It’s time for Kpopalypse roundup! Let’s check out some new releases!
Wanna One – Spring Breeze
Another TV show group gets disbanded before they even get to do a decent song.
NCT 127 – Simon Says
My aunt I think had a “Simon Says” electronic game or something when I was a kid, but I can’t even remember what it did or how it worked, but it probably worked better than this song.
Highlight – Loved
I see the shit music police pulled up in their SUV and are taking Highlight away for good.
EXID – I Love You
EXID finally perfect the formula they’ve been milking with varying degrees of success since “Up & Down” and it’s probably their best song ever. Not sure why half the bass drops out during the (great) chorus though but I guess there had to be something wrong with it just to keep up tradition.
Voisper – Goodbye To Goodbye
A unusually good song from a group that is pretty much always crap, so I’m not sure what happened here.
Nature – You’ll Be Mine
The chorus and the verse sound like they’re from two completely different songs. Then that R&B breakdown comes in and it sounds like it belongs to a third completely different song! Sometimes difference is good but in this case it just sounds like someone went lucky-dipping for backing tracks.
Jaurim – 있지
I have to use the Korean title as I’m not even sure if this phrase has a direct English equivalent, because it seems to have about 57 meanings depending on context in a sentence (much like “cunt” in Australian). Anyway, song’s good, cunt.
Kasper – 3 Months
Remember when Kasper was a rapper? Not sure what she is now but this isn’t very exciting.
Matilda – Between Fall And Winter
This is what happens when you really just can’t wait for the season to tick over to do a crappy seasonal comeback.
Sam Kim ft. Zico – It’s You
Celeb Five ft. Duck Hwa Lee – Shutter
It’s like “Marry Man” with 50% of the humour and about 20% of the songwriting.
Elkie – I Dream
I dream of a day without shit ballads from CLC members.
Baek A Yeon – Sorry To Myself
I’m sorry too.
Woo Won Jae – A Fence
I imagine a power point isn’t very nearby in that desert, I was really hoping his laptop would run out of charge and the song would stop.
Hwang Chi Yeul – Learn To Love
I don’t think I could learn to love this.
BM – Better Myself
It’s weird seeing BM without his abs showing. How is Asian Junkie supposed to even fap to this.
Wine Loop – Pierrot
I think I need a few dozen wine loops before I can listen to this.
Lutto – Ugly
The crappy humour in the video is the best thing about this.
Martin Smith – Photographer
Killagramz – Lies
Can this guy stop being so shit one day, that’d be great. If even Voisper can finally do it, he can.
O.O.O – Playground
It says it’s a teaser but I’ve thrown it up here anyway as it may actually be a full song. It isn’t that great but at least it rocks which is nice.
Ten To Ten – Smoke Dance Bar
This could have been fantastic but basing the song’s verse harmony on I-I-IV-I was a huge mistake. Literally anything else would have sounded better.
Ash Island ft. Changmo – Deadstar
This is not good, the beat tries but it’s all undone by that mullet-head.
BONUS RANDOM VIDEO OF THE WEEK
Jennie being lazy (NOW vs THEN)
Imagine telling off a k-pop idol for being lazy, but being too lazy to use your own voice in a YouTube video. Fans are always big on “let them rest!!!!!1!1!” but you know that’s just fake concern because look how quick they are to shit on someone who obviously isn’t well-rested. Of course they can’t tell Jennie to rest now because they’ve been begging for YG to let her do something other than watch Netflix for an entire year, so now they have to make the choice between looking like hypocrites or looking like assholes.
That’s all for this week’s roundup – more next week!