It’s time for Kpopalypse roundup! Let’s check out some new releases!
While I think members in boy groups like G-Most are at fairly low-risk from dying to COVID-19, I really wonder how some of the bigger groups would go about social distancing from their fans. It’s not like fans respect their distance for any other reason…
Uza – S.O.S
Clearly UZA reads roundup and whipped out a video for this fucking great song after I mentioned last week that there wasn’t one but there should be. Cheers UZA, now everyone go and buy Banality Of Evil on Bandcamp.
Apink – Moment
The most astonishing thing about this video isn’t that the music is crap, but that whoever made it copied the thorn puzzle out of Necromancy: Emily’s Escape.
GOT7 – Not By The Moon
It’s alright I guess, probably the best thing they’ve done in a while, but it seems Stray Kids get all the better songs for some reason.
Bvndit – Children
Bvndit continue to be less than impressive in more ways than just spelling skills.
Monsta X – You Can’t Hold My Heart
I’ve already covered this song but just a heads up that there’s a video for this now.
Monsta X – Here We Are
Here we are in the BB cream shop, maybe someone told these guys it would protect them from the gropes of fangirls by preventing them from getting a good grip on anything.
Cravity – Break All The Rules
That lethargic voice is criminal.
Cravity – Jumper
Their other song is at least upbeat which is better than nothing.
Girlkind – Future
A promising start until the beat drops and you realise they’ve gone for that sound.
G-EGG D Team – Jealousy
G-Egg are some group I know nothing about other than that they’re a combined Korean/Japanese thing and the guy from Supernova is responsible for this somehow, so maybe they’re like a male IZ*ONE but without the bullshit TV show.
G-EGG C Team – I Don’t Care
Or maybe there is a TV show for this, I wouldn’t know.
G-EGG B Team – Santa Monica
Anyway they’re pretty boring.
G-EGG A Team – Hurricane
I wore a Metallica t-shirt to school and people said I couldn’t do that because I hadn’t seen them live. How does this guy get away with wearing one on the video shoot without getting slapped.
Lee Daewon – Come To Oppa’s House
Actually this trot song is heavier than anything by G-Egg.
Hood Boyz – Damn it! Alcohol Is A Problem
This doesn’t sound anything like what you’d expect a song by a group called “Hood Boyz” to sound like. It does definitely sound like they had a few too many sojus though.
Messgram – Karma
If you can afford an overpriced Apple laptop you’ve got nothing to scream about, dude. At least the vocal mixer reealised it and kept him in the background.
Stella Jang – In Other Words
She’s really trying to get a positive review by mrcs, but I’m sorry you also need a song like Rockit Girl to stand a chance.
UV ft. Kim Jungmin – Jungmin Bro
There’s a joke here that I’m not sure if I get, but the song is excruciating enough for me not to care.
DeVita – Movies
I just want to put her in that glass cage thing and beam her off somewhere else.
Kanto ft. Bumkey – Favorite
Well at least it has a cool bassline.
Zelo – She And Malibu
Hey, it’s short! Always a bonus with shit-hop like this.
Ahn Byeong Woong ft. Giriboy – Drown
You can’t be too mad about social isolation when there’s videos like this out there. Imagine running into one of these people.
Loopy ft. Changmo – Ana
Imagine ruining a reasonably good backing track with that fucking robot voice. Just learn to sing even a little, you don’t need super vocals, anything but the robot voice again please.
My Q – Sleep Walk
I’ve been playing a lot of Receiver 2 lately and this video looks like something that “The Threat” created to cause “widespread havoc and mental weakness”.
Crystal Tea – Roman Porno
Imagine Sunny Hill’s “Midnight Circus” sung by your grandmother at half speed.
Bora M ft. Handae – Done
Unbelievably, this ultra nugu tropical house rubbish is better than most A-list k-pop groups’ attempts at the same thing.
Moony – Cemnt
The halls of z-list studios are full of women with midrangey voices and “talent”.
Rainbow Note – Cherry Blossom
Rainbow Note are a group who theoretically should be great but keep missing the mark and this is no exception.
Goldstar – When Did We Grow Up
There’s no excuse for this weak Coldplay clone.
Choi Myung Joon – I Don’t Wish
It always confuses me when bullshit music like this gets on reasonably non-nugu YouTube channels. Are they trying to lose subscribers or what.
Dickpunks ft. Jukjae – Parallel Lines
A shame there’s rails around the rooftop because it makes it harder to fantasise about pushing them off there.
Max – Me, Myself & I
That horrid lurchy beat that nobody except The Roots ever figured out how to do right isn’t just for nugus.
Kim Dongjun – I’m In Love
Creepy dudes who sing to teddy bears are probably just pickup artists practicing for when they go “out on the field”. Ban this.
015B, Fil – Just 5 Minutes
We all know 015B can do much better than this, so why don’t they? There must be shitloads of money in making trash like this.
HongChangWoo ft. Jun, Donghun, Chan of A.C.E – First Love
A video from an A.C.E member that skips leg day. File it along with solar-powered flashlights and other useless inventions.
Lim Heon Il – Leave Home
Look at how bored she looks. Doesn’t he get the hint?
Some bullshit song about COVID-19
If you’re a celebrity and you want to do something about the pandemic, donate some money or sew some masks, or at least write a song that might make someone feel a bit better about life and less depressed than this piece of shit. I really think another maudlin wrist-slashing ballad is the very last thing the world needs right now.
BONUS RANDOM VIDEO OF THE WEEK
DANCING IDOL – SHINDONG x YOOA introducing 6 hottest idols by covering their choreography
Arguably the two best dancers in all of k-pop get together to do.. something or other to do with dancing. I don’t know, I don’t follow this TV shit. Enjoy.
That’s all for this week’s roundup – more next week!
I don’t follow both groups, but enough time on Instagram has me knowing that Stray Kids write a LOT of their own songs, while I don’t think Got7 do?
Some members wrote songs for b-sides but I don’t think they really meddled with title tracks
They’ve written some of their title tracks, but they mainly write the b-sides. Pretty sure they’ve mentioned not being satisifed with some of the title tracks they get.
The items in the background of the Monsta X clip still come in 7 versions, I guess TWOTUCKGOM thought ‘fuck it, we spent all that money manufacturing cutesy Wonho goods and we’re still going to sell them’
So, thing I learned about Bandcamp:
Despite having bought Suitable (and a few other things, because it is (they are) no longer in UZA’s store I can no longer download or stream it. I did download it (somewhere), but I wasn’t keeping careful track because I didn’t think about this system of removing it from everyone. So, tip: If you buy things on Bandcamp put them somewhere you know where they are.