Kpopalypse answers: things to do with kpop photobooks

Every day many people search the Internet and find themselves on Kpopalypse blog as a result. I receive daily summaries of all Internet searches that direct people to through my website’s sneaky stats-collection machine, which tells me what the Internet is really concerned about underneath the surface. While most of these results are predictable, sometimes a query comes through that is just so unique and compelling that I have to address it:

In this post, Kpopalypse explores the question – things to do with kpop photobooks!

What things can we do with kpop photobooks?  Let’s take a look at a k-pop photobook to see what we can do with it.

Fig. 1 – a k-pop photobook

For this post we’ll use f(x)’s “Pink Tape” as an example photobook, but I could have in fact used any photobook at all.  “Pink Tape” has been used here because it is a photobook of a fairly high quality which contains many of the common packaging elements that are used frequently in these type of products.

Let’s look at all the elements which come packaged with “Pink Tape”:

Fig. 2 – a k-pop photobook (all elements separated)

The elements of a high-production k-pop photobook generally are:

  1. An outer protective cover of some type
  2. A booklet containing high-quality glossy photos
  3. A laminated photocard (not the one you wanted)
  4. Some flyer for some dicksucking promotional bullshit
  5. A tray that holds a compact disc
  6. A compact disc

Note that these elements are subject to some variation depending on the product purchased, the agency that released the product, and their stinginess factor.

The outer protective cover

Fig. 3 – the outer protective cover

Many good quality k-pop photobooks come with some kind of protective cover or sleeve.  These covers unfortunately make the package a chore to open, but also have the function of preserving your purchase in pristine condition – if you choose to never open it.  If you are opening your photobook a lot, the friction caused by the outer protective cover sliding over the rest of your photobook is very likely to cause damage, so it’s a fairly useless object for its intended purpose.  Note that any outer protective cover is most likely going to be hollow.

Fig.4 – the outer protective cover, viewed from an angle that demonstrates its hollowness

Due to this fact, the outer protective cover is very good for looking at cats.

Fig. 5 – looking at cats through the outer protective cover (horizontal orientation)

Cats can be observed through many different angles via the outer protective cover, thereby making it a useful object for this purpose.

Fig. 6 – looking at cats through the outer protective cover (vertical orientation)

Why not try looking at some cats through a k-pop photobook outer protective cover today?

The booklet

Fig. 7 – the booket

The booklet of a k-pop photobook contains all the photos of k-pop idols, plus also some words here and there.

Fig. 8 – a picture and some words, inside the booklet

Generally speaking, these photos are either too Photoshopped or just too “artsy” and cringe to be of any use for fapping purposes.  However there are still several other uses for these photos.  It’s not well known, but most k-pop booklets are actually designed with perforations where the pages meet the spine, so that the pages can be torn away easily.

Fig. 9 – note perforations on right side, to assist in page removal

The resulting detached pages can then be put to all sorts of fun uses, such as making realistic and practical modern aircraft replicas.  Why not explore Japanese culture and help repair the rift between Korean and Japanese relations, with some origami folding?

Fig. 9b – aircraft stage 1

Begin with a horizontal fold lengthways across the page.

Fig. 9c – aircraft stage 2

Then fold the non-perforated end on two 45-degree angles, so they meet in the middle by the first fold.

Fig. 9d – aircraft stage 3

Fold the upper corner of the non-perforated edge over again, so they meet by the first fold a second time.

Fig. 9e – aircraft stage 4

Make two reverse folds lengthways near to and an equal distance from the first fold.

Fig. 9f – aircraft stage 5 – complete

Straighten the folds to approximate 90 degree angles, and for extra aerodynamics, add an extra angled fold on the top and bottom edges, which will ensure smooth flight.

If the plane flies with too much or not enough lift, airfoils can but cut into the perforated edges and adjusted to suit.  Have fun and fly safely!

