Help for k-pop websites who don’t know exactly what to write about Sulli

Sulli’s death is a big thing in the news right now.  Tragic, right?  Of course we’re all very upset about this horrible incident, me included.  Having lost several friends and even a partner to suicide, the issue is quite close to my heart.  However finding exactly the right thing to write about someone’s suicide on a k-pop website is hard.  Kpopalypse is here to give website owners a hand so they can maximise their web traffic heartfelt and entirely appropriate feelings of mourning during this awful time.

Look at this picture of Sulli.  One image is worth a thousand clicks.

Firstly, here’s an example of how NOT to do it.

Here’s the header of an article on truthful k-pop news journalism site Asian Junkie.  It’s quite respectful and straightforward, and very trufaxual – but it’s also rather plain and isn’t liable to generate the web traffic needed sense of sincere and sorrowful mourning required.  Also, most importantly, there’s only just one of these articles on Asian Junkie, which isn’t enough really.  If you want to show everyone just how much you care about clicks, you need to write several articles, in fact the more the better.  More articles means that you care about traffic more.

Koreaboo a.k.a “The Buzzfeed Of K-pop” obviously care way more about feelings of generating clicks to line their pockets than Asian Junkie, he certainly could learn a lot from Koreaboo, and probably so could you.  Let’s take a look at how Koreaboo has been maximising their opportunities for reflection like the reflections of shiny coins in a pile, or gold bullion, or the water in the ocean as it is being parted by their new yacht.

All images below link to the actual Koreaboo articles so please do your part by clicking and following the links to help Koreaboo’s writers achieve their all-important KPIs and gasp in horror as you ponder how shitty k-pop media has become.

First, be sure to post a “teaser” article before any hard information is actually confirmed.  K-pop fans sure love their teasers!

You better believe it.

While waiting for confirmation and an official statement – why not a second teaser for good measure?  The “teaser cycle” of k-pop comebacks has been getting longer and longer these days, so why not with k-pop news articles too?

Eventually you’ll have to come clean with the full-length feature though.

Don’t forget the B-sides!  This article contains the newsworthy revelation that just before Sulli died, she was alive.

Are you upset that Sulli is now dead?  So is another person.

This person is also upset.

And these people.

It’s almost like a whole bunch of people in Korean entertainment, and their fans, are all really upset about this.  Make sure that you’re there to tell people this news with helpful and informative articles.  You can spread this crucial information out over as many articles as you like!

Even if someone has left a grieving message and you’ve already covered it with an article, if that same person then leaves a second message, you can now write a whole new fresh article!  Remember each new article about a celebrity in mourning helps greatly with web traffic the healing process!

Remember also that each new statement from companies or the authorities is worth one article.

The above article is about how there was a memo at the scene of the death and the contents of that memo are totally nobody’s fucking business.  The lesson here is that even police telling nosy journalists to fuck off and stop milking the tragic situation for information to make articles out of, is still worthy of an article.

Here’s another article where the statement is “mind your own fucking business”.  Can’t get that private information?  Doesn’t matter – article time!

Of course if some ratbag journalist on a quest for high-clickrate article content leaks that private information, you can write about that, too!  Of course, don’t actually share the private information – that would be immoral – just tell people it’s out there so they can go looking for themselves.

If celebrities want to attend grieving events, be sure to cover this too!  One celebrity going somewhere to mourn = one article.

Sulli apparently planned to do something before she died, but didn’t.  That’s worth an article.

The reaction of the people that doing the thing would have affected is also worth an article.

Unlike Sulli, Taeyeon hasn’t killed herself.  What a relief!  Stay strong, Taeyeon!  Better write an article, just in case.

Since we’ve learned absolutely nothing from Sulli’s death, we still haven’t learned to completely ignore what random idiots say on the Internet.  That’s a shame – but it’s also article-worthy.

There’s no limit to the amount of articles you can make about “malicious comments”, as there’s thousands of them per day.  There’s so much important human interest and potential advertiser clicks in it, that some entire sites, that’s all they do!

In fact “malicious comments” are so popular now, that you can even run a whole TV show with them!  That is, assuming your host doesn’t suicide in complete despair.

If someone says something really hurtful and irresponsible, just ignore it because they’re idiots…. just kidding!  Instead, make an article highlighting the situation and give the hate comment and any reaction as much international exposure as possible.

Oh and here’s the public memorial details so you can express your condolences, just in case expressing them through reading Koreaboo isn’t working out for you.  Not sure why that would be.

Oh look, the hate comment show that Sulli was hosting decided to stop producing content out of respect for Sulli.  Wait, did someone say “producing content” and “Sulli” in the same sentence?

Don’t you want to know all about what the police find when they dissect Sulli’s corpse?  You can write one article when the police ask for an autopsy…

…a second article when the police get the approval to perform the autopsy…

…and a third article when the results come in!  Spoiler alert: it was a suicide.

Oh and speaking of revelations, did you know that before Sulli committed suicide, she was sad?  Thanks Koreaboo for this helpful article.

