Kpopalypse roundup – new releases 19/10/2020

It’s time for Kpopalypse roundup!  Let’s check out some new releases!

Who wants to buy BigHit shares? They’re nice and cheap right now due to the company sensibly not being worth shit due to relying mainly on one solitary idol group that is realistically nearing the end of its life. I’m sure they’ll go up in price again one day though, then you can SELL them to make money and be a SELLOUT, you FAKE FAN, you.

Loona – Why Not?

The last 20 seconds when they add the harmony parts in is actually really quite good, but it’s a long trek through a whole lot of absolute fucking bullshit to get to that point at the end where they finally fit it all together.

NCT U – From Home

At least Loona tried, NCT’s latest is cookie-cutter to the extreme.

Weeekly – Zig Zag

It’s got a nice beat plus they’re making guitars cool with girls again, let’s hope that works out – it’s just lacking a little in the melody which is a real shame because this could have been outstanding.

Blackswan – Tonight

It’s got a nice beat plus they’re making guitars cool with girls again, let’s hope that works out – it’s just lacking a little in the harmony which is a real shame because this could have been outstanding.  Let’s put Blackswan and Weeekly’s songwriters together and see if they can come up with something, how about it.

Okay Girl Group – You Don’t Know My Mind

It’s okay.  Accurate group title of the week.

Refund Sisters – Don’t Touch Me

I’m going to use this fan-made MV for the roundup because all the live stages sound like shit with the backing track too low in the mix. Given that the backings are really the only good thing about it, I thought they deserved their fair shot more than the actual performers.

Yours – My Memory Is Yours

Now this is more like it.  It’s a bit lacking in light and shade but knowing how to put melody and chords together makes a big difference.

Hint – Eh-Oh

A piece of shit, sadly.  Anyone hoping for something even close to “Tang Tang Tang” get ready to have your soul crushed.

Lee Suhyun – Alien

I’ve been telling people for years that Suhyun is the most attractive woman in k-pop, some other people might start realising soon now.  Pity about the song sounding like it was shat out of Jamiroquai’s ass but that’s okay because while anyone can theoretically produce a good tune, only Suhyun can look like Suhyun.

Punch – I Miss U

Punch is the only artist in the whole of k-pop who actually sounds better when she’s on OSTs than anywhere else.

Seventeen – Home;Run

Seventeen still don’t have a song yet that’s capable of making me feel any emotions at all.  They’re “the other BTS” in that respect, but at least BTS have “War Of Hormone”.

B1A4 – Like A Movie

Trigger warning: timestop and furries in the one video.

Verivery – G.B.T.B.

I like how a ton of the song has that lowpass filter slapped on it like someone threw the sound system in a lake.  Clearly the producer had the same thought that I did.

M.O.N.T – Anti-Hero

Easily the best song by M.O.N.T by a huge margin.  Also after my feedback on previous videos that they weren’t keeping up their patriotic apperances, they thoughtfully put co-ordinates in this video so you can triangulate their exact location and confirm that yes they are on Korean land.

Chen – Hello

Whoever wrote Yoona’s ballads definitely was on annual leave when it was Chen’s turn.

Ryeowook – Calendar

Why they cranked up Ryeowook’s sibilance in this awful ballad to Tzuyu ASMR levels I have no idea because all it does is accentuate his lisp, but that girl in the video is pretty attractive, which no-name k-pop group is she from I wonder.

Ayno – No Lie

That doll I made in high school home economics class (not the golliwog one, the other one) just learned to sing and it sucks.

Kim Wooseok, Lee Eunsang – Memories

If a song on Brandnew Music is over a year old, can it be reported to YouTube and deleted on the grounds of false advertising?  In 12 months let’s try!

Dawn – Butterfly

It’s a better song than his other one, but not by much.  All I could think of while watching it is how annoying it must be to wear sunglasses with their brand printed so big on the actual lenses, and how that must not be safe while driving because it might obscure oncoming semitrailers.  You don’t want to take chances with Korean traffic.

Han See In – Border

Some cool minimalism and ambient vibes make what could have been super-boring into something really cool.  All you ballad-likers, listen to this and learn what slow songs can sound like when someone doesn’t just follow the same boring template over and over like a cunt.

Oh Saem – Laundry

Accurately recreates the boredom of waiting for your clothes to dry.

Dynamic Duo, Ha:tfelt, Snzae, Thama, Sole – Natural Mineral

Dymanic Duo actually came to Australia a while back and played in Darwin for some music festival (and nowhere else in the country – go figure).  I thought about going but then I remembered that most of their stuff just sounds like this and it didn’t seem worth a two-day drive across a fucking desert that kills 40 people per year.

Sway D, Paloalto, Huckleberry P, Jerd, Jowonu – U Dunno

It’s like a bad joke – how many rappers does it take to write a song that just gets “eh” in Kpopalypse roundup?

