Kpopalypse roundup – new k-pop releases 11/3/2019

It’s time for Kpopalypse roundup – let’s take a look at some more new releases!

N.Flying and sajaegi? Who the fuck knows or cares, the real question is how hard must the drummer’s back be itching for him to scratch it with a drumstick right in the middle of a promo shoot.

Jus2 – Focus On Me

It’s hard to focus on anything when this song is so mellow that it’s barely even there at all.

Sunmi – Noir

It’s not quite another “Siren” but at least it’s another great video concept, she’s always good for that.  In fact the song is growing on me since I stopped watching the video, as it’s easier to concentrate on without the very good but very distracting visuals.

Gfriend – Flower

Starts off threatening to do that horrible Latin sound that is causing mass suicides of k-pop fans globally, but then quickly changes direction into the kind of territory we’re more used to from Gfriend, which is a massive relief, of course.  Think of the lives that were saved.

TXT – Crown

It’s not better or worse than any of the last dozen mediocre BTS songs, if you told me this was a track that BTS had left over after making their latest album that BigHit just farmed out to their debuting group instead, I’d believe it.

Minsu – Minsu Is Confused

It’s just an unspectacular song, it’s nothing at all to be confused about.

Minty – Rat Chat

Annoying garbage, like everything Minty does.  Minty must write her own material, because she’s always fairly consistently awful.

Jang Dong Woo – Party Girl

It perks up a little in the chorus, but if this song indicates Dongwoo’s idea of a party girl, he’s definitely the kind of boy you could introduce to your parents.  That’s not a compliment.

Jang Dong Woo – News

Some interesting sounds can’t hide the face that this is a boring ballad by any other name.  By the way I’m not listing ballads separately again, last week was traumatic enough!

S.I.S – Always Be Your Girl

Once again S.I.S have a good song but does anyone under the age of 60 read Danielle Steel?  No wonder she looks so embarrassed.

Dreamcatcher – And There Was No One Left

There certainly will be no-one left soon if Dreamcatcher keep insisting on making videos for all their crappy non-metal album filler songs.

Ravi – Tuxedo

Why does Ravi look a bit like an Asian Nicholas Cage here?  I’m not sure what it is, but anyway this song is his “Wicker Man”.  Not the bees!  Not the bees!

Midnight – Girl Group’s Flooded

The suicide-prevention barriers on the rooftop are thoughtful, and probably necessary given how the low quality of this song makes me feel.

Dalsooobin – Katchup

Honestly boring R&B rubbish, some admittedly nice retro production can’t save it.  It gets slightly better at the very end but by that time it’s way too late.  At least Subin is keeping the vocals under control but the absence of vocal wanking by itself does not a good song make.

D.A.N – Suicide Squad

The beats aren’t too awful but I haven’t even seen that stupid film and I’m already over everybody doing Harley Quinn cosplay.

Kim Damso ft. Seokman Cheon – Not Being Hated

If you’re concerned about not receiving hate maybe try and produce something that isn’t a generic ballad.

Esna – Spoon

Devastatingly bad R&B lite, like the stuff crap American groups like TLC would churn out as album filler in the 90s.

4 Carat – Nanly

The chorus doesn’t fit with the verse just like these kids don’t fit into that awful hip-hop clothing.  Scarily, it’s still a better song than most of the trash this week.

Anda – What You Waiting For

Anda has been around in k-pop since forever so not sure why YG has decided to help her put out something now.  Meanwhile, Lee Hi is still stuck in that tree.

Shim Hyun Bo – Gather You Up

If you really wanted to count the shit ballads this week you could do it yourself.

Argon – Master Key

When you can’t afford to turn on any spotlights because your nugu agency is one step away from getting the power cut off due to lack of bill payment, so you have to CGI them on a friend’s laptop.

Youra – Dance

When your friends say “come around to my place and let’s have a jam session” they mean play bullshit nowhere music like this.  Jamming – just say no.

