The results of the 2020 Kpopalypse Survey Of Important Trufax are here!  Read on for all the facts about stuff and things!

Once again it was in impressive turnout for the survey with over 450 people putting in results – thank you to all the lovely readers who participated!  Let’s get straight into it!

Hi! How are you? Please answer with as much or as little detail as applicable.

People overall weren’t as good as previous surveys, and it’s no surprise.  Many of the answers could be summed up as follows:

Coronavirus sucks

Yes it does.  In Australia we’ve been managing it quite well compared to a lot of places, but I’m very concerned for my readers around the world, especially those in countries where their leaders basically have no clue how to handle it and because of that shitloads of people are dying.  Hopefully most people are okay and doing the safe OH&S compliant thing.  However I’m sure you’re also all sick of hearing about the coronavirus day in, day out, as it temporarily takes over every aspect of our lives so I’ll try not to let it dominate these random picks too much.

Getting over a divorce. It’s been more than a year, but I still have insecurities and it’s hard to understand who I am, as I always saw myself through his eyes. He never acknowledged his violent tendencies (though he never hit me, but he did rape me so idk which is worse, man) and he always painted me as the one who is fucked up, because I have genuine mental illness. It’s the usual. Depression, anxiety, panic attacks, and borderline personality disorder. I took my meds always, I went to therapy for years, I learned coping skills on my own, and I never stopped trying. He, however, never even apologised or thought it was wrong and inappropriate and criminal to tell his friends he wishes sometimes I’d kill myself and that sometimes he thinks me might actually brutally murder me. He was certain I was gonna kill myself over the divorce. It never crossed my mind. Within two months, with support from wonderful friends, I got back on my feet and I meet someone. Now I have a wonderful boyfriend and I have discovered that I can actually say “no” sometimes and that’s fine, because regular human beings understand consent. It took me a long time to have that “pop” moment, when you snap out of the brainwashing. And still there are many vestiges left. I mean, duh. I’m pouring my heart out to some (actually my favourite) Australian caonima cunt that ever caonima cunted in history. Now, how are you? How’s social isolation? How’s your cat coping? We need videos of that, you know. Stop slacking with the cat vids bro.

Glad things are on the up and up for you after having to deal with asshole husband from hell! 

A brief summary of how the virus has affected me personally as lots of people have asked:

• All my music industry stuff is now dead, with the exception of music teaching which I now do remotely
• Because of this I’m now working more in another non-music job, so I still do have money
• I quit my radio show so I could focus more on work and also writing, and also because the radio station can’t be accessed remotely
• Not talking to cunts suits me fine
• Cat is great

I’m fine. It’s very relaxing to take walks in the now empty streets of my city. I was sad when I read about the thousands of abandoned cats in apartments in Wuhan. I hope you and your cat are well! Thanks for your writing, I’ve been following your blog now for 4 years and hardly ever interact, because I’m boring. I don’t have many friends so I often find myself wondering what you would do / say if you were around. I’m trying to become a person who gives fewer fucks about stuff but I’m pretty timid and soft and afraid of being the centre of attention. While your advice in this regard (perform badly on stage to give no fucks anymore) isn’t applicable to me, I heeded your dating advice, got my first girlfriend for a few months – to realize I’m not into girls. We’re friends still, so that’s nice and we will both move to Korea (for university / work) but Covid19 might delay things. Recently I’m proud of myself for having read a scientific paper in Korean, I’m on the rocky way to fluency in a few more years. Goodbye, after this survey I’ll take a night walk and look at the pretty magnolia in bloom while enjoying the absence of people. Stay healthy~

Also it’s an introvert’s paradise right now.  Finding out about sexuality is good.  Walks are good.  Stay good.

How the fuck is it time for another one of these again? I’ve only been into kpop for 2 years and I feel like this is my fourth time coming across one of these here. I never participate because I don’t have witty answers. Anyway the lockdown is making people do the weirdest shit, after shitting on tiktok since it came out I downloaded it yesterday and I got 15 followers. It makes me feel good about myself.

