Kpopalypse back with another POSITIVE post!  Read on for all the fun and POSITIVE vibes as we take a look at AOA’s Jimin!

As one of the only k-pop websites in existence since 1963 that doesn’t just continually fellate k-pop companies and fans, Kpopalypse often gets accused of “negativity” by mean people trying to strawman the site as “edgy”, “angry” or just plain nasty.  Of course nothing could be further from the truth, so today I’m going to tell you about all the wonderful, positive qualities of AOA’s Jimin!  Let’s list them all for your education and entertainment!

Why you should be POSITIVE about Jimin reason #1: now people know who AOA’s Mina actually is

Here’s a picture of AOA from debut days.

Here’s another picture around their “Like A Cat” era:

And finally, here’s picture of AOA more recently:

If you’re starting to think “wait, who the fuck even are half of these people”, then you’re not alone.  Let’s be honest, in the eyes of the casual k-pop fan AOA was always made up of “the blonde one (Choa), the short squeaky one (Jimin), the hot one (Seolhyun), and some other girls”.  This is no doubt the reason why one of the other members went blonde almost as soon as Choa left the group, no doubt she was keen for a chance to actually stand out and not be overshadowed for once.  The competition in these groups for name-brand status is fierce, who would miss a chance to be “the new blonde one”, not whatshername that’s for sure.

Anyway Mina doesn’t have those problems anymore thanks to Jimin stealing her lunch money all those times while she was in the group.  It barely matters what Mina looks like now, because you’re going to be scanning for her in each and every old AOA picture that you see from now on until the day you stop giving a fuck about k-pop in general (probably sometime next week given the way song quality has been going lately) and thinking to yourself “awww, there’s that one who was bullied out of the group by Jimin, gosh Jimin is so mean”.  Talk about an increase in name brand recognition, thanks Jimin.  Mina knows it too, and is thankful for your support, even though two weeks ago you forgot that she even existed, if you even knew about her at all.

Why you should be POSITIVE about Jimin reason #2: she repopularised one of the most iconic English phrases in pop music

“Hey” has been a iconic and much-loved staple of modern popular music from The Monkees to The Ramones, but has seen a decline in western music ever since Celtic Frost decided that making one album every fifteen years was enough. However the word “hey” has had a global resurgence in recent years, thanks to Katy Perry’s “Roar” AOA Black’s “Moya”, which is the first appearance of Jimin’s iconic “hey” line, the release of which predated culturally irrelevant Kay Perry’s awful “Roar” by a good two months.

Cultural trailblazer Jimin in fact said “hey” so much in AOA songs that if you string together all the “hey” in all the AOA videos, you nearly get an entire song’s worth of music just on its own.  In fact some AOA songs contain more “hey” than an entire Celtic Frost album!

Team Jimin even acknowledged the popularity of this phrase and produced a solo song called “Hey”, to make the most of this obvious cultural capital.  

Unfortunately this song was so terrible that it actually ended up on the Kpopalypse worst list for that year, but the thought of having Jimin on a song called “Hey” was definitely a great idea even if the actual execution of that idea was a pile of dogshit on every level.  The pain of no more Celtic Frost comebacks is still somewhat lessened by Jimin carrying the torch for Tom G. Warrior’s vocal style for all those years.  Maybe now that Jimin is out of AOA and saying “hey” to the unemployment line, Tom G. Warrior can join AOA for their next comeback.  I’m pretty sure he’d like that and so would I, after all AOA may have had their faults with regards to bullying and not knowing their history but at least they don’t hunt bears.  The only question now is would it be an “innocent” concept or a “sexy” concept, I’m ready for a return of Tom G. Warrior’s “Cold Lake” era chest hair.

Why you should be POSITIVE about Jimin reason #3: she aims to please

You can accuse Little Miss Squeaky of many things, but not listening to fan feedback isn’t one of them.

• When fans told Jimin to learn more about Korean history, she did
• When fans told Jimin she was too skinny and to eat a proper meal sometime, she did
• Fans who found out about Jimin bullying Mina told Jimin to apologise, so she did
• Not happy with that, fans then told Jimin to then leave the group, so she did

Be careful about telling her to self-harm because she might just do that too, then you’ll have her and Mina to worry about… oh plus all the other ones at every agency who are self-harming right now.  So maybe I should say two more self-harming idols.

Why you should be POSITIVE about Jimin reason #4: your bias is probably even worse

The fact that k-pop group relations are often very strained is something that k-pop fans in general do acknowledge, but only sort of in passing.  “Yes we know all that ‘dark side’ stuff sometimes happens in groups but it certainly doesn’t happen in MY favourite gr…” I’m sorry but yes it does.  Your favourite group right now has a pecking order of individuals, and some people don’t get along with others all that well – and that’s at a bare minimum.  However it’s more likely that certain members within your favourite group are physically and mentally abusing each other on a daily basis.

We know exactly what sort of effects the k-pop training system has on trainees, because it’s very similar to another system – reality TV.  We’ve all seen at least a little bit of those bullshit shows, so you know the drill – everyone usually locked up together in an environment with no freedom and constant scrutiny, that they can’t escape from, and them told to compete with each other for some bullshit prize, or just staying on the show for another week to annoy everyone.  However at least the Big Brother contestants only have to sit around playing party games and try to be “interesting” in that generic way while trying not to sexually assault each other, the idol environment is actually far worse than this.  On top of the lack of freedom and enforced socialisation and competition within the social unit and occasional classy-sexy action, it’s adding in long working hours, enforced unhealthy dieting, and constant physical training combined with a total disregard for actual physical health.  You can bet that bullying is thriving nearly everywhere in idol groups.  The only group that doesn’t bully is Rainbow, and that’s only because of Black Swan.

It’s the transformative power of the only good song called “Black Swan” in k-pop that allowed Rainbow to ascend to the next level of human evolution where there is no bullying.  Yes this sounds ludicrous and so do you when you tell people that all the members of your favourite group all get along.

Why you should be POSITIVE about Jimin reason #5: she’s still the only person alive who has heard Dr. Dre’s “Detox” album in full

Really, I don’t believe any of the crap in this post, hate on Jimin all you want, I don’t give a fuck – but I need to be nice to Jimin because otherwise she’ll never let me listen to Dr. Dre’s Detox so bear with me, okay?  Jimin if you’re reading, can you rip me a copy and send it to my email thank you.  I’ve been listening to Dre ever since NWA days, I need to complete my collection.  I promise I’ll maintain the positive coverage, thanks squeaky baby.