Kpopalypse’s clearing house quick-and-dirty song review post for 2019

Kpopalypse is back with the clearing house post, full of songs that missed roundups!

This clearing house post is the “final roundup” of 2019.  Anything that is released after this list is published will be considered for 2020 lists instead.  Note that there were a lot of songs suggested for this post that didn’t make it in, if you fave missed out know that I probably did actually listen to it but just didn’t put it in because I either had nothing to say, or assumed nobody would care.  There were far, far too many requests for me to put them all here (several hundred).  Regular roundups will return from 6th January 2020.

CL – +One And Only180228+

The best of her new post-YG crop of songs, it’s actually not half bad.

CL – +Thnx190519+

This on the other hand is the most “YG sound” of them all, but unfortunately in this case it means a dreary YG-style ballad.

Red Velvet – Psycho

I’m not wild about the actual vocal melody which does some really strange shit, but there’s some great instrumental choices like the plucked strings that really help this song a lot, honestly it’s the best thing they’ve done in a while, certainly the best this year (although that wouldn’t be hard).

Stray Kids – You Can Stay

Actually not too offensive despite itself, Stray Kids’ cheesy “oh look how we and the fans are one” bullshit song is quite a bit better than Loona’s.

Jerastar – Wheel

Really really average, what happened to this group.

Jiyeon – Take A Hike

What a bunch of fucking shit, absolutely awful.  Fans will lap it up but this doesn’t sound anything like the great T-ara tracks to me, or anything else good for that matter.

Punch – Yesterday

Nothing fancy but not terrible.  Punch has underrated visuals.

Shin Wonho – Invasion

This isn’t THAT Wonho, but the one from Cross Gene.  Remember them?  Anyway, it’s just the usual “trying to be Michael Jackson” thing.

Jang Jane – Venus

This girl is always pretty bad on her own unfortunately.  Bring back the collabs.

Jang Jane – Petal Fortune

This isn’t any better.

Moonbyul – Snow

Moonbyul looks great as always although she’s not exactly someone who needs the high-gloss makeup constantly applOH GOD I SOUND LIKE THAT GERMAN STALKER NUT KILL ME NOW

Oneus – 808

I swear they’re singing “AOA” here, not “808”.  This is an AOA tribute song until I”m officially told otherwise.

Oh Sae Bom – Tie

Eh.

Stray Kids – Gone Days

It’s that crap yolo lite sound, the “good song” period of Stray Kids is officially over.

Monsta X, Sebastián Yatra – Magnetic

The looks of this reminds me of that amazingly innovative Commodore 64 game called The Sentinel.  I just want to absorb all of the Monsta X boys and Sebastian into pure energy and then build a tree.

Lay – Waipo

Very unexciting.

Vinxen ft. Haon – Empty

Vinxen sounds like a computer vomiting.

MFBTY – F. U.

For such a supposedly “legendary” group or whatever, they do have their fair share of shit.

Mia – Orgel

Cruisy and nice and entirely boring.

Offing – Cloudonut

Sounds like all the boring 60s psychedelia throwback stuff which is really popular in the indie scene where I live.  All the DJs who shit on my radio show would probably love this.

Kim Bumsoo – Shattered

Oh yawn.

Hyuk – Winter Butterfly

I know it’s supposed to be “romantic” or “naturalistic” or whatever, but I’m Australian so I just look at all that vegetation so close together and think “fire hazard”.

Eunki – Mistake

It sure is.

Dumbfoundead – Pink Blew Dawn

I generally ignore all Dumbfoundead content because he has no beats.  None whatsoever.  In fact that goes for pretty much everything on 88rising.  Imagine an entire hip-hop label that has never heard of a beat before.  That’s like starting up a car company before researching the wheel.

Pink Fantasy – Playing House

Please understand, THE BUNNY ONLY WORKS WITH THE HEAVY METAL/ROCK CONCEPT.  Anything else and it’s just stupid.

Shakrrama ft. Kerykeion – Negotiation

Actually pretty good – proof that ugly bastards do make the best rappers.  It’s probably the realisation that they’re not going to get girls from their looks, so they’d better focus on good beats.

San E ft. Errday – Again

San E is back and he’s not any better than before he left.