I do one of these every six months, so if you’ve been into k-pop for two years, then yes it is the fourth time.

Hello oppar! Thanks for doing this again. Physically I’m fine, but I still struggle with opening up to people in new environments. I just quit my job last month and I can’t help but feel I should have tried harder to be friendly there – I got along with them well enough but I just wasn’t into oversharing details/personal social media/etc; the whole “we are family” act was a bit overwhelming for me (since it was just my second job out of college) and I clammed up instead of opening up. I know it’s just a workplace and it shouldn’t really matter because I won’t work there forever, but I do feel bad when I see them posting lovely things about other ex-coworkers while all they could say about me was “yeah you were chill I guess” and I’m too scared to even stay in touch with them. I guess part of my anxiety is due to the fact that while everyone else has some sort of hobby/side project/other defining personality trait going on, I have nothing really useful (no, they don’t like Kpop) in my life right now – I barely talk to my friends, haven’t played my keyboard in a while, don’t draw/paint/do karate/whatever, and just feel too mentally taxed to do anything at all. So I have nothing to share with them, and even if I did, I’m just not an animated or overly bubbly person in general so it all would fall on deaf ears. This has gone on long enough in my life for me to know that I’m the problem, but I don’t know how to fix this. I guess I really will spend my life being invisible.

Don’t neglect the social side of work!  It helps to participate in some small way, even if it means you have to force yourself a little.  I know we’re all socially isolating, but don’t mentally isolate.  However that’s different from being “visible”.  In this isolating age where everyone stupidly thinks “clout” is important, just leading a happy life with minimal profile or interference is underrated.  Don’t let today’s social media age fool you into thinking “visibility” means “quality of life”.  Famous people are some of the most miserable people out there, because fame is so isolating.

I’m good. All things considered. Hey, not sure if this is the right place to answer this, but I want to thank you. Eyedi “& You” is one of the best tracks I’ve heard in a long time. I was already listening to Little Cat 🙂 But damn…& You is really..just makes me want to smile and cry at the same time. So, thank you. Seriously.

You’re welcome!

I’m 30 and single, but I’m talking to someone to get my mind off of it. I like the fact that I still get called cute a lot by men because I do look pretty young, but I feel like I’m just using this dude and other dudes to boost my ego. I never really got hit on by guys when I was younger partly because I was too shy and many guys later said they were afraid to talk to me because I looked intimidating. I only really started dating in my 20’s and now suddenly all these dudes are hitting on me and I started talking to the first one that seemed normal after the last guy I really liked dumped me. Do you think that says anything about me?

Not sure but I had the same thing going on at that age.  Nobody really gave much of a fuck about me until I hit 30 and from then on I started getting dates all over the place.

Not gonna make it all about the pandemic but I gotta say: coming to the realisation that I have been basically “self-quarantining” since I was like 19 because of social anxiety and avoiding conflict with an overprotective mom? not the greatest lmao Oh yeah, fun thing that just happened earlier today, one of my old ass uncles just called to ask why tf am I not getting married yet, his reason being “your mom looks like shes not letting you meet men! she’s never gonna get grandchildren at that rate!” and like… how do you explain that you’re not exactly into men? (I do enjoy looking at men, but all my irl interactions with them are at best, very awkward, last time I dated a guy was like, in 2010 iirc so the straight life seems quite unrealistic imo) without being like “Gay people exist, uncle”… and like yeah I don’t really go out much? but at this point is more out of my own volition bc my friend group is 100% homebodies so we hang out like once a month now that we’re out of college and don’t have a reason to see each other all week? If for me finding a gf is already proving a bit difficult why would I also attempt finding a man… idk what to tell him other than “I’m just not interested in the whole marriage business” lmfao Hope you and your gf are also doing fine oppar! with you being a hag and whatnot, stay safe! Wash your hands and practice all that social distance mindfulness when going outside!