The laminated photocard (not the one you wanted)

Fig. 10 – a laminated photocard (not the one you wanted)

If only you could choose which photocard was in a k-pop photobook!  Sadly you cannot, therefore many people are lumbered with photocards that they do not need or want.  However there are uses for these unwanted photocards.

Fig. 11 – fine powdered material separated into distinct lines with the use of a laminated photocard (not the one you wanted)

A laminated photocard (not the one you wanted) works better than bankcards for separating powdered material into fine quantities, by virtue of having sharper edges, demonstrated above with potato starch, a key ingredient in making crispy and delicious Korean fried chicken.  They also are more flexible than bankcards for jimmying open a door when you have locked yourself outside of your house.

Fig. 12 – opening a locked door with a laminated photocard (not the one you wanted)

Inserting the laminated photocard (not the one you wanted) slightly above the lock, then sliding downward and applying pressure on the card against the latch inside the door frame can open many cheaper locks and save money on costly locksmith fees.  Please practice these tips responsibly!

Some flyer for some dicksucking promotional bullshit

Fig. 13 – some flyer for some dicksucking promotional bullshit

Look at this fucking shit.  Can this bullshit just fuck off already.

Fig. 14 – seriously what the fuck is this shit

Nobody wants this fucking asspaper.  Mind you it’s not even that useful as asspaper because the plastic coated surface of these promotional cunt-flaps does not make a sufficiently absorbent substitute for toilet paper.

Fig. 15 – toilet roll usage (not recommended)

Even my cat, who loves playing with the most incidental of objects, didn’t want to know about SM’s latest ass-chafing promotional fucking bullshit.

Kitty has good taste.

The tray that holds the compact disc

Fig. 16 – a rubberised foam compact disc tray

Almost all photobooks come with a strange and completely superfluous object called a compact disc, plus some kind of rubberised foam holding mechanism.  The holding mechanisms, unlike the promotional flyer bullshit rectum-felching assfucking shit, actually make really good kitty toys.

Just one rubberised compact disc tray is hours of fun for kitty.  For extra entertainment, spray with catnip.

The compact disc

Fig. 17 – a compact disc

Throw this out.  Useless.

That’s all for this post!  Hopefully this has explained to all readers about all the wonderful things to do with kpop photobooks!

8 thoughts on “Kpopalypse answers: things to do with kpop photobooks

    • Using BTS or NCT would mean I’d have to buy one of their shitty albums though, which their fans would be happy about because it’d be another Gaon sale or whatever. So any trolling would backfire. It’s not about the specific album anyway, they’re all equally worthless.

  1. I’ve actually been having some good luck with photocards as of late. I recently bought AOA’s 2 Japanese albums, and I got photocards of Jimin and Choa (my 2 biases).

  2. Not to quibble about the Pink Tape album music quality, but I still feel it’s the best complete kpop album ever. Whole blogs have been written about all the songs, suffice to say, they make good listens, from a stellar F(x) creative period.

    • I love Pink Tape, and while I do agree that it’s probably the most cohesive K-pop album, my personal favourite Korean-language album is Sistar’s So Cool. Starship Entertainment did us all a favour by essentially making a compilation of their earlier singles and b-sides, and then adding 4 new tracks, including the addictive “So Cool”. Brave Brothers gets a lot of praise for his work with AOA, but I seem to be one of the few people who still remembers the excellent songs he made for Sistar. The only crime with the So Cool album was that it was never reissued with “Hot Place”.

  3. Very edumacational article! Why didn’t i already know wtf is a woowa tinashe and why have i never heard of rectum-felching with promotional flyers?

    Probably related : when i’ve received an photobook with one of those weird CD things via makestar there’s no advertising nonsense and generally get to choose who to feature on photocard/polaroid/usb card/handwritten thanks/blah. Of course you pay a premium for avoiding the advertiser, and its still bullshit… but overall, less point of complaining.

    Less related : your plane launch vid could have benefited with a few seconds of “Airplane”. But I’m guessing you thought of that and probably the editing would double the effort in making this post 🙂

Comments are closed.