It’s time for Kpopalypse roundup!  Let’s take a look at some new releases!

Rocket Punch – Juicy

Hey so it’s not that great, but it’s not a tropical shithouse song so that’s something, right?  Wow isn’t it sad how my post about how I don’t like tropical shithouse from three years ago keeps being relevant enough to still link here almost every week.

Cherry Bullet – Aloha Oe

Here’s another average song but at least they’re on FNC Entertainment so you know they’re being treated just lovely, and if any not-getting-along issues surface in the group later, we can totally just blame the idol involved and let the company get off scot free again hey.

Maka’Maka – Burning Power

These nugus have something almost unheard of in k-pop, or anywhere else for that matter – a good tropical song.  Let’s keep it a secret because we don’t want 1000 more songs that sound just like this but not as good to add to the 50000 ones that already exist, do we.

Alien ft. Fla4free – We Are

Apparently this is a “dance crew” or something, how that differs from any other k-pop group I’m not sure, as aren’t they all dance crews in some sense?  Anyway the beat kind of rocks on this one so I don’t mind it.

Jang Hyeri – My Husband

What woman in the real world would actually be happy to let you film them first thing in the morning as they wake up.  That’s just begging for a kick to the testicles and the single life.

Yi Saebom – Tonight

Hey this is really good, I especially like the invisible keyboard playing and invisible drumming.

Miso – Blessed

I love it when they sing “I’m so bad!” and they actually ARE bad.  Thanks for the warning.

Swervy – Did It Like I Did (Remix)

Singing it was a mistake, I feel like this would have worked a lot better as a pure rap song.  Still, some cool backing choices get it over the line anyway.

Hwasa ft. DPR Live – I’m Bad Too

Hwasa mimes vocals about as well as Jeongyeon at that Twice online live concert.

Bibi – Cigarette And Condom

I’d rather be smoking while having safe sex.

Ahn Yeeun – Trumpet Creeper

Should have had a trigger warning for dull operatic style music instead.

Linda G ft. Yoon Mirae – Linda

Because I know everybody is going to ask me, that funny thing sticking out of the microphone at a 90 degree angle is a heatsink, as seen here.

B. Ryong ft. Mamamoo – Exciting

It doesn’t take the boring musical turns that I expected it too, but I’m not sure if what they’re doing instead works that well either.  It’s appealingly different though.

U-Doragon ft. S.B.N – Luv Us

Not much of a song here.

ONF – Sukhumvit Swimming

Going for the reggae feel but it’s just too smoothed over to work, only Primary can really pull this kind of thing off properly.

Treasure – Boy

The usual YG songwriting tricks are adhered to, but the result in this case isn’t anything all that notable.

1Team – Ullaeli Kkollaeli

I’m really glad that I quit the radio show recently so I didn’t have to try and say this group’s song title on air.  Sure dodged a bullet there.

1The9 – Count

I love videos where they do the “innocent boys party” theme where teenagers party like 8 year olds instead of having drinking competitions, smoking pot and sexually assaulting each other.

ENOi – W.A.Y (Where Are You)

There’s three stages to a pop music trend cycle.  The first stage is everyone uses it.  The second stage is everyone stays away from it like the fucking plague due to oversaturation.  The third stage is it start creeping back in and you hear it occasionally.  We’re on that third stage with dubstep drops in k-pop songs now.

Verivery – Connect

Okay so this gets quickly different.  I’m not even too sure where the song (or songs?) begin and end, but it’s certainly the first thing this group have done that’s really stuck out for me.

Taemin – 2 Kids

If SHINee members have really been passed out in the street listening to The Velvet Underground I guess that explains the musical quality of a lot of their latest projects.

Han Seung Woo – Sacrifice

Guys who like sports cars and burnouts have mommy issues.  Get some actual confidence of your own, stop making the car do all the work.

Kenta – Come Back Anytime Again

A boring ballad like every other, skip it because it’s just the right thing to do.

