Despite my lists’ incredibly high popularity and mystifying ability to generate intense cross-fandom butthurt, nobody sensible actually cares what songs Kpopalypse (or anyone else for that matter) likes and doesn’t like. My thirsty readers have recently made what they really care about abundantly clear.
Don’t panic, as the time of year has come once again – time for Kpopalypse to reveal his most fappable k-pop videos of 2018!
Kpopalypse’s 10 most fappable k-pop music videos of 2018
10. Tropical – Mwah
You could be easily forgiven for watching “Mwah” and wondering if you’re actually looking at a “behind the scenes” documentary, but yes this is actually the official MV, the directors have just completely cheaped out by taking footage of a modelling shoot and used that as the video itself. This is a music video technique that I’ve seen before outside of k-pop and if the right things are being shown in the right order it can work to give an illusion of narrative where there actually isn’t one. The people behind “Mwah” try to do the same thing but it doesn’t work that well because there’s no real narrative to squeeze out of this. However what you do get instead is Eunsol (ex-Bambino) looking very good, plus three bonus girls who look alright I guess, and that’s enough to get “Mwah” over the line and into this list.
9. UNI.T – No More
Goddamn NC.A suddenly got transformed into the cutest girl ever. I’m sure it’s at least 80% the usual k-pop smoke and mirrors but who gives a fuck, I’m never going to meet her anyway so I’ll just sit here and enjoy the illusion that she just out-Raina’ed Raina at her peak.
8. IU – Bbibbi
Actually IU mostly looks like crap here, BUT in some scenes she’s wearing a transparent dress, the natural female counterpart to JYP’s plastic transparent pants, and that’s just smart attire for sexy fun times. A lot of girls don’t like it when you jizz on their clothes because then they have to take them off and wash them which is tedious, but IU could just wipe herself down with one of Seungri’s towels and 10 seconds later she’d be good to go on a live stage. That’s very clever, and intelligence is attractive. Also she’s wearing dreads a lot, which Asian Junkie really likes, and anything that makes Asian Junkie happy makes me happy.
7. S.I.S – Say Yes
The girl in the red and black with the frenchface is Gaeun, and the only reason why she didn’t make it very high on my bias list this year is because I wasn’t even sure if S.I.S were still a thing. You never know with these Z-list girl groups who live a precarious existence with constantly rotating members, whether they’re still in k-pop or not unless they have had a comeback in the last few months. Anyway she looks great here and the other girls all look boring and might as well not be in the video at all, so Gaeun needs to do a crappy solo ballad project immediately with lots of long lingering camera shots only on her, that I can watch with the sound down.
6. Hong Jin Young – Good Bye
Watching the very attractive Hong Jin Young get shat on and robbed by various guys is kind of like most of my old relationships in reverse. This is like fantasy revenge porn for any guy who has ever had a divorce and lost a house, just imagine Hong Jin Young is your ex and this is what is happening to her now. Of course that’s probably not true and your ex is probably living it up, having the time of her life without your crusty loser ass, but don’t we all like and follow k-pop as a genre to get away from harsh reality anyway.
5. Jvcki Wai – Enchanted Propaganda
“Enchanted propaganda” in the most literal sense possible, here we have basically an entire series of Kpopalypse Fashion Class condensed into one video, where Jvcki Wai demonstrates correct military style, school uniform style and polka dot style for viewers. Sure that battlefield CGI isn’t even as convincing as the Battlefield computer game, but who the fuck is even looking at that. I replayed this video so damn much that I actually started liking this fucking shit piece of music.
4. Holland – I’m Not Afraid
It was tough to choose between this and Holland’s “Neverland” for this post’s token sexy man-meat content, but I’m going to give it to “I’m Not Afraid” because it’s an actual good song whereas “Neverland” was rubbish, plus the man-on-man pashing is in a club with people around which is more daring than doing it in private. If you’re going to be “out” you might as well own it and be as out as possible, set a good example of gay for other gay people to follow. There’s no point sticking your dick only halfway in.
3. Gfriend – Memoria
It’s really not much of a song, but this video was shot by geniuses. They all look amazing even if they’re wearing tablecloths for about 50% of it. Especially Sowon with the hair curls melding with the bedding like a fucking river of pure golden fapability… and I don’t even like Sowon. Eunha also got a curl-job so she’s back to a shorter hair length and that’s always good for her, she belongs to the “born for short hair” set along with Eunjung and Jihyo.
2. Honey Popcorn – Bibidi Babidi Boo
Sure, this is just a low-budget early Apink where they fucked all the outfits up, but it’s the extreme juxtaposition between Honey Popcorn’s “innocent style” and their usual drama activities that gives this video its hotness. Just google search “honey popcorn cute mode slut mode” if you don’t know what I’m talking about (and are over 18 ahem).
1. Apink – I’m So Sick
Apink does it again. But how? For the answer, it’s time for another episode of…
KPOPALYPSE WHITE-COATER COMICS PRESENTS
THE SUPER-TRUE TRUFAXUAL STORY OF HONEY POPCORN VS APINK
IT ALL STARTED A YEAR AGO, ON THE SET OF YUA MIKAMI’S LATEST DRAMA PRODUCTION…
YUA HEADS TO HER LOCAL LIBRARY TO COLLECT STUDY MATERIAL
YUA’S STUDY GROUP GETS TO WORK
YUA’S NEW GROUP HONEY POPCORN START FILMING FOR THEIR COMEBACK
APINK STUDY THE NEW HONEY POPCORN VIDEO AND PLAN THEIR RESPONSE
SOON, THE CATERING ARRIVES AND PREPARATION FOR THE VIDEO SHOOT COMMENCES
THE RESULTS COME IN…