Telling your uncle to go fuck himself makes a lot of sense to me.  You could try to explain your sexuality to him if you wanted, but that’s probably more syllables.  At some point you gotta do a cost/benefit analysis.

I need your help oppar 😫😫😫 So lately I have been feeling kinda worthless and depressed ever since I finished my internship (and waiting for my diploma and graduation at May). I dunno, guess I’m just extra worried about my future as a member of the workforce and everything. For some reason I just cannot shake away this feeling of unease and apprehension and anxiety whenever I think about my damn future. Things like maybe I’ll become fucking unemployed forever, maybe my future job will fucking suck ass cancer, my co-workers will be fucking cunts, so on…. I men I know it is kind of irrational to continually dwell on these pessimistic stuff but…. I dunno Did you also had these kinds of feeling before: uncertainty, fear of unemployment, feeling of worthlessness, and how did you deal with them?

The best way to combat anxiety here is to realise that your journey doesn’t end when you get a job and that’s it.  That’s just the beginning.  There’s reasonably good odds that yes, your first job will suck – but not many people do one job all their lives.  I’ve changed jobs a lot over the years and I think that’s quite normal.  Unemployment is temporary too.  Right now is a time of great upheaval but that also means there are great opportunities.  More people became millionaires during the Great Depression in the 1930s than at any other time in human history.  Apprehension and anxiety is normal.

Haven’t been coronakilled yet so guess that’s a bonus. Except it isn’t because i have no fucking toilet roll and it’s all you aussies fault for starting the panic buying outside of china. Imagine not being able to WIPE YO OWN ASS? Are you fucking serious? You deserve southern hemisphere discrimination and I hope u get eaten by a honey badger, you cunts. My workplace has finally started to implement paperless working after 7 years of ‘oh yeah we’re going paperless next year we promise’ so I guess that’s also good but it’ll be a shitshow when it’s launched tomorrow. Imagine being a big company that works w sensitive data and only buying 500 VPN licenses? Animal crossing bangs yo, everyone should get it

The panic buying is a great shame, Australians are stupid as fuck.  Please don’t copy us, world.

Animal Crossing may be good but I don’t have a Nintendo assrape stick or whatever their latest console is called and I’m not going to buy one just for that.

Hi! I’m actually feeling very low. I feel so disposable, as if I didn’t matter to anyone arround me and if I wasn’t important. The corona quarantine is giving me a lot of free time, which also gives my brain a lot of free time and gives me anixety. I don’t how much longer I can bear this kind of uselessness feeling.

I remember brain free time, it was good back then.  Now I’ve got more “Thoughts?” than I can handle.  Enjoy the respite while you can – trust me, it won’t last.

Overall, fine, but boy.. ..I sure could use a link to a video that is both cute AND sexy. Oh, and it doesn’t have to contain an overt sexually infantilizing tone; but having one couldn’t hurt, right?

Enjoy! 

Now let’s move onto the other survey questions!

This is the video for Rockit Girl’s “Little Cat”.

By taking this survey, I agree to listen to Rockit Girl’s “Little Cat”.

All surveydoers had to agree to this important statement in order to complete the survey.  Rockit Girl can now thank me for at least 457 views, which they probably could use.

Are you looking forward to a fun Kpopalypse survey to distract yourself from current troubling world events?

I apologise if this survey has already reminded you about things that you were trying not to think about, such as pie graphs, the colour orange, or that purple-haired guy from N.tic.

On the scale of calmness to panic, where are you right now?

There’s a lot of panic going on in the world right now, but Kpopalypse readers are cool customers who managed to mostly contain their panic levels to 7/10 or less.

If Hitler was alive today which k-pop fandom would he approve of the most?

