It’s time for Kpopalypse to look back on his predictions for 2019, and make all new predictions for 2020! Come with Kpopalypse for a look into the crystal ball of k-pop!
Before we delve into the destiny of 2020, let’s take a look at 2019 – at around this time last year I made a lot of bold predictions with my notorious super Boram ESP powers! How well did Kpopalypse do?
RESULTS OF 2019 PREDICTIONS
Kpop begins a quality resurgence (but only briefly) – CORRECT. We had some genuinely good songs in 2019 thanks to the horrors of tropical shithouse finally dying down, as by now almost every major A-list and B-list group already have their “token tropical song” and didn’t feel the need to make a second one. I’m super-excited to present to you my 2019 favourites lists in a few weeks, but until then know that there were indeed good songs in k-pop!
Twice continue with success but also have their craziest controversy yet – CORRECT. Sana actually copped extreme amounts of hate for, as a Japanese person, posting some super-tame stuff about Japan. Of course this wasn’t seen as “sensitive” enough to appease Korean racism so people went off. In the meantime Twice success continued to soar. Yes Tzuyugate had more impact, but note that I said “craziest”, not “biggest”.
Blackpink make some inroads into western markets that 2NE1 never did – CORRECT. The group smashed various YouTube records including highest premiere views and the first k-pop group with over a billion views, and not only that, they played a show for Kpopalypse! 2NE1 could never.
BTS’s continual rise forces more reluctant western engagement with k-pop than ever – CORRECT. BTS are now officially huge as a motherfucker, and of course bearing the brunt of backlash all over the place, which is great because it means than an actually good group doesn’t have to deal with any of that.
IU gets realer than ever before – CORRECT. IU was such hot controversy bait in 2019 that she managed to attract hate even for donating to a charity, hate that was so extreme that the charity itself actually stepped in and felt they had to defend her.
The sexy comes back to k-pop – CORRECT. People have been struggling to define it for years, but in 2019 we finally learned what a “Girl Crush” concept really is.
T-ara group comeback – INCORRECT. Boram was just fucking with us. I guess my ESP powers don’t work that well when confronted with the master.
San E rethinks rap – CORRECT. After getting into shit a second time over his ham-fisted primary-school-grade use of irony, San E had a mercifully quiet year. He could have stayed in that dungeon, waxing JYP’s pants, and he would have made exactly the same amount of songs, plus felt the need to apologise less.
Loona do well – CORRECT. Loona didn’t do much on the musical front, but they didn’t have to – a spectactular American reception, lots of covers and some high-profile media attention kept them on top in all the ways that actually matter for a k-pop group.
Pristin don’t do much – CORRECT. After doing sweet fuck all for the past year, Pristin finally collapsed.
The Great Satan of k-pop websites tries something else – INCORRECT. Actually the site hasn’t changed at all in the last 12 months since becoming a revenge-porn friendly version of Reddit/kpop that supposedly oh-so-woke k-pop fans continue to visit anyway, but they did earn themselves a Kpopalypse boycott extension!
More readers grateful that Kpopalypse doesn’t have ads or a paywall (unlike many other inferior k-pop sites) decide to donate to the Kpopalypse Patreon – CORRECT. Kpopalypse Patreon donations from only the most loyal caonimas actually nearly hit the triple digits for a reasonable amount of time this year, allowing the site funds to diversify in many new and unusual ways, including regular podcasts, livestreaming, software development and robot creation! Thank you kindly to all Kpopalypse readers who chose to donate and make these new directions possible!
KARD finally have a feature track that isn’t tropical shithouse – CORRECT. Unthinkable just a year ago, KARD decided to actually do something different for a fucking change. Pity it wasn’t exactly “good different” but any step away from the trop-slop for KARD is still a step in the right direction.
Another celeb does Kpopalypse interview – CORRECT. Oli London, the man who made international headlines for his desire to look like BTS’s Jimin, consented to Kpopalypse Interview, and it was a pleasure to talk to him! If only more celebrities had his courage and desire to reach out and share trufax!
Caonimas take action – CORRECT. From making professional-looking video lists of Kpopalypse favourite songs, to transcribing lengthy podcasts word for word, Kpopalypse is continually amazed at the dedication of caonimas!
Kpopalypse gets an offer that he can’t refuse (and refuses anyway) – CORRECT, in fact right now I’m tracking at about one of these per week.
Kpopalypse continues to annoy the fuck out of everyone in 2019 – CORRECT. Annoyance due to Kpopalypse content has now increased to such extreme levels, despite the content of the site not actually really changing that much since about 2014, that Kpopalypse is now virtually shadowbanned across the entire k-pop Internet and almost all social networking sites! Rest assured that Kpopalypse blog continues on, still popular, still strong and as determined as ever to bring you entertainment and trufax!
So as usual Kpopalypse predictions were mostly correct thanks to SUPER BORAM ESP – James Randi lick my nuts! Now it’s time to see what Kpopalypse forsees for 2020! Super Boram ESP powers are now activated!
KPOPALYPSE’S PREDICTIONS FOR 2020
The wheels start to come off BTS – the boys start cracking under the immense pressure of being the world’s biggest k-pop (and the west will continually remind everyone that they ARE a k-pop). It’s going to get tougher and tougher until something finally gives – don’t expect all seven members of the group to get through the next twelve months in the same state they started it in.
Twice also take a hit – the songs will remain generally good but the star that burns the brightest only burns for half as long. Expect some issues.
Blackpink remain huge – Blackpink’s 2020 activity is going to make their success up until now look relatively modest. Just as well for YG, who will struggle elsewhere.
More drug busts – oppar is high as shit.
Netizens get pwned – part of the fallout from the string of tragic indicents in 2019 is that the shackles start tightening on Korean Internet culture, as perception of Korea’s netizens changes forever.
K-pop gets weirdly political – the ever-rising profile of k-pop means that you can expect to see your k-pop faves turn up in some unusual and unprecedented places.
Your faves remain “problematic” – the cultural awareness that k-pop fans crave their idols to obtain definitely does not manifest in much more than a tiny minority.
Han Seo Hee stays relevant – notice how when some shit goes down, she just sort of keeps “turning up”? Expect her fondly.
SNSD members/ex-members get real – the mask comes off.
“The big three” face a new challenge – BigHit was one thing, this is something else.
Nobody can drive – what the fuck. Seriously just take the fucking subway to schedules, boys and girls.
Momoland struggle – with reduced members it’s tough for this group to stay relevant – Jooe can’t do all the work.
Loona come back strong – remember that rumoured ballad album that Loona mastermind Jaden Jeong threw in the trash? You’ll be glad he quality-controlled that nonsense into the bin when you see what Loona end up doing instead.
Monsta X maintain – losing their fapper-in-chief was a tough blow that will see many wonder if they can continue, but the group recover well with renewed energy… and more faps!
Yua Mikami busts out – get ready for more action from the Honey Popcorn leader and Kpopalypse bias favourite.
More controversy hits the blogosphere – will it be Kpopalypse, or someone else this time? Actually it’ll probably just be me again.
Kpopalypse continues to irritate the fuck out of anybody and everybody he can in 2020 – you can bet on it.
That’s all the predictions for the next 12 months – expect them fondly! My final prediction is that Kpopalypse will return soon with more posts!