It’s time for Kpopalypse roundup – let’s check out some new releases!
WJSN – Butterfly
On the better end of the scale for this usually-disappointing group, with some neat chorus chord changes helping lift it above the usual crap they do.
Iz*one – Secret Story Of The Swan
Although all this group’s music generally is weak and I can’t tell any of the girls apart either, I’m still glad they exist because they continue to annoy all those people who actually believed in “reality competition shows” in the first place. It’s 2020 and anyone who is still devastated that “TV is fake” needs to go outside and get more sun.
Momoland – Starry Night
I like it how the video has captions for their names to help you remember who is actually still in the group. Legit useful.
DIA – Hug U
It’s like a sun-warped Gfriend 45″ playing at 33RPM.
Seventeen – My My
If you just can’t get enough of k-pop boy groups doing bland, generic tropical house jams as if we haven’t been smothered with this style to the point of dry-reaching for the last half a decade, gosh do I have a song for you!
WayV – Turn Back Time
Okay so it’s basically all just sound effects, but they’re pretty good sound effects in places.
N.Flying – Oh Really.
This sucks. Yes, really.
E’Last – Swear
An adventurous string arrangement, paired to a song that isn’t a ballad and gets better as it goes. Only the trap rhythm in some parts drags it down, but even then it’s used as the base for something a lot better (also see: Blackpink) so I can deal.
Jea ft. Moonbyul – Greedyy
It’s crap (of course) but it isn’t crap in the way that solos from Jea usually are crap. So that’s something.
Heize – Lyricist/Things Are Going Well
There’s actually two songs in this video but you could be forgiven for getting so bored that you didn’t even notice the moment where one transitions into the other.
Chungha – Be Yourself
Be yourself, buy soft drink so you can look like a fatter version of yourself. This message brought to you by someone who isn’t you.
Swan – I Like U
I like U more when I don’t have to listen to this coffee-shop crap.
Jun.K – This Is Not A Song, 1929
Accurate song title of the week.
Kim Young Won – Blue Moon
This stuff just sounds like everyone else’s stuff.
In Sun Shin – Fresh
Okay it’s kinda stupid but I’ll take “kind of stupid” over “boring R&B shit”, “boring coffee shop shit”, “boring tropical house shit”, “boring trap shit” etc.
Rainbow Note – Memories In The Summer
If only this group had a fucking clue how to write songs they’d be great, but they keep fucking that one thing up. Pity for them that it’s the only thing that really matters for these roundups.
Futuristic Swaver – Vroom
This guy nearly made it into Nugu Alert once until I realised his music didn’t meet required standards even for that.
Gond ft. Meloh – Fire
Legitimately good green-screen use is the only thing worth pressing play on this for.
Nafla ft. Gaeko, Yuja – Someday
Sadly it’s still not illegal to upload videos to YouTube in “phone ratio”.
Rudals – Benz
Yeah have fun leaving your car at the car service depot for two weeks at a time because they gotta import your crappy overrated car parts from Europe.
Sik-K – Tell Ya!/Darling (ft. Crush)
It certainly doesn’t feel like a “short film” when it’s over 8 minutes long as has some of the worst music ever made.
Francis – R&B Isn’t Dead
Unfortunately he’s right.
Here O – Always Love You
Reggae is cool so making the style sound this smoothed over and boring is a real achievement.
Kwak Dong Hyun – The Lie
I’m not sure what the “lie” that’s being referred to here, maybe it’s the lie that Korean pop music is mostly good when there’s so many ballads like this in it. Even the heavy metal guitar can’t liven this one up much.
Jiinko – Memories Of The Universe
I always get a bit sad when I see really clever animations being used in videos like these. What a waste.
Honey-G – This Is The Song
What does the G stand for? I’m guessing it’s to signify music for “Geriatrics”.
Jukjae ft. Zion.T – No, Thanks
Politeness does a long way when you don’t want to watch some fucking atrocious shit like this.
Chea Yeon A – Sexy, Confidence
Sort of the trot-and-flowers version of that “LA ribs” song from the other week.
BONUS RANDOM VIDEO OF THE WEEK
Jucy – For Those Who Want To Be Like BTS/Jucy ft. Injun – Do Or Die
Thanks to one of my readers for finding this for me – one of my favourite ex-idol rappers Jucy from EvoL, talking extensively about idol life. Well okay, not all that extensively as she doesn’t go into very much detail, but certainly enough detail to confirm first-hand a lot of the things that I’ve been telling people for years and interviewing people about. The first part is just background on how she managed to get a leg up in the business to be in an idol group (spoiler alert: it’s who you know), the real shit that you’re watching it for comes in at around the five minute mark and it just escalates from there. Then, once she’s poured her heart out and given you a cute “all the best” wave while her eyes say “you dumb fucking shithead, better listen to me if you don’t want to wind up on casting couches”, you get to her hear her song with Injun “Do Or Die” which also has lyrics (subbed) that directly address even more of the idol situation. It’s a song made much more poignant by the context that the interview gives it. Stan talent, stan Jucy.
That’s all for this week’s roundup – more next week – and DON’T FORGET that the KPOPALYPSE 2020 OBJECTIFICATION SURVEY IS NOW OPEN FOR VOTING! CLICK HERE and vote for your faves, and don’t forget to spread the survey far and wide to maximise your chances of victory! Stay safe, caonimas!