Chancellor, Babylon, Bibi, Jiselle, Twlv – Automatic

Eh.

Loco ft. Heize – Can’t Sleep

I reckon I’ve eaten that particular fast food burger at Carls Jr.  What an overrated hole that place is, “better than Maccas” my ass.

Wolftyla ft. Jay Park – Butterflies

Jay Park’s weekly appearance isn’t anything interesting.  Jay take a break, surely you’ve earned enough frequent flyer points by now to redeem a week off from being a guest in other people’s shit R&B videos.

Rudals – Freewill 2020 Freestyle

“Freestyle” used to mean “completely 100% improvised rap” but the meaning has become so bastardised that now it basically just means “a rap”.

Gwangil Jo – Memoirs

This one seems really lyrics-driven with all that impressive dynamics, I’m sure I would like this a lot more if I knew what he was on about.  I guess some things just don’t translate that well.

Mavin – Sunday Vibes

No song ever called “Sunday Vibes” was any good, or ever will be any good.  It’s a technical impossibility.  You could rename Celtic Frost’s “Into The Crypts Of Rays” something like “Summer Vibes” and it would suck too.  Oh wait, Celtic Frost actually did that and pulled it off.  Well, shut my mouth.

Yoil – Pig

Freeze-frame this one at 0:17 and there’s your review.

Igwi – Reminisce

This type of ballad is the enemy.

Jeong Hyo Bean – Breakups

This girl is really very pretty, which just makes the shit song and the constant camera dissolves even more annoying than they otherwise would be.  How they made slow fades even more unwatchable than a hyper-edited T-ara video is beyond me but they’ve actually done it.

Lim Jaehyun – Framed

This video has the right idea.  This is what to do with ballad singers.

Han Dong Geun – The Road

This heartwarming video shows that even if you’re a tubby bastard there’s still hope, you can be a shit ballad singer just like anyone else.  Live your dreams.

Kim Hyun Joong – A Bell Of Blessing

It’s time for millennial whoops galore as Kim Hyun Joong reminds you that you should be into religion or something.  I guess if you’re in the hospital for multiple bruises from your abusive partner it helps to have someone to pray to.

Rockit Girl – Butterfly

I guess they had to have a shit song eventually.  It’s good to know that even Rockit Girl aren’t perfect, it makes my own highly imperfect ass feel better about life.

BONUS RANDOM VIDEO OF THE WEEK

Lee Suhyun “Alien” live – MBCkpop

What a lot of people don’t get about “idol vocals” is that it’s actually really hard to sing properly and do typical k-pop dance routines at the same time, just because of the physical exertion required to do both often involves using the same muscles in different ways.  Good singers sing with their whole body, it’s not just a mouth and throat movement.  Suhyun sings better than almost all of them, but she sounds worse than most of them here because she’s actually singing too much and her body movements interfere with her ability to deliver that busy melody.  Of course when the big chorus comes in she sounds a lot better, and that’s because the backing track pretty much completely takes over, you can actually hear the same slight flanging/phase-shifting on the vocal there that you can hear on the recording, so you know she’s not really singing it because that type of vocal effect is more than just a button press.  If someone who can sing as well as Suhyun is struggling through half of it and outright faking the other half, imagine how much more your bias is faking.  This paragraph is a serious analysis and totally not an excuse to justify putting two Suhyun videos in one roundup.


That’s all for this week – Kpopalypse roundup returns next week!

15 thoughts on “Kpopalypse roundup – new releases 19/10/2020

  1. Mostly used to agree with you on song opinions, but over the past two years or so…one of us stopped liking good music i guess.

    I mean, a song that sounds like it’s has been “shat out of Jamiroquai’s ass” can only be great and im going to listen to it immediately after posting this comment.

  2. Some questionable choices were made and instead of studying I translated the first half of Jo Gwangil’s rap for you. Not sure the lyrics are up to your expectations, but here you go. (Also note: I translated literally, not trying to preserve rhythm or artistry, and I’m neither a native speaker of Korean or English)

