It’s time for Kpopalypse roundup! Let’s take a look at some new releases!
Bvndit – Jungle
A reasonable backing track completely ruined by all the horrible meandering melodies that girl groups seem to always have written for them now.
Bol4 – Hug
I stand by what I said last week – the brains in BOL4 has left. Sure, they both wrote songs, but the other girl wrote the better ones.
TXT – Can’t You See Me?
It’s almost good, but the trap beat is the obvious wrong choice. A double-time bass and snare is all it would have taken to save this one.
Woo!ah! – Woo!ah!
The singing in the verses sounds endlessly stupid, they should have just left it at rapping. However some nice beats and a great chorus makes me forgive everything else this song does wrong.
Busters – Paeonia
The dying days of the tropical shithouse trend sure are stretching out for a while.
UNVS – Give You Up
And here’s the male version.
Cheeze – Today’s Mood
Oh no, they’ve been watching those “time stop” videos.
Stray Kids – Slump
Not horrible. The falsetto is a bit laughable but it actually suits the track, in the same way that heavy metal singers that sing really high actually sometimes fit well over their bandmates.
Doori – Beauty Advisory
It’s alright, like a rejected T-ara “Absolute First Album” B-side track.
Raiden x Chanyeol ft. Lee Hi, Changmo – Yours
Just a little too smooth and dull for me to care.
Nu’est – Back To Me
Nu’est had a bunch of “live stage” songs this week and I really couldn’t be fucked covering them all. This is about as good as they got anyway.
Seori – Running Through The Night
Less rock in the video and more in the actual song would have been nice.
Se So Neon – Nan Chun
More really unexciting music. It’s not a good week folks.
Hitchhiker x Sokodomo – Sugar
Even Hitchhiker’s song this week sounds like some coffee shop shit that’s just been put in a blender.
Sole – HaPPiness
I delayed roundup for this and all I got was this lazy R&B song.
Junoflo – Swisha
Junoflo had one good song the other week and he’s met his quota now and is going to suck for the next five years.
Jo Woochan – Honey Dance
Sounds even worse than you’re probably expecting a song called “Honey Dance” to sound.
Reddy – Hmmm
A male rapper – on Hi-Lite? Great, I can skip it.
Stella Jang & Lee Minhyuk – Beautiful Mint Life
Actually an appropriate song title because mint tastes like ass and stinks up every food that it comes into contact with. There should be jail time for people who put mint chocolate biscuits in the same tin as other biscuits.
Dopa – Triangle
He sounds like he has a triangle up his ass, someone get the proctologist.
Superbee, Uneducated Kid, Twlv, Yuzion – Trotrap
Some songs you know are going to be a disaster just from the title.
Gray – Moon Blue
I’m a simple person: I see Gray, I click – on something else.
WTG – Now
The so-called “indie” rappers suck this week too.
Jo Yeonho – To You Who Forget Me
Don’t give me that “his grandmother must be proud of his debut” crap she probably listens to Slayer.
Song Wonsub ft. Basick – Last
I wonder if they’ll ever look back on this and reflect about how they could have been doing something proper with their lives.
Gong ft. Bassagong, Chaboom – OB
Every time Chaboom is on a track it mysteriously doesn’t suck all that badly. Hmm.
P-Type ft. Samuel Seo – Moonlighting
Does not mrcs.
75 & Gracie – Where Is The Luv?
Good visual design wasted on a track nobody will remember in a month from now.
Soma – Pray
Starts off sounding like every other piece of dull nonsense but stick with it as shit gets weirder and weirder as it goes.
Crystal Tea – Boyfriend Express
Not the right choice of video for a song like this, but the sheer pace of it is welcome.
Ccola – Dreaming
Yeah it’s bad.
Musm ft. None – Be My Guest
I thought it might have been building into some kind of ska thing and then that chorus happens and it’s just like “nope I got shit to do bye”.
Baek Z Young, Ong Seong Wu – Didn’t Say Anything
One of those songs that from the very first note, you know exactly how the whole thing is going to sound.
J_ust ft. Ahin – That Kind Of Love
Ahin’s clearly aiming for an actual post-Momoland career, look out folks. If someone were to move that music stand it would probably help her cause.
Baek Ji Woong – Sometimes
“Named producer rule” also applies to shit ballads.
Hyeyumi – Spring Alone
Gosh now I have to start thinking about “video producer rule”. Not sure why the video producer gets top billing here, this isn’t exactly Chris Cunningham.
Wiz ft. Nuitnuit – Maybe You Are
If you’re rich enough to afford an Apple laptop you’re rich enough to buy a better song.
Lim Heon Il – Concrete
I actually liked the cruisy Mazzy Star type feel that this started with but then they over-orchestrated it to the max and the transition to that other thing just doesn’t work.
12Dal – Ordinary Day
I hate to be one of those annoying cunts who is like “fuck the song, I only care about my idol bias in the video from some completely different group”, but seriously Gaeul from S.I.S is in the video for this boring ballad crap so turn the sound down and play something cool while you watch this, I recommend the Aphex Twin song I linked three songs up.
BONUS RANDOM VIDEO OF THE WEEK
Kaachi producer’s q&a – don’t fall for the rumours
The Korean producer of Kaachi addresses some of the ludicrous rumours around Kaachi that have been made up by various people online, rumours which would be funny if racist haters and online bullies didn’t actually seriously believe this bullshit without fact-checking and try to destroy other people online over it. The fact is that while I’m definitely not a big fan of Kaachi’s song, it’s really not that awful either – it’s absolutely not the incredibly bad/out of tune/incompetent mess people are pretending it is, and it’s pure confirmation bias which is making people overanalyse it and pick it apart for things that they’d give any other k-pop song a free pass over. Funny how SM Entertainment can use a string of American and European producers for their biggest acts and nobody ever complains, but when it’s the other way around and a Korean produces a song for non-Koreans to sing, everyone has a shit-fit. If “Your Turn” was a B-track on a Red Velvet mini-album (and honestly it sounds a little like one), the vast majority of k-pop fans would consume it without complaint, and that’s that on that.
That’s all for this week’s roundup – Kpopalypse returns next week!