Justin – Psycho

Apparently he’s Chinese or whatever but nobody cares and this song will be forgotten in two weeks.

Sandeul – Summer Day Summer Night

There’s a pandemic happening, stay indoors you fuck heads.

Ravi, Yeri, Kim Wooseok – Sorrow

Hey people seeking videos of k-pop boys in glasses, I got you covered here.  Also why is this song weirdly better than every other song by everyone involved.

Kim Jeong_uk – Dream

I had a dream of a better song than this one.

Surl ft. Jay Park – Don’t Say No

If Jay Park can have a cameo not only in the song but also the music video of this song by some rockers I’ve never heard of, then there’s no excuse for all those other k-pop videos where the big-name guest star who mrs doesn’t even make a goddamn appearance.

Lil Tachi ft. Tendo – Back To The S₩AG

Not all retro rap is good.  Sometimes it’s just an annoying shouty incoherent mess like the worst screechy k-pop song.

Zene The Zilla – Gangwon FC

I think ol’ Zene wanted to show off his new glow-in-the-dark glasses and that’s about the extent of why this even exists.

Digital Dav ft. Xela – Dreamland

No.

Joo Jin Woo – Telepathy

That usual boring slow R&B shit.

Bill2on – CoCoGirl

And this is just the same thing at twice the speed, which only makes it marginally better.

Roots ft. Blase – King

Actually good because it’s a bit aggressive and mean and kicks, instead of just being soft fucking junk.

Kim Addict – Let It Burn

In the meantime, all the other rappers are doing THIS weak bullshit.

Uza & Cat Psalm – La Vie En Rose

Even UZA!  Stop that, UZA.  We want more stuff like S.O.S, and less stuff like this, there’s enough tired trap-rap-crap out there.

Rhythm Power – Anycall

Hey this isn’t too terrible either, the choruses are weak but the beat is kinda there I guess.

Han See In – Border

I dig the minimal folk ballad vibe but it needed to go further in the direction it was going in.  Right when it sounds like it’s gradually building up to something really great it just stops, like all your favourite Blackpink songs do.

Low Hanging Fruits – Ride A Board

Korean “indie” bands are getting better and better at mimicking the bland boring western “indie” bands every year.

Roku – I Like You

I like you too – as a friend.  Sorry but I wouldn’t stick my dick in this music.

Nam Hyejin – Wave Splash!

This is one of those “look at me, I can play slap bass” songs, it’s the bass-playing version of all those shitty R&B songs we all get insulted by every year where they overdo the vocal to try and impress you with the greatness of their “talent” as if talent actually means a fucking thing if the song is shit.

Henne – Who Do You Love?

Not this.

ClaD – Act

If only the song was as different and imaginative as the music video.

Yey – Roots

This has more BB cream shine than a dozen Borams.

Gotcha ! – Orange Wave

Yeah it’s kinda dull and these kids should be rocking out way more than this.

Lyn – Fuzzy Peach

It must be a garbage year because I’m listening to trash like LYn and thinking maybe it’s not all that bad.

Dean, Miso – Imagination

Even Dean sounds almost not completely 100% shit like he usually does for some reason.

Chancellor, Younha – Walking In The Rain

Fact: it’s impossible to call yourself something as wanky and egotistical as “Chancellor” and also make good music.

Classmate – One Thing We Need To Know

Don’t trust guys who always wear white shirts, they’re probably overcompensating for being rapists or something.

Monday Kiz, Lee Yejoon – Get Out Of My Heart

To finish up is our friend the romantic drama video, if you need your fill of k-pop people crying, here you go.

BONUS RANDOM VIDEO OF THE WEEK

TWICE dancing ‘Knock knock’ in Bern, Switzerland

Okay so Twice didn’t do the brilliant “Knock Knock” at their online live concert but at least they did it for five people in a random street in Switzerland three years ago, so everything’s kind of okay with the universe.

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That’s all for this week – Kpopalypse roundup will return next week!