However even though Koreaboo have so far milked 20 articles per day about Sulli’s death, they don’t want YOU to get too sad while reading.  That’s why they have this self-harm prevention text shoehorned at the bottom of every Sulli-related article, complete with an American phone number because as we all know, all k-pop fans live in America.  Make sure you get some help and talk to people if you’re feeling down.  Hopefully this post’s dark humour hasn’t gotten you too depressed about the state of the world, hopefully certain websites will reflect and return with a more mature image next time there’s a tragedy like this, and Kpopalypse will return with more posts soon!

10 thoughts on “Help for k-pop websites who don’t know exactly what to write about Sulli

  1. Thank you for this.

    On a timeline saturated with disguised clickbait and hypocrisy, this take was a little breath of fresh air.

    All I could think about was how you’re having to essentially handle this the same way you did Jonghyun’s death, which means nothing’s changed since then and probably won’t for a long time.

    People suck.

  2. “Rum Pum Pum Pum” was the first f(x) song I ever heard. When I watched the music video, I already knew that Sulli was going to be my favourite member. Rest In Peace, Choi Jin-ri. I don’t know what happens in the afterlife, but wherever you are, I hope you’re happy, and that nobody is hurting you anymore.

  3. Pingback: The K-Pop journalism we’re not getting | My Other Blog

  4. I made the below post elsewhere. I think people missed the point of what I was saying. I wasn’t condoning bullying or suggesting apathy. The gist of what I wrote is that if anyone is going to do anything that will involve receiving feedback from others (e.g., become a celebrity, etc.) then they need to be better educated/prepared for what’s ahead of them. The world can be a shit-show so if you’re going to stand on one of it’s stages, then you need to realize that shit sometimes contains nuts.

    As far as some websites being only click bait bottom-feeders, I have a bottom they can feed from. Bon appétit; please remember to remove the spoon when you’re done.

    — Original post follows: —

    The biggest question that follows a tragedy like this is “Why?” People need to understand things in order to come to terms with them. However, no one will be able to fully understand Sulli’s “Why”. It’s not possible. So in the absence of understanding why she did this, we need to shift our focus to certain truths.

    1. Vulnerable people are lambs for slaughter. If your personal happiness is dependent on other people then you are empowering everyone else to ensure your own survival. As the size of that crowd increases, so increases the danger. As the crowd grows further, you now have to meet the increasingly difficult demand of universal acceptance. This means casting off concepts of individuality. No quirks. No “I do what I want.” thinking. You are a puppet to the whims of your followers. Gain ground with some, lose ground with others. The ground you lose will be populated with unkind words.

    2. Words are weapons. They cut and stab yet leave no visible bruising or bleeding. They leave scars that never fully heal. They cause pain that never fully fades. If any individual is bombarded on a daily basis with the amount of vitriol that Sulli endured, they will break. This isn’t a maybe, it’s an eventuality.

    3. You can’t stop people from using words as weapons. Anti-bullying campaigns won’t completely stop them. Retaliation won’t silence them. Reason won’t cure them. Just as people receiving weaponized sentiments are damaged, so are the people using them on others. They, too, are broken. They fail to possess key certain desirable elements of humanity, whether by cause or consequence.

    4. People will hurt people. When any individual feels that they are separated from society, then the rules of that society will no longer apply to them. Concepts such as consideration, courtesy, compassion, empathy, etc. no longer apply. The loss of these qualities was not a choice, it was an unconscious consequence. These individuals don’t know how to be thoughtful of others because those circuits were burned out long ago.

    5. People are social animals. We can’t completely separate from one another. Absolute solitude will result in insanity. Even if you are an individual that feels cutoff from society, you will be inextricably draw to it. This is a recipe for disaster for everyone involved because it will unite the damaged (abusers and victims alike). This will happen. It won’t stop. It is concrete.

    The problem is a paradox. If you can’t stop people from using words with malice, and you can’t stop people from being hurt by those words, and you can’t stop these two trains from colliding, then.. ..what? There isn’t an itemized checklist for a cure, because it doesn’t exist. The problem is that all people will not realize which camp they’ll be in until it’s too late. Once you’re the bully or the victim (or both), change seems impossible in that moment.

    I’m not going to delve into the intricacies of human psychology (even though it’s equally a marvel and a nightmare). Analyzing the trifecta of id/ego/superego is maddening in and of itself. Approaching the bully phenomenon from logic, reason, common sense, or science isn’t the answer. So what then?

    Here’s where I’m suppose to drop some super enlightened epiphany that makes you feel good after having read through all of this. I’m sorry, but I can’t offer you that. Maybe we all just need to understand that the truths I listed above are real. That is part of life. That is what we all need to accept and if each one of us does, then it might lessen some of the harshness of existing in a world where those truths also exist.

    In an attempt to reduce the burdensome seriousness of everything I just wrote, I’ll leave you with the best possible philosophy to move forward with…

    “Be Excellent to Each Other” ~ Abraham Lincoln – Bill and Ted’s Excellent Adventure (1989)

    • It’s easy to say that someone shouldn’t be a celebrity if they don’t have thick skin but… a lot of them start as young kids and are pushed into it by their parents. Sulli was in fourth grade when she joined SM. It’s hard to just walk away later in your career if you are successful. Child stars usually have less education and it’s the only life they have ever known.