Astin – Mirror Mirror

I don’t know who these people are but their song isn’t too bad.

The Black Skirts – Queen Of Diamonds

More mellow bullshit.

Lily – Bright Day

You know this is going to be awful right from the very first note.  In fact you can probably guess every single thing about this song correctly from watching only until 0:05.

Ccola – Wonder

I think Korea needs its own “disco sucks” movement.

Jisook – Big Dipper

The long lingering shots on Jisook’s face.  I’m pretty sure they directed this after a feedback session with Asian Junkie.

YunB – Alcoholic

Actually recreates the experience of being a drunk talentless loser quite accurately.

Reddy, YunB & Sway D – No Days Off

Anti-vaxxers are probably people who watched a video like this once and now don’t trust scientists and doctors.  I guess that’s understandable.

Han Yo Han ft. Giriboy – Dance

Lesson: if you go to shitty k-pop concerts you will die in the desert and some asshole will desecrate your corpse and then rap about it.

Rocoberry & Doyoung – Don’t Say Goodbye

How come every actor and actress in shit Korean ballad drama videos has a big-ass telescope in their house?  They must all be perving on their neighbours because you can’t see jack shit in a telescope pointed at the sky in an urban environment, the street lights and pollution fuck up your vision.

Kim Minseok – Spring Comes

Speaking of which I’m sure Cherry Blossom Bullshit is entering the charts again.  You could sell Koreans a piece of dogshit in a box if you sold it to them in spring and told them that it was spring’s first turd.

10cm – However

Imagine being in a ballad group.  Imagine having groupies that only want to fuck in the missionary position with the lights off.

10cm & Galaxy Fan – Storage

I don’t know who Galaxy Fan are but this is about 4.5% perkier than 10cm’s usual shit, so thanks for that I guess.

Nuz – Grassland

At least with a title like that, expectations are nice and low.

Y?uh – Anywhere

Smashing up CDs and turning them into decorative ornaments, what a great idea.

City Alone ft. Yeseo – Crime Night

It tries, but it’s too rooted in jazz-lite lounge music crap to be interesting when it finally kicks into gear.

Ahn Seunghoon – Thought Of You

I don’t think he did think of me, unless he was like “fuck that Kpopalypse loser, let’s write another ballad to piss him off”.

Prin – Loss Of Memory

Hopefully I’ll forget this song soon.

Gyul – Like Wind

A fart is like wind too but that doesn’t mean I want to listen to yours.

Chawoo – Sad

Accurate song title of the week.

Kim Yeon Ji – 10 Years Without You

If I were living with this balladeering bitch I’d pack my things and move out too.  Some differences in relationships are just not reconcilable.

Pictions – Melt In Ocean

Where’s a shark when you need one.  I’d love it if there was a fin in the water and then the shark attacks and the surfer struggles to get away and the music suddenly changes to thrash metal or something.  Koreans have no fucking imagination.

Hong Jin Young – Love Tonight

At least Hong Jin Young is still cool.  Do you know that she finally released her first album “Lots Of Love” this week, and she’s done what all artists should do with their full albums but don’t, which is compile all their quality songs that you actually want into one collection that you can play through from start to finish without puking?  This is why I don’t give a single FUCK about all the constant album questions coming constantly from you guys.  99.9% of k-pop albums are pure shit, just the feature track plus whatever thoughtless crap was lying around that didn’t make the cut, shoved in there to fill up space.  Your bias’ album fucking sucks dick and Hong Jin Young is going to bitchslap them all, so deal with it.


