Although Kpopalypse blog is steadily growing in popularity, less and less people are linking to my site than ever before. Who can blame them? I realise that the lack of referrals is purely because my image has been tarnished by my very troublesome behaviour, and therefore people don’t want to associate themselves with such a problematic person. As I care very much about my image, Kpopalypse is going to be careful in the future by taking the following important steps in avoiding controversy to receive more love from the public.
Step 1: Kpopalypse will not be donating any money to the victims of the recent Korean fires
Don’t get me wrong, I realise that the Korean fires are a very important issue and many people are suffering great hardships. However I wouldn’t want people to think that I was just donating to the fire victims for reasons of tax breaks or other personal gain. As I care very much about my image, I will refrain from donation and instead revert to the time honoured and very effective conservative American tactic of “thoughts and prayers” for the victims and no concrete action of any kind.
Step 2: Kpopalypse will not be having as much fun on livestreams
All livestreams from now on will be very serious business with Kpopalypse using correct posture and being very studious at all times. I wouldn’t want to draw attention to myself by partying and generally having fun so there will definitely be none of that on my livestreams anymore. Don’t worry, most livestream watchers can’t understand my Australian accent anyway so it will probably make no difference.
Step 3: Kpopalypse will not re-enrol to university
Although Kpopalypse is a university graduate, I would not want to be considered as having received special treatment, therefore I will not be re-enrolling at university. Even if the University Of Adelaide were to strip me of my degree I would not protest, as I don’t want to take university places away from scruffy non-celebrity plebians with no job prospects. After all there has to be a loophole in the university system somewhere if I can graduate with high enough marks to receive constant spam email from their Alumni Association.
Step 4: Kpopalypse will not be taking drugs
Drugs are no fun. Drugs endanger the life and happiness of millions. It must stop. We appeal in particular to the youth of today. Stop the madness! There are better things in life than taking drugs and getting fingered in a toilet by Yoochun while Jung Joon Young records it for his group chat with Seungri.
Step 5: Kpopalypse will be editing Kpopalypse out of all Kpopalypse content
There will be no more Kpopalypse in Kpopalypse content. I wouldn’t want to cause problems for anyone with my problematic image, so therefore I have been inspired by Korean variety TV to apply the appropriate CGI edits so that my image meets required standards for publication. From now on my face will be obscured with exciting k-pop related subtitles or decals:
Or painted the same colour as the wall behind it:
Or a more desirable, less problematic person will be substituted:
You’ll never know I was even there!
That’s all for this post – Kpopalypse will return with more posts soon!