      I had a movie role at age 6 and of course it was really fun for a kid and I wanted to continue acting. My mother knew the dark side of Hollywood and wouldn’t let me pursue it. I am really grateful for it now after seeing the stuff hitting the news about Weinstein, etc. where even the toughest seeming actresses are getting spit on and sexually assaulted.
      I am assuming Korea is just as bad with what we know about suspicious suicides like Jang Jayeon and sexual favors in the idol industry.

      Very few people are able to drop their whole life and start over.

      • TL;DR: People can’t be trusted to care for other people. Unless everyone is being constantly supervised to ensure that they are doing the right thing, then people will do the wrong thing for bad reasons. But then, who watches the watchers?

        You brought up a very good point; specifically, the ability of the victim to avoid the abuser. I didn’t really offer any remedy other than suggest that sensitive individuals should avoid thrusting themselves into the spotlight in the first place. The main point I was trying to make is that people need to know that social reaction/feedback will be infested with hate and animus. If someone is better mentally prepared for this reality, then it won’t remove the problem but it might mitigate some damage.

        Then there are your two excellent points. The first involving the vulnerability of children. The second involving the inability to escape due to contractual obligation.

        On the first part, children, you’re right. You can’t expect children to absorb the logic I applied in my original post. That’s where parents, legal guardians, stewards, etc. come into play. Sadly, children receive little or no proper supervision in the industry. If a child seems to be enduring well, they’re labelled precocious; when in truth, they’re just internalizing everything into a Gordian knot of confusion. If a child buckles under the pressure, they’re labelled as “not cut out for this line of work”; in other words, it’s the child’s fault, not the fault of the people that were suppose to be watching them.

        Solution? The industry REALLY needs to take the vulnerability of performers serious. If they won’t do so because “it’s the right thing to do” {cough}, then they need to be forced to comply with strict and unwavering regulations.

        On your second point, inescapability, you’re right again. Some children are pushed into the industry. Others are lured with fantasies of fame, wealth, adoration, etc.. Some are genuinely gifted performers following the only path that makes sense to them. Regardless of what placed them in the industry, where is the flight attendant to point out the emergency exits? Again, there isn’t one. Once contracts are signed, schedules are drawn up, and the set is dressed, “The show must go on!”. If an individual starts to cave due to pressure or weakened physical/mental faculties, then they told to endure it and continue on. But what happens when the damage becomes severe?

        NOTE: This is where we flip back to the harsh truth that people can be animals. Hell, that’s an insult to animals because there’s no malice in the intent of animals. People become.. ..people; some are good, some are just skin sacks full of excrement. When a performer starts to falter, they very rarely get any true compassion other than from fellow performers. They’ll get virtually none from the industry itself.

        The first innate response that kicks in when someone feels threatened is “fight or flight”. Individuals (particularly children/teens) can’t fight against elders/management/authority; especially in a culture like South Korea. As far as flight, they can’t run either. Thanks to contracts, financial indebtedness and/or other pressures such as familial duty, they feel trapped. So what now? More strictly enforced regulation and laws?

        Look, the truth is that this world really is thickly laced minefield of hurt. That is not a secret to adults or those in power. They know what these performers are facing. That is why it hurts to see children and vulnerable teens being blindfolded and dragged through that field while being told “keep your fingers crossed”. Each one of us has the power to do the right thing but many of us won’t.

        As individuals we are coded to be selfish and self-serving because “if you don’t love yourself, you can’t love others”, but that self love can easily twist into “screw everyone else, I’m getting what’s mine”. As this world has become more interconnected through technology, we’ve each actually withdrawn more into ourselves and our own needs. As each person becomes part of a larger crowd, they begin to lose their sense of self (individuality); which harms that person. To offset this, they become more self-serving and less concerned about how the other person is doing; which harms others.

        Everyone wants a solution to the problem. The problem is that this is a result of flawed people interacting with other flawed people. Everyone needs a babysitter. The babysitters need babysitters. The problem is people. That’s the harsh yin and yang of reality.

        Sorry to end this on a sour note. In closing, please reread the only two points that adequately address this issue. Specifically, my original “TL;DR” and the “NOTE:” (above).

  5. I wish she never had to see those hate comments… I wish she never had sns…
    I never saw anything wrong with her performance or whatever she did. People were so nitpicky when she hurt nobody. There is nothing wrong being different and being tired.

    RIP, Sulli. 😦
    Always love your smile

  6. Twitter is far worse, you have to see the toxic that are there everyone on twitter is putting sulli’s name in they profile but never gave a fuck about her and offend everyone who thinks different from then and milky sulli’s passing away to fit their narrative, they even posted some kpop fancam under sulli’s articule. Also, netizen buzz too , the site and users always posted hate comments about everyone, esp sulli and now they’re come with all the positivity and fake support but in few weeks they will find a new target.
    I got into sulli in eletric shook era and been stanning her since then, i’m still processing that she passed away, it don’t even feel real, she will never be forget.

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