It’s time for Kpopalypse roundup! Let’s take a look at some new releases!
It’s no surprise that Moonbok is a bit of a player douchebag, so is every guy who grows long hair and gets into music, I should know. What do you think they’re doing it for. Of course it doesn’t work out as well for most of us as it did for him, long hair is actually a bit divisive and most women don’t prefer it, probably because it (rightly) triggers their fuccboi spider-sense. I wish someone had said that to the teenaged me so I didn’t have to wait until nearly 23 to lose my virginity. Wisdom of hindsight, eh.
Cherry Bullet – Hands Up
Actually quite good – the classical nonsense successfully dilutes and lightens up the trap nonsense, leaving behind a song that simply works.
Rocket Punch – Bouncy
A cool chorus makes this Rocket Punch’s best song, even if a lot of the rest of it is just the usual yelling nonsense everyone does now.
Moonbyul – Eclipse
Moonbyul proves that she can be as musically average as any boy group out there, but 10/10 for image. Somehow she makes the most horrid tribal lycra spacesuit ideas work.
Pentagon – Dr. BeBe
If that cool bass riff wasn’t drowned out by a million other things through most of this song, I feel like we could have had another “Shine” here.
The Boyz – Reveal
Did you know that Eric from The Boyz is now a trending search at Kpopalypse blog again, because apparently he was bullied by others? Or maybe they were just getting revenge…
Ab6ix (Jeon Woong) – Moondance
Not the Van Morrison song, which is probably just as well, but it’s not exactly much better either.
Kard – Red Moon
Basically “Dumb Litty” with 40% of the cringe removed and a big brass riff equal in intensity to Block B Bastarz “Zero For Conduct“, it’s the first KARD song in a while which is more good than bad.
Nu’est – Let’s Love
Creepy Valentine’s Day shit.
AlphaBAT – Again
Really awful balladeering of the most generic type.
Flor_us – Alive
These recent Nugu Alerters have a slightly better song than before, which still suffers from thrift shop production and some weak songwriting but full marks for effort and improvement.
Black6ix – Call My Name
Pretty much just going through the boy-group motions.
Build Up – Dream Land
This generic tropical crap from some total nugus is actually better than about 95% of the A-list and B-list groups who tried it over the last three years.
Kokoon – Kitty
Okay I think I’ve just found k-pop’s cringiest music video. See if you can get through it all, good luck!
J-Tong – Mi-Yan
He seems to like tattoos, if I were the one tattooing him I’d draw a tattoo on his ass saying “must move at over 120 BPM”.
Sumin, Zion.T – Dirty Love
Did Zion.T get gold front teeth just because it’s a dumb hip-hop trend for losers, or did someone slap his bitch ass for sucking at music so much that his real teeth all fell out?
Sunwoojunga – Interview
Fucking hell this chick is boring. Every new song of hers makes me wonder even more how the fuck she ever came up with “Springirls“.
Sunwoojunga – Multi Player
Really. Just stop it already.
Sunwoojunga – Shuthefxxkup
no u
Samuel Seo – Coastal Wave
Rambling nonsense.
Avokid – Timid
Kind of dull but not too offensively boring I guess, or at least not compared to everything else on the shit end of the list this week.
015B, Band Nah – Sonorama
Don’t get too excited by the name, this is just a dull funk/pop thing, even the guitar solo can’t save it.
Dahee ft. Sole – Luh!
Is this the Dahee that blackmailed some celebrity for millions because BigHit saddled her with a new-house-sized trainee debt? Probably not, but I just like periodically reminding you all that that’s a thing that happened.
Ten To Ten – Favorite
Pretty damn cool despite a video so boring that it barely even meets eligibility requirements to be in this post at all.
Lowa – Violet
Her Fender guitar copy has the trademarked Fender Stratocaster headstock shape. Fender are real cunts about that, and have been known to take legal action against other guitar brands to make them change the shapes of their headstocks so it doesn’t resemble the Strat. If I were “Han’s” guitars I’d be doing a MRJKPOP and deleting all my social media presence and means of contact.
We Are The Night – Lie + The Nightmare
This is the best song I’ve heard this group do but it still sucks. Why does a band with such a cool name make such garbage. Come back with something that sounds like Bathory’s third album or fuck off.
Crystal Tea – There There
Definitely a lot more rocking than you’re expecting.
Happy People – Home
It’s reggae but it’s the shit Bob Marley type of reggae, not the cool reggae which came later or the other cool reggae which came before.
Lilboi, Yanu, TakeOne – Moves
Wait, did I see a flash of Yongma Land? Is “Nugu Park Sweg” the new hip-hop trend?
Dareharu – Karma
Well, at least it’s fast.
Ji Se Hee – Love Is
Love is never having to say you’re sorry for writing a ballad that gets in Kpopalypse roundup. Actually it’s not that bad, best ballad this week easily.
Broken Fingers ft. Hwayang – My Blood Vessel Filled With Your Scent
Despite the very metal song title the music is actually quite ethereal and nice.
Shin Won Ho – Kki (Disco Ver)
Wow he’s got his own Wonho game! Does his fansite have the R18 patch?
Nia – Empty
BONUS RANDOM VIDEO OF THE WEEK
The Actual Hardest K-pop Dances (from a dancer)
I have no idea how correct this person is, as dance is one of the few aspects related to the music business that I actually know nothing about. However I do know a few things. Firstly, this video certainly made me appreciate some of the details in certain dances that I hadn’t previously noticed. Secondly, the person who made this video may know a great deal about dancing but they sure can’t spell for shit. Friggity dick there are a lot of typos in this video, and sure, a few of them are deliberate but most of them are not. It’s entertaining but also painful to watch – Kagura Games had better at least give me a job interview for that proofreader job I went for so I can feel better and scratch my spelling Nazi itch.
That’s all for this week – Kpopalypse roundup will return next week!
Funny that you say you have a spelling nazi itch but didn’t change your own typo when I pointed it out a few weeks ago. Such hypocrisy!! Kek
Lots of decent songs last week huh? Certainly more than the usual.
I hope that Kpopalypse’s cat will do a reaction video for Kokoon’s “Kitty”.
Moonbok’s hair color is #goals tho.
I’d already watched the video you linked at the end, but when you mentioned the amount of typos in the video, I had to rewatch it because I had no memory of seeing anything out of the ordinary. I’m now scared I’m losing my English (it’s my second language) because even after watching it again, I only noticed a few slang words and missing commas…
I hate that you made me aware of the kitty video, I couldn’t get even 30 seconds in and i liked hug by tvxq…
also I saw that bonus video and as a dancer i agree with most of what they said, but there were still some things I disagreed with
You’re right, I couldn’t get all the way through that video… without stopping to send it to my friends who are into pet-play. Holy heck, that is some porn dressed as a music video.
Friggity dick I need to vote more for Taemin next year on your objectification surveys.