Kpopalypse roundup – new k-pop releases 20/5/2019

It’s time for Kpopalypse roundup!  Let’s check out this week’s new releases!

According to Seckskies’ Sunghoon, the fuckin’ dick only goes in the pussy after the beauty pageant is over and the right girl is selected.

NCT 127 – Highway To Heaven

SM must be mad.  Think about them every day looking at the success of BTS and thinking “hang on – why wasn’t this one of our groups?”  If it pushes them to make better songs then I’m fine with it.

Winner – Ah Yeah

YG too.  How salty is YG about BTS, do you think.  He’s probably so bothered that he can’t even get it up when watching underage girls dance anymore.

Weki Meki – Picky Picky

Weki Meki finally have a semi-acceptable song, which is part drum-and-bass, part Bravesound five years ago, and all slightly-above-average.

Kyuhyun – Time With You

Can I call a time-out thanks.

Kyuhyun – Aewol-ri

I know being in the same group as Shindong might predispose you to singing soppy love ballads, but everyone has a limit.

Bibi – Binu

I think “Binu” is the brand of the bubble wrap that comes with the really big bubbles that are really unsatisfying to pop.  Like this song, they just kind of make a soft, sad deflating noise.

Ladies Code – Feedback

Unfortunate as it is, the real elephant in the room for Ladies Code isn’t the fucking lack of seatbelts, it’s the fact that this supposedly “upbeat” song is still a lame duck that only goes at about 60% of the pace of their great early songs as a five-piece.

A.C.E – Under Cover

A.C.E manage to do what a lot of other boy groups haven’t, by having a consistent “go hard” group musical concept – at least so far.  I’m sure the shit R&B is coming eventually.

Bvndit – Dramatic

Nothing all that exciting.  I wonder if they drew straws for the white top.

Ji Dong Kuk – Every Single Lie

I think the biggest lie was when someone told this guy that anybody wanted to hear this.

EXID – Me & You

This is probably the last EXID song with the current lineup so enjoy this underwhelming song with LE rapping in all the wrong places.  If they’d moved the rap into the hard sections and the singing into the soft sections the song would have more dynamic contrast and therefore be better.

Walwari – Oppa Is Cheating

I’m not going to even talk about this one.  Just press play and see what happens.

MC Sniper ft. Rachel Yamagata – Night Flight

Tip for rappers #1 – don’t collaborate with singers.  You don’t need them.  Thank you.

MC Sniper – Elevator

Tip for rappers #2 – don’t try to sing yourself, either.  You just don’t need singing.  Leave it out.  Really, it’ll make the song better.  Trust me.

Standing Egg – Good Night (Healing Song)

Good night to you too.

D End ft. June Tiger – Dear My Thirty

A passable chorus saves it from being complete trash but there’s still plenty of other shit I’d rather listen to.

Davichi – Unspoken Words

I realise not being on MBK is probably better for Davichi themselves but it sucks for the rest of us because now we get one song per year and it sucks twice as much as usual.

Han Damhee – Moonlight Love Song

Should people who don’t like Han Damhee be executed or culturally assimilated.  Discuss.

Nini Blaze – MMWM

The problem with saying nice things about Jvcki Wai is that it only encourages these people and then we get stuff like this.

The Brothers – Tolerance

When I first saw that coat hangar I thought this might be a song about the abortion debate in the USA.  I’m pro-abortion of shitty ballads.

FR:EDEM – BGM

I guess BGM means “background music” which is apt because that’s about all this is fit for.

Onewe – 0&4

They gain points for a keytar but lose them again for that stupid dog-taking-a-piss dance move.

Drunken Tiger – I Love You Too

More R&B/rap hybrids that shouldn’t exist.

LambC – Four Seasons

I guess if you’re making crap seasonal comebacks you might as well make one that can be used every three months instead of twelve.

Klaff – The Dreamer

A lot of rock things that don’t fit together.  Enough of that screaming kids, dinner is served when it’s ready, not before.

Dolii – Goyeol

Eh.

SONGS THAT NOW HAVE PROPER VIDEOS SECTION

NC.A – Awesome Breeze

Okay so they read my complaining last week and made a video for this that NC.A is actually in, that’s great and gosh she sure MRS these days.  Now the only problem is the blonde hair, which doesn’t suit her at all.  Oh, and the song of course.  We’ll know if they’re really listening to me if the next time we see her she’s got dark hair again.

Dreamcatcher – Over The Sky

Okay so this is important.  Who is that thicc girl wearing the suspenders and no tie, how did I not notice THAT before?  Who quit and let her into the group, raising the visual quality of this group by like 500%?  Who do I give my fap award to?  Thanks in advance.

BONUS RANDOM VIDEO OF THE WEEK

2018 Christian Music Video “The True Love of God” Praise Almighty God (Korean Song)

Why do musicians in Christian cults always look a bit “wrong” for live performance, as if their love of their chosen fairy king is the only thing keeping them from looking in the mirror and realising that they’re just a little too ugly to be in a performance industry.  It’s not the flagrant no-apologies kind of ugly that people in punk bands have where they just don’t give a fuck, it’s a quiet ugly, completely lacking in self-confidence and coated with a desperate veneer of “I really need to fit in”.  It makes me feel that it’s a good thing religious cults exist because otherwise what would these people even do with themselves.  Anyway I’m sure you don’t want to watch this entire video but I do recommend you check out the hot Gfriend style dance routine at 2:17 (don’t slip in those white socks on the shiny floorboards girls) and the very intense scene at 1:42 where everyone is reading while standing up – come on folks, take a seat.  Thanks for the person who sent this in on my Curious Cat, although they’re probably not thanking me back.


That’s all for this week’s roundup – more roundup next week!

13 thoughts on “Kpopalypse roundup – new k-pop releases 20/5/2019

  1. That Walwari song is just some chubby cunt making a shit vanity project right? There’s no actual market to be exploited with this song, surely?

  2. Literally my only complaint about Under Cover is that they aren’t wearing hot pants – musically, it’s not only the best male song of the year so far but one of the best ever. (Side note, another song on A.C.E’s most recent mini album is called Do It Like Me, which is unintentionally really good advice for a lot of other boy groups)

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