It’s time for Kpopalypse roundup!  Let’s take a look at some new releases!

Day6 – Sweet Chaos

Not much of a song really but it’s good to hear Day6 increasingly rocking out with each new comeback.  Fuck ballads.  Fuck them in the ass.

Sunny Hill – NomNomNom

Sunny Hill have been useless ever since the male member who was the brains behind their best songs left the group.  This new song doesn’t change that, even though it’s better than just about everything else they’ve done lately it’s still a pale shadow of what they once were.

Nu’est – Love Me

Not much happening here, typical boy pop stuff.

Nu’est – Stay Up All Night

Nu’est’s other song is a hell of a lot better than the feature track.

TVXQ! – Hot Sauce

You know what it’s like when you build up a bit of a chilli tolerance from years of eating hot food and then you can barely taste the spice in supposedly “spicy” generic fast food, that’s what this is like but the musical version.

Monsta X – Find You

So musically boring that the video director didn’t mind interrupting it with all those drama scenes.

Winner – Soso

Accurate song title of the week.

Musky – Fire

If they kept with the opening feel and didn’t go that Latin bullshit in the chorus that would have been appreciated.

TXT – Run Away

Actually really good and better than every song that both TXT and BTS have put out recently, which isn’t much of achievement really.

TXT – Angel Or Devil

Like Nu’est, TXT have a shit song this week too, but fortunately their agency was smart enough not to make it the feature track this time.

Youngjae – Forever Love

Hey look here’s a song that actually has a musical buildup and then a payoff!  See, it IS possible folks, you don’t have to shit the bed with stupid half-time drops instead of a proper chorus.

Ariaz – Moonlight Aria

Basically Loona’s “Butterfly” if a slightly poorer country’s military industrial complex was funding it.

Bz-Boys – Yessir

The nugus are still working the tropical house sound, fortunately few other people are at this point but I guess I can tolerate this for a while until the fad eventually completely peters out to nothing.

CIX – My New World

Doesn’t sound very new, just the usual half-tempo nonsense.

ONF – All Day

It’s alright, but they’ve had better.

VAV – Poison

Well it’s very pretty so that’s nice.

Roca – You Never Know

There are some things that the world is better off not knowing.

AleXa – Bomb

Blade Runner might seem kind of mean and dystopian but after watching this I’m thinking that deactivating all the replicants once they land on Earth before they make stupid k-pop videos is just good foresight.

Jackson Wang – Dway!

Look at those two girls at the end holding the door open for them.  You can see their smiles even through the camera blur, they couldn’t be happier that Jackson is finally fucking off out of the building.

Jackson Wang ft. Rich Brian – Titanic

Drowning rappers, what a great idea!  Rich Brian will be sorry he shaved off that mullet, someone could have fished him out of the water with it.

Jackson Wang – On The Rocks

He couldn’t even be bothered with a proper video for this one, so I couldn’t be bothered with a proper review either.

ICU – Cupid

It’s a good try but some really weird instrumental choices for the material really mess this one up.  Also the guitar solo at the very end is at about 3dB, what’s up with that.

Bada – Off The Record

This song is fucking shit and it sounds like the keyboardist and bass player are trying to save it frantically by just playing random notes in short bursts, the effort is appreciated but the suckitude of S.E.S is too strong.

Jung Jinhyeong – Addict

This song is a perfect accompaniment for the video’s disjointed, messy, ugly images of nothing.

Jung Jinhyeong ft. Sik-K – Drug=love

Whoever makes this guy’s videos just loves fucking around with stupid video effects, but at least he’s better at it than the songwriter.

Jung Jinhyeong ft. Ryan Hemsworth – Emergency

Yeah what a waste of my time.

Bewhy ft. C Jamm – Transcend

Bewhy is sure having an unusual year, this song is not sure whether it wants to be the usual yolo crap or an 80s lounge ballad.

No Brain – No Brainger

I’m glad that No Brain exist because god knows Korea needs some more punk bands, but I’ve gotta be honest and say that they don’t really have anything all that great in their repertoire.  It’s just as well they’re a big fish in a small pond, if they were dropped into the sea of American punk bands that sound just like this nobody would notice them.

MC Mong ft. Song Ga In, Chancellor – Fame

It’s not completely un-catchy, but then neither is herpes.

myunDo, Choi Seo Hyun – House Party

When you hear that Autotuned “yuh” with the echo at 0:12 all hope for this song to be anything other than total garbage instantly vanishes.

