It’s time once again for Kpopalypse roundup! Let’s take a look at some new releases!
Red Velvet – RBB
Red Velvet’s songwriters try to recapture the vibe of “Rookie” and fail drastically, this is impossible to listen to without feeling embarrassed on behalf of the performers. At least Red Velvet look better than ever so they don’t have to be embarrassed about that part, at least.
Fanatics-Flavor – Milkshake
Meanwhile, some new subunit for some group I’ve never even heard of knocks it out of the park. They might look like Orange Caramel but they sound like Sunmi at her best.
Lovelyz – Lost N Found
Lovelyz continue to not quite find their previous form, with a song full of amazing synth-farts but a melody that twists and turns just a little too much to be memorable. It’s a grower, but it’s still not one of their best.
Key ft. Crush – One Of Those Nights
This is basically ONF’s “Complete” but with half the melody removed and a shit Latin feel added for no reason.
Mamamoo – Wind Flower
I’m sorry to disappoint the readers who enjoy the running commentary of me shitting on Mamamoo’s usually-terrible songs, as I am compelled by trufax to report to you that this is like the better mid-paced BigBang tracks, minus the overbearing production, and the best tune Mamamoo have had since “Piano Man“.
Yubin – Thank you Soooo Much
Some 70s disco nonsense with a fantastic video concept that this music doesn’t deserve.
Nu’est W – Help Me
Nu’est have never topped the excellent “Face” from 6 years ago and with each new release look less and less likely to do so.
Amber ft. LDN Noise – Countdown
Amber is trying really hard. I mean, you have to respect the effort.
Hong Jin Young ft. Bray – Seoul
A nice lazy trot song until Bray crashes the party and raps at light speed just because he can.
Fake Universe – Human Advance
Not much of a song but it’s very watchable anyway because the visual design recalls the amazing work of Neil Breen, and those lyrics have more Engrish than Cube’s entire discography.
Jonah Nilsson & Lucas ft. Richard Bona – Coffee Break
Everyone who tries to do Michael Jackson type stuff is shit at it. Hell, even Michael himself was shit at it half the time. If it’s hard for even him to get it right, what hope do you think that you have? Stop it, people.
The Boyz – No Air
I guess someone had to have this bullshit sound this week.
Aleph – On And On
The cat here mrcs
Miyu – Bye My Summer
If this is an anthem to tropical shithouse going away for good, I’m all for it.
Sama-D – Too Much
Accurate song title of the week, this song needed to be about three minutes shorter.
El Rune – Slow Down
All this needed to be an acceptable song was any other beat besides that fucking trap rubbish. Imagine it with a beat like this.
2morro – Run
More average-rock from Korea.
The Barcode – Forget Me Not
These kids look like they should be hanging around the shopping mall carpark smoking cigarettes and drinking soju, not playing in a shoegaze guitar-pop band.
Eun Ho – Fade Out
What could have been a very boring song is saved by some nice guitar. Also I like the video that gives a clear view of the hands, meaning that nobody will ever ask me to do a video explaining how to play this bullshit.
Boni – Don’t Wake Me
I was hoping that this was going to be a lesbian version of “Please, Don’t” and it wasn’t, which sucks. I guess Chuu is the only woman in k-pop with guts.
SHIT KPOP BALLADS THAT ALL SOUND COMPLETELY INTERCHANGEABLE CLEARING HOUSE SECTION
Sungwoo Junga – Eternity
Sorry if you were hoping for another “Springirls“, this is just a shit k-pop ballad that sounds exactly the same as any other shit k-pop ballad.
Jeonghan – 010
As is this.
Daehyun – Baby
Even idol boy groups with a “tough” image or whatever can drop shit k-pop ballads at any time. Remember this and be afraid.
g.o.d – Snowfall
True worthlessness of the type that only g.o.d can produce. Just kidding, this is actually yet another shit k-pop ballad that in fact anybody could produce.
Huh Gak – Empty Words
At least Huh Gak is consistent.
Chiyeul Hwang – Learn To Love
The same old. These ballads are pretty much written by numbers.
Yoon Gun – Just Let Me Go
That girl’s fashion sense is the best thing about this otherwise shit ballad just like all the others here. Ladies, isn’t that coat great, don’t you want one just like it right now.
Navi – Empty House
Stop singing and get a cat, woman.
Yoyomi – Is It One?
Just because you’re cute doesn’t mean that this ballad is acceptable.
Ashmute – Rose
Actually this is by far the best ballad here because it has a more subtle musical approach and doesn’t sound like it was made by reading “K-pop Ballads For Dummies” and copying the example exercises at the end of each chapter. But it’s not exactly great so it can still get fucked.
BONUS RANDOM VIDEO OF THE WEEK
E-Young Band – Radio MBC: Hope Music At Noon (Live)
Did you know that E-Young has been busy during After School downtime (also known as the time-period from “Shine” until the heat-death of the universe) with playing in her own band? I didn’t know this either, but one of my nice livestream watchers clued me in on this video yesterday, so here you are. Not sure why she doesn’t just sit down instead of hunching her back like that, and I’m also unsure of what the story is with the weird-ass stage she’s playing on, or why the song is just some boring blues/fusion thing but hey it’s After School content – kind of, yeah? Beggars can’t be choosers.
That’s all for Kpopalypse roundup for this week! Eventually sometime in December roundups will stop as the flow of new releases gradually slows during this time. This drop-off hasn’t started yet however, so for now I’m going to assume that there’ll be another roundup next week!