Readers felt that the man in the grey coat would have most approved of the antics of ARMYs, which makes sense in all sorts of ways.  Blinks, Orbits and Onces clocked in a distant 2nd, 3rd and 4th.  The white space on the chart indicates various other fandoms.

Why do people think Kpopalypse and AustralianSana are the same person?

The answers because Google Forms’ stupid pie chart has a character limit:

And the answers:

As expected, it’s all the fault of those pesky BTS fans, you know, the ones who sent AustralianSana into Twitter exile even though she’s actually a huge BTS fan.

Consider the following statement, said to Cheska by Kpopalypse: “Clout is what people who haven’t achieved anything with their lives think they get if they get noticed on the Internet. I hate the word too!”. Obviously this statement is true and correct. From the following roughly equivalent and very harsh penalties, please choose the most appropriate penalty for people on the Internet using the “clout” slur.

A very tough question only for the mentally strongest of caonimas.  The results were almost an equal split between “25 years k-pop forum moderator” and “15 minutes interacting with the Reddit/kpop community on Discord”, two very extreme and nearly identical punishments in terms of severity levels.

Here is a video of Honey Popcorn’s Yua Mikami.

Is Yua Mikami dating?

Most readers were quite sure that Yua Mikami wasn’t dating, or were at least willing to verify with Johnny Noh before coming to a conclusion.  It’s good to know that she’s keeping herself pure and innocent for me and all her other fans around the world.

Do you like sportball posts on Kpopalypse?

Most readers are not a sport, and struggle with the sport ball shape.  Kpopalypse will probably leave most discussion of the sport thing to Asian Junkie, but may return to the topic only occasionally for important recaps of the sport.

What is the most dangerous plague affecting the world today?

At least with coronavirus, if the government welds your apartment door shut you’re probably safe.

Given all the options on the table, what is the most effective option that governments have to control disease outbreaks and mitigate risk/mortality in large populations without compromising their economies or the quality of life of citizens?

Chearly Chuu is the hero we need.  So while you’re self-isolating, enjoy this video of Chuu making noises.  Disclaimer: the effectiveness of these noises to kill the coronavirus is not medically proven at this stage.

Watch the following short film that UZA did the music for.

It’s good music, isn’t it.

One of the things I value the most about my readership is their diverse opinions, but it still occasionally warms the heart when we can all agree on something.

If you’ve got any good industry tipoffs, put them here. Reminding you that this survey is anonymous and I probably don’t have your IP address or personal details. This activity is optional.

Thanks for all your tipoffs, which will remain secret!  Except for this one:

I eat drive-thru hardly ever, but I get it for my girlfriend fairly often, they fuck up the orders occasionally, even at KFC drive-thru (which I’ve found is the most efficient of all the ones in my area just for sheer timeliness and getting the orders correct).  It’s a good idea to check before you drive off that they get their shit right.

What would be the most surprising outcome of COVID-19 in the k-pop world?

Most of these options probably seemed fairly outlandish to readers, but YG giving the non-Jennie members of Blackpink a solo comeback clearly stretched the credibility of these scenarios to breaking point.

How much cat content should there be on Kpopalypse livestreams?

Kpopalypse’s cat proves to be more popular than Kpopalypse himself on livestreams, and that’s probably as it should be.  Expect more live cat treats on Kpopalypse’s livestreams!

What Wonho game are you most looking forward to seeing Kpopalypse cover in part 3 of the Wonho games series? This question is optional, skip it if you are not enough of a refined gentleman/lady to play Wonho games.

Thanks for all your suggestions!  Many of them were in fact more or less along these lines:

It’s true that so far games have been very heterosexually-biased – Kpopalypse will take this feedback on board and endeavour to bring you “some gay shit” for the next post in the Wonho games series!

Which important issue concerning drama productions should Kpopalypse cover in a future post?

I hate the face zooms too.