Vic Mars – I’m So Fine

Any song that you can perform completely on the couch isn’t good enough.

Hedy – Rolling Stone

I had to go to hospital last week for kidney stones and this video is giving me flashbacks with that CGIed stone thing and now my urethra hurts.

e_so – Us

Someone turned Beethoven’s Moonlight Sonata into a boring k-pop ballad, aren’t we fortunate.

Lee Na Kyeum ft. Kayon – Brazen

If only it was actually brazen enough to not be the same brassy R&B nonsense that Mamamoo can’t get right either.

Henry ft. Rocoberry – Don’t Forget

Contrary to popular belief, Rick Astley wasn’t actually a one-hit wonder in the 80s, but rather an “pop idol” who had a string of hits for a while.  That is, until he started dropping shit ballads like this.  As Korea’s Rick Astley, Henry has a responsibility to be better than this.

Flying Bottles – Jimi Talk

Oh wow this is terrible and the classic rock references are cringe central.

Car, The Garden – Dreamed A Dream

Probably the best piece of crap song this shitty one-man-band has ever done.

Aivan – Knotted Wings

They wanted to use a cassette walkman to be all retro but they couldn’t find a working one so when she hits play the tape doesn’t spin, then she has to keep her thumb over the tape cover window so we don’t notice.  The price of trendy bullshit is integrity, and a mocking in Kpopalypse roundup!

Cacophony – Return

Sometimes this group are good.  Right now is not one of those times.

Park Gyeongtae – For You

Just another generic ballad.

Navid – Why Does It Hurt So Bad

It hurts because you won’t fucking stop singing.

The Plastic Girl – Cats Like Rats Like Cheese

I was hoping for something different and cool but this is kinda rambling and useless, like a random jam session that someone pressed record on just in case something good came out of it (it didn’t).

Blue Lamb – Old Tune

Some people are worrying about me potentially “encouraging” that German Nayeon fan by possibly interviewing him, but he’s already gone hugely viral in Korea so I’m pretty sure that whatever’s going to happen there is going to happen anyway, regardless of what we talk about.  What I feel far more guilty about is covering IU’s “Peach” last week and potentially encouraging more lame acoustic ballads like this.  The problematic things we bloggers do.

Baek Sunnyeo – Parting

“That bamboo-flanked wooden walkway” is another popular nugu location that needs to be added to the list for people making compilations of these things.

Broken Fingers – Just For Tonight

Are you bored yet?

HighSoul ft. KissN – To The Moon

Everyone gets all upset about Ailee or whoever, but the day that Highsoul stopped being thicc was my most devastating k-pop weight loss moment.

Gull Gang – On And On

Too much gull, not enough gang.

McKay – It’s You

I wonder if token white girls in k-pop videos get paid more, less or the same as token Korean girls.  Just a thought for all you Internet racists out there to go and investigate.

Kim Shin Ill – Lover

I just feel sorry for this guy, he looks like he regrets being 20 years too old to be a trendy dickhead.  He should be counting his blessings.

We Are The Night – Yawn

If your band is called “We Are The Night” and you don’t sound at least as heavy as Darkthrone’s second album, you’re doing it wrong.

Pinkmoon ft. Suzanne – Stargate

Low effort videos usually indicate low effort music.  I should just ban them from roundup completely.

Jake Pains – New Grizzle

Apparently he’s a British ex-pat who has been on some TV shows or something?  Anyway this sounds just like the guys who rap in the mall where I live, who are alright at putting random rhyming words together but not that great at making anyone else care about it.

Dami Im – Crying Underwater

Did you know that if you go into an Australian CD store like JB Hi-Fi, Dami Im is the only Korean artist that they even have in the popular music section?  She’s definitely not using her powers for good.  Although I do want to have a conversation with whoever talked her into the idea of rolling around in the mud with a tight dress on, because I feel that he’s possibly got some social skills that I’m lacking.

BONUS RANDOM VIDEO OF THE WEEK

K-pop Random Dance Game In China

Not completely sure what’s happening here, but it’s interesting – and maybe just a little scary – to see how many people know the dances to different k-pop songs.  Maybe the person who is in the most dances wins something nice, like they get the surveillance cameras on their block turned off for a week or something.

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That’s all for this post – Kpopalypse roundup will return next week!