It’s time for Kpopalypse roundup! Let’s check out some new releases!
fromis_9 – Feel Good (Secret Code)
Some nice grooves but not much of a melody, everybody knows that the underscore group can and have done better.
Everglow – La Di Da
Everglow get the 80s throwback concept so very right because they don’t just get the sounds right, they get the melodic hooks right. Sure we have to have pre-chorus breakdowns and post-chorus rap parts because it’s 2020 and everything has to suck a little, but the good parts are so good that the fleeting weaknesses are easy to forgive.
Stray Kids – Ex
Imagine Twice’s “What Is Love” at half-speed with boring R&B style vocal and all the sense of fun surgically removed.
Dreamcatcher – Break The Wall
See, Dreamcatcher sound just fine when they’re sticking to rock and not inserting trendy random lucky dip genre x into their verses for no reason.
Queen Wa$abii ft. Lee Young Ji – Nuna Right Here
Someone pointed out to me Queen Wa$abii is budget Cardi B and I can’t argue.
Solar – Ddun Ddun Ddun
Some excuse for a song thrown together simply to justify looking at Solar in all sorts of different clothing, which doesn’t really need justification so they wasted their energy really.
KNK – Ride
It’s a ride but I question where we are going.
VAV – Made For Two
It wasn’t doing too badly but I’m not sure why someone though funeral speed in the chorus was a good idea.
Treasure – I Love You
I wonder how long it will be before these new kids at YG have their very own harem. Watch for the cameo from Seungri’s casting couch.
The Boyz – The Stealer
Remember back in the days when the chorus of a boy group song was a chance to increase the pace, tempo and intensity? Not anymore, these days almost every buildup in a boy group song turns into a massive half-tempo cockblock of a chorus.
Bona – Take Me Away
Not WJSN’s Bona but some nugu Bona with some horrible tropical song that sounds as dead as whatever the surgeon stuffed under her breast tissue.
TheFatRat & AleXa – Rule The World
I was happy ignoring previous submissions of this childrens-TV-tier crap because it didn’t have a video, but now it does so… let’s continue to ignore it.
Kim Sawol – Key
A bit too Coldplay and not enough Tarantino.
Byeol Eun – Certainly
The stresses of Korean life must truly be something if people actually get hoodwinked into thinking this is acceptable music.
Checkmate – Drum
It’s cool to see more mixed gender groups but it’s not cool to hear more tired “latin” sounds.
B.O.Y – Miss You
Singing more than the same three notes all the time would probably have helped.
Justin – Angel Love
The most terrifying thing about Produce 101 is that there’s potentially 100 more rubbish debuts like this that could theoretically happen.
Oli London – Troubled Bitch
Look folks, he knows you hate him. He is watching your earnest hate-videos about him and laughing his ass off, I promise. If you don’t want the animals at the zoo to get fat, don’t feed them your tears.
Lee Eun Sang – I Just Wanna Sing
It’s nice that you want to sing. I just wanna not hear you sing. You live your life and I’ll live mine.
Kriz ft. Oh Hayoung – Dress Up
As expected Primary’s production is excellent, but the song’s vocal hooks are weak.
Yolk – Ellen
Imagine you’re a music video director and someone says to you “here’s an idea for a music video – a man stands next to a rectangle, and then has a towel” and you reply “great, let’s go out and shoot that”. Except you don’t have to imagine that, because this actually happened.
Bryn ft. Ohno – Highschool
I’m sure the playing with phones is a social comment or something but it just made me think that I haven’t checked my phone in a while, which then got me thinking about Blackpink instead and then I forgot all about this shitty song.
Avokid – Sorry, Too Late
She has that voice and sound that they all have now.
Duoxini – Sin Of Society
And these guys have the voice and sound that nobody has now. Looks like at least one Kreator record made its way into Korea at some point, we should be grateful.
eAeon ft. Swervy – Mad Tea Party
Swervy still continues to be very very different and very very good.
Wazzy – Wash Away
Sorry for that uncharacteristic interlude of musical quality, I now return you to our regularly scheduled program of boring shit.
ReVorn – Road View
This is the most dull music I’ve ever heard in a video where people do burnouts with dirt motorcycles.
Rainstone ft. Francis – Place To Be
Where are these fucking travelogue style music videos coming from? Last I looked there was a fucking global pandemic happening and global travel was kind of not cool? People will look back on this video in 50 years and say “no wonder they fucked up”.
pH-1, Golden, Big Naughty, Jay Park – Oscar
Jay Park impresses with his ability to be in one video per week, every week.
Reddy, Soovi, Paloalto, Owell Mood & Swervy – U Dunno
Okay so yeah Swervy is good and all but try as she might she can’t save this crap, sorry.
Bloo, Nafla – Nae Tat
It’s funny how a whole generation of people think this is actual rap music.
BlueBEAR – Angkor Wat
Be sure to check out the YouTube comments where somebody has helpfully transcribed the lyrics. They’re as bad as you think.
Loopy – The King’s Speech
Do rappers know that literally the whole entire universe hates that Autotune R&B voice apart from them?
Punchnello ft. Kid Milli – Fine!
I mean this isn’t all that great either but at least it somewhat resembles what a rapper should actually be doing.
Bumkey ft. Superbee – Covid-19
R&B/rap hybrids and COVID are a perfect match because the world just wants to get rid of both and get back to normal as soon as possible.
Yella ft. Snzae – Bloom
“There’s no drugs in Korea, they’re really hard to get man, and so illegal and stuff” fucking calling bullshit on that right about now.
Wildberry ft. EunBii – Sunrise
No amount of eclectic underwear choice can make this in any way interesting.
Audrey Nuna – Damn Right
Better than the typical thing like this just because it’s a little different.
Budy – A Week
She just looks like she’s given up on even trying to care. I can relate.
Yoo Jiwoo – Blue Ocean
One reasonable keyboard riff isn’t enough to carry the rest of this sub-BOL4 dreariness.
Rockit Girl – Final 5 Minutes
Yeah let’s end on a good note with a cover of a military song which sounds a hell of a lot better with distorted girls I mean guitars. Della even gets some decent screen time, thanks for listening to Kpopalypse, girls.
BONUS RANDOM VIDEO OF THE WEEK
Loona clowning their company for 5 minutes straight
Hey k-pop company self-appointed backseat-drivers, Blockberry actually gave a 16 year old the company credit card and let her go to the convenience store with it, cameras in tow. I bet that wasn’t in your “how to make money with the k-pops” playbook.
That’s all for Kpopalypse roundup this week – Kpopalypse returns with more next week!