Happy new year and welcome to the first Kpopalypse roundup of 2019!  Let’s take a look at some new releases!

Another change for 2019 – I’m doing away with “bonus songs”.  This won’t mean less song reviews, just that the bonus songs will be incorporated into the rest of the reviews.  The only difference between regular and “bonus” songs was whether they got played on the radio show or not, but since not many readers of the roundup also listen to the radio show, that’s probably a bit redundant.  You’ll still see the general same pattern of reviews for each roundup as you have before, with the more relevant stuff generally (but not always) rising to the top of the list.

Red Velvet – Sappy

Someone asked me why the brass sounds weird in this.  It’s because it’s actually out of time with the rhythm track – deliberately.  It would be nice of Red Velvet’s producers if they would stop farting around with shit like this and actually instead give them another song one day.

Luna – Even So

Luna slowly drinks herself to death on cheap vodka while waiting for an f(x) comeback.  Someone call an ambulance, she’s almost certainly got alcohol poisoning by now.

Chung Ha – Gotta Go

“Gotta Go” is what Chungha should have said when the producers pitched her this track.

Shaun – Bad Habits

The difference between Korean chart gods Shaun and Nilo is that Shaun’s songs are alright.

Shaun – Terminal

This song isn’t awful either.  I like it how all of Shaun’s videos look like they are made by those same companies who do lyrics videos for your karaoke bar video displays.

Shaun – Traveler

Three songs in one week – goddamn!  Come on Shaun, give other people a chance on the charts, there’s no reason to hog it all for yourself man.

N.Flying – Rooftop

N.Flying try for a stab at rock-reggae and miss.

Dreamnote – Like You

I can see why this wasn’t their title track but it’s okay.

YDG – Going Home

There’s probably a reasonable song in here somewhere if we could just remove the vocalist and replace him with someone else, and maybe replace the vocal line too.

M.Fect – Designer

Someone should have designed them a better song.

M.O.N.T – Will You Be My Girlfriend?

Where’s the chorus?  Oh wait, that was it?  A pretty underwhelming debut but at least it’s uptempo.

MC The Max – After You’re Gone

This guy should rename himself to MC The Minimum.

Jero – Elizabeth

Accurate song title of the week, because where I live Elizabeth is the name of an outer-suburbs town which is as depressing as this song.

RooRee – Meteor

I wish a meteor would have hit the recording studio.

GXXD ft. Sik-K, Coogie – Bellboy

You know it’s shit when even SM Entertainment can’t be fucked making a video and just raid the artist’s Instagram for visual content.

Zairo – Couldn’t Forget You

That’s a Gibson Les Paul you asshole, if you can’t play the solo for “Sweet Child O’ Mine” or “Whole Lotta Love” then fuck off.

Team X ft. Fvrt – Modern

Check out the subtitles, you’re in for a treat.

Ryeowook – Drunk In The Morning

Why do I get the feeling that this singer can acutely relate to this material.

Ryeowook – I’m Not Over You

Did you know that the last manual typewriter was made in India a few years ago?  What a shame that it got wasted in this video.

MckDaddy ft. Ja Mezz – Shut Up

Slightly better than the usual because they at least get the mood right.  Also I like it how they just fuck the song off completely and do something else for the last third, probably not a bad idea to be honest.

Jang Hee Young – A Woman Like This

The usual ballad shit.

Nuthang – vroom

Oh dear.

24 Flakko & Mutang the $eoul kid – Sin

Well tremolo over Autotune is different, but it just makes it sound like 50% of the vocals aren’t there.  Which is 50% a good idea.

Ooa – Time To Love

Supposed “indie” artists sound the same as every other bullshit artist when it comes to ballads.

Baek Ji Woong ft. Yang Da Il – Blurred

See what I mean?

Sunkiss – Tuesday

Why is this in 3/4 it just underlines the boringness of it all.

Macho King – Credit Utopia

Starts off dull but just wait, this song turns into a rock explosion.

Cherry On Top – May Be

May be not.

Vinxen ft. Jung In – Smoke

I think he’s been smoking a little too much and needs to pay off it for a while.

Xion – Pass Me By

Passing this by seems like a good idea.

O.When – Today

Damn they’re making these one-line puns way too easy for me.

Hong Jin Young – Love Is…

Love is never having to say you’re sorry for not giving Hong Jin Young a proper music video.

BONUS RANDOM VIDEOS OF THE WEEK

TC Candler – The 100 Most Beautiful/Handsome Faces of 2018

Like a good Neil Hamburger set, TC Candler’s year-end beauty lists are always worth a look, less because of what his content actually is, but more because of how people react to it – one of the very rare times when seeing k-pop fans react to content is actually entertaining instead of just cringeworthy, because they always find a way to troll themselves over being upset by someone else’s clearly subjective and benign content.  I think quite a few readers consume my own lists in a similar spirit and that’s fine as long as they’re being amused by it all!  Anyway these lists are always relevant to k-pop fans because the list maker is clearly a huge fan of certain groups (check out some of the very fan-specific commentary in the captions), which biases the results hugely of course – but it’s hard to get annoyed about one person’s subjective opinion, if you have any level of intelligence whatsoever.  Isn’t that right, k-pop fans?  Although what was he doing putting hat girl with the busted lip at #1 instead of some Twice girl or whatever the FUCK YOU GOT ROCKS IN YOUR HEAD SUNSHINE, ALSO WHERE’S LOONA YVES I’LL FITE YOU CUNT FUGGIN AARGH *DOWNVOTES VID* *POSTS RANT NOBODY CARES ABOUT ON REDDIT* *SMASHES THINGS* *CRIES IN A CORNER ABOUT LACK OF AGENCY OVER ONE’S OWN LIFE NECESSITATING TRYING TO EXERT COMPENSATORY CONTROL OVER THE PERCEPTION OF STRANGERS ONLINE* *WAKES UP TO SELF AND STANS SAME CONTENT 5 YEARS LATER*

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That’s all for this week’s roundup – Kpopalypse shall return!