It’s time for Kpopalypse roundup! Let’s check out some new releases!
Tiffany Young – Magnetic Moon
Well it’s definitely the best song she’s had since leaving Korea, but it’s still pretty average. Don’t be surprised if you like it just because it’s got her name on it and it’s listenable, two things that haven’t been in the same room recently.
Ruann – Beep Beep
All the A-listers are completely done and dusted with the tropical bullshit sound so now it’s the nugus picking it up, a bit of a shame because it means we’re going to get super low-quality shit like this for the next couple years.
Red Velvet – Milkshake
This is boring and just makes me miss Orange Caramel.
TRCNG – Missing
Unfortunately it’s the song that’s somewhat missing here.
Voisper & Chaekyung – Lovesome
Yeah this is crap. I’m pretty sure they shopped her in the room with those guys just like that T-ara photobook, and they’ve never even met.
Busters – Pinky Promise
The new Busters is here and it’s a grower, much like the girls themselves in that completely age-inappropriate clothing that we all knew their label would make them wear. Watch all the creepy k-pop fans everywhere desperately pretend that this is an “innocent” concept so they feel more comfortable stanning.
Verivery – Tag Tag Tag
Tag is really just a schoolyard game invented so you can physically assault and ruin the lives of people you don’t like right under the teacher’s nose under the guise of “playing around”. In that context the David Lynch style video interlude is kind of appropriate and makes a lot of sense.
Choi Ye Geun – Virtual World
If Elon Musk is right that we’re living in a simulation, this is the part where we simulate an elevator.
Giriboy – Party Is Over
Indeed it is.
Hongbin & Hyungwon – Cool Love
It’s a bit sad when the soft drink commercial has got better production than all the “look at me I’m so creative and special” stuff this week.
HA:TFELT ft Moonbyul – Happy Now
It’s not too intolerable musically I suppose and at least HA:TFELT looks great, which is a first.
Bang Yongguk – Orange Drive
What is this mumbling fucking bullshit.
Yenjamin – Be French
Holy shit, this guy read my Frenchface post and took it 100% seriously and he’s now going to start a woke anti-Frenchface movement in Korea. Kpopalypse impact.
Gary – Purple Bikini
You’d want as many purple bikinis as possible to distract people from the song quality here.
Yoonmirae – Rose
Isn’t Yoonmirae supposed to be the Korean queen of hip-hop sweg or something? MC Sniper managed to do a touching and moving song about Korean history that also went hard as fuck, so visiting a social issue in lyrics is no excuse for a veteran rapper to foist this ballad crap onto us.
D1ce – Wake Up
Nope I’m still drowsy after this one.
Z-Girls – Streets Of Gold
Are they a k-pop or not, I’m not sure, but it’s actually one of the best songs this week.
Z-boys – Holla Holla
The boy song is also not too bad with a decent enough riff happening. Spend those nerdcoins on that merch, I guess.
Peniel – Fly23
Oh fuck what is this shit.
Yeseo – Hot Hand
I’ve been holding out for a proper music video but at this point I’m not sure if she’s going to bother, so here you go with this crappy “still” version for this actually pretty decent but also slightly annoying song (in its full running length anyway). Knowing my luck with this shit the video now comes out tomorrow.
Davii – Nothing Without You
EDIT: This song impressed me so little that I forgot to put the actual review in.
Eden ft. Heize – Heaven
Someone stop Heize from releasing things until she learns.
Jung In – Deep Love
Well it’s deep something.
Navid – Love Affair
I reckon she’s using a “youth filter” like that Chinese v-logger. You can tell by the way that she looks young and pretty but moves like I would if I had to do a k-pop dance.
Heyday – Sunset
The sun needs to set on this one.
Young Kay ft Wh3n, TangTheAwesome – Time Lapse
While this song is complete crap, obviously, “TangTheAwesome” is a great name for a rapper so props for that.
Doorlesshouse – Nighttime Walk
A doorless house is like a tuneless song.
Weki Meki – Whatever U Want
Some terrible live song where they just threw in a bunch of 8-bit noises to get the neckbeards on board.
Ateez – Aurora
It’s actually kind of smooth and nice, but it needed a better song to go over those textures.
GWSN – All Mine
Another hopeful links some crappy live B-side at me thinking I might consider it anything other than a waste of time. I’d just like to say that I really appreciate the optimism of my reader base.
NCT Dream – Stronger
Yeah, it’s okay. Not good enough to rave about, not bad enough to shit on.
Kalix – Call Up
It’s like some very busy music video production studio got a girl soloist’s video and accidentally dubbed some dude’s crappy rap song over it, and didn’t check before uploading it to YouTube.
OurR – Haaaakkkkkk!
I don’t know what’s up with that song title because there’s no haaaakkkkkking sounds in the song, which is a pity, as it really could have used some.
Se O – View
My search engine for k-pop suddenly feels very optimised.
Bipa ft. Myundo – Bread
Some nice variety with three different beats but unfortunately they’re all crap. Three strikes, you’re out!
Tur-v – Bbaji Go
Crappy Korean humour really falls flat for me and the song in this case isn’t quite good enough to compensate.
My Name Is Red-Haired Anne – I’m Just Me
I don’t even know what this is, really, but it sounds different and looks different and I can kind of dig that.
BONUS RANDOM VIDEO OF THE WEEK
Yooa dancing for 10 hours
That’s all for this week – Kpopalypse roundup returns next week!