It’s time once again for Jpopalypse I mean Kpopalypse roundup! Let’s take a look at this week’s new releases!
Hot Place – TMI
BadKiz with a new name and… well, that’s about it really.
Boy Story – Oh My Gosh
Celebrities in China actually make quite a lot of money but don’t worry kids, JYP is here to crush the new Chinese talent down to Korean economic levels!
KARD – Bomb Bomb
Well if any group needed to fuck off their tired old formula it was KARD, but I can still hear those tropical toot-toots hiding in the background there. They just can’t fully let it go can they. At least they all look great.
Pentagon – Sha La La
Pentagon have a go at redoing one of their average songs from a while back, and to everyone’s surprise it’s average.
Pentagon – Cosmo
Pentagon’s Japanese song that I forgot about is actually way better.
1Team – Vibe
The nugu version of Pentagon isn’t any better though.
Rap Monster- Map Of The Soul: Persona
Says “BTS” on the box but probably only to get clicks, I wonder if they learned that trick from Jeff Benjamin. Anyway this is really a Rap Monster solo song and it’s actually not bad, especially when you consider how awful it could have been. The guy has done trap before, so you can’t trust him.
Block B Bastarz – Help Me
They really do need help to rediscover their debut form, what is this soft shit.
JBJ95 – Awake
Not sure if I was awake during this, I can’t even remember what it sounds like but I couldn’t be fucked pressing play again.
Holland – Nar C
For the first time Holland does something that is actually just kind of fucking average.
Park Jihoon – L.O.V.E
Minho – I’m Home
I’m trying to think up a tasteless joke here but I’m drawing a blank. I really should have added something about Jonghyun to the problematic tweet generator.
Pinkfantasy SHY – 12 O’Clock
That bunny mask continues to just be creepy, and Pinkfantasy continue to not have any good songs.
Heize – No Reason
No reason to click on this.
Heize – She’s Fine
I guess she is “fine” though, I mean Heize looks good in that generic way. I guess that’s why her cookie-cutter slow songs are big in looks-obsessed Korea and other people’s are not. This sounds the same as a thousand indie nugus who are doing exactly this sound.
Chen – Beautiful Goodbye
If it’s not a goodbye to ballads in general then it’s not beautiful enough for me.
Solhlee ft. Taeil – Purple
Some unusual sounds but not much of a song.
HBY – Bbang
Someone linked this to me expecting me to dislike it, and I do, but it’s still better than most of this week’s trash.
NeonPunch – Tic Toc (80’s version)
NeonPunch have a stab at Kpopalypse favourites list material, but the 80’s treatments don’t suit it at all, the mix is far too crowded.
Swervy – Red Lite
Actually quite good in a disorienting kind of way with those atonal flutes, and probably the best thing from Hi-Lite Records maybe ever.
ph-1 – Like Me
More smooth shit nobody wants to hear.
Yerin Baek – Maybe It’s Not Our Fault
Actually, it probably is.
Rick Bridges – Son
He’s not my son!
Tori Major – Rainy Tokyo
I wish the rain fell hard enough to cancel the video shoot.
Leevian – Just Spring
Really what’s the point of animating stuff that would actually be easier to just go out and film.
Song Wonsub ft. Twisted – Sunrays
Some of the most awkward drum programming I’ve ever heard makes this devastatingly bad even for a shit ballad.
J Bel – 040424
Vincent Blue – It’s Raining
More devastating awfulness.
Diana – Goodnight
Well this nugu gets her English pronunciation spot-on, but what’s with the duet with the computer voice? Couldn’t she find anyone willing to do it?
Leebada – 1,2,3,4,5
It’s not a cover of Apink’s “Five” unfortunately, but some slow jazz R&B crap.
Hynn – The Lonely Bloom Stands Alone
More devastatingly bad ballad rubbish. I can practically hear that flower wilting from here.
O.O.O – Love, Dust
Actually really bad. Different to everything else here this week, but bad anyway.
Yoon Mirae – Don’t Forget Me
If you want people tor remember you, writing shit ballads like everybody else is not the best strategy.
D:amant – iPhone I don’t have iPhone only
Well at least I hope Apple paid them well for this crap.
Perc%nt – Superhero
Jeong Sewoon – My Ocean
Remember those awesome T-ara action drama videos? Well this one is nothing like that.
Kim Hyung Jun – Snapshot
This guy nearly made it into “scan-dol of the week” status but I feel like I’m treading on Asian Junkie’s turf when I write about alleged sexual assault, so instead I gave it to some kids who jumped around a lot.
SONGS THAT FINALLY GOT A FUCKING VIDEO
Dean ft. Sulli & Rad Museum – Dayfly
Just letting you know that there’s now a video for this, and it’s not worth watching because Sulli isn’t in it.
Monsta X & Steve Aoki – Play It Cool
And this too. Sulli isn’t in this, either. Come on Sulli, lift your game.
Minty – Rat Chat
Maybe that’s why Minty always has the face mask – perhaps it’s Sulli’s secret solo rap project?
BONUS RANDOM VIDEO OF THE WEEK
T-ARA Special ★Since Debut to ‘What’s My Name?’★ (2h 21m Stage Compilation)
How would you like a compilation of live performances of almost every T-ara feature track song to date? Of course you would! Relive the history of the group with the best on-average hit-miss ratio in k-pop throughout the Golden Age and beyond here! It’s easy to forget just how popular T-ara became, and after their ‘scandals’ they were actually far more popular internationally than before. All those people who make “they could have been huge only if…” comments, please – they WERE huge, and it was really all thanks to those (mostly) great songs – their label was hapless enough that we damn sure know that they didn’t make so much bank for any other reason.
That’s all for this week – roundup returns once again next week for your entertainment! Oh and don’t forget folks – there’s still a few days left to submit responses in the Kpopalypse 2019 survey of important trufax – CLICK HERE to participate if you haven’t yet!