It’s time again for Kpopalypse roundup! Let’s check out some new releases!
Dreamcatcher – Scream
Dreamcatcher finally find their form again, with some unusual rhythms (for k-pop, anyway) instead of the usual trendy nonsense helping out this song a great deal.
Dreamcatcher – Red Sun
Of course their other song is the usual off-brand nonsense that they always put out as B-tracks these days, but Dreamcatcher playing their conceptual weak card is still often better than most other groups’ regular output.
Weki Meki – Dazzle Dazzle
Pretty typical of a lot of k-pop now – there’s one reasonably well-written melodic section, and the rest is a whole bunch of annoying shouty bullshit.
3YE – Queen
Starts off great but shits the bed with too many messy and completely unnecessary musical changes.
Iz*one – Fiesta
Apparently IZ*ONE have the highest ratio of male fans to female fans of any girl group in Korea outside of the Z-list “adult group” stuff. All I can conclude from the data is that Korean men like shit music, mind you “Fiesta” is slightly less drab and bouncier than they usually are.
Iz*one – Destiny
They’re really trying hard to capture After School Blue’s “Wonder Boy” vibe but the songwriters just don’t know how to do it, apart from ordering the girls to stand in formation, wear white and hope people like it. The barely-concealed “so over it” glares from some of the girls are real.
Iz*one – Spaceship
You’ll want to get on a spaceship and fuck off out of this planet after hearing this one.
Elris – This Is Me
Elris have never recaptured their debut form and apart from some interesting synth choices, their new song continues the trend.
High School – Timing
The most OH&S compliant girl group in k-pop doesn’t have much of a song but at least they’re all safe from the latest coronavirus.
HighSchool Haebin – Higher 1.0
Actually the flashing H on the mask is a cool detail, hopefully the girl isn’t getting zapped by the battery on the inside of that thing.
BTS – On
Can BTS be any more average? Whenever they release a new song these days it’s always so bland and risk-averse that it’s a real struggle to find anything to say about it at all, positive or negative. Maybe they really are a new genre – AveragePop.
Spectrum – Showtime
You see, relatively B-list groups have better songs than BTS all the time. BTS really are a group that proves popularity has got nothing to do with song quality. You just need something good enough to hang all the promotional stuff off, and that’s enough.
Verivery – Paradise & Photo
I guess the “producer name in the YouTube title curse” still applies if the name of the producer is actually your own group.
ONF – Message
The message is – don’t trust boy groups in fuzzy jumpers to deliver good songs.
Build Up – Think Of You
I’m not sure what’s building up here but it certainly isn’t anything interesting.
Ab6ix (Kim Dong Hyun) – More
Donghae ft. Bewhy – Harmony
In 2020 there’s no excuse to believe in any orthodox religion now that we have the technology to prove that “the cloud guy” isn’t real, but people are nothing if not irrational. Witness the coronavirus spread in South Korea, where people are out deliberately infecting each other because they think it’s “god’s plan”. Pray for South Korea? Maybe just pray for South Korea to stop praying. A ban on shit music like this would probably help.
Monsta X – You Can’t Hold My Heart
Actually a pretty decent song with that cool 80s bassline driving it, but the contrast between the fangirls who snuck in up at the back row enjoying the music and everyone else around them looking on in complete and utter boredom is still far more entertaining than anything else about this.
H&D – Toward Tomorrow
A semi-good chorus but nothing that special.
Moonbyul – Moon Movie
They’re really going all-in on the Amber with Moonbyul, aren’t they. In fact, even Amber never really went this all-in on Amber.
Ha Dong Geun – Honey Song
Pretty rocking for a song called “Honey Song”. Pity about the budget video but I guess old people have less disposable income to buy trot now that the South Korea government lost all the money they invested in YG thanks to Burning Sun and can’t afford to pay people’s pensions.
Lee Yi Kyung – Leave Work On Time
We’re going to be hearing a lot of this type of stuff thanks to “Mister Trot”. Better get used to it.
Imlay ft. Yangyang – Asteroid
Well it sure is a confusing eyesore of CGI mess but I can’t fault the music that much, it’s pretty catchy with those huge riffs in the chorus.
Moon – Woo
She wears a bikini as well as anybody but the song’s enough of a turn-off to compensate. Hearing her whine “I know you want it” over and over really makes me not “want it”, whatever “it” is. If that’s even what she’s singing, but who cares if it isn’t.
Coremagazine – Tracy
In Adelaide in the 1990s there was a shitty free street magazine called Core. It focused on dance music and techno which was obviously a dead style of music back then just like it is now, so this magazine was just a waste of tree pulp for trendy fuckheads and probably contributed significantly to climate change for no reason. Anyway why would you name your band after them.
D.Coy – Color Magic
Maybe it’s a “decoy” in the sense that they play instruments but just sound like any other boy group.
Jerastar – If I Could Love
They’re never going to have another “The Dream In Dreams” again, are they.
Wetter – Love Is All Around
It’s like Oasis if they were even more shit.
Sidecar – Mold
One would probably think that I’d like this due to my background in the Australian punk scene but actually the reverse is true because it just means I’ve heard this type of song done so much better so many times before.
About U – Who Took My Candy
It was me, I took it. I’m not giving it back until you remove that stupid filter from your video.
Bursters – Colors
The last three letters of the YouTube link for this are “Ass”, I guess the new era of AI is here.
Soohyun – Start Again
I wonder if he’s finished all the Diablo 3 expansion packs yet.
Henry – Thinking Of You
What, no more SM? I must have missed that. Who cares anyway, Henry is one of the only ex-SM artists who actually had reasonable songwriting talent when he was with SM and therefore might actually be okay on his own.
Hyolyn ft. Crucial Star – Hug Me Silently
I skipped this total bullshit song when it first came out and this new video doesn’t make me regret my decision.
Crush – Digital Lover
Looks like hax to me, report!
Rainbow Note – Asteroid
Holy shit this group have finally learned how to make music videos – in Nugu Park, no less. Now they just have to learn to stop sucking.
Lee Jihye – Puzzle Me
This song nearly got in my most recent Nugu Alert due to the outstanding green-screen use, but then it got too many views, so it goes here instead, but honestly this video out-green-screened all of the ones in that post. Enjoy!
Geunsu – Money
Rapping about money is so played-out. Rap about something else, anything will do. Might I suggest Hitomi Tanaka’s boobs. Just a thought.
Min Soo Park – In A Dream
I had a dream that I got sent 70% less sounds for Roundup than I usually get, and they were all quality. Then I woke up and saw this week’s submissions.
Chance – Fixed
To be clear this isn’t Chance The Rapper, it’s Chance The Boring Cunt.
Seong Han Jun – Erasing You
Didn’t have the vibe that I expected from the title.
Yucherish – Retro Effective
They’re going for Kpopalypse list status with the 912 Crew tier video, but they actually had a cool song whereas this is just a bunch of aimless nonsense.
Leenalchi – Tiger Is Coming
Are they joking or what. What is this.
BONUS RANDOM VIDEO OF THE WEEK
HyoTip – Hyoseong’s diet history
You probably don’t have 22 minutes of time handy to watch ex-Secret’s Hyoseong talk about what she eats and frankly neither do I. However one day I’ll probably get a chance to invest some time into this video and recoil in horror as it reconfirms everything I already knew about how unhealthy idol dieting is.
That’s all for this week – Kpopalypse returns next week with more roundup!