Oh Ki Ppeum – Maybe I

Just because something has the textures of 80s pop doesn’t mean it also has the songwriting skill.

Biya – Cotai

I don’t know who this woman is but this song is the boring slow nonsense that you’re probably expecting.

Yiruma – Nocturnal Mind

Just someone playing piano for five minutes, if that’s your thing.  It’s good playing, but the music is background restaurant fine dining nonsense.

W24 – Solfamiredo

This type of brass-laden disco garbage always sucks.  Nugus please don’t try this at home.  Leave it to qualified professional groups like T-ara.

Maddox – Color Blind

I dunno about colour blind, but definitely tone deaf.

April – Oh-E-Oh

April’s pretty unspectacular Japanese comeback flew under my radar this year, with good reason.  However there’s enough berets here for another dozen Frenchface posts!

I’ll & Minue – Poison

Pretty average rock stuff, I guess it doesn’t sound significantly worse than the western equivalent.

Gond – Dive, Dive, Dive

This sounds weird, but not in a good way that you would actually want to listen to, because it’s also simultaneously just like everything else.  I’m not sure how that works but it does.

Mind U – Wrong Number

The wrong number is Starship CEO’s phone if he’s approving this junk.

TaeRim – Mom

This guy looks nervous as fuck, like he’s about to do a Tzuyu style 90-degree-bowing apology-to-the-Chinese video.

Rocoberry – When The Snow Falls

When the snow falls, the shit songs happen.

Namo – Way

He’s got the leather jacket to try and fool you into thinking he’s a hardened experienced rock performer but his microphone use says otherwise!

Kukhee – Buddy Like You

Not a song about being kicked out of the Gfriend fandom.

VARIOUS RANDOM BONUS SHIT THAT ISN’T ELIGIBLE BUT YOU GUYS ASKED FOR THESE A LOT SO FUCK IT, IN IT GOES

Kim Wan Sun – Pierrot Smiles At Us

Not a new song, just a remake of an old song of hers which I ignored for a reason when I did my Dark Ages posts.  But she’s done a new video of it anyway for fuck knows what reason, and I guess everyone wants to copy the visual style of the true originals of pop like Michael Jackson’s “Thriller” T-ara’s “Lovey Dovey” don’t they.

Yurisa – Frozen Tears

She looks more like an anime character than the anime characters in the game.  I keep inspecting her forehead looking for the seam where the polygons desync.  I think I’ve found that purple haired guy from N.Tic’s dream date.

Siyeon – Blind Days

Holy shit girl don’t spend too much effort there convincingly miming into a microphone that’s tilted in completely the wrong direction and isn’t even plugged in.

Dreamcatcher – Polaris

Oh snore.  Can’t even imagine why I got asked for this so much.  It sounds like everything else ever.

Dreamcatcher – Silent Night

Their other song for this computer game thing or whatever is better, with some neat twists, metal unfortunately not being one of them, but it’s still good in the way “Sleepwalking” was good.

Mommy Son does a commercial for… a thing?

I have no idea what’s going on here, and plan to remain blissfully ignorant.

THE LAST BONUS RANDOM VIDEOS OF 2019

Sera from Nine Muses reacts to Nine Muses songs

This was hugely requested, so hugely requested that in fact you’ve probably all seen this before, so there’s probably no point it even being here.  For both of you who haven’t seen it you might want to check it out though.

Minty apologises

Hey Minty, I forgive you for lying about your age, it’s fine, the industry and k-pop fans in general are mad ageist and don’t I know it – trust “respect your elders” to turn into “if you’re over 25 you’re cancelled” right when I become an old cunt.  All I ask is that when you come back can we have better songs than your last lot, without the stupid E.via style high squeaky fake voice please.  Thank you.  Also the all-black look works, consider a Dreamcatcher style metal comeback.

Twice – Fancy (8 bit cover)

JHN Studio’s 8-bit versions of k-pop songs are all great.  Have a good and OH&S compliant new year, everyone!

4 thoughts on “Kpopalypse’s clearing house quick-and-dirty song review post for 2019

  1. Nature promoted “Shut Up” on music shows. I don’t know if you’ve heard it, Kpopalypse, but I’m willing to bet that you would like it better than “I’m So Pretty”.

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