Due to the effects of COVID-19 on the music industry, Kpopalypse is setting up online guitar lessons. If you are one of the understandably very few readers who would be interested in being taught guitar stuff by some asshole k-pop blogger instead of Paul Gilbert, how much would you be prepared to pay per week (in US$) for guitar lessons? This question is optional, feel free not to answer if you dgaf, or feel free to tell me something more interesting than this question (which wouldn’t be hard).

Thanks for all your responses!  I’ve decided that I probably won’t be rolling this out as a big thing but I might do it for one or two dedicated caonimas if they are really super keen.  I’m happy to show you all stuff for free on the livestreams anyway.

Well I’m not stupid.  Australian dollars aren’t worth shit.  Everyone knows how useless our current government is at managing anything financial.

What YouTube video viewing milestone is more important and deserves its own article/thread on your news site or social network of choice?

The smallest milestone was actually considered the most valuable out of these important milestones, as 8,768,243 views is still a lot for most artists!  Make sure to follow the correct instructions to maximise your faves’ viewcount!

We all need entertainment right now, so share a joke here. This activity is optional. If you do try to participate try to write something funny that would entertain others, rather than just putting something here you don’t like very much. I believe in you. You can do this.

Thanks for all your submissions!  Here are a random selection of the best ones.

This is the music video for Rainbow’s “Black Swan”.

What do you like most about Rainbow’s “Black Swan”?

It’s the best Black Swan out there.  Don’t we know it.

What was your score out of 8 in the recent Kpopalypse k-pop academia/Mein Kampf quiz?

Thanks to all readers who participated in this fun Kpopalypse quiz!  Hopefully you all now have the tools to identify the difference between k-pop writers and Nazis!

Which K-pop star would look the most attractive in Nazi regalia?

An important follow-up question.  The winner was Go Won, but personally I think all of these idols would potentially look great in Nazi regalia.  You can read more about the rationale behind this here.

Why do Apink keep winning the most fappable video every year on Kpopalypse blog?

This was a reasonably evenly-split poll, but many readers felt that conceptual continuity was a big factor.  Could they be right?  Find out in January 2021 when the most fappable k-pop video list for 2020 appears!

This is the music video for After School’s “First Love”.

What is the most iconic thing about this video?

Most people found those bruise-covering fake tattoos to be the video’s most iconic feature, although the screams of the still-dungeoned girls still haunt many readers to this day.

Sadly due to my work situation I’ve had to slow down the frequency of Kpopalypse posts. However I will still do my best to bring you quality content where possible, and I will bring you roundup no matter what happens. How do you feel about this?

Thanks for all your support!  It’s no secret that I’ve had to lessen the frequency of posts due to work but hopefully this just means that the quality will increase! Kpopalypse blog will continue on!

Thanks for doing this survey! If you have any feedback below for Kpopalypse, please put it in the space below, or don’t. Kpopalypse shall return!

Hi Kpopalypse! It really is admirable how you’ve held up this website for so long and I hope you get all the success you deserve!

Thanks!  Working on it!  Well, actually not really.

Love your posts, I do think lately they’ve been getting out of hand with all the nazi stuff. I personally don’t think that’s too much of a matter to joke about.

and

Don’t know why you have so much Nazi-adjacent content recently. Ummmm….just trolling? Cuz I’m not digging it without some broader context. Admittedly the quiz was very good/insane. Stay safe, hope your friends and family are making good decisions and staying cautious.

Obviously anything that looks at something with a critical eye is “adjacent” to whatever it’s inspecting, so I don’t even see a point in observing something as “x-adjacent”.  Calling my Mein Kampf survey (which makes it pretty clear how I feel about Nazis) “Nazi-adjacent” is like called Black Lives Matter “racism adjacent”.  Glad you enjoyed it though!

People should joke about Nazis, why not?  Would you rather that we just accept Nazism rather than hold it (and the people who think that way) up to ridicule?

Bro i need more of your music theory fagging posts where are they?

Coming.