Loona TV #494

“Oh I’d love to hang out with a girl group for a day”… no you fucking wouldn’t.  You know what it’s like when you’re taking the bus and then some teacher’s school excursion gets on at a stop.  All of a sudden annoying loud little ratbags fill up every seat, and the teacher is there too and she looks frazzled and stressed-out as fuck, because if any of these little shits get into trouble or vandalise something she’s gonna be the one who cops the blame for it.  You just sort of shrink into your seat and feel grateful that you’re not involved, and count the minutes until the stop where you get off the bus.  When I look at those teachers, I think that’s how it must be having to chaperone multiple girls in these groups.  You can bet Loona has some stressed out managers, just dealing with Chuu’s hyperactivity alone on a daily basis would probably be enough to send most of them into early retirement.  If you’ve ever wondered why ViVi is kind of always separated out from the rest of the group it’s probably because she’s a bit older and she probably empathises more with the managers, they probably share cigarettes during break time together and talk about how stressed out everyone else makes them.

That’s all for this week, roundup will return next week with more new songs!

16 thoughts on “Kpopalypse roundup – new k-pop releases 11/3/2019

  1. Thanks for the tip, I watched the whole Sunmi vid and was entertained – someone actually found some visual tricks I haven’t seen before! Yay!
    Gfriend’s new Japanese release has fun moments, the latin dance breaks, etc.
    Dreamcatcher’s song is listenable, although the girls tap their fingers like they’d rather be somewhere else.
    Alcoholic- gee, I can relate to the drunk talentless loser quite well, yay.

  2. I have a “great” idea for a K-pop ballad music video. So, the video begins with the male protagonist’s hot girlfriend dumping him because he won’t stop playing shitty piano ballads at 3 am while she’s trying to sleep. At first, he’s like “Whatever. I value my piano far more than sexy women or sex in general.” But about 2 years later, there’s an earthquake and his piano gets broken. He can’t afford to buy a new one, so he tries to win back his ex-girlfriend, only to discover that she’s now married and expecting her first child with some sleazebag who looks oddly similar to YG.

    • I’m evil so I’m gonna say you missed HBY’s “Bbang.” It’s the MV equivalent of “graphic design is my passion!!!!!” and the song sounds like 2015 but not in a good way. If I have to watch and listen to that, so do you.

  3. I see that everyone is following the pack.
    Someone has an opinion and all of a sudden it is fact.
    DALsoooooobin are absolutely unique in the industry. Her chemistry is enticing, her vocals are distinctive and so well arranged!
    I was more impressed that Subin started this enticing arrangement off and the progression through Soooobin, Suuuuubin and dalSOOBIN with that rich tone of Subin was beautifully
    orchestrated into the chorus into a enticing blend of vocals with Soooobin breaking through her enticing range! We have Suuuuubin singing through at key moments!
    Then comes the scrumptious and enticing voices of dalSOOBIN and Subin.

    The song is a very delicious recipe of vocals that draws you in and highlights the individuality of each member!
    DALsoooooobin always are uniquely talented and outstanding.
    Listen to it with more knowledge and pay attention to the tones and blends of some of the most enticing vocals in the industry. They are otherworldly artists and
    this was a song highlighting her uniqueness.

    Just because someone wrote this review doesn’t make it true. It is an opinion and an opinion that lacks knowledge of these artists and music!

    DALsoooooobin will always stand out. Wait and see what’s coming next!

    Beautiful work DALsoooooobin. Congratulations !

    (for real tho I vibe with Katchup a lot but I figured you wouldn’t lol)

  4. I realized I did distance myself from Dreamcatcher because of those constant ballad b-side videos too. I almost missed out on Piri, and a little disappointed because it’s not as good as their older stuff.

  5. I’m offended that you used a picture of OT5 N.Flying for your header, when they weren’t accused of sajaegi until AFTER the bassist was kicked out. How dare you associate Kwangjin with music chart manipulation when the only thing he’s guilty of is harrassing women. Please reflect.

  6. just a couple of very average tracks,, the rest is crap.. if your gonna do ballads be original like bomb the bass was in 1987 they did a cover of burt bacharach’s “say a little prayer” and it kicked arse..

    • Oh, and Haon’s Flower. “I’ll be fine, doggo” is the best line in kpop so far this year.
      (Apologies if I somehow missed Flower while searching – it comes up even more than I thought in song titles)

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