    Jo Gwangil – Memoirs
    [First part]
    The performance in front of around 100 people ends and
    the moods are good among those headed to the after-party
    Because I was in the line-up I’m with the guests
    at their drinking party and it’s excessive to me
    Maybe 5 years ago I was envious of that
    at the sidelines of their exclusive league.
    I lifted my glass and was busy waiting,
    because if I bared my teeth in front of that fandom I’d be going to shit
    No, actually, I envied that aura of fame
    From getting picked on to licking their asses,
    I was always the tied up dog that waited to be fed scraps
    The rappers I watched got drunk on their fandom’s fame
    as if the backside of someone taking pictures became the everyday life for rappers
    But the guys I saw, they weren’t rappers
    But I knew that I was starting to resemble them
    While I cursed those assholes and their acts, in the end
    I knew I was starting to resemble them.
    When I realized that everything I chose was fucked,
    I went back to the basics and put my name at risk here
    Cho Gwangil’s rap has to be fucking real
    While that’s my aspiration I still continue walking
    and like that, 5 years later, today, I see
    that you’ve turned into a mess, envying me for my success
    Through friends I’ve heard that you
    enjoyed making music with me, and that’s true
    But I don’t know if you remember this,
    you poured drinks for me with one hand, I poured drinks for you with two hands,
    you took my drink and said
    Hey, in these times we need to make big money
    Someone like you can’t succeed, neither dead nor alive
    I wanted you say thank you to you
    I mean, you really dragged me out of the ditch
    Now watch me well, how far I’ll be going
    Let me talk about about memories beyond memories
    The nightmares and the recollections that made me what I am today.
    [Second part]
    – I have no determination left to translate the second part. More memories of stuff that happened: feeling wronged in the music world, fucking off to university, coming back, releasing music, one song becomes successful – after 8 years of being a nobody, together they got more money than they expected and are happy about their achievements. From now on happiness and good recollections.

  3. LOONA? What the fuck were they thinking? No, really, I want to know who at the agency listened to this song and thought, “You know, this would be perfect for the girls!” because I need a specific target to focus all of my negative energy. I’ll build a nice little nook full of pictures of that individual with the eyes X’ed out with all the traditional accoutrement such as voodoo dolls, prayer bowls filled with black sand, and a picture of Tony Robbins hung upside down.

    I just don’t get it. They’ve got a gold mine on their hands. 12 girls that each have their own mini-cult following and an already established fan-base before they even officially debuted. Why would they take a perfectly oiled machine like that and decide, “Hmm, I bet it would better if I threw my wooden shoes into it”? Oh well, based on the album preview I watched on YT, I think there’ll be something worth listening to on the rest of the album.. ..I hope.

    I blame Lee Soo-man (SM). Even since he started haunting the agency halls we’ve been getting songs like “So What” and “Why Not”. Hey, Soo-Man, if you’re responsible for the last two title tracks, then I’ve got a new title for you, “Fuck Off!” If it’s not your fault then.. ..umm.. ..heya, how’s it going?

    P.S. If it wasn’t for Weeekly’s “Zig Zag”, I probably would’ve gone completely bark out the window loony this past week. Sure, 7 years ago it would’ve been considered ordinary, but with most of everything that’s come out in the past 10 months it shines.

      • Why Not “IS” an improvement over So What, but that’s like saying, “The car accident that took my hand was better than the one that took both my legs.” I guess my main point is that the fans are getting back to back releases that are a completely different bill of goods from what we were expecting (or wanted in most cases). None of the 12 individual releases were anything like the past two title songs. Granted, some of them were overly cutesy but I thought that was just playing it safe for intro purposes.

        I’m all for them exploring other sides of themselves, but save stuff like “So What” and “Why Not” as album filler. Give us title tracks that offer some of the fresh, quirky, color-slightly-outside-the-lines wonderfulness that we got during the solo drops.

        • I’ve pondered if Loona ever really had a ‘group sound’ they’ve been all over the place stylistically since the very beginning, which isn’t a bad thing IMO, I like that they’ve shown a lot of variety.

          I do agree that the original solos (and the original sub-unit songs) have been their best work overall (and I stand by Hi High being their best full-group title track).

          This album does have some pretty amazing b-sides though, probably the best b-sides they’ve had ever. Voice in particular could’ve become a great title track with a little bit of tweaking, but perhaps they didn’t want to jump into the retro sound thing with their title track since so many others have been doing it lately.

          For better or for worse # was their most commercially successful album thus far, so I suppose I can’t blame them for going back to that playbook for the title track this time.

  4. Only 2 comments here (too much going on elsewhere for me to take time and blab on) –

    Loona: (*___*)
    Ho.
    Lee.
    Crap, what was THAT?
    Looked (& a times sounded) like they were trying to emulate Blackpink, Red Velvet and goddess knows what other groups ALL AT ONCE.
    Or maybe it was a visual representation of taking either LSD or too many magic mushrooms, with the “tl;dr” being “Drugs are bad kids, mmmmkay?” I mean, the ‘chorus’ is something of an earworm, but geez…. the rest of it……… >__<

    And Suhyun: Kinda silly, kinda cheesy, but….. I liked it a lot.
    Because Suhyun.
    ^___^

  5. When the A- and B-listers are constantly releasing dud after dud of a song, we can count on Kim Hyun Joong oppar to rescue us from shit music disease by putting out the best song of the week.

    O, cruel irony.

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