I miss the good old fashioned written fanfic. I don’t have time for that computer game shit.

Also coming.

I fondly await your next chuuves/idol dungeon style game. (Although I realise that it’s an insane amount of work). Thanks for everything, oppa.

I’d love to do another one, but yeah they take forever and a day to do.  Maybe once this COVID stuff is over (COVID is making me very busy) I can take a look at this, but definitely not before then.

You, your website and your humor have helped me through some pretty shitty times over 5+ years. I feel strangely calm about the shit happening in the world now, I guess partly because I’ve got infected with your outlook on life, you contagious oppar you. Stay strong and thank you

Thank you!

What kind of psychopath would ask for less cat content on the livestreams? If someone chooses that option hunt them down and permaban them.
P.S my browser crashed like 4 times before I was able to submit this survey, so I hope I haven’t accidentally submitted the same survey 5 times now.

I know, right?  I’m deeply ashamed of a small minority of my readership.

you could honestly put less utter shit in the weekly roundups (e.g. generic as hell ballads) and you would decrease the suckitude of the world ever so slightly

I’m hoping that by putting it in there, the k-pop companies learn, and that decreases the suckitude of the world ever so slightly.  But in general yes I’m trying to cut down the amount of videos in roundup.  Would you believe that most weeks I only ever use about 50-70% of submissions?

i feel like i had something to suggest, but now that i can’t think of anything. i quite enjoy reading your blog (and have done so for a couple of years), it’s funny, annoying (in a good way), and teaches me not to care so much about kpop but just enjoy it. it’s also really informative and you’re one of the people that i think i should dislike but i have a fondness for, because your content is also so refreshing and different from the same old kpop content other creators make. keep going, but remember to rest and stay healthy!

I try – thanks for your support!

Please, stay shiting on my favorite kpop groups for much more years

Will do!

I just wanna thank very much uncle Kpopalypse (where I live “uncle” is a nice way of calling someone who is older than you and you’re very fond of). I started reading your blog in 2016, when I was 14 and still very immature. I was having a very troublesome year, but your blogposts made my day better. You made me a rational kpop fan and also brought joy to my depressed and anxious days. I don’t have enough words to express how grateful I am too you. Please, keep up with your good work and post more photos of your cat, and I hope you stay safe and sound during the corona crisis.

Thanks!

When I first saw your writing I thought you were offensive. Then I realized you were right about everything. Then I realized you were funny as fuck.

Glad to have eventually entertained you!

I seriously don’t even know why I always come back on this site. We rarely have the same opinions, I find your jokes a bit too much at times. But there is something comforting to your site as well, I never leave mad or dissatisfied you know? Anyway, I keep up the good work.

I totally wouldn’t be offended if you decided it wasn’t for you and stopped visiting, as I don’t write for everybody or mass appeal, but thanks for your readership anyway!

moar music theory plz. like every good asian kid, i was forced to learn piano when i was younger, and still got through to “Grade 10” piano.. thing, whatever it was. Obviously I dgaf nowadays, but the music theory bit of it was slightly interesting, and now that I see it applied to music I actually listen to, it is quite interesting. And due to confirmation bias, seems to explain why I like certain songs or not.

More posts soon.

Your lack of Jihyo on the forum is absolutely appalling. We all know that Jihyo is the only k pop e girl worth a damn, those tiddies don’t lie. Momo is a close second. But I don’t really give a flying fuck about anyone else, I haven’t even listened to K pop in nearly a year by this point because the Koreaboos on campus are unbearable. Even the cute Chinese Koreaboos are insufferable sometimes. No I don’t have yellow fever. But this blog is still entertaining. Keep doing this, we need those K pop loving fuckwits to know their place. For the love of God though post more Jihyo. She’s a total qt.

Here’s a fancam for you:

And here’s a picture of my cat, relaxing with IU.

That’s all for this post!  Kpopalypse shall return!