It’s time for Kpopalypse roundup – let’s take a look at some new releases!
Gfriend – Apple
From 200Hz and down probably the best Gfriend song ever, but it’s hamstrung by a weak “anthemic” chorus that doesn’t give the build-up a proper payoff.
Irene & Seulgi – Monster
The bland, turgid R&B/dubstep hybrid and “horror” theme is just a convenient backdrop for lots of moody embracing between Irene and Seulgi to fuel your lesbian shipping fantasies. Love it or hate it, nobody’s here for the music. All those people buying it on iTunes in 45 countries or whatever are just trying to justify the latest addition to their porn collections so their partners don’t catch on.
Pierce – Winner
My eardrums are the only thing getting pierced here.
Yukika – Yesterday
Yesterday, all my troubles seemed so far away, now it looks like they are here to stay, with this shit song called “Yesterday”.
J Black & J Pink – Move, Groove, Smooth
Great Guys – Run
Not too bad although the timing changes really are a bit awkward. First class male boobs-harness use however.
Dongkiz I:Kan – Y.O.U
EXO-SC ft. Moon – 1 Billion Views
Somehow I don’t think that the 1 billion views they’re after are going to happen with this very average funk song.
EXO-SC ft. 10cm – Telephone
Very BOL4, but the thing that will stick in your head the most is those terrifyingly botoxed smoothed-out faces.
EXO-SC – Nothin’ (Chanyeol solo)
EXO-SC – On Me (Sehun Solo)
The Sehun song is by far the best one out of this lot, and actually reasonably good.
(G)I-Dle – I’m The Trend
Can we have another trend please.
SF9 – Into The Night
The curse of “live stage b-sides” plagues roundup yet again like a recurring herpes sore and SF9’s reject feature is as uninteresting as most of the others.
Solji – Rains Again
Generic bullshit ballad released this year #6762.
Huh Chanmi – I’m Fine Thanks
Is this Chanmi from AOA just letting us know that she hasn’t had her lunch money stolen by Jimin yet, or some random nugu?
Bibi – I’m Good At Goodbyes
Trippy visuals wasted on dull R&B lounge music fit for your grandma.
Vinxen – I
I thought this guy was a rapper and not a rocker but I guess if Kanye West can run for president, Vinxen can also do something he’s completely unqualified for.
Jungl$ – Fxxk U All
Tiresome song, but I want that t-shirt!
The Night Of Seokyo – Midnight Blue
A “smooth song” that actually works due to the right balance of instruments and melody. You might think this song is dull but about 65 “slow R&B-tinged ballad” songs all came out this week and I removed about 64 of them from roundup completely for being so boring that I couldn’t find a single word to write about any of them, good or bad. This was the pick of the bunch. I’d still rather listen to Slayer though.
Woodz – Noid
In fact most of it sounded like this utter fucking garbage, just lower budget.
Woodz – Accident
His other song’s better in the same way that a punch in the stomach is better than a punch in the solar plexus.
Woodz ft. Colde – Waikiki
You know when the guest turns up wearing a “Happy Mondays” hat that nothing good is going to come out of the result.
Hey Men – We Know Nothing
I’m not sure about that band name. Does Jimin know about this?
Seon – Wander
Lots of agreeable This Mortal Coil-style ambient balladeering angst but very little actual song to go with it.
Swan – Moonlight
Seemingly no effort made on any level here.
Gavy NJ – X-Girlfriend
If you like watching pretty girls cry and look miserable, do I have a video for you.
Aalia – Love Kills Hate
R&B kills music.
Suran – Relax Moment
And again. Who listens to this crap, really.
Hello Gayoung, Wonpil – Did You Wake Up?
This video will teach you not to leave too many programs running on your desktop. Soon you’ll have nightmares of them all singing shit music to you and you’ll never multitask apps again.
J_ust – How’s Your Night
F.Cuz – Shine
Generic bullshit ballad released this year #6785 (I deleted the ones off roundup between 6763 and 6784, trust me you’re missing nothing).
Paul Kim – Quarantine
Where’s the guy from Stayhomer when you need him.
UZA & Shane – Everglow
It’s not the best thing UZA has ever done, but it actually has a verse and a chorus and some melody and harmony and that puts it right at the top of the heap for this week!
BONUS RANDOM VIDEO OF THE WEEK
Yubin – Imagine Dragons “Warriors” guitar cover
Yubin can play pretty well, unfortunately she’s miming to this one. Still, it’s a good video if you want to know how to play the melody for it, and that’s a really nice outfit that matches the guitar really well. When I started playing guitar I never wanted to become a famous player, I just wanted to make enough money to be able to afford a nice PRS guitar with the bird inlays.
That’s all for this week’s roundup – Kpopalypse returns with more roundup next week!