It’s time once again for Kpopalypse roundup! Let’s take a look at some new releases!
Cherry Bullet – Q&A
I got about twenty gazillion questions about this video and the girl supposedly using D.VA’s gun and mecha from Overwatch (is it sponsorship, is it the same gun, is it legal, could they be sued, etc etc etc snore), but my only question is why anyone thought this was a good enough song to debut a group with.
Seventeen – Home
Sorry I forgot about this one and Cherry Bullet last week, but the only remarkable thing about this song was that I really didn’t know that Seventeen had a dwarf in them. Why isn’t this guy topping the objectification polls?
Vixx – Walking
I had hope for this because it started with those same guitar intervals that kick off The Easybeats’ great “Friday On My Mind“, but then I saw them all lined up in poxy suits and I knew this was going to be some bullshit.
MustB – I Want U
Look at these poor guys having to pretend to be happy about debuting in a foyer. Times are hard for nugus!
Punchnello ft. Saay – Winter Blossom
When people try to do R&B in that trendy mumble garbage style and they just sound like kids fucking around in a music store.
UZA – Guilty Pleasure
It’s quite good but there’s just a little too much going on for my taste. A rare example in k-pop of a song that could have used less guitar. You should still stan anyway though, and you can do so here.
Jiselle ft. Chancellor – Missed Call
Devastatingly bad, no wonder they had to blindfold her, clearly someone has tricked this girl into making this rubbish.
CLC – No
Bad song? No. Bad review? No. G-Idle this good? No. Make any sense? No.
Neonpunch – TicToc
This song is okay but whoever was responsible for the look of this needs to lay off the jelly snacks.
Boin – Milkyway
Be ready to gouge both your eyes and your ears out. And yes that girl is actually her. Check out her other videos, they’re not much better.
Roh Jihoon – If You Were Me
Take the dog and run! Those things hear ten times louder than humans, you know.
Rothy – Blossom Flower
The most interesting thing that happens here is the outfit changes halfway through.
Siyeon – We All Lie
I don’t know what this garbage is supposed to be but Dreamcatcher’s agency needs to realise the strength of their core product and stop fucking around with off-genre cover bullshit like this.
Minseo ft. Paul Kim – 2cm
Accurate song title of the week as this song has some serious “small dick energy”, whatever that means.
Crazy Music – Memories Of One’s First Love
Spoiler alert: the music here is not that crazy.
Crazy Music ft. Jin Min Ho – Sisters
Actually what’s crazier to me is the idea that anybody is actually into this crap.
Seyoung – Winter Rain
See if you can guess exactly what this will sound like before you click. I bet you can.
OLNL – Jet Lag
Not a very good song, but he hates Macs so I’m cool with it.
Sugarbowl – Orange Night
The guy gets interrupted by his girlfriend while listening to music on his laptop, but he’s not grumpy because it’s just Kpopalypse roundup and most of the songs are shit so it’s no big deal.
Isaac Hong – Campfire
Is it wrong that I want to creep up behind this dude and push him into the flames? Not like right in so he has to go to hospital with third-degree burns all over his face, just a little so he freaks out and maybe his jacket catches on fire for a bit and then maybe next time he records a song with a bit more paranoid nervous energy.
BONUS RANDOM VIDEO OF THE WEEK
One Song 2018 – 39 Songs That Koreans Loved In 2018
Mash-ups are pure cancer, a disgusting scourge on all music everywhere, because taking a creative musical statement out of context and putting it with something else “just because” is anti-intellectual and only appeals to fuckheads. “Premium Project” have taken this art of idiocy to an extreme level, combining the lyrics of 39 songs that were mostly no good to begin with into a butchered, blandified mush that is more boring than all of them.
That’s all for this week – Kpopalypse roundup returns next week!