s the point) except it’s really really really REALLY repetitive to the point where you want to kill yourself to make it stop, so in other words, it’s just like Daft Punk , except it’s really really really REALLY repetitive to the point where you want to kill yourself to make it stop, so in other words, it’s just like Daft Punk , except it’s really really really REALLY repetitive to the point where you want to kill yourself to make it stop, so in other words, it’s just like Daft Punk , except it’s really really really REALLY repetitive to the point where you want to kill yourself to make it stop, so in other words, it’s just like Daft Punk , except it’s really really really REALLY repetitive to the point where you want to kill yourself to make it stop, so in other words, it’s just like Daft Punk , except it’s really really really REALLY repetitive to the point where you want to kill yourself to make it stop, so in other words, it’s just like Daft Punk.

Crystal Tea – Midnight Bicycle

You know that JAV where Ichika Matsumoto gets packed inside a suitcase and transported to a gangbang?  Imagine if she just took a bicycle there instead like a normal person.

Yoon Jiyoung – Blue Bird

Google street view is getting way too intrusive these days.

Raffina – Hey Go!

This video is truly disturbing, and I’ve seen the entire video that 2girls1cup is a preview for.

A.Train – Hurt

Have you ever thought about how lame right-wing anime stans who hate women in burqas probably also love No Face from Spirited Away?  You will after you watch this.

OuiOui – No Doubt

Sometimes people just go out of their way to make a video ugly.  Not talking about the performers here, who would probably look great in any setting apart from this one.

Yeji Kim ft. Dbo – Hush!

Love the aegyo-free zone of this girl, pity about the song.

Henne – Eyes

I’m not sure if hiring a dancer for your video is such a great idea of the camera zooms and pans around so much that nobody can even see the movements.  It’s like watching Michael Bay film explosions, something he’s notoriously terrible at for the same reason.

DJ Wegun, Jay Park ft. Kim Ximya – Twist The Plot

Jay Park has had his week of annual leave and now he’s back to put in some more work, this is genuinely weird and one of the better things he’s done.

Woo – Zip

Zoom is actually really crap for doing any kind of music jamming project because of that one second of delay between when you do something and when the person on the other end hears it.  I guess it doesn’t matter for this mumble-bullshit music though, it’s so formless and drab that nobody would even know if it’s out of time.

Loco – Waiting Room

Okay this sucks but he got to do that song with Hyomin once so let’s not feel too bad for him.

Baesuyong – Cow Words

I thought this was MC Vagina for a second with the quality of those English raps.

Che ft. Sogumm, Bewhy – Bright

Imagine having Vocoder and Autotune in the some song, and then choosing Autotune for the chorus.  That’s like eating McDonalds in the restaurant district.

Bizzy ft. Tiger JK, Jung In – Walkie Talkie

Wow these guys make some trash.

G2 – Hustle & Flow

Notice how he’s riding the subway on his own.  Sensible people always avoid the rappers on public transport.

Gyujin ft. Lil Asian*+ – Sign Me!

I thought it was just going to be a typical “hey look at these titties to distract your from the generic rap song” thing but then it didn’t suck.  An imaginative backing track saves it.

Gyujin – Own Shit

His other song is more old-school, but way worse.  Surprise, I don’t always like the retro shit more.

Del.Mo – Like That

Horrible in that generic way.

Del.Mo – Feel So Good

Also horrible but in a completely different generic way.

Gemini – Going

A bit mindless and doesn’t really change but it’s not too terrible.

Ovan, Lunch – Paris

Okay why does he have a neck like Henry Rollins.

Kolavo – Why

I saw the start of this and thought “this has got to start moshing or there’s no point” and then it actually almost did.  These two singers look old enough to remember the Exodus vs glam metal fans street wars.

Noel – Still Around You

Sorry but Yangpa had the ultimate “mournful radio DJ” track, you guys suck.

Sweet Sorrow ft. IU – Small Room

Super boring, don’t let the presence of IU excite you any, she adds nothing.

Paul Kim – Hangover

Generic as they come, you can predict every note and every twist of this.  Music for people who renovate their apartments in grey.

F.CUZ – Summer Days

I skipped this one in August when it came out because I can’t review everything, but a caonima really wanted to see it here so here it is.  I like the responsible COVID-safe green-screen use, and the song didn’t impress me on first listen but it’s a grower.

LET’S LEARN SOMETHING ABOUT MICROPHONES SECTION

JBJ95 – Jasmin

For most of this they fuck up the Shure Super 55 microphone use terribly in that typical way, but at 1:00 that one guy holds it correctly and looks at that camera to say “I know what I’m doing Kpopalypse you cunt, better not put me in some shitty sequel article”.  I guess I’ll let it slide.

Super Junior K.R.Y. – Traveler

If you’ve got your microphone on a stand AND you’re sitting down, there’s no reason to keep hanging onto it for dear life, you’re just making scratchy noise every time you caress it with your nervous stagefright fingers.  Even more so with these cheap battery powered wireless style microphones with the switches on them.  Switches on microphones are stupid, they are just asking for trouble, the amount of times singers turn off their microphones by accident would astound you.

Lee Sooyoung – I Believe

If you see one of these big fuck-off grey microphones, these are all clones of the Neumann U-47.  They’re very sensitive and this girl is using it correctly, with a pop shield between her and the mic, plus quite a bit of distance.  You’re not supposed to eat the damn thing like ice cream.

IU – Love Poem

I know this came out in last year, but we just got a video for it now (pull your finger out next time IU) and I like IU so in it goes.  Here IU uses the Shure SM58 which is the industry standard wired dynamic “live” microphone.  It’s not actually that great a mic sonically, but the reason why these things are industry standard for live performance is they are fucking indestructible and save engineering crews a lot of money in potential replacements.  You can throw one of these at some drunk cunt on the other side of the room throwing bottles onstage and miss his head and break a glass window and then hit a concrete wall and it’ll possibly make a dent in the grill but it will still work.  I have no idea how I know this.

BONUS RANDOM VIDEO OF THE WEEK

BEGINNER female kpop dances to learn – with reasoning!

I wouldn’t know enough about any dancing stuff to know if this video is accurate or not, but it definitely was interesting to watch anyway and it made me think about some of these dances in a new way.  However, points off for no “Roly Poly“, “Nobody” or “Bar Bar Bar” which surely have to be the ultimate beginner k-pop girl group dances, I guess they might be before the videomaker’s time… or they just wanted to put in new trendy shit for clicks.  Either way, cool video.

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That’s all for this week!  Kpopalypse roundup returns next week!